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BOONASTIEL 


A  VOLUME  OF  LEGEND,  STORY  AND  SONG 


IN 


44 


Pennsylvania  Dutch'' 


BY 

T.  H.  HARTER 

Editor  and  Proprietor  of 

THE  KEYSTONE  GAZETTE" 

BELLEFONTE,  PA. 


1904 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1904,  by 

T.  H.  HARTER, 

In  the  o£5ce  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 


PREFACE 


The  articles  contained  in  this  volume  were  published 
from  time  to  time,  in  the  Middleburgh  (Pa.)  Post,  of  which 
I  was  editor  until  1894.  and  since  then  in  the  Keystone 
Gazette,  Bellefonte,  Pa.,  under  the  heading  of  "Brief  Fum 
Hawsa  Barrick,"  addressed  to  myself  as  "Liever  Kernel 
Harder"  and  signed  "Gottlieb  Boonastiel."  At  first  they 
w-ere  written  for  personal  amusement,  and  appeared  only 
occasionally,  but  I  soon  found  them  so  essential  to  the  pros- 
perity of  my  paper  that,  in  order  to  keep  up  its  circulation, 
I  was  compelled  to  write  every  week,  and  now  have  a  great 
number  of  letters  on  file,  out  of  which  I  have  selected  the 
substance  that  composes  this  volume. 

Although  there  are  several  volumes  of  poetry  in  this 
language,  I  believe  this  to  be  the  first  one  in  prose  of  this 
people,  whose  language,  customs,  and  traditions  are  peculiar 
to  themselves,  and  who  are  rapidly  passing  away.  Al- 
though this  blood,  as  one  writer  has  conceded,  is  the  best 
strength  of  nearly  three  million  Pennsylvanians,  and  of 
something  like  a  million  more  in  other  States,  there  remain 
but  a  few  thousand  families  of  the  old  unchanged  stock. 
The  rest,  through  inter-marriage  and  long  association  with 
the  dominant  race,  have  lost  their  peculiarities,  and  are  in- 
distinguishable from  them,  unless  it  be  by  reason  of  their 
greater  patience,  confidence  and  steadfastness  of  purpose. 


4  PREFACE. 

That  this  volume  may  assist  in  perpetuating  the  mem- 
ory of  the  Pennsylvania  Germans,  and  by  its  combination 
of  fun  and  philosophy,  peculiar  to  the  language,  correct  the 
wrong  and  strengthen  the  right,  to  the  end  that  it  may 
stimulate  noble  thoughts  and  actions  and  lead  to  honor, 
success  and  happiness,  is  the  earnest  wish  and  prayer  of  the 
author. 

T.  H.  HARTER. 

BeIvLEFonte,  Penn'a. 


Choice  Selections  Fum  Boonastiel 


MY  LEVA'S  LAWF. 

'Ein  bissel  unsin  don  und  won 
Is  onganame  by  yadem  mon." 


Liei'er  Kernel  Harder: 

Kensht  du  mich  ?  Ich  bin  der  Boonastiel !  Dale  leit 
sawga  ich  ware  net  gons  recht  g'scheit.  Ferleicht  bin  ich 
aw  net.  Ich  bin  ewa  so  gabora  un  cons  net  helfa,  awer 
'sis  en  oldt  shprich-wardt  os  "de  kinner  un  de  norra  sawga 
de  woreheit."    Kiel  leit  hen  shunt  long  gawunered  ware  ich 


O  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

bin  un  ich  hob  mere  fore-ganumma  dos  ich  se  nimmy 
lenger  im  dunkela  holdta  will  un  ich  bin  nuff  tzu'm  pickter- 
maucher  un  hob  mich  ob-nemma  lussa.  My  glseder  sin  net 
was  se  si  setta,  awver  my  dawdy  hut  als  'gsawt:  "Besser 
en  shtickly  brote  im  sock  dos  we  en  fetterly  uff  em  hute.'' 
My  shtiffel  blicka  de  tssee,  awver  de  Polly  sawgt  es  ware 
g'sunter  im  house  won  ich  se  ols  ob  nemma  do  ovets 
so  long  OS  my  tzae  luft  hen  dorrich  der  dawg.  My  hussa 
sin  dorrich  der  greek  gemaucht  warre.  De  grose-mutter  hut 
se  ous  flox  gamaucht  un  hut  de  brech-ogela  net  oil  rous 
ganumma,  un  won  du  in  dime  lava  warickena  hussa  ga- 
wora  husht  don  waisht  du  we  dihenkers  os  se  grotsa  doona. 
My  ruck  is  uff  de  oldt  General  Jackson  shtyle  und  is  en 
negel-rupper.  My  hute  wore  amohl  en  shtitsa  hute.  awver 
sidder  os  de  Betz  Hullerheck  sich  druff  g'hucked  hut  on  der 
schnitzing  gooked  are  we  en  tzomma  gadoublede  accordeon. 
Es  hut  mich  base  gamaucht  un  ich  hob  era  g'sawt  se  het 
wissa  kenna  os  der  hoot  se  net  fit  on  sellem  end. 

Dail  leit  hen  aw  shunt  g'frogt  woo  ich  woon  un  woo  ich 
hare  shtom.  Ich  bin  en  soo  fum  Grishtuffel  Boonastiel. 
Are  wore  en  grosser  mon  in  sinera  tzeit — wore  en  melitz 
officer  om  badolia,  un  wore  dri  mohl  en  jury-mon  hinner- 
nonner-noach.  Are  hut  on  ma  greitz-wake  gawooned  os  se 
erne  noach  g'haesa  hen.  Der  greitz-wake  is  nuch  dart.  Ich 
wore  gabora  we  ich  gons  yung  wore  un  bin  so  uff  gawoxa 
mit  em  onera  fee.  We  ich  uff  eld  wore  bin  ich  uff  my 
agner  hook  gonga  un  hob  rinna  fum  barrick  g'schlaifed 
mitera  uxa  fuhr.  Der  drit  dawg  is  es  mere  ferlaid,  de  uxa 
sin  mer  shtridich  warra  un  ich  hob  nimmy  g'wist  we  se 
hame  greega.  Endlich  hov  ich  .en  patent-recht  invent  far 
de  uxa  gse  maucha.  Ich  hob  mere  en  grosser  dishtla-shtuck 
greeked  un  bin  uff  der  soddle-ux  gagroddled.  Derno  hov 
ich  mich  tzrick  galawned  uff  eme,  hob  si  schwontz  uff  g'hova 
un  hob  dare  shtuck  shae  drunner  galaiged.  Ich  con  dere  nix 
feel  wider  fartzaela.  Ich  wase  os  mere  der  barrick  nunner 
sin  os  we  en  gwidder-shtrawl.  De  hecka  un  de  greena  donna 
hen  my  glaeder  in  shliverra  un  fetza  fun  mere  garissa  un 


FUM  BOONASTlElv.  7 

endlich  bin  ich  umechtich'warra  und  bin  runner  g'folla.    De 
uxa  sin  fart  vin  ich  denk  se  sin  nuch  om  gse. 

We  ich  tzoo  coonia  bin  wore  ich  in  ma  house  im  bed  un  en 
shae,  schwartz-awgich,  rhode-bockich  maidel  hut  de  micka 
fun  mere  g'holda.  Ich  hob  g'frogt  wos  es  gevva  het.  Se 
hut  g'sawt  de  uxa  wara  dorrich  gonga  mit  mere  un  hetta 
mere  wse  gadoo.  Ich  hob  grawd  on  der  dishtla  shtuck  ga- 
denked.     Derno  hov  ich  g'sawd : 

"Woo  bin  ich  un  ware  bisht  du?" 

Du  bisht  in  der  Wildfraw  Shively  era  house  un  ich  bin 
era  duchter." 

Kernel,  sell  w^ore  my  arshte  meeting  mit  der  Polly,  awer 
net  de  ledsht.      Du  ivaisht's  iwerich. 

Mere  woona  now  om  Hawsa  Barrich,  im  Hullerbeera 
township,  United  States  of  Columbia.  Won  ebber  mich 
finna  wall  don  gaid  are  ons  Hullerhecka  wartz-house  un  fun 
dart  findt  are  en  gooter  pawd  naiva  om  barrick  nuflf  bis 
on  unser  house.  Els  con  nemond  der  pawd  farfsela  wiles  full 
farbruchena  buddla  naiva  hare  leit. 

GOTTUEB  BOONASTIEI,. 


EN  SHIL-GRUT. 


En  shil-grut.  Husht  se  shunt  badrocht?  We  wooner 
shae  is  se  gamaucht.  Se  is  ken  fish,  ken  fugle  un  ken  fee. 
Se  con  law  fa,  schwimma  un  shpringa,  un  es  besht  fun  oil, 
se  con  era  mowd  tsoo  holda.  Se  hut  fier  bae  un  olla  bse 
hut  en  nawma — shil-grut,  dril-shut,  tud-mortal  un  snorting- 
tapper.  Won  en  fodder  se  house  hut  far  yades  fun  sina 
kinner  don  is  are  reich  g'heaesa,  un  duch  is  de  shil-gruit 
feel  besser  ob  wile  se  gebora  is  mit  eram  house  uff  em  buckel 
— «Lm  en  shenner  house  os  mensha  bond  arshoflfa  con.  Des 
house  holdt  se  so  long  as  se  laebt,  un  ken  lawyer  con  en 
mortgage  druff  greega,  un  ken  shreef  cons  era  forkawfa. 
Es  kusht  se  ken  rent,  ken  tox  un  ken  insurance.  Es  is  fire, 
wasser  un  burglar-proof.  Won  de  soon  shined  con  se's  usa 
far  en  umbarell,  wons  dunnert  un  regered  tzeeked  se  era  kup 


8  CHOICE  SElvECTIONS 

un  bae  ni  un  is  perfectly  drooka.  Se  hut  net  feel  tsu  sawga 
awer  hucked  im  fens-eck  en  gonser  dawg  un  farvviled  sich 
mit  era  agena  gadonga.  Won  se  gjed  hoonda  don  nembt  se 
era  house  mit  sich  un  hut  olsfart  era  aega  bed  far  drin 
snlofa.  Won  en  mick  derwake  coomed  fongt  se  se,  nembt 
se  ins  house  un  frest  se  oil  uff  amohl.  Sie  branch  net  shoffa. 
In  fact  se  is  en  loafer — awver  se  batzawled  era  arlicha 
shoolda  un-  wase  won  tsu  schwetsa.  Se  hut  gor  wooner- 
bawr  feel  advantages  ivver  der  mensch.  Won  ebber  coomed 
se  b'soocha  os  se  net  gleicht  don  con  se  usht  era  kup  ni 
tzeega,  de  deer  shleesa,  un  nemond  wase  os  se  dehame  is. 
Wons  house-butsa  aw-gaid  don  con  se  sich  eishleesa  bis  de 
f  raw  f  ardich  is  shelda  un  derno  con  se  rouse  cooma  un  saena 
we  shae  os  oUes  ga-wiseled  is.  Won  en  g'suflfner  mon 
coomed  un  laeged  era  ous  we  boll  os  are  si  tzeidung  batzawla 
daid  don  con  se  usht  ins  house  gae  un  worda  bis  are  era  es 
geld  unich  de  naws  sheebt.  Won  se  in  de  karrich  gaid  un 
der  shtore-keeper,  woo  da  awrma  leit  fartzae  ounce  tzooker 
tsu  der  poond  gebt,  fongt  si  fartzich  yord  gabade  aw  woo 
are  shunt  fartzich  yohr  nimmy  gawexeled  hut,  dun  con  se 
usht  era  kup  ei-tzeega,  der  shlissel  draya  un  shloafa  gae 
bis  se  es  Sockdolligy  singa.  Won  se  der  foreshtayer  saed 
cooma  mit  em  glingle-seckly  don  con  se  usht  der  kup  ei- 
tzeega  un  aw-lussa  os  won  se  net  dahame  ware  bis  are 
farby  is,  un  won  se  im  shtettle  is  uff  en  Soondawg  un  de 
boova  un  maid  cooma  fun  der  shool  un  maena  se  wista  olles 
un  wissa  duch  net  ga-nunk  far  sich  tsu  bahaefa  in  resh- 
pectably  society,  don  con  se  era  kup  ei-tzeega  un  heila  un 
neemond  con  saena  de  draena  cooma. 

Yaw,  in  fiel  waega  hut  de  shil-gruft  der  fore-tzook 
ivver  der  mensch.  Se  brouch  ken  millner,  ken  Schneider 
un  ken  sho-maucher  bill  batawla,  — gaed  bloot-keppich, 
bawr-feesich  un  gons  nockich  es  yohr  room  un  duch  wardt 
se  net  kold.     Se  agened  de  gons  weldt  un  setzed  era  hause 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  9 

onna  woo  se  will.  Se  wardt  uftmohls  en  hoonert  yohr  oldt 
wile  se  ken  ducter-shtuft  nembt,  un  won  se  schtarrebt  don 
lust  se  era  house  doh,  awver  es  tzeeked  nemond  mae  ni.  Se 
maucht  ken  willa  un  lust  de  lawyer  es  tswa-banich  fee  melka. 
Se  lust  sich  net  fargrawva  awver  wardt  bis  de  u-mensa  se 
ous  em  house  drawga,  un  waega  dar  naixta  weldt  bekimmert 
se  sich  net  wile  se  usht  frogt  far  gse-galust  warra. 

Mer  con  feel  fun  der  shil-grut  Iserna.  Se  coomed  in 
ken  shtride  un  lust  yader  ebber  gae.  Se  wase  net  woo  se 
hare  cooma  is  un  woo  se  onna  gait,  awver  de  wile  os  se  doh 
is  broveered  se  es  besht  do  os  se  con,  settled  era  accounts 
uff  we  se  gaid  un  attend  shtrictly  tsu  era  agena  bisniss. 


DE  LEIT  WOO  OLSFARDT  G'HARED  SI  WELLA. 

HusHT  du  in  dime  l?eva  en  engine  examined?  Won 
du  husht,  husht  du  ocht  gevva  os  de  glsena  redder  woo  de 
machine  driva  es  wennicht  yocht  maucha?  Es  flyrawd  dess 
broomed  un  blossed  un  schlocked  room  un  mer  maned  es 
daid  es  gons  ding  im  gong  holda,  un  duch  daids  ken  tzol 
moo  fa  wons  net  ware  fer  de  glsena,  shtilla  redlin  unch  der 
engine  os  mer  shier  net  sana  con,  un  os  olles  mit  schmutz 
farschmeared  sin. 

So  is  es  mit  da  leit.  Won  en  movement  g'shtart  wardt 
don  sin  olsfart  a  dale  os  es  bloosa  doona,  fleega  room,  un 
maucha  en  fuss  os  won  se  de  gons  machine  wara — un 
de  fact  is,  se  doona  gons  wenich  oony  se  hen  era  seek  galined 
mit  goode  pay  for  olla  move  os  se  gamuched  hen.  Se 
managa  os  alsfart  era  nawma  far  da  leit  is — eb  se  es  hara 
wella  oder  net,  Se  kenna's  denk  ich  net  helfa.  Es  is  en 
gronkheit  os  se  hen  far  wolfly  notoriety,  un  ich  denk  es  daid 
se  dote  maucha  w^on  nemond  ena  helfa  daid  era  reputation 
uff  holda. 

Du  konsht  der  unershit  sana  on  der  grick.  Woos 
wosser  deef  is  harsht  do  ken  yocht.  Dart  is  woo  de  grossa 
fish  lia.  Derno  gae  on  en  rififle  un  dart  harsht  do  awver  en 
yocht.     Doh  is  es  wosser  din  un  du  finsht  doh  de  suckers. 


lO  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Nem  en  barl  un  fills  mit  send  un  rulls  en  hivvel  min- 
er. Doh  harst  ken  yocht.  Nem  derno  der  send  rouse 
un  do  a  pavvh  walniss  ni  un  du  mainst  der  divel  ware  lose 
gabrucha  won  du's  der  hivvel  nunner  rulsht. 

Es  is  net  der  mon  woo  der  grose  racket  mauched  os 
de  feel  arawet  doot.  Es  is  der  shtill  mon  woo  net  de 
tzeit  hut  far  si  nawma  tsu  schpotseera  far  da  leit  os  de 
bisiness  doot.  Der  mon  wo  arlich,  uff-richtich  un  hard- 
schoffish  is  brouch  si  nawma  net  adfertised  greega.  Are 
adfertised  sich  server.  Seller  man  shoft  far  character. 
Der  onner  shoft  far  reputation.  Es;  is  en  grosser  unner- 
shit  g'schwisha  character  un  reputation.-  Character  is 
wos  en  mon  really  is.  Reputation  is,  wos  de  leit  maena  os 
are  is.  An  ounce  character  is  mge  wardt  os  en  kar-load 
reputation,  un  en  mon  os  mse  concerned  is  in  sinera  repu- 
tation  OS  in  sime  character  dem  konsht  du  net  drowa  noch 
tzse  uhr  in  der  nocht.  Won  en  mon  ga-tempt  is  far  lets 
doo  un  are  gooked  dere  ins  awk  un  sawked :  "Ich  kons  net 
doo.  Es  is  net  recht,"  don  nembt  der  divel  en  hinera  sitz. 
Sell  is  character.  Won  are  awver  sawked,  "Ich  darfs  net 
do,  ich  ware  ous-g'funna,"  don  look  out !  Seller  is  bong 
far  si  reputation,  un  won  der  wake  clear  ware  os  are  net 
ous-g'funna  daid  wara  don  daid  are  de  guldna  benner 
shtsela  on  der  Himmel's  deer  un  der  naixt  Soondawg  wid- 
der  es  nochtmohl  nemma  we  en  general. 

Awer  so  is  de  weldt.  Es  nembt  olla  sort  leit  far  se 
filla,  un  es  sin  about  fartzich  per  cent,  schlechta  in  der  lot, 
awver  fun  olla  denna  schlechta  baheed  dich  fum  mon  os  si 
nawma  peddled  os  we  en  pohawna  si  schwontz — olsfardt  in 
der  hse  won  are  denked  os  ebber  gooked. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  II 

DE  MAID  SIN  WE  G^NA  FISH. 

IcH  wore  der  unner  dawg  drows  farella  fisha  un  ich 
hob  ebbes  g'ssena  os  mich  ordlich  hardt  denke  hut 
maucha.  Es  wora  dri  farella  in  ma  luch.  Tswa  glsena  un 
en  grosse.  De  grose,  denk  ich  wore  de  mommy  fun 
da  tswa  glsena.  Se  hut  anyhow  ocht  gevva  uflF  se  os  we 
en  mooder  doot  uff  era  kinner.  We  ich  ons  luch  cooma  bin 
sin  se  drin  room  g'shussa  os  we  wedder-laicha.  Ich  hob 
mich  hinich  en  bluck  g'hucked  un  gawardt  bis  se  sich  widder 
g'settled  he  un  derno  hov  ich  my  fly  uffs  wosser  g'schmissa. 
Anes  fun  da  glaena  is  bletzlich  ruff  cooma  far  de  fly  fonga, 
awver  se  hut  se  farfailed.  Now  en  fly  is  nix  os  a  pawr  hinkle 
federa  on  en  fish-ongle  ga-bunna  so  os  se  gooked  os  we 
en  fetty  oldte  g'schmase  mick.  Gor  nix  goodes  far  fish  tsu 
fressa  awver  se  gooka  shse.  Ich  hob  widder  ni  g'schmissa 
un  de  oldt  mommy  is  ruff  cooma,  de  fly  bagooked,  un  derno 
w^idder  shse  tzurick  un  sich  naiva  era  kinner  g'hucked.  Se 
hut  g'ssena  os  es  usht  en  humbuck  is  awver  se  hut  gawist  ous 
arfawrung  os  es  g'fareliche  bisniss  is  far  um  selly  fly  room 
foola,  un  ich  hob  se  sana  era  kinner  en  lecture  gevva.  Se 
hut,  so  hov  ich  g'tzailed,  se  ob-gaworndt,  un  ena  ous  galaiked 
we  easy  os  se  in  druvel  cooma  kenta  won  se  net  era  finger 
derfun  holda  daida.  Se  hen  era  tsu  g'horriched  mit  so 
grosser  ochtum  os  ich  ga-glawbed  hob  ich  kent  kens  fun 
ena  fonga.  Ich  hob  widder  ni  g'schmissa  un  es  hut  kens  sich 
forraked.  Derno  bin  ich  draw  un  hob  en  fly  on  my  line  os 
gagooked  hut  we  en  eme.  Sell  hut  de  glana  grawt  uffrearich 
g'mauched  un  se  hen  mit  divel's  g'wold  draw  wella,  awver 
de  oldt  wore  now  shure  os  es  en  hoax  is  un  se  is  ovvich  era 
kinner  room  g'schwuma  un  era  floosfeddera  g'shddled 
OS  won  se  orrisck  excite  ware.  Ich  hob  ssena  de  kinner  mit 
era  mommy  ariga  os  won  se  maena  daida  se  wista  besser, 
os  wons  shawd  ware  so  en  grosse,  fetty  eme  full  hoonich 
fardt  gse  lussa — un  es  w^are  anyhow  ken  shawda  far  bro- 
veera — "so  bots  nix  so  shots  nix."  Ivver  a  wenich  hut  de 
oldt  mommy  en  onera  wake  nows  gagooked,  un  so  g'schwint 


12  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

OS  en  wedder-laich  is  anes  fun  da  glrena  in  de  hse  g'suhussa 
un  de  naixt  minnut  wore  se  in  mime  korreb.  De  oldt  farrel 
hut  ga-dobed  os  we  en  weedicher  bull-hund.  awver  ich  hob 
grawt  widder  ni-g'schmissa  un  ivver  a  wennich  coomed  de 
onner  g\x  farrell  ruff  un  ich  hob  era  mowl  ous-g'schhtzed 
awver  hob  se  net  greeked.  De  mooder  wore  droverich. 
Ae  kind  dote  un  es  onner  ga-gribbled,  usht  wile  se  g'maned 
hen  se  wista  mae  os  de  mooder. 

Ah,  doh  wore  en  lesson.  Yunge  maid  sin  di  farella. 
Se  gooka  far  flies.  De  mooder  sawked,  "Gebt  ocht,  dare 
mon  is  nix  nutz.  Si  feddera  sin  sljse  awver  si  hartz  is 
shtawl.  Are  will  eich  usht  fonga.  Doh  is  g'fore,  un  'ware 
sich  in  de  g'fore  gebt  coomed  drin  um.'  Horriched  now — 
lust  ene  gae.'' 

"O  mommy,"  sawga  de  maid,  "are  is  so  sha  os  en 
engel  un  so  sees  os  hoonich.  Ks  con  nix  letz  si  far  mit  eme 
awenich  uff  der  shtrose  room  flirta.  Dere  sint  tsu  partick- 
ler,"  un  de  wile  os  de  mommy  shlofed  nemma  se  de  ongel. 
Won  set  net  g' fonga  warra  don  warra  se  anyhow  gagribbled, 
un  era  laeva  end  mit  druvel  un  sorga. 

Gebt  ocht  uff  der  mon  woo  shaena  feddera  waerdt  for  en 
shtawla  hartz  tsu  decka. 


ES  RODDA  NESHT. 


Ich  hob  shunt  g'hard  os  rodda  anonner  de  schwentz 
ob  fressa  in  kold  wedder  won  era  fooder  ous-gebt.  un  ich 
hob  shunt  uft  gadenked  os  sell  der  foil  is  mit  menscha.  Doh 
ons  HuUerhecka  wartzhouse  is  so  an  rodda-nesht.  En  gon- 
ser  winder  hucka  se  hinnich  em  uffa  un  schwetza  waega 
olles  OS  awgaid.  Ken  weips-mensch  is  sowver  os  de 
shtrose  lawfed.  un  won  se  shtuppa  set  un  anes  fun  da  rodda 
friendlich  bawilcooma  don  sin  gli  en  holb  dotzent  uff  era 
g'shpoor.  Won  en  monskarl  net  tsu  da  rodda  kared  awver 
gaid  sinera  bisniss  noach.  batzawled  si  agener  tox  un 
shoolda  un  enared  si  familia.  don  tzeega  se  en  ob  about 
oUa  onera  duwg.    Won  ols  es  free-yohr  commed  don  gaena 


FUM  BOONASTIEI*.  13 

de  rodda  ausanonner.  Yader  ebber  is  froh  won  ols  der 
summer  coomed  so  os  de  rodda  nows  shpringa  kenna  in  de 
felder  un  awenich  waetza  somla  far  era  familia.  Won  se 
shoffa  don  schwetza  se  net  so  feel  mi  de  besser  gloss  fun 
leit  hen  rue. 

Ich  wore  der  onner  dawg  om  rodda  nesht  ins  Huller- 
hecka  bar-shtoop.  Dart  wore  der  Mike  Blotner,  der 
Bench  Hess,  der  Jeck  Hawnayarick,  der  Bill  JMichelroyer, 
un  der  Sam  Seeshuls.  Se  hen  ivver  yader  ebber  nows 
g'mauched  os  der  wake  cooma  is.  Es  wore  ken  goot 
ward  g'sawd  far  ken  mensch — nemond  hut  nix  rechtes  ga- 
doo  g'hot  un  yader  ebber  wore  en  keyune,  en  schpitz-boo, 
en  loomp  un  en  raskel.  Endlich  hut  der  Mike  Blotner 
g'sawd : 

"Ich  wooner  wos  de  leit  wsega  uns  sawga  won  mere 
net  derby  sin?'' 

"Es  woonered  mich  aw,"  hut  der  Bill  Michelroyer 
g'sawd.  "Supposin'  mere  daida  amohl  unser  agny  opin- 
ions expressa  wsga  anonner ;  grawd  de  pinklich  woreheit 
sawga  wsega  nonner  os  we  mer  daida  won  mere  net  doh 
warra." 

"Well,"  hut  der  Sam  Seeshols  g'sawd,  "Ich  ware  drin 
derfore  won  nemond  base  daid  warra." 

"Never  mind,"  hut  der  Bill  Michelroyer  g'sawd, 
"mere  fixa  sell.  Der  arsht  os  base  wart  muss  es  uff-setza 
fars  house,  un  mar  maucha  der  Gottlieb  Boonastiel  doh  der 
judge.  Mer  wissa  oil  unser  schwach-heita,  und  es  daid  uns 
goot  cooma  als  ebmohl  unser  failer  hara.  Ich  geb  nix 
droom  un  gae  es  arsht  uff  der  shtand  un  derno  will  ich 
hovva  OS  der  grawd  rouse  schwetzed.  Hold  nix  tzurick. 
Ich  hob  nix  tsu  farsheteckla  un  ware  ga-wiss  net  base." 

"All   right,"   hut  der   Bench   Hess  g'sawd,   "shtell   dich 
dart  ins  eck  un  horrich." 

Der  Bill  is  ins  eck  g'shtepped. 
*       *  *  *  *  *  * 

"Kensht  du  der  Bill  Mickelroyer  ?"  hut  der  Bench 
g'rogt. 

2 


14  CHOlCli  SELECTIONS 

"Yaw,"  sawgt  der  !\Iike  Blotner,  "se  hasa  ene  ols  eb- 
mohls  der  Bulla-Royer,  wile  are  amohl  en  bull  g'shtola  hut 
un  ene  gamesht  un  farkawfed  far  si  agener !" 

"Sell  is  en leek!''  hut  der  Bill  ous  em  eck  ga- 

grisha. 

"Toot,  toot,  Bill,"  hov  ich  g'sawd,  "du  farleersht  de 
drinks." 

"D —  de  drinks !     Sell  shtand  ich net !" 

"Se  sin  usht  in  g'schposs." 
"In  g'schposs?      Hoons  boona!     Se  sawga  in  g'schposs 
was  se  in  arnsht  mana.     Selly  bulla  shtory  war  fargessa  un 
se  bricha  now  so  older  dreck  net  widder  uff  shtarra." 

Ich  hob  ene  endlich  gadishtered  greeked  un  der  Jeck 
Hawnayarick  hut  widder  ow-g'fonga: 

"Es  wase  neemond  we  der  Bill  si  geld  g'mauched 
hut." 

"Ich   wase   we   are   en   hoonert  un   tswonsich   dawler 
g'mauched  hut,"  sawked  der  Sam  Sheeshuls. 
"We?" 

"Are  hut's  ga-collect  far  de  karrich  uff-fixa  we  are  f ore- 
shtaer  wore  un  hut's  si  laiva  net  ivver-draid." 

Der  Bill  is  on  der  wondt  in  die  ha;  g'shprunga  os  we  en 
maltee  kotz  won  se  de  gichtera  hut,  un  mit  ame  joomp 
is  are  mere  ivver  my  oxel  nows  un  de  naixt  minnutt  hut  are 
der  Sam  om  hols  g'hot.  Se  sin  ivver  dish,  un  shteel,  un 
benk  nows  garulled  os  we  tswa  wol-shtraimicha  kawder,  bis 
endlich  hut  der  Sam  "ganunk"  ga-grisha  un  mer  hen  se  aus- 
anonner. 

Sell  hut  de  experience  meeting  uff  ga-brucha  im  rodda- 
nesht  far  seller  dawg,  un  mer  hen  ous  ga-maucht  os  yader 
ebber  hut  arawet  on  sich  selver  tsu  wesha  won  are  si  agener 
karraber  sowver  holdta  will. 

Moral  :  Won  olla  mensch  si  gonser  lavens-lawf  uff  de 
shtarn  ga-drooked  het  don  daida  fiel  leit  era  beet  net  ob  in 
der  karrich. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  15 

WO'S   GEBTS   MIT   UXSERA   BOOVA. 

"Wos  gebts  mit  unsera  boova?"  hut  mich  en  oldter 
freind  g'frogt  der  onner  davvg.  "Se  wara  olla  yohr  schlech- 
ter,  un  wons  nuch  a  wile  so  fardt  maucht  gait  olles  ts'um 
divel."  "Now,  holdt  amohl,"  hov  ich  g'sawd.  "Denksht 
du  de  weldt  is  shlechter  un  unser  boova  ma  u-bennich  dos 
se  wora  we  mere  yung  wora?  Waisht  du  net  we  es  wore 
yohra  tzurick.  Won  en  arn  ob  tsu  maucha  wore,  en  shire 
uff  tsu  shtella,  odder  en  fendue  im  lond?  Doh  is  es  net 
drufif-ga-gooked  warra  tsu'm  mon  woo  de  besht  larnung 
hut  g'hot,  odder  de  shensht  hond  shriva  hut  kenna,  awver 
tsu'm  mon  woo  der  graisht  bully  wore  un  hut  es  mensht 
drom  drinka  kenna.  Olla  wile  won  en  karl  fecht  odder 
wardt  badrunka  don  doona  de  leit  sich  shia  far  eme  un  de 
maid  woo  gooter  fershtond  hen  gevva  eme  der  henshing. 
Meinsht  du  nuch  we  mere  em  Fridder  Honsmike  si  arn  ob 
ga-maucht  hen  mit  da  oldta  sichela  we  g'suffa  os  du  worsht  ? 
Of  course  du  waisht  nix  derfun.  Du  worsht  tsu  g'suffa  far 
ebbes  tsu  wissa,  awver  we  mere  dich  hame  g'feared  hen 
husht  du  dinera  mommy  garoofa  far  cooma  un  dich  ous  der 
growd  soocha  so  os  de  onera  hame  gae  kenta."  Es  hut  em 
oldta  karl  en  farflompter  ribba  buffer  gevva.  Luss  mich 
dere  sawga,  des  ga-bloose  by  denna  oldta  chaps  we  goot  os 
se  wora  is  oil  wind.  Ich  denk  de  goota  boova  sin  oil 
g'shtarva  we  se  yung  wora.  Ich  hob  anyhow  in  mim  laiva 
ken  lavendicher  g'sana,  awver  ich  lase  fiiel  fun  ena  in  da 
Soondawg  Shool  bicher.  Ich  denk  se  sin  oil  g'shtarva.  Es 
hut  mich  shunt  uft  ga-woonered  dos  ich  so  oldt  bin  worra. 

De  grose  froge  is,  wos  wella  mere  unser  boova  larna? 
Mere  missa  se  arsht  farstay.  Won  aner  goot  is  om  gride 
shneida  un  licorice-wasser  maucha  don  set  are  es  duckter 
hond-warick  larna.  won  aner  sawga  con  eb  gile  feel  hovver 
greega  om  misht  don  set  are  en  veternary  surgeon  gevva, 
won  are  charga  con  we  olle  sobberment  un  leega  we  der  di- 
henker  don  set  are  en  lawyer  gevva,  won  are  laiva  con  we 
en  engel  uff  nix  don  set  are  es  porra  hond-warick  larna, 


l6  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

un  won  are  tsu  schwach  is  far  an  bower,  derno  set  are  es 
drooka  larna. 

De  signs  doona  shier  olsfart  ous  holda,  a  wake  odder  der 
onner.  Ich  hob  amohl  en  mon  gakent  dos  si  boo  broveera 
hut  wella  uff  so  en  wake.  Are  hut  der  boo  in  en  shtoop 
g'schlussa  woo  nix  wore  os  en  Beevil,  en  obbel  un  en  daw- 
ler.  In  a  pawr  minnutta  is  are  in  de  shtoop 'gonga.  Are 
hut  si  mind  uff  ga-maucht  won  der  boo  der  obbel  est  don 
date  are  an  bower  gevva,  won  are  de  Beevil  laist  don  date 
are  en  porra  gevva,  un  won  are  der  dawler  ga-numma  het 
don  daid  are  en  banker  gevva.  We  der  fodder  nei  cooma 
is  hut  der  boo  uff  der  Beevil  g'hucked,  der  obbel  gessa  un 
der  dawler  im  sock  g'hot.  Seller  boo  hut  en  first-class  poli- 
tician gevva. 


DE  HOYET. 


De  hoyet  is  widder  doh  un  in  a  pawr  dawg  hara  mere 
widder  der  reeper  robbla.  Es  wore  ols  en  grosse  blesseer 
yora  tsurick  un  de  hoyet  wore  ols  en  rechte  frollick  wile 
fremmy  leit  uff  de  boweri  cooma  sin  un  mer  hut  en  chance 
g'hot  far  tsu  ebber  soonsht  tsu  schwetza  onshtads  de  gile 
un  uxa.  Doh  sin  ols  de  leit  by  cooma  mit  era  sensa  un  sin 
dorich  der  dick  glae  gabawda  os  es  en  rechter  lusht  wore. 
Un  wos  karyose  socha  huts  duch  als  gevva.  Unich  em 
grossa  shodda  bawm  om  end  fum  feld  hut  de  shtitz  g'shtona 
un  won  mer  der  deckel  uff  g'manched  hut  sin  de  hoyshreck 
ni  gajumped  os  won  se  aw  drinka  wetta.  Naiva  draw  unich 
ma  wishly  hoy  wore  de  buddle  mit  em  goota  oldta  drom. 
Un  wos  wore  sell  aw  drom !  Whew !  Es  wore  fum  shtuft  os 
em  in  de  bse  gonga  is  un  hut  em  shtarrick  gevva,  un  kens  fun 
dem  forty- rod  rodda-gift  wos  em  olla-weil  de  shoe-sola  ob- 
brendt  un  de  tzge  neggel  ob-reised  os  wie  en  gwidder  strawl. 
Un  wos  hut  mer  schwitza  kenna  uff  sell  shtuft.  Ah !  Oldter 
shpeck !  Es  tzse  uhr  shtick  un  es  middawg  essa.  Schwetz 
waega  dina  downsend  dawler  pianos  un  di  finf  downsend 
dawler  pipe  organs!      Selly  oldt  dinner  bell  uff  em  weh- 


FUM  BOONASTIEIL.  I7 

house  hut  net  ivver  en  dawler  un  a  holva  gakusht  awer  es 
wore  mse  moosic  in  era  os  in  der  gonsa  fardihenkerta  shoot- 
in'-match  os  se  now  in  era  high-falootin  karricha  hen.  Un 
wos  hut  mer  en  obbadit  g'hot !  Olles  hut  goot  g'schmocked, 
und  ich  daid  now  en  gonser  dawg  fens  maucha  far  usht 
nuch  en  shtick  fun  sella  karsha-boy  odder  leb-koocha  woo  de 
mommy  ols  gabocka  hut.  Xochts  hut  mer  en  jollification 
g'hot  un  barley  ebbes  g'shlofa,  un  morgets  widder  free  on  de 
arawet  un  der  gons  dawg  fardt  g'shoft  un  barley  on  meed 
wara  gedenked.  En  holva  dawler  der  dawg  wore  en  gooter 
loo,  un  de  leit  hen  besser  galsebed  os  se  ollaweil  doona. 
Of  course  es  hut  net  yader  ebber  en  piona  odder  en  organ 
g'hot  far  de  maid  drufT  drooma  de  wile  os  de  mommy 
gamulka  hut,  awver  de  maid  hen  feel  socha  g'hot  os  se  now 
net  hen  un  sell  wore  g'suntheit  un  rhoda  bocka.  Se  wora  dick 
un  fet  un  hen  de  gichtera  net  olla  fier-un-tswonsich  shtoond 
greeked.  Se  hen  evva  sella-mohls  net  sich  mit  hoy-shtrick 
ob  gabunna  os  se  gagooked  hen  we  schwartze  weshpa.  De 
boova  wora  tsu  fritta  uff  der  boweri  un  hen  net  oil  ducter 
un  lawyer  un  porra  si  wella.  Ollaweil  won  se  amohl  der 
multiplication  table  sawga  kenna  don  wella  se  shunt  nimmy 
uff  der  boweri  bliva  awver  wella  ins  shtettle  far  tzooker 
weega  un  uff  em  counter  room  hoopsa,  un  kit  hensching  un 
shtand-up  collars  wara. 

Yaw,  de  goota  oldta  tzeida  sin  farby.  Si  sin  gonga  mit 
der  reff-sense  un  der  sichel.  Now  doot  ^der  bower  un  si 
knecht  de  bisniss.  Olles  is  machinery.  Der  reeper  doots 
maya,  der  hoy-recha  doots  uff'  wind-roya  un  de  hoy-govvel 
nembts  uff  der  shtoll.  De  hoyet  fongt  aw  Moondawg  mor- 
gets, un  by  Somshdawg  mitdawg  is  olles  far-ivver  un  on 
dri  uhr  bucked  der  bower  shunt  uff  der  longa  porch  ons 
Hullerhecka  un  wardt  far  ebber  cooma  un  ene  haesa  drinka. 
Ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler  hen  usht  der  onner  dawg  der- 
fum  ga-hondled,  un  mere  sin  tsu  der  conclusion  cooma  en 
mass  meeting  roofa  fun  da  shoff-leit  om  Hawsa  Barrick  un 
en  shtrike  declara.  Mer  sin  willins  on  ma  dawler  der  dwag 
shoffa  won  der  grook  widder  on  der  oldt  blotz  g'shtelt  wardt. 


IS  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

odder  tsw?e-uii-a-holva  won  mere  imser  agner  licker  finna 
missa.  Yader  ebber  wase  os  ich  anyhow  nimmy  shoflfa  daid 
wile  ich  shunt  tzse  yohr  om  shtudia  bin  far  along  cooma  oona 
sell,  awer  ich  daid  en  shtarnser  gooter  Bresident  maucha 
wile  ich  en  gooter  schwetzer  bin  un  con  da  leit  mx  sawga  in 
anera  shtoond  os  se  able  sin  tsu  glawva  in  ma  gonsa  yohr. 


UFF  EM  KARRICH-HOFE. 

IcH  un  de  Polly  sin  em  ledshta  Soondawg  owet  nivver 
uff  der  Hawsa  Barrick  karrich-hofe  galuffa.  Ich  wore 
nimmy  druff  g'west  far  tzse  yohr  un  ich  con  dere  sawga  es 
hut  mere  so  laid  gadoo  de  socha  saena  we  se  dart  sin  os 
ich  gawiss  far  a  wile  nimmy  gae. 

Du  husht  ols  der  oldt  Billy  Blotner  gakent — em  Sam 
Blotner  si  grose-dawdy?  Husht  net?  Well,  yader  ebber 
wase  wos  far  en  gooter  aldter  drup  or  are  wore.  Xemond 
hut  hoongers-note  um  ene  room  galidda  so  long  os  are  ga- 
laibed  hut.  Are  hut  en  shaene  boweri  g'hot  un  duch  is  are 
om  end  derfun  by  em  shreef  ous-farkawfed  warra  usht  wile 
are  nemond  nix  refused  hut  so  long  os  are  ebbes  g'hot  hut 
far  sich  selver.  Feel  leit  hen  advantage  ga-numma  fun 
sime  grossa  hartz  un  hen  eme  socha  ob-galoused  bis  are 
selver  nix  g'hot  hut.  Demo  hut  are  si  boweri  gamorgaged 
tzu'm  Sam  Keisling.  Der  Sam  wore  anes  fun  sella  grop- 
sicha  si  woo  olsfart  reddy  lied  mit  a  pawr  hoonert  dawler 
usht  far  so  awremy  oldte  karls  we  der  Bill  in  en  eck  greega. 
Es  hut  ene  usht  en  yohr  ganumma  bis  are  em  oldta  Billy  si 
bowery  ga-agened  hut,  un  se  hen  der  oldt  Billy  uff's  town- 
ship gadoo. 

Ich  hob  der  oldt  Billy  uft  p'soocht  noach  dem  os  are 
uff  em  township  wore.  Are  hut  olles  aweck  gevva  g'hot 
except  si  hartz — un  sell  denk  ich  het  are  aweck  gevva  won's 
net  tsu  grose  g'west  ware  far  en  ordinary  mon.  OH  de 
kinner  in  der  nuchbershoft  hen  ene  gakent  un  sin  cooma 
ene  p'soocha.  Won  ebber  eme  en  shsener  obbel  gevva  hut 
don  hut  are  ene  g'holda  far  de  kinner,  un  won  se  cooma  sin 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  I9 

ene  saena  don  is  are  mit  s:m€  shtuck  ena  noach  g'hobbled 
dorich  de  felder  un  ena  helfa  blooma  soocha.  De  helft  tzeit 
hut  are  ken  hoot  uff  g'hot  un  der  wind  hot  ols  si  wisa  hore 
in  rechte  waravela  gadraid.  Endlich  is  are  g'shtarva.  Ich 
wore  on  sinera  leicht.  Es  wora  nuch  about  en  holb  dutzent 
onera  on  der  karrich.  Even  de  freind  sin  net  by  coonia. 
Der  porra  hut  en  kartze  breddich  gadoo.  Si  text  wore  ebbcs 
waega  da  Kinner  Iserawl  we  se  ols  bodder-reeslin  g'fonga 
hen  in  der  woldt.  awer  are  hut  ken  goot  wart  g'hot  far  der 
awrem  oldt  Billy,  un  nemond  hut  g'hiled  except  a  pawr 
bore-feesicha  kinner  os  im  hinnera  eck  fun  der  karrich 
g'hucked  hen.  Ich  wore  anes  fun  da  grawb-maucher  un  bin 
ga-oddered  g'west  si  grawb  ins  hinnersht  eck  fum  karrich- 
hofe  do.  Em  ledshta  Soondawg  hov  ich's  widder  p'soocht, 
awer  ich  hob's  shier  net  finna  kenna.  Es  wore  ivverwoxa 
mit  u-growd  un  orrick  ei-g' folia.  Om  kup  end  wore  en 
glae  bordly  un  doh  wore  si  nawma  un  eldt  druff  g'schnitta. 
Ich  wase  net  ware's  boardly  uff  hut  far  ene,  awer's  hut 
ga-gooked  we  boova  arawet  un  ich  denk  es  wore  aw. 

Ich  bin  aweck  fum  blotz  mit  ma  schwara  hartz,  awer 
es  hut  net  long  g'last.  We  ich  forna  on  de  fense  cooma 
bin  don  hov  ich  en  grosser  shaft  fun  marvel  ssena  shtae. 
We  ich  naixt  cooma  bin  don  hov  ich  g'saena  os  es  em  Sam 
Keisling  si  grawb  is.  Der  Sam  hut  em  oldta  Billy  si 
boweri  ob-galoused,  awver  are  hut  se  net  long  enjoyed. 
Are  wore  en  shalooer  karl  un  hut  ordlich  geld  by-annoner 
g'hot  we  are  g'shtarva  is.  Are  hut  net  selver  g'shoft, 
awver  won  are  an  chance  greeked  hut  on  en  awremer  mon 
don  hut  are  uff  eme  g'hucked  we  en  bloot-sookler  bis  are 
olla  cent  g'hot  hut.  We  are  g'shtarva  is  hen  se  dri  porra 
g'hot  un  de  hen  ene  so  weit  nuch  em  himmel  g'shova  os  se 
hen  kenna  mit  da  hend  un  derno  hen  se  ene  gapushed  mit 
shtonga.  Ich  denk  se  hen  ene  nuff  greeked,  un  won  se  net 
hen  don  hen  se  anyhow  era  hoonert  dawler's  shtick  far- 
deened. 

Der  Sam  hut  now  en  monument  os  ivver  en  dowsend 
dawler  gakusht  hut — nine-un-ninetzich  per  cent,  bloot-geld 


20  CHOICK  SELECTIONS 

deiik  ich.  Es  is  olles  fargritzled  mit  schriftliche  warda  un 
won  mer's  laesed  don  daid  mer  denka  are  het  shunt  de 
floos-fettera  g'shtart  far  en  engel  wara  eb  are  dote  g'west 
wore. 

Now,  weller  fun  denna  tswa  mon  denksht  du  os  es 
arsht  in  der  Himmel  coomed?  Ich  hob  nuch  en  oldter 
Shponisher  dawler  os  my  grose-mommy  mere  gevva  hut 
mit  era  yohrtzall  druff,  un  ich  wet  seller  os  der  oldt  Billy 
druvva  is  un  fardich  hend-shiddla  eb  der  Sam  Keesling  ous- 
findt  OS  ebbes  loos  gabrucha  is. 


IN  MA  HEXA  NESHT. 


De  onner  nocht  hov  ich  en  ride  g'hot  os  ich  awver  in 
meim  laiva  net  fargess.  Ich  wore  nunner  noch  em  Eila 
Shettle  uff  awennich  bolitix  bisniss  un  hob  mich  farsimed. 
Ich  hob  ols  naixt  dart  g'wooned  un  hob  de  leit  ols  goot 
gakent.  De  leit  hen  mich  aw  gakent  un  sell  is  de  shult  os 
ich  fart  gatzooga  bin.  Ae  mon  in  batickler  hov  ich  ols 
gaglicha — es  wore  der  Mike  Belsinger,  unser  black-shmit. 
Are  hut  meim  gowl  en  monich  eisa  uff  g'shloga  un  olla 
mohl  OS  ich  nuch  der  shmidt  bin  sin  mer  boomerawlish  foil 
warra  mit  nonner.  Well,  den  mon  hov  ich  widder  awga- 
druffa  om  oldta  blotz  uns  naixt  os  ich  g'wist  hob  hut  are 
mich  in  sime  keller  g'hot  om  sider  drinka.  Ich  hob  der 
Polly  farsprucha  g'hot  sober  hame  cooma,  awver  fum  keller 
sin  mer  ins  wartzhouse  un  we  ich  dort  ni  cooma  bin  don 
hov  ich  olles  fargessa  wsega  bolidix  un  der  Polly.  Em 
wardt  si  fraw  wore  en  oldt  madel  fun  mina  os  ich  ols  ga- 
karraseered  hob  eb  ich  g'hired  wore  un  mer  sin  gli  gor 
wconerbawr  confidential  warra.  Der  wardt  hut  galocht  un 
"yaw"  g'sawd  tsu  olles,  un  es  arsht  os  ich  g'wist  hob  hov 
ich  nix  g'wist.  De  soon  wore  shunt  unner  un  dreeva  wolka 
sin  uff  g'shtiga  gsega  owet.  Ich  hob  g'saena  os  en  gwidder 
raega  uff  coomed  un  ich  bin  nows  un  uff  em  oldta  Sammy 
Sensawetzer  si  oldte  shimmel  marr  gagroddled  woo  ich 
g'lained  hob  g'hot.     Ich  hob  mich  net  recht  balanca  kenna 


FUM  BOONASTIHI..  21 

es  arsht  awer  twza  mon  hen  mich  druff  g'hova  un  der 
onner  hut  der  marr  anes  ivver  de  shoonka  ni  g'hocked  mit 
ma  glob-board,  un  woopsh,  is  es  obgonga,  naiva  on  da  fensa 
shtawka  nows  os  der  shmoke  g'floga  is. 

Ich  hob  tzae  mile  hame  g'hot  un  dorrich  en  doonkler, 
weeshter  wake.  Ich  bin  om  blotz  farby  woo  amohl  en 
Yudda  peddler  dote  g'niauched  is  warra.  Ich  hob  de  idea 
gor  net  gaglicha  awver  ich  hob  en  karicha  leedle  gapiffa  far 
my  shpunk  uff  holda.  Es  naixt  bin  ich  om  blotz  farby 
woo  der  Bill  Michelroyer  sich  g'henked  hut.  Es  wore  en 
wiser  shtse  im  fens-eck  g'laega  un  ich  hob  amohl  en  notion 
g'hot  room  draya  un  net  farby  gae.  My  hore  hen  my  hoot 
so  uff  g'shova  OS  are  mere  nimmy  uff  em  kup  gablivva  is  un 
ich  hob  €ne  in  de  bond  g'numma.  Gli  huts  awfonga  dunnera 
un  ei-shloga.  Yaw,  es  wore  so  doonkel  os  in  ma  sock  un  olla 
mohl  OS  es  gawedderlaiched  hut  huv  ich  g'maned  ich  daid 
en  gonse  lot  geisht  ssena..  Uff  ae  mohl  bin  ich  um  en  eck 
room  cooma  in  en  doonkler  bush.  In  der  mit  fun  dem  hov 
ich  en  grose  fire  g'saena.  Now,  en  soberer  mon  ware  gor  net 
naixt,  awver  ich  hob  shpunk  g'fossed  un  bin  der-gaega 
garidda.  Gli  hov  ich  g'saena  os  leit  um's  fire  room  donsa. 
Des  wedderlaeache  hut  mich  so  farblendt  os  ich  net  saena 
hob  kenna  wos  un  ware  es  is.  Endlich  hov  ich  g'saena  o3 
es  oil  weipsleit  sin  un  de  wora  holver  nockich.  Ich  bin  of 
course  grawd  onna  garidda  so  we  evva  en  g'hireder  mon 
daid.  Es  wore  en  hecka-push  grawd  far  mer  un  se  hen 
mich  net  saena  kenna.  In  ame  eck  wore  ebber  g'hucked  un 
de  gike  g'shpeeled.  Ich  hob  g'saena  os  are  harner  uff  em 
kup  hut,  glowa  on  da  feese,  un  en  longer  scwontz  mitera 
govvel  draw.  Uff"  ma  dish  in  der  mit  fun  da  donser  wore 
en  mensha  kup  galaega,  en  shtrick  woo  en  mon  mit  g'henked 
is  warra,  en  blootich  messer  un  en  lawd.  Wos  oil  des 
mancd  hov  ich  net  wissa  kenna.  Uff  ae  mohl  draid  anes 
fun  da  weipsleit  room  un  ich  hob  g'saena  os  es  de  oldt 
Sis  Shleggel  is  woo  se  g'henked  hen  far  leit  ferhexa.  Es 
wore  so  farhoftich  en  hexa  donse  un  der  divel  hut  gagiked ! 


22  choice;  selections 

Bong?  Well  my  hore  hen  news  g'shtonna  os  we 
keshta-eegla,  my  tzae  hen  uf  annonner  gaglebbert  un  my 
hartz  hut  gaboomt  os  ich  bong  wore  se  daida  es  haera.  Ich 
hob  de  marr  om  tziggel  greeked  far  room  draya.  De  min- 
nutt  OS  se  sich  farraged  hut  don.  woopsh  !  wor's  licht  ous. 
Demo  hedscht's  awver  hsera  sulla  dunnera !  Dowsend  mil- 
lune  glebber  masheena !  Se  sin  ous  em  doonkla  cooma  os 
we  eema  ous  ma  koshta.  De  oldt  marr  hut  sich  ni  g'lust 
far  era  beshtes.  Oh,  doo  leever  tsu-shtond !  Het  ich  ust 
ufT  de  Polly  g'harriched !  De  hexa  sin  ols  naixer  un 
naixter  uff  cooma.  Ich  hob  der  marr  tsu  g'shprucha,  for 
ich  hob  g'wist  os  mer  boll  onera  brick  sin  un  os  hexa  net 
ivver  en  wasser  gaena.  Endlich  hov  ich's  wasser  g'ssena  un 
de  naixt  minnutt  hen  de  blonka  unich  der  oldta  marr  era 
feese  gaglebbered.  Ich  wore  nuch  lavendch,  Gud  si  donk. 
awver  my  hore  wofa  mere  oil  fum  kup  g'senked  un  ich  hob 
nuch  shwefFel  garucha  far  a  pawr  dawg. 

Es  brauch  mere  nemond  nix  mae  ous-redda  w?ega 
hexa,  un  wile  ich  anyhow  en  hexa  ducter  bin  mawksht  du 
des  drooka  far  de  benefit  fun  der  cause.  Du  mawksht  nuch 
unna  draw  shtata  os  my  terms  sin  "Finf  dawler  de  hex. 
'Payment  in  advance.  Satisfaction  guaranteed  or  money 
refunded.'  "  Of  course,  du  farshtaesht  de  "refunding" 
bisniss. 


ARE  SCHWARED  OB. 


Ich  hob  feel  compliments  greeked  uff  my  looks  sidder 
dos  ich  dere  my  pickter  g'shicked  hob.  De  weipsleit  sawga 
won  ich  uff-g'schmutzed  ware  we  feel  onera  chaps  daid  ich 
gooka  we  en  gentlemon.  Es  hut  de  Polly  woonerbawr  ga- 
bleased  un  se  is  grawd  gonga  un  hut  mere  en  pawr  nia 
shtiffel  ga-kawfed.  Es  wore  net  os  ich  se  so  shlim  gabreicht 
hob,  awer  se  hut  gamained  es  ware  nuch  ebbes  ous  mere 
tsu  maucha  won  ich  goot  ga-glaid  ware  un  daid  uff  mich 
ocht  gevva.  Des  wart  "ocht  gevva'"  hut  mer  necht  recht 
aw-g'shtonna,   un   ich  hob   net  gawist  wos   se  mained  bis 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  23 

shtart  nemma  set  un  en  beevil  aid  nemma  os  ich  im  gonsa 
yohr  nix  mse  nemma  set  ous  en  Hullerheck  sinera  schwartze 
buttle.  Es  hut  mich  about  holver  folsh  gamaucht,  for  es  is 
mer  fore-cooma  os  se  yusht  so  goot  grawd  rous  cooma  ware 
mit  era  maining  os  ich  tsu  uft  selly  buttle  handle.  Awer 
wile  se  so  nice  wore  un  hut  mer  de  nia  shtiffel  gakawfed  hov 
ich  gadenked  ich  wet's  nemma  we's  coomed.  Ich  hob's  ex- 
plained wie  es  is  os  ich  tsu  sawga  nee  nix  drink  ons  Huller- 
hecka — anyhow  nee  net  feel.  Awer  se  hut  mich  draw  er- 
innert  we  ich  doh  fergonga  amohl  hame  cooma  bin  so 
shtarns  foil  os  ich  fergessa  hob  my  hoot  ob  do  we  ich  ins 
bet  bin. 

Well,  tsu  ledsht  hov  ich  agreed  mit  der  Polly,  ufif 
Schwartz  un  weis  mit  shrives  un  my  nawma  dertsu  g'signed, 
OS  ich  in  dem  gonsa  yohr  nemohls  ons  Hullerhecka  gse  ex- 
cept won  un-g'fare  ebber  dart  is  os  ich  garn  ssena  will,  odder 
won  ebbes  arbordich's  fore  gait,  odder  won's  so  happened 
os  nix  soonsht  fore  gait  doh  om  barrick  os  ame  en  chance 
gebt  far  awennich  tzeit  ferdriva.  Ich  hob  aw  agreed  os  ich 
im  gonsa  yohr  kae  cent  ous  geb  far  licker  odder  beer,  ex- 
cept won  ich  shmartza  im  lieb  hob,  odder  won  my  narfa  ous 
tune  sin,  odder  won  mer  ebbes  soonst  failed  so  os  ich 
ebbes  nemma  mus  for  mich  ufT  toona.  Ich  hob  mer  awer 
ous  g'holta  OS  won  ebber  um  der  waig  is  un  law  fed  on  der 
baar  far  de  drinks  ufif  setza  un  sawgt,  "Coom  boova,"  os 
ich  do  con  we  ich  will — es  si  lussa  odder  aw  nufT  shteppa 
un  ebbes  nemma,  yust  far  my  goote  monneer  uff  holta. 

Now,  konsht  denka,  mus  ich  ordlich  goot  ocht  gevva 
os  ich  my  temperance  pledge  net  farbrech.  Ich  bin  den 
nummadawg  aw  grawd  nufif  ons  Hullerhecka  un  hob's  da 
karls  dart  g'sawd  os  ich  now  ob  g'signed  hob,  un  hob  ena 
es  bobbeer  g'wissa.  Don  hut  der  Bill  Bififlemoyer's  loud 
galaisa,  un  se  hen  oil  behawpt  os  mer  ebbes  failed,  un  os 
ich  now  aw  grawd  ebbes  nemma  set  far  my  narfa  ufif  toona. 

Of  course  ich  hob  don  aw  anes  ganumma.  un  der 
Hullerheck  un  oil  de  karls  hen  era  opinion  gevva  os  so  en 


24  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

temperance  pledge  we  meiny  is  oil  recht  un  doot  nemond 
ken  shawda. 


DE  DEITSCHA  UN  DE  ENGLISHA. 

Der  onner  dawg  wore  so  en  grum-bucklicher,  flat-rib- 
bicher,  long-oricher,  ous-gadarter  Yankee  om  barrick  un 
hut  de  Polly  der  waik  g'froght  far  nuch  Schwinefordshtettle. 
Se  hut  erne  ous-galaiked  in  Pennsyl fawny  Deitsch  so  goot 
OS  se  hut  kenna,  derno  hut  are  si  gowl  room  gadraid  un 
hut  g'sawd,  "Damn  the  Dutch."  Are  wore  en  Englisher  un 
hut  der  Polly  era  Deitches  net  fershtonna,  un  des  hut  ene 
base  gamaucht.  Es  wore  goot  g'west  dos  ich  net  da- 
hame  wore  odder  ich  het  amohl  my  nia  shtiffel  uff  eme  ga- 
broveered. 

De  fact  is,  ich  bin  shtuls  os  ich  Deitsch  bin.  Es  mawk 
si  OS  mere  net  gons  so  shmart  sin  os  selly  Yankees  os  tsu 
sawga  nix  tsu  fressa  hen  os  yusht  grumbeera,  shpeck- 
shwarda,  shwartz  korn  brote  un  fish.  Awver  for  my  dale, 
ich  shtick  tsu  der  goot  oldt  Deitsch  Pennsylfawnish  fash- 
ion. Ivverall  woo  mer  onna  gait  con  mer  der  unnershit 
saena,  eb  de  leit  in  der  umgaigend  English  odder  Deitsch 
schwetsa.  Won  mer  in  en  nuchbershoft  coomed  woo's 
lond  first-rate  is,  un  grosse  un  shaena  sheira,  un  goote  pushta- 
fense,  un  shaene  fette  uxa,  un  shmarte  gile,  un  bkndy 
hinkle  uflF  em  hofe  os  de  oyer  laiga,  un  shmarte  wiver,  un 
shaene  maid  un  fette  bublin,  un  woo  de  leit  blendy  fun 
beshta  soch  tsu  essa  hen — so  soch  os  we  es  besht  rinds 
flaish,  waitsa  brote  un  fosnocht  koocha,  frisher  brooter  vm 
lod-warick,  un  sower-growd,  un  woo  de  leit  so  monneerlich 
sin  OS  se  ame  eilawda  for  mit  essa  won  mer  by  enna  aw- 
rooft ;  in  gaigenda  fun  sellera  awrt  schwetza  de  leit  tsu 
sawga  oil  nix  os  es  goot  oldt  Pennsyl  fawny  Deitsch. 

Now,  gae  amohl  in  en  Englishe  nuchbershoft  un  sae 
wees  dart  ous-gooked.  De  bowera  hen  era  bleek  un 
reaper  drows  im  wedder  shtae  fun  yohr  tsu  yohr,  de  fensa 
drunna,   der  waitsa  blockich,   es   fee  mawger,   shtinkicher 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  25 

booter,  ferbreede  oyer,  hash  fun  fowl  flaish  gamaucht, 
forna  huy  un  hinna  fuy.  En  shse  gakuched  hem  hen  se  aw 
ivver  en  larer  mawga,  de  weipsleit  grenkHch  un  u-obba- 
ditlich,  wiesht  un  mawger.  Un  gae  amohl  in  de  gross 
shtadt  un  roof  aw  on  der  jail  un  froke  der  shreef  we  feel 
deeb  un  onera  rascal  dart  drin  sin  un  are  sawgt  ordlich 
feel ;  don  froke  ene  welle  sort  de  majority  hen,  de  Deitscha 
odder  de  Englisha,  un  ich  bin  goot  derfore  os  are  dere 
sawgt  OS  de  deeb  un  so  karls  tsu  sawka  oil  English  sin — 
un  OS  yusht  don  un  won  en  Deitscher  ni  coomed  wsega 
bissly  bodderation  mit  weipsleit. 

Anyhow,  ich  shtick  tsu'm  goota  oldta  Deitscha  wake,  un 
geb  en  dihenker  droom  eb  de  farhungerda  grudda-fresser 
mich  un  de  Polly  gleicha  odder  net. 


TSWA-BANICHA  SI. 


HusHT  du  in  dime  laeva  draw  gadenked  we  feel  sorta 
si  OS  es  in  dara  weldt  hut?  Won  du  net  husht  don  luss 
mich  dere  sawga,  es  hut  mae  si  os  ansich  ebber  denka  daid. 
De  si  sin  divide  in  tswse  glossa :  De  fier-banicha  un  de  tswae 
banicha.  De  fier  banicha  si  hen  de  advantage  ivver  de  tswae 
banicha  wile  mer  se  fet  maucha  con  un  essa,  awver  de  tswae 
banich  sow  hut  gor  nix  far  se  tsu  recommenda.  Du  consht 
im  sama  shtettle  woona  far  tswonsich  yohr  un  net  ousfinna 
OS  du  olla  dawg  de  shtrose  lawfshed  mitera  sow  bis  du  amohl 
en  woch  mit  anes  fun  denna  si  im  sama  house  woonsht. 
Ains  fun  denna  si  sin  so  sour  os  essich  un  so  mean  os  dreck 
dahame — ba-usa  era  wiver  un  schlawga  de  kinner  room — 
nemond  greeked  en  goot  ward  fun  ena,  awver  usht  so 
g'shwint  OS  se  uff  de  shtrose  shridda  don  hen  se  en  blesseer- 
licher  gook  un  yader  ebber  maned  are  is  de  goot  shtoond. 
Ains  fun  de  onera  si  sin  de  woo  maena  de  soon  daid  shina 
un  de  raega  folia  usht  arlae  far  se.  Se  bada  Gud  aw  olla  dawg 
far  sich  selver  un  won  se  der  wind  un  der  raega  regulata 
kenta  don  daida  se  era  boweri  in  en  gorda  draya  un  eram 
nuchber  si  lond  in  en  woldt.     So  karl  wara  nee  net  meed 


26  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

en  brennende  hell  unershtitsa — usht  far  de  accommodation 
fun  lite  woo  se  selver  glicha  saena  daida  farbrenna.  Es  hut 
nuch  feel  dnera  sorta  si.  Der  mon  woo  olsfart  om  wartz- 
house  lite  un  is  ready  for  en  drink  nemma  awver  hut  nee 
ken  geld  fars  selver  uff-setza.  Se  fressa  der  doo-wock. 
schmoka  de  segara  un  drinka  der  whiskey  os  onera  karls 
kawfa,  un  derno  gsena  s€  un  bragga  we  feel  reicher  os  se 
sin  os  we  de  karls  woo  olsfardt  era  geld  om  wartzhouse 
shpenda.  Ich  hob  ken  objections  tsu  ma  mon  os  tsu  feel 
fun  sime  geld  denked  fars  sphenda  far  drom,  awer  dernoset 
are  net  onner  leit  era  geld  helfa  uff  sowfa.  En  onery  sart 
sow  is  de  rigel-wake  sow.  En  rigel-wake  sow  is  en  mon 
OS  entitled  is  tsu  ame  sits  inera  kar  un  derno  shpraid  are 
sich  un  si  baggage  ivver  fier  sitz.un  maucht  de  weipsleit 
shtse  won  de  kar  foil  is.  So  karls  nemma  generally  olles 
OS  room  g'hand  wardt  inera  kar  far  essa,  awver  won  se 
ebbes  tsu  fressa  hen  don  doona  sees  ous  em  wake  shoffa  so 
shtill  OS  en  mowse.  Won  se  om  wartzhouse  shtuppa  don 
fressa  se  usht  ae  mohls  dawgs,  un  wos  se  net  in  era  si 
mawga  lawda  kenna  doona  se  in  de  seek  far  der  balance  fum 
dawg.  Xuch  ae  sort  si  un  ich  bin  fardich,  un  sell  is  de  sow 
woo  olsfart  es  feddersht  si  will— woo  ivver  weipsleit  un 
kinner  nows  groddled  un  draid  se  in  der  budda  usht  so  os 
are  si  reesel  forna  draw  hovva  con.  Es  hut  farleicht  mae  • 
fun  denna  si  os  fun  anicha  onera  sort  un  es  is  umeglich 
far  se  fardilga.  Education  un  refinement  mauched  se  usht 
shlimmer  un  feel  mae  g'farlich — wile  en  ga-polishde  sow  on 
feel  bletz  ni  con  woo  en  commoner  borrick  frish  ous  der 
ben  net  ni  reecha  dariflF. 

De  fact  is,  en  mon  kent  ken  bessera  dinshta  do  tsu 
sime  lond  os  nous  gae  si  sheesa  un  se  usht  farfowla  lussa 
we  se  de  buffaloes  uff  em  prairie  g'lust  hen. 


FUM  BOONASTl^L.  2/ 

ON  DER  'NOGGERATION  BALL. 

Di:  mindsht  nuch  ferleicht  fun  sellem  oldta  gowl  woo 
dote  gonga  is  em  sexta  -Xovember,  1888.  Ich  hob  g'sawd 
de  official  luder-grobba  data  ene  farrisa  eb  are  recht  dote 
ware.  Won  du  by  mere  in  Washingdon  g'west  wsersht 
dorrich  de  'noggeration  don  kensht  du  en  idea  forma  we 
feel  luder-grobba  dos  es  in  denna  United  States  hut.  Wash- 
ingdon hut  g'schwarmed  mit  office  seekers  we  de  micka  uff 
ma  dota  asel.  De  Polly  wore  mit  nunner.  Es  wore  es 
arsht  mohl  dos  se  ous  America  wore  un  es  hut  se  wooner- 
bawr  gableesed.  Wile  ich  en  kondadawt  bin  far  de  Hawsa 
Barrick  pusht-office  bin  ich  grawd  ins  Wise  House  ni.  Der 
Harrison  wore  om  karabet  nunner  nawgala  in  anes  fun  da 
shtoopa  un  ich  bin  uff  galuffa  tsu  eme,  my  bond  nows 
g'shtrecked  un  hob  g'sawd.  "We  gates,  Bench?"  "Ware 
bisht  du?"  hut  are  g'sawt.  Des  hut  mich  base  gamaucht, 
un  ich  hob  g'sawt,  "Coom  mer  mit  so  norrheita.  Ich  hob 
duch  far  dich  g'shtimmed.  now  kent  mich  nemond  mse 
noach  dem  dos  eer  ketzer  my  shtim  het."  Derno  hov  ich 
mich  uff  g'shtrecked  tsu  minera  fulla  leng  un  hob  g'sawd, 
"Ich  bin  der  Boonastiel  fum  Hawsa  Barrick!"  Der  shtrain 
hut  mere  en  gallus-knup  ob  garrissa  un  ich  hob  hinere  ga- 
longt  far  ene  greega.  Der  Harrison  hut  gamaned  ich  date 
far  en  pishtole  longa  un  en  mon  mit  bloa  glaider  un  gaila 
knep  hut  mich  nows  g'feared.  Won  der  Billy  Bixler  by 
mere  g'west  ware  don  het's  en  fuss  gevva,  awver  ich  un  de 
Polly  wora  lae  un  se  kon  net  feel  do  except  mit  eram  mowl. 
Ich  glawb  ferleicht  duch  net  os  es  der  Bench  selver  wore. 
Won  ich  shure  ware  don  date  ich  eme  si  gons  kocha  won 
are  widder  rous  coomed  far  Bresident. 

Owets  sin  mere  derno  on  der  'Noggeration  Ball,  un  so 
socha  hov  ich  in  meim  laeva  net  g'^sena.  Ich  hob  shunt 
shtouta  weipsleit  g'ssena  awver  nee  net  so  weit  nunner.  Ei, 
es  wore  miner  sale  on  shont  mit  era  low-neck  gowns.  De 
hoongericha  bublin  hen  ivveroll  room  awfonga  heila.  Ich 
hob  anera  g'sawd  von  se  ken  hem  het  don  date  de  Polly 
era's  ous  un  era's  gevva,  wile  de  Polly  anyhow  net  donsa 


28  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

wet,  derno  is  era  mon  cooma  tin  hut  mich  dexla  wella. 
"Yaw,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "shlock  du  mull  der  Boonastiel. 
derno  brech  ich  dich  fun-nonner-  un  ss  wos  in  dere  is." 
Are  hut  net.  Ich  wore  usht  in  trim  far  de  gons  ferdihenk- 
ert  administration  garava.  De  moosic  wore  g'furnished  by 
em  Simmy  Roush  sime  flying-horse  orchestra.  Der  Quay 
un  der  John  Wanamaker  hen  gagiked,  un  der  Dan  Hastings 
hut  de  boss  drum  gablosa.  Unser  Jury  Commissioner  hut 
ob-garoofa,  un  es  hut  mere  ols  recht  hame-wse  g'maucht 
ene  ivver  oil  de  yocht  hara  greisha,  "Salute  your  p-pa-pa — 
ardner,"  "b-b-b-alance  all,"  "swing  your  p-pard-pardner." 
"Damet,  look  out  o-o-over  there  and  d-d-don't  mix  up  so." 
De  monsleit  hen  negel-rupper  reck  aw  g'hot,  grawd  we 
miner,  usht  se  wora  net  so  "antique."  My  gross-fodder 
hut  miner  g'wora  om  General  Jackson  sinera  'noggeration. 
Se  hen  cider  gadrunka  dos  finf  dawler  de  buddla  wore.  Se 
hen's  shampaginy  wasser  g'haesa.  Der  "sham"  wore  im 
mawga,  un  der  "pain"  is  cooma  won  mer  uff  g'sobered  is. 

Ich  hob  de  'noggeration  bully  enjoyed.  Washingdon 
is  en  grosse  shtodt,  awver  far  ruich  laeve  un  sailich  shtarva 
geb  mere  un  der  Polly  nuch  unser  oldte  schwarda  shandy 
om  Hawsa  Barrick. 


TSU  FEEL  LEIT. 


Mer  hserd  ols  de  leit  sawga  es  wara  tsu  feel  leit  in  un- 
seram  weldt  dale.  Se  kenna  shier  nimme  oil  doh  l?eva,  mer 
set  fort  gae,  he  woo's  net  so  feel  leit  het.  De  woreheit  is 
awver,  os  we  de  weldt  ei-gericht  is,  huts  net  holver  leit 
ganunk — mer  mawk  he  gooka  woo  mer  will  fahla  leit.  Es 
hut  net  ganunk  monsleit,  net  ganunk  weipsleit,  net  ganunk 
maid  un  net  ganunk  boova.  Gae  dorich  de  shtodt  un  dor- 
rich  de  shtettle  un  du  warsht  ssena  dos  ivverall  leit  fahle. 
De  shtora  sin  foil  goods  un  de  shtore-keeper  hucka  de  helft 
fun  der  tzeit  derby  mit  nix  tsu  do  os  worda  far  de  customers 
cooma  un  era  goods  kawfa.  Oil  de  wardt  im  gonsa  lond 
hetta  garn  a  pawr  dowsend  customers  mae  far  era  schnopps 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  29 

drinka,  un  yader  porra  het  garn  a  pawr  dow&end  g'mains- 
gleeder,  yader  shoe-shtore  het  garn  en  lot  orma  borfeesiche 
de  shoe  missa  hovva  far  dar  winder;  yader  glseder  shtore 
daid  wincha  os  pawr  dowsend  holb-nockice  cooma  daida 
far  glaeder  kawfa;  yader  lawyer  winsht  es  daid  about  tzae 
mohl  so  feel  norra  gevva  de  shtride  un  lawsuits  shtarta 
daita  ;  yader  ducter  wut  os  es  about  tzae  mohl  so  feel  gronke 
gevva  daid ;  yader  drooker  maned  es  setta  about  finf  dow- 
sen  mae  leit  doh  si  far  si  schlechte  tzeidung  nemma;  yader 
weshfraw  maned  es  setta  about  dri  mohl  so  feel  leit  cooma 
mit  schmutziche  wesh,  even  dota-grsever  beta  garn  mae 
dota  tsu  bagrawva,  un  yader  shtodt  het  garn  nuch  a  pawr 
dowsend  ei-wohner.  Des  is  en  deitliche  bawise  dos  es  net 
holver  ganunk  leit  gebt. 

Awver  don  gebts  widder  feel  bletz  os  mer  mained  de 
weldt  het  gons  un  gor  tsu  feel  mensha  un  mer  muss  sich 
watcha  os  se  em  net  de  ribba  ni  renna  un  em  dote  draida. 
Gae  amohl  on  bletz  woo  feel  tsu  fressa  un  tsu  sowfa  is  far 
nix,  dart  fint  mer  olsfart  en  grosse  crowd — olles  is  lavendich 
un  gooked  we  en  grosser  eema-schwarm  usht  net  so  decent 
un  so  orndlich. 

Gae  amohl  on  bolidix  conventions  woo  a  pawr  empter 
ous  gadaled  wara.  odder  woo  en  blotz  uff  is  far  en  appoint- 
ment, woo  mer  geld  grobsha  con,  awenich  shtaila  un  awenich 
rawva  mid  ous  in  de  jail  cooma,  dart  sin  olsfart  tsu  feel  leit. 
Un  gook  amohl  woo  en  fessly  beer  far  nix  osu-gadaled  wart 
odder  tsu  keffer-bree  ga-dreat  wart,  dart  sin  aniche  minnut 
tzae  mohl  so  feel  leit  os  not€-wenich.  Nixnootsiche,  far- 
dorvena,  shtulsa,  eibildishe.  hoach-meediche,  dreckiche, 
lousiche  un  u-arliche  leit  sin  feel  doh,  awver  recht-shoffena, 
arliche,  brawfe,  dse-meediche,  fleisiche,  goot-hartziche  un 
sobere  leit  sin  tsu  wenich  ,un  fun  sclera  sort  kent  mer  nuch 
milluna  braucha. 


30  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

DER  OLDT  MON  LAWFED  FAR  EN  OFFICE. 

Uetmohls  doona  de  leit  mich  froga  wees  coomed  os 
ich  net  rous  coom  fer  en  goote,  fette  office — far  Shreef,  od- 
der far  Congress,  odder  far  in  de  'Semly? 

Ich  con's  explaina.  Ich  bin  ae  mohl  galuflfa  far  en 
office,  un  ich  hob  my  mind  uff  gamaucht  os  sell  aw  es  ledsht 
mohl  is.  Es  wore  fier  yohr  tzurick,  on  der  f ree-yohr's  'leck- 
shon.  Ich  bin  rous  cooma  far  orma-flager  fum  township. 
Ich  hob  broveered  de  'Publican  nomination  tsu  maucha, 
awer  se  sin  tsurick  gonga  uff  mich  un  hen  der  Bench  Hess 
g'nominate.  Don  hov  ich  de  Demagrawda  broveered,  awer 
se  hen  der  oldt  Dan  Dushter  uff  ganumma.  Don  bin  ich 
rous  cooma  independent,  un  hob  sex  hoonert  tickets  drooka 
lussa,  un  bin  nows  unner  de  leit,  un  shier  yader  mon  hut  mer 
de  bond  gevva  un  hut  g'sawd :  "Yaw,  Boonastiel,  du  bisht 
my  mon,  far  dich  shtim  ich — uff  sell  konsht  dich  farlussa." 
Ich  hob  dri  dawler  batzawlt  far  de  tickets,  un  es  hut  mich 
tswisha  finf  un  sex  dawler  gakusht  ons  Hullerhecka  om 
'leckshon  dawg.  Un  olles  is  recht  gonga  so  weit.  Don  hen 
se  de  tickets  ga-tzaeled,  un  we  feel  denksht  nows  os  far  mich 
g'shtimmed  hen  ?    Doh  sin  de  tsiffera  : 

Far  der  Bench  Hess,  147;  far  der  Dan  Dushter,  117; 
un  mich,  Boonastiel,  i.  Don  we  olles  farby  wore  is  ainer 
noach  em  onera  cooma  un  yader  hut  gadoo  os  won's  net 
far  ene  g'west  ware  bet  ich  gor  kae  shtim  greeked.  Der 
oldt  Solaklupper,  der  Billy  Bixler,  der  Bifflemoyer,  der 
Honnaboker,  der  'Shquire  Lawbuck,  der  Schnitzler,  der 
Kissinger  un  oil  hen  contend,  en  yader  far  sich  selwer,  os 
are  het  mer  selle  shtim  gevva.  Awer  don  wore  my  gadoold 
om  end. 

Ich  hob  ena  derno  grawd  rows  in  era  g'sichter  ni 
g'sawd  OS  ich  now  sure  bin  os  se  oil  farflompte  lingner  sin. 
wile  ich  exactly  wase  ware  selle  ansich  ticket  g'shtimmed 
hut — es  wore  my  aegne  shtim,  un  sell  hut's  ga-proofed  os 
net  wennicher  os  about  dri  hoonert  lingner  im  township  sin. 

Un  sidder  sellem  hov  ich  my  mind  uff  gamaucht  os 
ich  ken  office  accept  so  long  os  ich  labe,  un  os  won  ebber  my 


FUM  BOONASTISL.  31 

shtim  hovva  win  don  muss  are  ons  marrick  cooma  C.  O.  D. 
forna  nows. 


DENKST  ARE  GEBT  AN  EDITOR. 

De  ledsht  woch  we  du  ken  tzeidung  ga-drucked  husht 
bin  ich  ins  shtettle.  un  far  de  tzeit  tsu  bringa  bis  de  Hawsa 
Barrick  train  fart  is  bin  ich  in  di  office  ni  g'shtepped.  Es 
wore  nemond  dahame  un  de  leit  hen  mere  g'sawd  du  warsht 
drows  hawsa  sheesa.  Ich  hob  mich  grawd  dahame 
g'mauched,  hob  en  Weidamoyer  segar  aw-g'shtecked,  my 
fees  uff  der  dish,  un  moll  awfonga  di  brief  laesa.  D^r  arsht 
brief  w^ore  fum  a  bolitician.  Dare  hut  dere  g'sawed  we  en 
bolidix  tzeidung  drooka.  "Mauch  se  rode  hase.  Geb  da 
Demagrawda  h— 1.  Se  sin  nix  bessers  ga-waint,"  hut  are 
g'sawd.  Der  naixt  brief  wore  fum  ma  mon  os  ols  Huff- 
mon's  drubba  ga-peddled  hut  un  we  are  ken  laeve  mse 
maucha  hut  kenna  on  sellam  is  are  ons  breddicha.  Dare 
mon  hut  g'sawd :  "Di  tzeidung  is  tsu  gud  lose  far  my 
kinner  Isesa.  Shtup  se."  Ich  hob  go-gooked  un  are  wore 
nuch  dri  yohr  tzurich  uflF  si  subscription.  En  onerer  brief 
hut  g'sawd  du  warsht  en  farflompts  kolb  wile  du  net  si  ar- 
dickle  in  de  tzeidung  ga-do  hedsht  woo  are  g'shriva  hut  far 
si  nuchber  ba-usa.  En  onerer  brief  hut  g'sawd :  "We  will 
draw  on  you  in  ten  days  if  this  bill  is  not  paid."  Ich  denk 
du  musht  ebber  shooldich  si.  Ae  brief  hut  g'sawd  di  tzei- 
dung ware  net  feel  wardt  except  far  lod-warrick  hofifa  tsu 
binna.  Es  Isesa  ware  gor  nix  wardt  awver  are  daid  denka 
du  daidst  olks  ni  os  du  wisht  un  mer  kent  dich  net  blama  far 
wos  du  net  wisht.  Un  so  hov  ich  fart  ga-laesa — ich  wore 
usht  recht  in  der  bisniss-we  de  deer  uff  gonga  is  un  en  oldter 
mon  is  ni  g'shtepped  mit  ma  glsena  boo  on  der  bond. 

"Gooter-morga,"  hut  are  g'sawd.  "Bisht  du  der  Ker- 
nel Harder?" 

"Yaw,"  hov  ich  g'sawd. 

"Well,  ich  bin  usht  ri  cooma  mit  mime  boo.  My 
familia  is  om  tsu  nemma  un  ich  muss  dale  fun  ena  lose  wara. 
Der  Mose  un  der  Mike  sin  shlipperiche  karls,  der  Pete  is  om 


32  choice;  selections 

inventa,  awver  wos  are  mauched  con  ich  net  ssena.  Der  Bill 
hut  sich  de  naws  ferbrucha  onera  shootin-match.  Der  Joe 
shtuddied  medicine  un  board  da-hame,  der  Abe  iin  der  Sam 
sin  g'hired  un  runna  my  boweri  far  sch  selver,  un  de  onera 
coonia  goot  aw  except  dare  glae  doxy,  der  Jim,  un  ich  hob 
gamained  ich  wet  an  editor  ous  eme  maucha.  Are  is  tsu 
armlich  un  tsu  fowl  for  shofFa  un  are  doot  nix  os  fressa,  un 
wile  anich  ebber  en  tzeidung  runna  con  os  en  dimeling  foil 
harn  hut  hov  ich  usht  gadenked  de  drucker  bisniss  daid  ene 
soota.    Wos  denkst  du  derfun?" 

"Yaw,"  hov  ich  g'sawd,  "luss  ene  doh.  Mere  bro- 
veera  un  usa  ene  in  der  office.  Mere  kenna  es  fet  ous  €me 
broda  far  de  press  schmeara  un's  flaish  kenne  mere  da  hinkel 
feedera.  Se  sawga  flaish  daid  de  hinkel  gor  wooncrbawr 
laega  maucha,  un  der  oyer " 

Awver  der  oldt  karl  hut  net  g'wart  far  mae  hara  awver 
hut  si  boo  g'numma  un  is  tsu  der  deer  nows  so  hardt  os  are 
gae  hut  kenna.  We  are  drows  were  hov  ich  ene  hara  en 
mon  froga  sidder  won  os  "der  Kernel  Harder  ous  sime  kup 
ware?" 

Ich  bin  nuch  awhile  hucka  blivva  bis  en  karl  ni  cooma 
is  un  der  ruck  ob-galaiged,  de  hem  armel  nuff  ga-wickled 
un  hit  si  finger  uiT  en  ardickle  in  der  tzeidung  un  hut  m'ch 
g'frogt  eb  ich  der  editor  war€  un  eb  ich  sell  shtick  g'shrivva 
het?  Ich  hob  grawd  g'szena  os  are  bisniss  mained.  un  wile 
ich's  editor  bisiness  anyhow  Isedich  wore  hov  ich  g'sawd : 

"Nae,  nae !  Ich  bin  net  der  editor.  Yader  ebber  wase 
OS  ich  usht  der  Gottleib  Boonastiel  bin,  un  won  der  leeb 
Gud  mich  dessa-mohl  lavendich  ous  dem  luch  lust  don  will 
ich  in  mime  Iseva  nimmy  im  Kernel  Harder  si  shoe 
shridda!" 

Are  hut  mich  nows  ga-lust  un  derno  hut  are  der  hoch 
shtool  g'numma  un  hut  g'sawd  are  wed  de  tzedung  runna 
bis  are  dich  aw-dreflfa  daid.  Won  de  tzeidung  rous  coomed 
de  woch  mit  ma  bloa  awk  don  wase  ich  os  are  dich  aw- 
gadruflfa  hut. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI*.  33 

EN  NIE  SORT  RIGEL-WAKE. 

Icii  glawb  nuch  om  end  dos  ich  net  de  Hawsa  Barrick 
pusht-office  greek,  un  ich  muss  farhoftich  ebbes  hovva 
unich  dara  administxation,  far  es  is  de  ledsht  dos  ich  expect 
RepubHcan  tsu  si.  Ich  hob  ga-tzaeled  yader  mon  os  far 
der  Bench  Harrison  g'vote  het  daid  €n  office  greega,  un  es 
wore  uns  so  farshprucha.  Now  doot  usht  about  anes  ous  a 
hoonerd  en  office  greega.  Awver  ich  hob  now  applied  ap- 
point wara  Envoy  Extraordinary  un  Minister  Plenopoten- 
tiary  fun  da  United  Shtates  tsu  Doodletown. 

Won  sell  mere  far  un-glicked  don  gane  ich  on  my  pat- 
ent rigel-wake  fardich  maucha  so  dos  won  der  Seaboard  & 
Western  net  boll  coomed  don  will  ich  en  shtock  coombany 
raisa  far  aner  bowa.  Ich  hob  en  plan  far  aner,  un  dare 
kusht  holver  so  feel  os  we  en  braid  gage.  Usht  ae  rigel  is 
my  blan.  Du  denksht  awver  mer  con  kse  train  runna  uff  so 
ma  single  track,  awver  ich  hob  en  blan  os  es  doot. 

My  blan  is  os  der  head  engineer  sich  forna  uff  de  in- 
gine  shtelt  mit  so  ma  longa  pole  un  doot  de  gons  train  seller 
wake  balansa — so  uff  en  awrt  os  we  der  circus  mon  os  uff 
em  tight-g'shponta  shtrick  uff  un  ob  lawft.  Un  we  shtar- 
ricker  os  de  train  shpringt  uff'  meim  patent  single  track  we 
safer  os  es  is,  far  es  is  yusht  won  de  kars  shtill  shtaena  os 
se  um-folla.  Of  course  my  blan  is  os  mer  de  kars  uff  yader 
side  shteibert  won  de  train  ols  shtupt  on  da  stations,  un  won 
mer  ob  shtart  nembt  mer  de  shteiber  aweck  un  der  mon  mit 
em  longa  pole  gaid  widder  ons  balansa,  der  conductor 
gebt's  wardt  "all  aboard"  un  derno  widder  uff  un  ob  we  en 
hoonert  horse-power  g\vidder  shtrawl. 

Ich  hob  aw  en  blan  far  en  rigel-wake  os  mer  de  train 
runna  con  barrick  nuff  un  nunner  oona  ingine — gons  fun 
sich  selver.  Of  course,  anicher  norr  wase  os  barrick  nunner 
gaits  anyhow  fun  selver.  Awver  barrick  nuff  runna  fun 
selver  is  en  onner  ding.  Awver  ich  hob  der  blan  un  nem 
aw  en  patent  rows  derfore.  Der  blan  is  os  ich  de  hinnera 
redder  feel  graeser  mauch  os  de  feddera,  un  sell  doot  derno 


34  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

es  g'wicht  fum  kar  fun  hinna  ahead  pusha  un  es  fershtaed 
sich  fun  selver  os  es  de  f eddera  redder  forna  week  dreibt  un 
de  hinnera  aw  derno  hinna  noach  tzeeged. 

So  en  rigel-wake  we  ich  bow  ware  hendich.  Ich  will 
ene  usht  far  de  accommodation  fun  da  bowera.  Mer 
brouch  sich  derno  net  dote  shpringa  far  connection  maucha. 
Won  der  engineer  ous  duwock  coomed  un  dreft  en  bovver 
aw  in  ma  feldt  om  blooga  don  con  are  usht  "down  brakes" 
pifa,  de  train  shtibera,  runner  shteppa  un  aner  ob  bisa ; 
derno  "toot-toot"  un  are  is  wider  ob  os  es  dunnert  un 
weddered.  Mer  breicht  aw  ken  warts-heiser  om  wake 
noach.  Won's  about  middawg  is  kent  mer  on  ma  bowera 
house  shtuppa,  un  won  en  gooter  oldter  Pennsylfawnisher 
dart  wooned  don  date  are  de  gons  train  ellawda  tsu'm  essa. 
Der  ansich  droovel  ware  de  f ensa  uflf  un  tsoo  laega  won  mer 
dorrich  de  felder  gaed. 

Ich  tzale  yaders  fun  mina  freind  frie  passes  gevva 
ivver  my  wake.  De  -  Polly  gebt  der  Bresident  fum  nia 
Nickle-Plate  Grand  Trunk  Single  Track  wake,  un  wile  se 
gor  feel  fun  dere  denked  wart  se  woll  d'ch  net  fergessa. 
Ich  luss  dich's  awver  wissa  eb's  ob  gaed. 


DE  GICKSER. 


Ich  hob  feel  dorrich  g'mocht  sidder  os  ich  dere  der 
ledsht  brief  g'shrivva  hob.  Ich  hob  en  g'hot — der  "gick- 
ser"  un  ich  wore  gore  luders  gronk.  Es  is  ivver  mich 
comma  mit  freera,  uns  arsht  os  ich  g'wist  hob  sin  de  kolda 
chills  mere  der  buckel  nuff  g'sphroonga  un  ob  ga-jumped 
on  der  holsonkel.  Es  naixt  hov  ich  awfonga  shidala  un  es 
hut  mich  rum  g'schnart  os  de  jacket  knepp  ob  g'floga  sin. 
Ich  bin  ins  bed  un  se  hen  g'shicked  far  der  ducter.  Are  is 
cooma,  hut  my  pulse  g'feeled,  noch  minera  tzung  ga-gooked, 
mere  tswa  gride  pilferlin  gevva  un  mich  tswa  dawler  ga- 
charged.  Ovver  ich  bin  net  besser  wara,  un  gli  is  de  noch- 
richt  om  barrick  nows  os  der  Boonastiel  ware  grunk,  un  de 
leit  sin  by  cooma,  yader  oldte  fraw  hut  an  hondfoU  ga-grider 


FUM  BOONASTlElv.  35 

g'hot  OS  es  "besht  ding  in  der  weldt"  si  hut  sulla.  Gli  hen 
se  es  bed  umringt  g'hot  un  awfonga  on  mere  ductera.  De 
Sam  Shenkelmoyern  hut  g'sawed  •es  "besht  ding  in  der 
weld"  far  der  gickser  ware  mare-reddich  uff  de  feese  binna. 
En  onery  hut  g'sawt  hasa  uffa-deckel  uff  de  brusht ;  en 
essich-loomba  um  der  kup,  un  recht  schwitza  maucha  ware 
es  "besht  ding  uff  der  weldt"  far  es  freera,  un  so  hen  se 
fart  ga-mauched  bis  se  mich  ga-blonsed  hen  g'hot.  Ich 
hob  mich  nimmy  farraega  kenna  os  ich  mich  net  forsenked 
un  fabrendt  hob.  Derno  is  es  tae  maucha  awgonga.  Yader 
ebber  hut  grawd  g'wist  wos  es  "besht  ding  in  der  weldt" 
is  far  de  gronket,  un  se  sin  ons  ga-grider  kocha.  I  do 
leever.  Shofe-ribba,  Older-mon,  Maderly,  Rowda,  Solvie, 
Gwindel,  Warmet,  Dorich-wox,  Sossafril  wartzel,  Olond 
wartzel,  Schwartz  wartzel,  un  olla  onera  sort  tae  os  se  draw 
denka  hen  kenna  hen  se  tsu  ga-risht  by  am  si  kivvel  foil 
un  mere  ei-g'shit.  Now,  m'nd  you,  yader  fun  denna  socha 
wora  es  "best  ding  in  der  weldt"  un  ich  hob  olles  ga-dultich 
ei-g'numma  wile  ich  mer  net  helfa  hob  kenna,  un  gxga.  es 
ledsht  won  ich  ebber  fremmas  sana  hob  in  de  shtoop  cooma 
don  hov  ich  shunt  es  mowl  uff  g'maucht  we  en  yunge  om- 
shel,  far  es  ledsht  "besht  ding  in  der  weldt"  der  hols  num- 
ner  g'shit  greega.  Ich  hob  woll  g'wist  wos  es  "besht  ding 
in  der  weldt"  ware,  ovver  der  Hullerheck  huts  net  g'wist 
os  ich  der  gickser  hob  un  is  net  grawd  cooma  mit  der 
schwartza  huddle.  Ich  hob  ovver  g'shpeered  os  es  net  long 
lasta  con.  De  ane-un-drisich  sart  ga-grider  hen  awfonga 
nonner  tzarra  in  mime  mawga.  Ich  denk  yaders  huts 
"besht  ding  in  der  weldt"  si  wella  far  der  gickser  ob-driva, 
un  ich  hob  g'shpeered  os  es  shtorrick  tsum  end  gait.  Gli 
hov  ich  nix  fun  der  weldt  g'wist  un  ich  hob  ga-drawmed 
ich  ware  dote  un  uff  em  wake  noch  em  himmel.  We  ich 
on  de  deer  cooma  bin  un  hob  ga-glubbed,  huts  g'hasa : 

"Ware  is  drows?" 

"Der  Boonastiel." 

"We  bisht  cooma?" 

"Ga-luffa." 


36  choice;  seIvKctions 

"Du  consht  net  ri.  Usht  de  richa  un  de  hocha  woo 
office  havva  un  kenna  uff  gile  un  in  carriages  cooma  kenna 
doh  ri." 

Ich  bin  room  gadraid  niit  ma  schwara  hartz  far  tzurick 
uff  de  weldt.  Uff  em  wake  tzurick  hov  ich  der  Bench 
Harrison  aw-gadruffa  un  hob  eme  g'sawd  os  es  kent  nemond 
ni  oona  are  daid  rida  odder  fora. 

"Now,  Boonastiel,"  hut  are  g'sawt,  "gev  ich  dere  en 
blan.  Du  lusht  mich  dich  on  de  deer  rida,  un  sella  wake 
kenna  mere  oil  tswse  ni." 

"Oil  recht,  groddle  druff." 

Are  hut  mich  on  de  deer  garidda  un  ga-glubbed. 

"Ware  is  drows?" 

"Der  Bench  Harrison." 

"Wee  bisht  cooma?" 

"Uff  ma  gowl." 

"Oil  recht,  bin  di  goiul  drows  aiv  un  coom  ri." 

Es  wore  so  noddeerlich  we  uff  der  ardt,  woo  der  office- 
seeker  der  awrem  mon  on  de  deer  fun  sinera  office  ride  un 
bindt  ene  derno  owsa  aw,  os  ich  grawd  g'wist  hob  os  ich 
nuch  net  dote  bin.  De  oldta  wiver  hen  awver  oil  g'niasned 
ich  ware  dote,  un  se  hen  mere  es  mowl  uff  brecha  wella  far 
mere  nuch  mae  ga-grider  ei-shitta,  awver  se  hen  net  kenna, 
un  ivver  dem  coomed  der  Billy  Bixler  ni  un  hut  g'sawd  won 
der  Boonastiel  nuch  net  gons  dote  ware  don  kent  are  ene 
tsu-m  laeva  bringa.  Are  hut  en  buddle  foil  fum  Hullerheck 
sinera  beshta  keffer-bree  ous  sime  sock  un  mere's  on  de 
naws  g-hova.  Es  hut  mich  uff  ga-dubbled  we  €n  oldt  bar- 
low sock-messer  un  es  hut  mich  uff  g'hucked  mit  ma  longa 
"Ah-h,"  we  der  Sam  Stuck  ols  sawged  won  are  recht 
dorshdich  is.  Ich  bin  widder  uff  da  feese  un  du  waersht  gli 
nuch  mae  fun  mere  hara. 


PUM  BOONASTiei*.  37 

SHPECULATA  MIT  ONER  LEIT  ERAM  GELD. 

IcH  denk  du  husht  shunt  uft  g'woonered  we  ich  en 
laeva  mauch.  Olles  os  ich  nuch  so  weit  aw  g'fonga  hob  is 
mere  dorrich  g'shUpped.  My  rigel-wake  doot  net  batzawda, 
my  biskotza  burglar-proof  safe  is  ken  success  wile  de  kotza 
tsu  rawr  sin,  un  my  hexa  ducteri  bringt  gons  wenich  ei 
wiles  ken  hexa  mse  hut.  Olla  mon  si  experience  is  en  les- 
sen tsu  onery  mon,  un  my  grosser  droovel  far  der  windt 
raisa  is  en  worning  tsu  karls  woo  net  wissa  wos  en  dawler 
wardt  is.  De  fact  is,  es  is  feel  easier  geld  lose  wara  os  es 
ie  bringa,  un  uftmohls  shtarta  yunge  menner  nows  mit  ma 
howfa  geld  fun  eram  fodder  un  es  seemed  se  sin  net  g'satis- 
fied  bis  se  es  lose  warra.  Es  seemed  era  heifly  geld  reibed 
se  os  we  en  hickerniss  in  ma  shtiffel.  Se  sin  net  rooich  bis 
es  oil  is,  derno  uff  se  mohl  coomds  ena  ei  os  se  on  de  ara- 
wet  missa  un  os  es  en  dawg  hard  shoffa  nembt  far  en  daw- 
ler fardeena.    Des  sin  se  sart  norra  waega  geld. 

En  onery  sart  geld  norra  sin  karls  woo  mer  de  rale 
first-rate  karls  based.  Woo  olsfart  blendy  geld  hen,  sin 
liberal,  un  kenna  net  ous  era  agena  deer  gae  oony  a  pawr 
dawler  shpenda.  Won  du  en  bill  collecta  wid  fun  ena  don 
hen  se  nee  ken  geld,  awver  won  du  se  drows  aw-dreffa 
doosht  don  doona  se  dich  royal  treata — farleicht  mit  dime 
agena  geld.  Du  konsht  sheer  net  base  warra  ivver  se  un 
duch  grawbts  in  dere  os  we  en  mouse  won  se  ousera  male- 
kisht  fressa  will. 

En  onery  sort  geld  norra  sin  selly  karl  woo  hoch  ni 
shtarta  in  bisniss,  driva  de  beshta  gile,  un  wara  de  beshta 
glaeder.  Se  kawfa  un  fakawfa,  schwetza  wsega  tzse  dow- 
send  dawler  os  wons  usht  tzse  cent  ware,  locha  ivver  leit 
woo  hardt  shoflfa  far  en  l^eva  maucha  un  Isega  ena  ous  we 
easy  os  es  is  geld  tsu  maucha  won  se  usht  schmart  g'nunk 
wara.  De  leit  googa  uff  tsu  ena  os  won  se  harra  wara. 
Yader  ebber  drowed  ena  un  de  menshta  leit  winsha  won  se 
usht  a  pawr  dowsend  dawler  hetta  far  ena  tsu  gevva  usht 
far  "safe  keeping."    Gli  grocht  ebbes.     Der  shreef  coomed 


38  CHOICK  SELECTIONS 

un  derno  warts  ous  g'funna  os  era  grosser  show  oil  gadoo 
is  warra  mit  oner  leit  erani  geld,  un  derno  farwoonerts  leit 
OS  se  so  farflompte  kelver  wora  un  hen  net  dorrich  se  saena 
kenna  derfore.  Awver  farleicht  tsu  shpote.  Se  missa  wid- 
der  frish  ni  awfonga  en  dowsend  dawg  shoffa  far  de  dow- 
send  dawler  fardeena  os  se  dem  raskel  gevva  hen,  usht  far 
erne  tsu  wisa  we  feel  confidence  os  se  in  erne  g'hot  hen. 

De  fact  is,  shpeculata  mit  oner  leit  eram  geld  is  g'far- 
liche  bisniss.  Es  geld  os  do  mauched  won  du  glick  husht 
is  di,  uns  geld  os  du  farleersht  is  dina  friend.  Glae  awfonga 
un  grose  uff  gevva  is  en  gooter  motto  far  yunge  leit.  Won 
du  en  hoonered  dawler  fardeenst  in  ma  yohr  un  shpendsht 
nine-un-ninetzich  don  bisht  du  harlich ;  un  won  du  en  hoon- 
ert  dawler  fardeensht  un  shpendsht  en  hoonert  un  se  daw- 
ler don  bisht  du  mowderlich.  Der  besht  wake  is  cash 
batzawla  we  mer  gait  won  mer's  onishter  do  con,  un  nix 
kawfa  OS  mer  net  wase  woos  geM  hare  CQoma  doot  fars 
batzawla.  Ich  wet  liever  en  farissner  ruck  wara  os  ba- 
tzawled  is  os  we  en  doochner  ruck  os  ich  ken  rasade  derfore 
hob.  Wons  shunt  net  so  shae  gooked  mer  con  duch  nochts 
shlofa  oona  ga-drockdeered  si  mit  shoolda.  Der  droovel  os 
mer  sich  selver  mauched  is  der  hardsht,  un  kenner  shpraid 
em  mse  brode-grimla  ufT's  lineduch  os  we  shoolda  druvvel. 

Doh  hare  consht  du  dich  druflf  ferlussa,  won  oil  my 
shpeculations  dorrich  folia  ae  ding  is  sure,  un  des  is  os  ne- 
mond  g'shtucka  waerdt — wile  ich  ken  geld  laena  wet  won 
ich  kent,  un  kent  net  won  ich  wet. 


ON  DER  FRIHEIT  CONVENTION. 
Du  waisht  ich  wore  en  anti-prohibitionist,  un  wile  ich 
net  ga-glawbed  hob  on  des  shticker  flicka  on  unsera  con- 
stitution bin  ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler  am  Somshdawg-en- 
woch  nunner  nuch  Schnoppstown  fer  en  anti-prohibition 
convention  tenda,  un  ich  con  dere  sawga  mere  hen  €n 
boomerawlishe  tzeit  g'hot.  Es  wora  about  en  honnert  un 
fuftzich  delegates  dart.  Oil  de  breweries,  saloons,  wartz- 
heiser  un  gin  meela  in  der  Shtate  wora  ga-represent.     Mer 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  39 

hen  aner  Pit  Shpoondaluch  fun  Fildelfy  elect  far  Bresident. 
Der  Pit  ware  en  shgener  mon  won's  net  ware  far  si  naws. 
Se  gooked  we  en  eema-rose  in  rhode-reeb  bree  g'farrebed. 
De  Sal  Blaser  hen  mere  elect  Secretary.  Se  is  en  Deitsch 
weipsmensch  un  holdt  en  saloon  in  Harrisburg.  Met  hen 
se  select  wile  se  bakondt  is  mit  oil  da  'senily-menner.  Se  is 
net  so  en  hoch  weipsmench  awver  se  messed  sex  foos 
ivver  der  shtoomba,  un  won  se  uff  shtate  gooked  se  os  we 
en  shprower-sock  in  der  mit  ob  gabunna.  Der  Bresident 
Shpoondaluch  hut  de  Convention  tsu  odder  garoofa  un  hut 
g'frogt  wos  mere  es  haesa  wetta,  don  is  der  Billy  Bixler  ufF 
gajoomped  un  hut  der  nawma  "Friheit"  sugggest.  Es  hut 
ganumma  we  en  shtorem,  for  es  wore  ous  gamaucht  dos 
mere  nix  drinka  darfa  bis  mer  g'organized  wara.  In  dri 
minnuta  noach  sellem  hut  yaklicher  delegate  en  buddle  uff 
sime  desk  shtse  g'hot,  un  es  wore  "freiheit"  tsu  drinka. 
Ich  hob  gli  g'shepeered  os  ich  mot  ware  in  da  bae  un  ich 
hob  awfonga  my  resolutions  ni  sheesa.  Ich  hob  shticker 
sexa  g'offered,  un  ich  denk  se  sin  oil  dorrich  gonga.  Ich 
hob  anyhow  nix  fun  ena  g'haered  noach-derhond.  Es  hut 
gli  in  mina  ora  gabroomed  dos  ich  net  hara  hob  kenna 
ware  schwetzed  un  wos  se  sawga.  Ich  hob  woonerbawr 
patriotic  g'feeled  un  ich  bin  uff  gajumped  un  hob  gagrisha, 
"Hurrah  far  de  United  Shtates !  Hurrah  for  der  General 
Jackson  un  der  Ben  Butler !     Hurrah  far  Personal  Liberty 

un  Hail  Columbia !    Hurrah ."     Es  hut  mich  ebber  om 

awrem  greeked  un  ich  hob  room  gagooked  un  doh  wore 
wore-hoftich  seller  same  karl  mit  da  bloa  glader  woo  ich  in 
Washington  g'ssena  hob,  un  hut  g'sawd  ich  set  mit  eme 
gae.  "Woo  is  der  Billy  Bixler?"  hov  ich  g'frogt.  Now 
wore  my  tzeit  far  der  karl  tsu  dexla.  Ich  hob  gagooked 
un  der  Billy  wore  oonich  sime  desk  g'laega  un  hut  owls  ga- 
moomeled:  "Where's  yer  per-pershenel  liberty!  (hick) 
geb  mere  freiheit!  Hurrah  far  de  (hick)  sha-sho-she- 
ation !"  Ich  hob  grawed  g'saena  dos  es  nix  mit  eme  tsu 
do  is  un  ich  hob  em  mon  mit  da  bloa  glaider  g'sawt  are 
set  der  Billy  aw  mit  nemma.     Are  hut  der  Billy  oonich  em 


40  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

desk  roLis  g'fished  un  mer  sin  g'shtart  far  de  shtross.  Ich 
wase  net  wos  es  noach-derhond  gevva  hut  awver  ich  hob 
long  g'schlofa.  Der  Billy  is  es  arsht  wocker  warra.  Are 
hut  mere  garoofa  un  hut  g'sawt  es  daid  rsegera  un  unser 
wartz-house  daid  rinna.  Mere  ivora  im  gutter  g'hcga. 
Ich  bin  derno  wocker  warra,  un  ich  hob  em  Billy  grawd 
g'sawdt  ich  daid  glawva  de  rotta  wara  om  fechta  in  menn 
mawga.  Gli  sin  de  rotta  ruff  cooma  far  looft,  un  ich  hob 
gaglawbed  ich  shtareb  olla  minnutt.  Der  Billy  hut  mich 
g'frogt  eb  are  ebbes  do  kent  far  mich.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawt 
are  mecht  cooma  kutsa  far  mich  bis  ich  gingt  un  daid  en 
drink  greega  far  my  mawga  uff  toona. 

Mere  hen  en  grosse  tseit  g'hot  far  hame  cooma.  Won 
ich  so  long  lasb  will  ich  dere  my  un  em  Billy  si  adventure 
uff  shriva  in  foil  de  naixt  woch. 


HAME  FUN  DER  FRIHEIT  CONVENTION. 

De  ledsht  woch  husht  du  mich  farlussa  by  em  Billy 
Bixler  im  gutter.  Now  will  ich  dere  es  ivverich  fun  min- 
era  shtory  gevva. 

Unser  geld  wore  fart  un  mere  wora  weit  fun  hame. 
Mere  sin  nuff  on  de  'Sociation  shtoop  un  ni  gagooked.  Es 
wore  olles  ous-g'flooga  un  shtill  except  der  ga-rooch  fun 
em  beer  un  whiskey  woo  in  rotta  fodder  ga-draid  wore.  No 
in  mime  droovel  hov  ich  on  de  Polly  ga-denked.  Es  is 
ordlich  dos  mer  net  on  der  goot  rode  fun  unsera  wiver 
denkt  bis  mer  si  foos  in  der  foil  hut.  Ich  hob  em  Billy 
g'sawt  mere  daida  nunner  gae  un  en  drink  greega,  im  we 
mere  unser  heiflin  tzomma  ga-doo  hen  huts  sivva  cent 
g'mauched.  Mere  sin  in  en  saloon  un  hen  g'frogt  for  en 
whiskey  jigger. 

"Ere  gooked  hardt,"  hut  der  baar-tender  g'sawt. 
"Ware  sint  ere?" 

"Ich  bin  der  Boonastiel  fum  Hawsa  Barrick,"  hov  ich 
g'sawt,  "un  des  is  der  Billy  Bixler  fum  sama  blotz.  Mere 
sin  doh  g'west  on  dara  anti-prohibition  convention  un  sin 
awenich  in  der  boox  cooma." 


fUM  BOONASTIEL.  41 

"Well,  well,"  hut  are  g'savvt,  "delegates  tsu  der  'Fri- 
heit  Licker  'sociation.'  Ich  het  sell  net  ga-denked.  Eer 
gooked  mae  os  we  delegates  tsura  loomba  factory.  Het  eer 
geld  far  de  drinks  tsu  batzawla?" 

"Nse,"  hov  ich  g'sawt.  "awver  weil  mere  doh  wora 
geshter  un  hen  ordlich  geld  g'shpent  by  deer,  un  wora  doh 
onera  convention  in  da  indressa  fun  da  licker  menner,  hov 
ich  gadenked  du  daidst  farlight's  uffsetza." 

"Hoons  boona !  nows  mit  €ich !"  hut  are  g'sawt. 
"So  karls  huts  feel.  Nows  mit  eich.  odder  ich  greek  my 
hevvel !" 

Oh,  far  em  Hullerheck  si  scrwartze  huddle !  Ich  wore 
woonerbawr  dorshtich.  Ich  hob  baw-woll  g'sphoutsed  un 
ich  het  my  nia  shtiffel  gevva  far  an  drink,  awer  ich  wore  tsu 
spunkich  tsu  bedla,  un  ich  bin  on  der  rigel-wake  un  hob  em 
bresident  woo  de  tickets  far-kawft  g'sawt  dos  ich  het  garn 
en  pass  far  hame  gae,  wile  ich  aw  on  ma  rigel-wake  bowa 
ware.  Are  hut  mich  aw  ga-gooked  we  en  narisher  un  hut 
g'sawdt,  "rats."  Now  we  der  dihenker  os  ar'  selly  rotta 
shtory  shunt  ous-g'foona  hut  wsege  mere  un  em  Billy  im 
gutter  hov  ich  gore  net  ous  maucha  kenna,  awver  ich  hob 
eme  g'sawdt  are  mecht  tsum  dihenker  gae  mit  sina  passa  un 
ich  daid  hame  gae.  Finf-un-fartzich  mile  fun  hame,  kare 
tsu  der  "Friheit  Licker  'Sociation"  un  nix  tsu  drinka ! 
Wons  so  drooka  is  finf-un-fartzich  mile  fun  hame,  we  muss 
es  si  in  Kansas  ! 

Es  is  uns  derno  ei  cooma  os  mere  besser  hame  shtarta 
daida.  Mere  wora  nuch  frow  far  de  "friheit"  far  hame 
lawfa,  far  en  mon  oona  geld  in  ma  fremma  lond  hut  far- 
flomt  wenich  friehit,  derno  mawg  are  tsu  wos  kara  os  are 
will.  Mere  sin  im  asel  pawt  om  canawl  nuff  g'shtart.  Ich 
fonna  hare,  der  Billy  hinna  noach.  Mere  sin  fart  g'luddled 
uff  da  match  un  endlich  hame  cooma.  De  Polly  hut  on 
mere  g'ductered  far  dri  dawg  un  hut  about  en  si-kivel  foil 
linament  on  mina  bas  farriva  un  en  foss  full  poultiss  far- 
shmered  uff  mina  fees,  don  hov  ich  widder  lawfa  kenna, 
awver  von  der  Harr  mere  my  gooter  farshtond  lust  don 


42  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

gan€  ich  nimmy  weider  fum  Havvsa  Barrick  aweck  oona 
geld  OS  ich  en  fier  hoonered  pund  bull  om  schwontz  hame 
schmisa  con. 


EN  SIFFER. 

Ich  hob  en  ni  blawt  gadraid  in  meim  laeva  un  ich  feels 
my  duty  dere's  tsu  shriva. 

We  ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler  fun  sellera  "Prohibition 
Friheit  Licker  'Sociation"  meeting  hame  cooma  sin  hen 
mere  hardt  gagooked,  we  ich  dere  g'sawt  hob  on  der  tzeit, 
wile  mere  tsu  feel  fun  der  Constitut'onal  Amendment 
g'schlooked  hen  g'hot.  Well,  we  ich  moll  widder  lawfa 
hob  kenna  waega  mina  wsea  fees  bin  ich  nooner  tsu'm  Hull- 
erheck  far  ebbes  ous  der  schwartza  buddle  greega  far  my 
mawga  uff  toona.  We  ich  tsu  der  deer  ni  cooma  bin  is  der 
Sam  hinnich  em  baar  rows  g'luffa,  en  shtool  on  der  uffa 
g'setzed  un  sich  druff  g'hucked  un  de  fees  in  de  hae 
g'shtecked.  Ich  bin  on  der  baar  un  hob  motions  g'maucht 
OS  are  coomed.  Are  hut  sich  net  farraiked.  Don  hov  ich 
g'frogt,  "Wos  is  lets,  Sam?" 

"O,  nix,"  hut  are  g'sawt,  "usht  du  consht  kens  mre 
hovva." 

"Mauch  ken  ferflompts  kolb  fun  dere !"  hov  ich  g'sawt. 
Ich  bin  gor  dihenkers  doshtich  un  will  ebbes  hovva  far  my 
mawga  uff  toona." 

"Ich  cons  net  helfa,  Gottlieb,  awer  ich  darf  dere  kens 
mae  gevva." 

"Ware  hut's  g'sawt?" 

"De  Shtate  fun  Pennsylfawny." 

"Farwass?" 

"Wile  du  en  siffer  bisht." 

"Dunner-uns-gnoll  eisa,"  hov  ich  g'sawd,  "bisht  du  un 
de  Shtate  fun  Pennsylfawny  in  paerdnership?" 

"De  Shtate  gebt  mere  de  arlawving  licker  tsu  ferfawka, 
un  ich  muss  era  helfa." 

"Helfa  in  wos?     Siffer  maucha  un  derno  se  ob-choka. 
Ware  drinked  shunsht  os  siffer?" 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  43 

Der  Sam  is  uff  g'luffa  on.de  deer,  se  uff  g'maught  un 
mere  nows  gawissa.  Ich  bin  oonich  de  deer,  my  bond  em 
Sam  onna  glonged  un  bob  g'sawt : 

"Sam,  good-bye*  Luss  uns  net  fun  nonner  gse  ols 
find.  Unser  freindshoft  wore  sees.  Far  tswonsich  yohr 
hov  ich  oonich  dem  doch  g'bucked,  g'scbmocked,  gadrunka 
un  gablowdered.  Yetz  hut's  en  end.  Ich  bin  droona 
un  du  husht  mich  helfa  onna  do.  Now  weisht  du  un  de 
Shtate  fun  Pennsyl fawny  mere  de  deer.  Ich  bin  nuch  en 
mon.  Gook  mich  aw.  My  hussa  sock  woo  es  elf  bens 
shtick  haebt  woo  de  Polly  m-ere  usht  gevva  hut  far  en  drink 
greega  is  es  ainsiched  gons  ding  os  mse  on  mere  is.  Ich 
hob  a  pawr  boweria  g'schloked.  Gook  mere  amohl  der  hols 
nunner.  Consht  ebbes  ssena  ?  Good-bye  Sam.  Doh  is  nuch 
en  arlich  hartz  oonich  dem  farissna  ruck.  Ich  blame  dich 
net  awver  ich  ssen  woo  ich  bin.  Coom  mich  saena  in  ma  yohr 
fun  now."  Ich  hob  nuch  se  gooter  longer  gook  in  de  shtoop 
g'numma.  Der  Billy  Bixler,  Sam  Seeshuls,  Fridder  Shenk- 
elmoyer,  Mike  Dubrigel,  Bill  Bifflemoy-er,  Sammy  Sen- 
sawetzer.  un  oil  de  goota  karls  wora  mere  in  da  awga,  duch 
wore  nemond  in  der  shtoop.  Ich  hob  g'shpeered  dos  ich 
heila  muss  un  ich  bin  aweck  ga-draid  un  fart  galuffa.  Ich 
con  dere  sawga.  en  mon  feeled  schlecht  oonich  so  umshtenda, 
un  we  ich  hame  cooma  bin  hut  de  Polly  mich  g'frogt  wos  letz 
ware.  Ich  hob  era  g'sawt  ich  daid  net  goot  feela,  un  se  is  ni 
in  de  kommer  far  widder  tzae  cent  greega  os  se  greeked  hut 
g'hot  fum  Hullerheck  far  wesha,  awver  ich  hob  era  g'sawt 
ich  het  ken  use  mse  far's. 


DER  BUTCHER-DAWK. 

Boll  coomed  de  butcher  tzeit  un  derno  gebts  metsel 
soop  un  brode-warsht.  Mindsht  du  nuch  ossell  ains  fun 
da  grossa  dawga  Avore  uff  der  boweri  by  uns  boova  ?  Consht 
du  dich  nuch  arinera  we  seller  dawg  ols  cooma  is  we  mere 
uns  ols  g'fraid  hen  far  de  si  fonga  un  ssena  es  beef  sheesa. 
Long  far  dawg  morgets  is  ols  der  dawdy  uff  g'shtonna  uns 


44  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

fire  unich  em  kessel  g'shtart  far  de  si  breea.  Ains  noch  em 
onera  sin  de  nuchbera  by  cooma  mit  olde  blechne  loddarna. 
We's  amohl  hell  g'nunk  warra  is  far  ssena  is  es  ons  si  sheesa 
gonga.  Generally  ols  nine  tsu  tzse  gFOsse,  fetty  si  huts  ga- 
kusht.  About  tzas  uhr  sin  mere  news  g'shicked  warra  fars 
beef  ous  em  shtol  driva  for  dote  maucha.  Wos  is  ols  unser 
hartz  ga-jumped  bis  es  ga-groched  hut  un  are  is  um  ga- 
batzeled.  Eb  middawg  hut  de  chopper-machine  awfonga 
glebbera  un  es  warsht  filsel  is  awfonga  in  der  tzoover  rulla. 
Es  fiaish  far  de  lever  warsht  hut  im  kessel  ga-kuched  un 
wos  hen  mere  duch  ols  si-neera  g'essa  un  gronk  warra  un 
ga-kutzed.  Im  nummy-dawg,  about  fier  uhr,  is  es  warsht 
shtuppa  aw-gonga  un  sell  hen  mere  ols  about  es  mensht  en- 
joyed fun  ebbes,  awver  about  selly  tzeit  huts  g'hsesa:  "Boova. 
gaid  un  doot  eir  f-eederes."  Mere  hen  net  g'wart  far  es 
tswet  mohl  g'sesa  wara  un  hen  aw  net  long  tzurick  gamowled 
we  de  boova  doona  heitsa-dawgs.  Em  dawdy  si  shtiffel 
wora  ous  harnish  ledder  g'mauched  un  hen  em  usht  shae  g'fit 
oonich  da  ruck-fligel.  Uflf  em  wake  nows  nuch  der  shire 
saena  mere  de  schwartz  kotz  uflF  .em  beef  womper  hucka  un 
de  hinkel  shtsena  room  ufiF  ame  bse  un  warda  far  era  welsh- 
karn.  Der  si-shtoll  is  lahr  un  der  hoond  hucked  hinna  draw 
un  frest  om  beef  kup.  Bis  mer  unser  hoy,  shtrow  im  welsh- 
karn  fooder  runner  g'shimissa  hen  g'hot,  de  gile  gadrenked 
uns  fee  g'feedered,  un  olla-ga-but  anes  obg'fuchta  don  wore 
der  g'shposs  so  tzimlich  far-ivver  un  es  nocht  essa  wore 
reddy.  Brode-warsht,  lever-warsht,  roonde  kichlin  un  ebbel- 
boy.    Un  derno  is  es  g'schwetz  awgonga: 

"Du  husht  de  warsht  tzimlich  goot  ga-druffa." 

"Yaw,  awver  se  hen  blendy  sols." 

"Ich  mane  se  heta  awenich  mse  ka-yonner  hovva  kenna." 

Un  so  gaits  um  der  dish  room.  Yaders  hut  si  sixpense 
tsu  gevva  un  gli  is  der  dawg  far-ivver — der  dawg  woo  mere 
uns  shunt  wocha  wise  g'fraid  hen  drufiF.  Woo  wore  der 
g'shopss  ?  Mer  con  en  net  saena.  Un  duch  wore  der  butch- 
er-dawg  anes  fun  da  grossa  dawga  im  yohr  uff  der  boweri. 


IfUM  BOONASTIEL.  45 

DER  DONKS-DAWG. 

Heit  is  der  dawg  os  der  Governor  fore-g'setzed  hut 
far  donk  tsu  gevva.  Es  hut  feel  leit  os  gor  net  wissa  wos 
es  mained.  Dale  maina  es  ware  en  dawg  for  sich  roond  foil 
welsh-hinkle  fressa  un  derno  gronk  wara  druff.  Der 
mensch  con  en  sow  fun  sich  maucha  so  g'schwint  ivver  em 
fressa  os  om  sow  fa.  Ich  gleich  selver  om  dish  si  woo  en 
welshawna  farrissa  wardt — net  os  ich  welsh-hinklc  gleich, 
awver  es  is  olsfart  ebbes  gootes  mit  farboona.  Feel  liet 
gsena  tsu  grosse  expense  far  era  essa  uff  greega — arbar- 
dich  so  familia  os  reich  sin.  Derno  donka  se  Gud  os  se 
so  goot  aw  cooma  mit  longa  ga-bader  awver  denka  net 
draw  os  farleicht  eram  naixta  nuchber  si  kinner  hungers- 
note  leita.  Husht  du  in  dime  Iseva  draw  ga-denked  os  ma 
orma  mensch  mit  helfa  en  feel  graesere  blesseer  is  os  we 
en  grose  middawg  essa  ous  em  wake  shoffa?  Es  sin  feel 
leit  OS  olsfart  donk  gevva  wile  sell  ken  geld  kusht,  un  won 
net  grishdadoom  fry  ware  don  daida  se  ken  fib-en-a-bit 
gevva  derfore.  Orma  leit  mit  helfa  mauched  en  long  un 
harlich  laeva.  Der  mon  woo  nix  gebt  tsu  nemond  dare  is 
we  en  wasser  pond  os  net  ous  lawfed.  Es  wasser  is  gree 
un  shlimich  un  grudda  un  shlonga  hucka  uff  der  bank.  By 
ena  coomed  olles  ei  un  nix  gaid  ous.  Der  mon  woo  ols- 
fart gebt  is  we  es  barrick  wasser.  Es  greeked  feel  un  gebt 
olles  OS  es  greeked.  Woos  onna  lawfed  sin  de  felder  gree, 
de  fegel  singa  uff  da  bame  un  de  ferrella  sheesa  drin  room 
we  wedderlsecha.  Es  wosser  lauched  un  donsed  un 
joomped  mit  freida.  IMer  gleiched  es  wasser  drinka  un 
mer  con  sich  net  tsu  naixt  dertzoo  hucka  won  mer  meed 
is.  Es  hucked  sich  nemond  naixt  on  en  greene  wasser 
pond  far  blesseer  soocha.  So  is  es  mit  em  geitziche  mensch. 
Are  gebt  nix  un  grotzed  olles  tsu  sich  we  en  grebbs. 
Are  schwetzed  fun  nix  os  geld,  un  lond,  un  welshkarn,  un 
si ;  un  won  du  €me  long  g'nunk  tsu  horriched  gebt  are 
dere's  shiddla.  So  doots  gree,  shlimich  wasser.  Ich  bin 
en  awrmer  mon,  awver  so  farhoftich  os  ich  dere's  sawg. 


46  choice;  seleictions 

won  ich's  afforda  kent  don  ware  my  grseshte  blesseer  so 
awrmy  dihenker  mit  helfa. 

Awver  si  wee's  will,  ich  hob  my  g'soondheit,  un  ge 
jigger  ous  der  schwartza  huddle  maucht  mich  ols  so  reich 
feela  os  der  Jay  Gould  ols  hut,  wo  g'sawt  hut  are  daid  ?e 
millune  dawler  gevva  won  are  si  niralligy  cura  kent.  Es 
sin  hoonert  fun  oldte  weipsleit  doh  om  barrick  os  msena 
s€  hetta  ene  cura  kenna,  awver  won  are  oil  es  ga-grider 
g'numma  het  os  ich  hob  we  ich  der  gickser  g'hot  hob  ware 
are  dote  gonga  long  eb  are  is.  Yaw,  es  hut  yaders  ebbes 
far  donkbawr  si.  Der  porra  Mohler  is  donkbawr  os  are 
si  loo  greeked  olla  fardle  yohr,  un  de  leit  sin  donkbawr  os 
se  en  porra  hen  os  es  effongaleum  recht  ous  Igega  con. 
Der  Hullerheck  is  donkbawr  os  are  en  gooter  hondle  ivver 
der  baar  g'hot  hut  dorrich  es  letsht  yohr.  Der  Mike  Bixel 
is  donkbawr  os  are  net  g'fonga  is  warra  we  are  em  Sam 
Seeshuls  si  sida  flaesh  g'shtola  hut,  un  der  Jeckey  Haw- 
nayarick  is  donkbawr  os  si  schware  tswa  bletz  ga-agened 
hut.  De  Polly  is  donkbawr  os  se  nuch  era  Gottleib  hut  un 
ich  bin  donkbawr  os  ich  nuch  my  leeve  Polly  hob. 

Se  sawga  de  weldt  wardt  besser,  awver  ich  glawb  net 
OS  donk  gevva  feel  helft  won  mer  net  ols  ebmohls  ebbes 
noach  sheebed.  Won  der  oldt  Sammy  Sendapetzer  heit 
in  de  karrich  coomed  un  bade  bis  are  u-mechtich  wardt  don 
si  net  farshrucka.  Usht  hseb  emes  glingle-seckly  unich  de 
naws,  un  are  coomed  tsu. 


DE  HOUSE-BUTZ  GICHTERA. 

De  weisel  un  de  house-butz  gichtera  hen  shunt  a  pawr 
wucha  in  der  Polly  g'schoft  un  ich  wore  uff  der  hufnung 
os  se  daida  net  ous  brecha,  awver  em  Moondawg  morga 
eb  ich  uff  wore  hov  ich's  ols  hara  dunera  im  house  room 
un  endlich  bin  ich  ons  f enshter  don  sane  ich  en  shoop- 
karrich  im  hofe  shtse  mitera  lot  kolic  druff.  Ich  hob  long 
g'shtuddied  eb  ich  net  uff's  doch  groddla  will  un  roofa  far 
hilf.     Endlich  bin  ich  nunner  far  my  morga-essa  don  hut 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  47 

de  Polly  g'sawt  de  weisel  bisniss  ware  olles  ready  far  ni 
shtarta.  Now  hov  ich  g'wist  os  se  de  gichtera  far  shure 
hut  un  ich  hob  g'sawt  ich  ware  net  in  der  weisel  bisniss. 
Ich  hob's  net  g'wist,  awver  se  hut  de  Sexfoos  Betz  ga- 
dinked  g'hot  far  helfa  house  butza,  un  se  hut  era  garoofa 
un  hut  g'sawt  se  het  garn  os  se  (de  Betz)  awennich  im 
gorda  shoffa  daid  far  breckfesht.  Ich  denk  es  wore  ous- 
gamauched  by  eena,  anyhow  de  Betz  is  cooma  un  hut 
g'sawt  ich  set  now  shge  ons  weisla  gae.  Ich  hob  era  g'sawt 
der  divel  set  mich  uff  drenna  we  en  oldter  henshing  won 
ich  selle  fense  weisla  daid;  don  hut  se  g'sawt  der  divel 
ware  usht  now  bissy  on  onera  fowl-lenser  om  barrick  un 
are  het  se  appoint  en  deputy  far  a  pawr  dawg.  Now,  de 
Betz  is  gabowed  uff  der  Norman  Percheron  blan — mit  bae 
we  sopling  un  de  wauda  es  unnersht-eversht  draw.  Se 
hut  era  armel  uff  gawickeled  ivver  era  longa,  bloa,  flex- 
icha  aerem  un  in  de  hend  g'shpoutsed  far  on  de  bisniss. 
Ich  hob  anyhow  net  goot  g'feeled,  awver  we  ich  de  Sex- 
foos Betz  ssena  hob  far  mere  shtae  in  eram  kartza  unner- 
ruck  hov  ich  in  meim  hartz  gawinshed  ich  het  nix  g'sawt 
waega  weisla,  odder  der  divel  ware  selver  cooma  on  blotz 
fun  sime  deputy.  Ich  hob  explaina  wella,  awver  se  hut 
en  shpite  uff  mich  shunt  long  g'hot,  un  es  arsht  os  ich 
g'wist  hob  hut  des  looder  mich  om  shuvvel  g'hot  un  my 
farshta  hen  der  gibbel  fun  ma  blawma  bawm  ob  g'shloga. 
Ich  hob  ga-garisha  se  set  net  so  es  obsht  fardserva,  awver 
se  wore  tsu  bissy  mich  tsu  hara  un  evva  derwedder 
g'mauched  bis  se  oil  de  shulla  farschloga  hut  g'hot  mit 
mere  os  uff  meim  nia  tswivvla  lond  wora.  We  se  mich 
endlich  gae  galust  hut  hov  ich  mich  petsa  missa  far  ons 
finna  eb  ich  nuch  lavendich  bin.  Ic'h  bin  awver  grawd 
ons  weisla  wile  ich  immer  drin  bin  far  shtride  ous  der 
householding  holdta.  De  Polly  is  nochderhond  rows 
coomma  un  hut  mich  g'frogt  wos  mich  so  blaich  gooka 
maucha  daid.  Ich  hob  g'sawt  ich  het's  so  om  haertz.  Ich 
wore  tsu  shtulls  far  uff-agena  os  ich  ga-garrebed  bin  warra 
fun  der  Betz,  un  hob  era  g'sawt  won  ich  net  tsu  feel  fun  ma 


48  CHOICli  SELECTIONS 

gentlemon  ware  far  en  weipsmensch  scbloga  don  het  ich 
se  gor  dunner-hawgels  ga-glupped.  De  Polly  hut  galocht 
OS  se  shier  era  folshe  tzaen  g'shlookei;!  hut,  un  hut  mich 
derno  g'frogt  wos  mich  so  yamera  het  maucha  we  ich  un 
de  Betz  on  annonner  g'west  wora.  Sell  hut  mich  ga- 
convinced  os  der  job  uff  gadoo  wore  uff  mich  un  ich  bin 
grawd  owvets  nunner  tzu'm  'Squire  Lawbuck  far  my  Ireva 
ufF  se  schwara.  Der  "Squire  hut  g'sawt  es  ware  ken  coon- 
shtawbler  om  barrick  os  de  Betz  tackla  wet,  un  are  kent 
nix  do  far  mich.  Ich  hob  usht  derno  g'saena  we  ich  in  der 
g'fore  wore.  Ich  hob  de  fense  00ms  house  room  now 
shunt  dri  mohl  ivver  gaweiseled  de  woch  un  ich  holdt  aw 
so  long  OS  de  Betz  doh  is  won  ich  oil  der  kolic  uff  use  om 
barrick. 


EN  SH.^DA-BRIEF. 


De  Polly  wore  amohl  en  boomerawlish  shse  maidel. 
Se  hut  sex  lawyer  un  finf  ducter  der  henshing  gevva  far 
mich.  Far  awile  noch  dem  dos  mere  g'hired  wora  wore 
ich  ga-considered  der  glickliched  mon  om  Barrick.  awver 
ich  het  gli  garn  my  glick  farhondled  uff  en  shaner  hoond, 
un  derno  der  hoond  g'shussa.  ^lere  hen  'nonner  net 
recht  farshta  kenna.  Se  hut  an  gototer  tzarn  g'hot  fum 
shtart  un  ich  wore  net  weit  ob  wons  on's  fechta  gonga  is. 
Es  is  uns  en  koo  farrecked.  Se  hut  g'sawt  se  het  der  wolf 
om  schwontz  g'hot  un  ich  hob  g'sawt  se  het  hola  harner. 
Mere  hen  g'shtritta  far  en  gonse  woch  derwsega.  Derno 
hut  se  de  tzooker  bowl  ferbrucha  un  ich  hob  awenich 
g'shulta.  Don  hut  se  g'sawt  ich  ware  mean  un  geitzich. 
un  mere  hen  en  gonse  woch  net  tsu  'nonner  g'shwetzed. 
Ae  dawg  hen  mere  en  fecht  geeked  waga  em  himmel.  un 
so  is  es  fart  gonga  bis  mere  agreed  hen  en  shgeda-br'ef 
greega  un  yaklich  si  agenger  wake  dravela.  Ich  bin  noach 
em  shtettle  far  en  lawyer  greega  far  de  ardickle  uff  shriva, 
un  ich  bin  net  hame  cooma  bis  shpote.  Es  wore  en  dunk- 
ley  nocht  un  es  licht  in  der  k'ch  hut  mich  aw-g'hameled. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  49 

awver  ich  wore  om  shtickel  uflf  tzeega  un  es  wore  now  ken 
tzeit  g'west  far  shtuppa.  Ich  bin  ni  un  doh  wore  es  besht 
nocht-essa  uff  em  dish  os  ich  in  mime  laeve  g'ssena  hob. 
De  coffee  kon  hut  g'shmoked  uff  em  uffa ;  midda  uff'  em 
d-sh  wore  en  grosser  deller  foil  ponno  koocha  g'shtonna. 
Se  hut  g'wist  OS  ich  ponna  koocha  gleich.  Em  lawyer  si 
bobbeer  wore  in  mime  ruck-sock  g'shtucka,  .un  wile  ich  om 
essa  wore  hut  se  es  g'watched  we  en  oldte  kotz  en  mous. 
We  ich  fardich  wore  essa  hov  ich  em  lawyer  si  bobbeer 
ous  mime  sock  una  ebbes  g'schwetzed  un  era  es  he  g'longed. 
Se  hut  awennich  ga-hesa,  wos  se  hut  kenna,  un  sell  wore  net 
feel — wile  ma  lawyer  si  shrives  hard  tsu  laesa  is  wons  amohl 
kold  is — don  hut  se  g'sawt : 

"Gottlieb,  du  husht  mere  tsu  feel  gevva.  Es  house, 
de  koo,  de  tzwa  si,  un  de  helft  fum  geld.  Du  husht  yo  nix 
g'lust  far  dich  selver." 

"Well,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "ich  con  shoffa  far  en  laeva  un 
du  consht  net.  Ich  hob  farsphrucha  dich  tsu  enera  we 
ich  dich  g'hired  hob,  un  ich  tzail  wosevver  os  happened 
mit  mere,  sell  farsphrecha  will  ich  holda." 

De  Polly  is  uff  g'joomped,  mich  um  der  hols  greeked 
un  mich  es  arsht  mohl  g'bussed  in  edlicha  yohra. 

Ich  hob's  'greement  in  der  uffa  g'shmissa,  un  selly 
nocht  hov  ich  se  widder  ga-karraseered  we  in  oldta  tzida. 
Mere  hen  agreed  de  koo  naivich  de  tzooker-bowl  fer- 
grawva,  un  so  weid  os  der  himmel  concerned  wore,  hen 
mere  ous  g'moched  an  branch  establishment  uff'  der  ardt 
shtarda. 

Des  is  der  foil  mit  feel  familia  in  dara  weldt.  Se 
doona  'nonner  net  farshta  bis  es  besht  dale  fun  eram 
g'hireda  Iseva  farflugga  is.  Won  my  experience,  anich 
blesser  bringt  tsu  dina  laeser  don  sin  se  wilcoom  dertsu. 


GRISKIXDLIN  KAWFA. 
Bis  du  widder  fun  mere  haelrsht  sin  de  Grishdawg  ferby. 
Ivverall  woo  mer  hserdt  sin  se  om  reddy  greega  far  Grish- 
dawgs  Bame  un  Festivals.     Consht  du  nuch  tsurick  denka 


50  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

tsu  da  dawga  we  mere  glaena  boova  by  anonner  wora? 
Sella  mohls  hut  ols  de  mommy  yader  fun  uns  en  hond-foll 
keshta  gevva,  en  shtick  belly-guts,  un  en  koocha-gowl  od- 
der tswse  gabocka.  Wos  wora  mere  ols  so  goot  g'satisfied 
mit  unseram  Grishkindle.  Won  der  Bellsnickle  ols  room 
cooma  is  don  het  ich  mere  de  howd  fum  buckle  hocka 
lussa  far  en  hoad-foll  grundniss.  Sell  wore  in  da  goota  oldta 
tzeida  woo  der  Pope  g'sawt  hut : 

"Pleased  with  a  rattle, 
Tickled  with  a  straw." 

Olla  wile  won  de  Grishdawg  cooma  don  missa  bushel- 
wise  tzooker,  oranges  un  fina  niss  by  far  da  kinner  bouch-wae 
maucha,  un  derno  sin  se  net  g'satisfied.  In  yohra  tzruick  we 
ich  un  du  gonga  sin  de  maid  ssena  hen  mere  ena  ols  era 
Grishkindlin  gevva  mit  a  pawr  shtenglin  rhode-shtraficher 
tzooker  un  en  buss;  mere  sin  derno  ols  gablivva  bis  mere 
reddy  wora  far  hame  gae.  Of  course,  uftmohls  hen  ols  de 
hawna  ga-graid  eb  ich  ous  der  Polly  eram  house  cooma  bin, 
awver  ich  hob  de  hawna  net  blama  kenna — es  wore  era 
tzeit  far  graea.  OUaweil  missa  de  yunga  boova  era  maid 
en  guldner  ring  odder  so  gor  en  guldne  watch  bringa  uff 
de  Grishdawg,  un  derno  darfa  se  usht  bliva  bis  elf  uhr  far 
karaseera.  Now,  karaseera  kusht  nix  uff  kernera  side,  un 
doh  hare  maen  ich  set's  net  so  dire  si.  Mere  hen  ols  feel 
mse  karaseeres  for  unser  geld  greeked  os  we  de  boova  now 
doona.  Un  se  sawga  mere  es  daid  olla  yohr  haicher  cooma. 
Doh  on  der  ledshta  court  hut  aner  tswae  hoonert  dawler  ba- 
tswaled  far  si  maidel  ninetzse  nochta  karaseera. 

Awver  ich  bin  fun  minera  Grishdawg  subject  cooma 
un  mich  farluffa  on  karaseera.  Es  is  mse  g'shposs  os  en 
circus. 

Ich  will  36  wardt  sawga  tsu  da  yunga  boova  woo  era 
maid  bresents  maucha  wella  uff  de  Grishdawg.  En  fer- 
shtennich  maidel  will  nix  besser's  hovva  far  en  bresent  os 
we  de  attention  fun  ma  nica,  sobera,  uffrichticha,  schmarta 
yunga  mon.    Dale  maid  gleicha  en  boo  usht  far  de  bresents 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  5 1 

OS  are  ena  gebt.  So  en  maidel  is  net  wsert  tsu  hovva.  Ich 
hob  shunt  boova  gakent  os  era  maid  behenked  hen  mit  giildna 
finger  un  ora  ring  bis  se  ken  geld  mae  hen  g'hot  far  awfonga 
householda  we  se  g'hired  hen.  Soondawg  morgets  is  de  yung 
fraw  in  de  karrich  cooma  mit  guld  on  era  ora  un  finger. 
Noach  der  karrich  is  se  hame  un  era  middawg  essa  ousera 
shtore-box  greeked — se  wora  tsu  orem  far  en  shonk  kawfa. 
My  yunger  freind,  do  mae  geld  in  de  kich  un  net  se  feel  in 
der  parlor- — shpend  mae  geld  noach  dem  hira  un  net  so  feel 
derfore.  De  kich  is  far  dich  un  de  fraw — der  parlor  far  de 
coompany.  De  coompany  findt  mae  blesseer  inera  shaena  kich 
woo  f  reeda  in  der  householdting  is  os  we  im  reichshta  parlor 
woo  shtride  dahame  is — un  luss  mich  dere  sawga,  en  shtore- 
box  far  en  shonk  mawg  do  so  long  os  de  leeb  blind  is,  awver 
sell  is  usht  nine  dawg,  we  en  yunge  kotz. 

In  kartza  wardta,  my  yunger  friend,  won  du  di  maidel 
tzaslsht  tsu  hira  kawf  era  nix  os  du  era  net  gevva  daidsht 
won  du  se  shunt  g'hired  hetsht.  Kawf  era  nix  dires  except 
du  consht's  goot  afforda,  un  derno,  by  freeda,  nix  u-nadich. 
Geld  is  tsu  hardt  tsu  greega  far  es  u-nadich  aweck  shmisa, 
un  won  di  maidel  dich  net  gleiched  wile  du  ken  norr  bisht 
don  luss  se  tsu'm  dihenker  gae — se  is  dich  net  waerdt. 

Der  Boonesstiel  kawft  olsfart  ebbes  os  notewennich  is 
un  net  tsu  dire  far  si  darrer  geld-sock.  De  Grishdawg  kawft 
are  der  Polly  en  fungle-nair  sheena-basum.  Defno  won  se 
widder  de  house-butz  gichtera  greeked  im  freeyohr  hut  se 
ebbes  far  era  tzarn  ous  eva.  Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  der  Sex- 
foos  Betz  aw  en  Grishkindle  gakawft.  Es  sin  dri  beck 
hickerniss,  un  are  will  se  in  anes  fun  era  shtrimp  do. 


KNECHT  SHOFFA. 


Ich  hob  shunt  dri-un-fartzich  mohl  obg'shwora  fun 
drinka — sell  wore  olla  ni-yohr  sidder  os  ich  dreisich  yohr 
oldt  wore.  Des  ledsht  ni-yohr  hov  ich  en  ni  blawd  gadraid 
un  hob  net  ob-g'shwora.  Ich  hob  awver  mi  mind  uff 
g'mauched  widder  besser  tsu  do,  awver  ich  hob  nix  far- 


52  CHOICE  SEI.ECTION' 

shprucha.  Der  oldt  trick  far  ob-shwara  so  os  mer  g'frogt 
wart  far  drinka  hut  shunt  em  ledshta  ni-yohr  nimmy  g'shoft 
mit  em  HuUerheck.  Es  hen  shunt  tsu  feel  fun  sina  cus- 
tomers seller  gag  uff  ene  greeked,  un  are  is  awfonga  tsu 
en  oldter  hawna  far  mit  shprow  g'fonga  tsu  wara.  Fer- 
sprecha  maucht  shulda — un  der  leeb  Gud  wase  os  ich  shunt 
ollaweil  g'nunk  fun  sella  hob. 

Ich  hob  mich  fardinga  wella  der  naixt  summer  far  my 
shulda  batzawla,  un  ich  bin  tsu'm  oldta  Sammy  Sendapetzer 
der  onner  dawg  un  hob  ene  g'frogt  wos  are  mere  gevva  daid 
far  ufT  sinera  boweri  shoffa.  Are  hut  mich  g'frogt  wos  ich 
shoffa  kent.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawt  sheer  anich  ebbes :  blooga 
(mit  ma  sulkey  blook),  hoy-recha,  der  govvl  rida  far  walsh- 
karn  blonsa,  noach  der  meel  fora,  g'scharr  w-esha,  bigela, 
house-butsa,  wisela,  un  sheer  anich  ebbes  os  en  weips- 
mensch  do  con,  except  en  dutzent  wesh  shpella  ins  mowl 
nemma  ivver  em  wesh  uff  henka  un  on  der  sama  tzeit  der 
nuchbor's  fraw  de  recheri  fum  Barrick  fartzsela  ivver  de 
hinner  fense.  Der  oldt  Sammy  hut  arlawbt  ich  mist  hend- 
ich  si  un  hut  mer  grawd  sivva  dawkr  der  moonet  gabudda. 

"Un  de  kusht?"  hov  ich  g'sawt. 

"Of  course." 

"Well,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "sell  is  en  ordlich  grose  ding  by 
mere.  Ich  bin  en  grosser  esser.  Ich  bin  hungerich  gabora, 
un  hob  mich  net  sot  gessa  in  sivva  yohr.  Won  ich's  hob  don 
ess  ich  finf  mohl  der  dawg,  mit  kase  un  brote  g'shwisha 
drin." 

"Dunner-uns-gnoll-eisa,"  sawgt  der  Sammy.  "Wos 
daidsht  nemma  un  de  gons  tzeit  fressa!" 

Sell  hut  mich  grawd  about  holver  fortzarndt.  Are  hut. 
denk  ich,  nix  derby  g'mained  awver  es  hut  wiesht  g'lowed, 
un  ich  hob  usht  my  mind  uff  g'mauched  won  an  ormer  mon 
sich  nimmy  sot  essa  darf  don  is  es  tzeit  os  are  sich  hengt. 
Mer  muss  anyhow  ferdiveled  hard  shoffa  far  des  wenich 
Iseva. 

Won  ich  ken  blotz  greek  bis  freeyohr  far  uff  en  boweri 
gae  don  mauch  ich  fart  on  mina  patent-rights.    Ich  hob  wid- 


Ifu^r  BOONASTiEL.  -  53 

der  en  imbroofment  uff  my  single-track,  self -balancing 
reigel-wake  g'mauched.  Ich  hobs  now  arranged  far  es 
vvasser  kocha  far  der  shteem  maucha  far  es  ding  shprenga 
eb  ich's  in  der  boiler  do.  Ich  bin  aw  onera  burglar-proof 
safe  inventa — ane  os  mer  en  biss-kotz  ni  shpara  con.  Ich 
defy  der  rawver  os  long  inera  safe  room  shtart  won  en  biss- 
ketzel  sich  drin  eebed.  Ich  hob  olles  fardich  now  except  es 
biss-ketzel  tsu  fonga  uns  nunner  nemma  in  Washingdon  far 
en  patent  druff  greega. 


GEB  MERE  DUWOCK. 


Der  onner  owet  wore  ich  drunna  ons  Hullerhecka  in 
der  baar-shtoop  g'hucked.  Es  wore  kold  un  d-er  Huller- 
heck  hut  olla-ga-but  en  shtick  hickory  huls  in  si  oldter  Hath- 
away uffa  gshtecked  far  uns  waurem  holda.  Um  der  uffa 
room  wora  about  en  dutzent  fun  da  Hawsabarger  g'hucked 
un  g'wart  far  an  kondadawt  room  cooma's  uffsetsa.  De 
kondadawta  missa  oil  om  onera  end  fum  county  ga-operate 
hovva  selly  nocht  wile  kenner  ni  cooma  is,  un  en  dorshtich- 
ere  farsomling  hedsht  du  net  wole  finna  kenna  uff  wide  un 
braid.  Naive  om  uffa  wore  en  grosse  box  mit  sake-male 
g'shtonna  un  der  Mike  Blotner  hut  usht  en  bluck  Xavy 
duwock  room  g'longed.  Of  course  by  uns  Barrick  karls  is 
an  grosser  bluck  duwock  sheer  so  feel  aw-g'saena  os  en  jig- 
ger ous  der  schwartza  buddle,  un  wile  en  bluck  duwok  gons 
room  gaid  un  kusht  usht  tzas  cent  is  es  olsfart  feel  hen- 
dicher  un  wardt  efter  g'numma.  Well  mere  hen  g'wart  un 
g'wart,  un  ivver  a  wile  hen  mere  widder  g'wart  un  duch  is 
k-en  kondadawt  room  cooma.  Endlich  hut  der  Sam  Schnitz- 
ler  awfonga  schwetza  Wasga  goode  socha  tsu  essa.  Are  hut 
arlawbt  dos  en  goode  mess  ebbel-dumblins  we  si  fraw  se 
mauched  ware  about  es  besht  ding  in  der  weldt.  Der  Mike 
Hovice  hut  eme  tsu  g'horriched  awile  un  derno  g'sawt  won 
are  nuch  amohl  en  shtick  fun  da  oldta  sart  leb-koocha  greega 
kent  woo  mer  ols  far  oldters  on  da  fendoo  gakawfed  hut, 
don  ware  are  reddy  far  en  contract  maucha  druff  tsu  Iseve. 


54  CHOICE  SElvECTlONS 

Der  Sam  Schnitzler  hut  arlawbt  en  goote  wasser-milloon 
ware  en  kanich-essa  un  daid  de  shpots  fun  leb-koocha  shloga. 
Ich  hob  se  usht  gse  g'lust  un  hob  derwedder  ga-chawed  on 
mime  duvvock — hob  nix  g'sawt  awver  hob  feel  ga-denked. 
EndHch  hut  der  Sammy  Sensawetzer  g'sawt  os  en  gooter 
mins-boy  ware  si  choice  un  der  Sam  Seeshuls  hut  grawd  ni 
g'shtimmed  mit  em  Sammy  provided  es  ware  blendy  whiskey 
im  boy.  Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  arlawbt  es  ware  en  sind 
whiskey  so  fardarva.  Endlich  hut  der  oldt  Sammy  Senda- 
petzer  g'sawt  os  en  goote  reeb  daid  eme  about  so  goot 
shmocka  os  ebbes.  Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  si  aned  awg  tsu 
ga-dricked  nuch  mere  un  der  kup  g'nucked — so  feel  os  tsu 
sawga  OS  der  reich  old  ketzer  Isebed  uff  reeva  wile  are  blendy 
hut  un  con  se  net  farkawfa.  Der  Mike  Dubrigel  hut  g'sawt 
mush  un  millich  daid  si  obbadit  dreffa,  un  der  Fridder  Mich- 
elmoyer  hut  ga-picked  uff  de  oldt  sart  sees-ebbel  os  ols 
tzeidich  sin  warra  noach  der  arn  ivver  em  misht  forra,  un  so 
hen  se  fardt  ga-disbadeered  un  ich  hob  ols  derwedder  ga- 
kowed.  Endlich  is  es  room  tsu  mere  cooma  un  der  Jeck 
Koonrawd  hut  mich  aw-gagooked  un  hut  g'sawt : 

"Doh  hucked  der  Gottlieb,  un  sawgt  ken  wardt.  Wos 
is  di  pick?" 

"Well,  boova,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "ich  bin  net  tzimberlich 
awver  far  dawg  ni  un  dawg  ous,  for  morga,  middawg,  un 
ovets,  geb  mere  duwock." 

"Bully  far  der  Boonastiel!  Du  bisht,  by  gosh,  widder 
recht !"  hut  der  Hullerheck  g'sawt.  "Coomed  uff,  oil  hands, 
un  nembt  en  jigger  ous  der  schwortza  buddle  uff  my  gre- 
ditt !" 

Mere  hen  oil  gadrunga  un's  hut  de  schwortz  buddle 
g'schweeped.  Der  Hullerheck  hut  in  der  keller  missa  far 
mae  bulla  awver  are  hut  grawd  en  kivvel  foil  rsega  wasser 
un  en  poond  rhoder  peffer  mit  far  si  barl  widder  uff  filla. 


FUM  BOONASTlElv.  55 

WARE  SOLL  ICH  HIRA. 

Der  onner  dawg  hov  ich  en  breef  greeked  fun  ma 
yunga  mon  tiff  der  onner  side  em  barrick,  un  des  is  der 
breef  un  my  answer : 

My  Liever  Boonastiee  :  Ich  lase  di  breef  fum  Hawsa  Barrick 
olle  woch  un  ich  glawb  os  du  en  ordlicher  leveler  kup  husht.  Ich 
will  boll  hira  un  hob  en  lot  maid  os  ich  hovva  con,  un  ich  wase  net 
welly  tsu  picka.  Now  het  ich  garn  os  du  mer  sawga  doosht  wos 
fariche  tsu  nemma. 

Johnny  Louseknicker. 

Well,  Johnny,  a:mohl  es  arsht  will  ich  dere  sawga  os 
hira  en  ferdulty  kitzliche  bisniss  is.  Es  sin  dri  tzeida  in 
yader  mensch  sime  laeve  os  wichtich  sin :  Gabora  wara, 
hira,  un  shtarava.  Click  in  hira  hut  feel  tsu  do  mit  em 
shtarava.  En  fraw  os  singa  con  we  en  omshel  un  bocked 
brote  we  en  wetz-shtse  con  dich  gli  in  de  avichkeit  shicka, 
awver  se  con  dich  net  in  der  Himmel  singa.  Aney  os 
Latin  un  Greek  Isesed  we  en  porra  con  di  fees  net  waurem 
holdta  oony  se  shtupped  di  shtrimp. 

De  fact  is,  my  yunger  friend,  won  aney  fun  dina  maid 
gooter  giles  fershtond  hut  don  henk  tsu  era  we  en  yunger 
bull-hoond  tsu  ma  shtick  lever.  En  maidel  con  olles  laerna 
in  der  shool  un  dahame  os  we  gooter  fershtond,  un  oona 
sell  is  se  net  divels  hola  waerdt.  En  goote  education  is  en 
accomplishment,  gooter  fershtond  is  en  necessity.  Es 
maucht  gons  wennich  ous  we  en  grosser  howfa  geld  os  era 
dawdy  odder  di  dawdy  hut,  won  se  net  managa  con  don 
ferfleegt  eira  reichdoom  we  der  nevel  far  em  wind.  Es 
mauched  net  feel  ous  we  goot  os  aney  de  piano  gluppa 
con,  won  se  booch-wsetsa  koocha  bocked  os  mer  shoe  mit 
sola  con,  mauchts  en  mon  net  yusht  hardt  livich  awver 
base.  En  maidel  os  en  gooter  househelder  is  is  feel 
waerdt,  except  du  bisht  reich  ganunk  far  se  in  baw-wull 
wickla  un  uff's  shelf  laiga.  Gatziffer  shtricka  far  um  hem- 
mer  room  bringt  ken  brode-waersht  ins  house,  un  novels 
laesa  kawfed  em  bubly  ken  frock. 


56  choice;  selections 

Hire  far  keb,  awver  hire  net  in  dinera  kelver-leeb. 
shaeheit  gged  usht  so  deef  os  de  howd,  awver  gleichlich- 
keit  gasd  far  immer.  Hire  net  for  der  reichdoom.  Won 
du  sell  mit  greega  consht  oona  farlusht  coomed's  hendich, 
awver  leeb  far  reichdoom  gaed  net  haicher  os  der  shmoke 
fun  freisher  giles  misht.  Hire  net  far  ous  sholda  cooma. 
Settle  uff  €b  do  nunner  settlesht.  Fong  glse  aw.  Fawr 
net  en  gonser  furniture  shtore  in  di  house  im  awfong, 
awver  greek  shtick  by  shtick  we  du  es  afforda  consht,  un 
du  feelsht  besser  os  won  du  es  oil  uff  se  mohl  gakawfed 
hetshed  uff  der  inshtallment  blan. 

Won  du  se  husht  don  treat  se  we  en  mensch  un  net 
we  en  hoond.  Shpend  di  owvet  by  era  un  net  im  wartz- 
house.  Holdt  ken  secrets  fun  era.  Luss  se  wissa  we 
long  OS  di  g€ld-sock  is  un  os  de  helft  era  is,  un  won  se 
derno  gooter  fershtond  hut  frogt  se  dich  far  ken  shtick  glsed 
OS  du  net  afforda  consht  tsu  kawfa.  En  glaener  greek  is 
besser  os  schlechter  freeda,  awver  tzareff  net  oona  du 
musht,  un  derno  luss  se  wissa  ware  de  hussa  wserdt. 

Dale  leit  sawga  hira  is  en  ludderree.  So  is  es  aw, 
awver  der  mon  hsebt  shier  oil  de  tickets.  En  weipsmensch 
is  awenich  we  en  parlor  match.  Mer  con  se  long  riva  oona 
fire  greega,  awver  broveer  amohl  uff  se  tsu  draida  derno 
dunnerts  un  weddered  un  shlocked  ei  woo  mer  net  gooked 
derfore. 


EN  MAIDEL  FROGT  UM  RODE. 

De  woch  hov  ich  en  brief  greeked  fum  ma  maidel  un 
des  is  was  se  sawgt : 

LriEVER  BooNASTiEi, :  Ich  hob  de  onner  woch  di  brief  g'lsesa  in 
answer  tsu  sellem  yunga  mon  wo  dich  g'frogt  hut  wos  farich  maidel 
OS  are  picka  sull  for  an  fraw.  Es  wore  en  bully  gooter  advise  fun 
dere,  un  now  hetta  mere  maid  garn  os  du  uns  sawga  daidst  wos  far 
boova  OS  mere  hira  sulla. 

Kassy  Kissinger. 

Well,  Kassy,  ich  hob  ken  brief  mse  g'shriva  tsu  ma 
maidel'  sidder  os  ich  un  de   Polly  ols  mit-annoner  in  de 


FUM  BOONASTlUlv.  57 

shool  gonga  sin  im  oldta  rhoda  shool-house  on  der  grick, 
awver  wile  du  mich  so  en  wichtiche  question  frogsht,  will 
ich  dere  en'farshteniche  ondwart  gevva. 

Amohl  es  arsht,  Kassy,  broveer  net  far  en  parfecter 
mon  finna.  Es  wore  amohl  en  oldter  fylosofer  by  em  naw- 
ma  Diogenese  os  gonse  yohre  tsu  ga-brucht  hut  uff  der 
shtrose  room  lawfa  mitera  loddarn,  far  en  parfecter  mon 
soocha  un  hut  derno  kenner  g'foona.  Sheer  oil  de  nienner 
OS  gor  net  shlecht  wora  sin  dode  un  im  graub — du  konsht 
era  laves-lawf  finna  in  da  Soondawg  shool  bicher — se  sin 
gons  yung  g'shtarva  —  era  gootichkeit  hut  se  dote 
g'mauched.  De  pawr  os  nuch  bi  uns  sin,  sin  ous  huls 
g'mauched  un  shtsena  fonna  on  glseder  shtora.  En  mons- 
karl  OS  ken  faler  hut  hut  aw  ken  force,  un  are  greeked  net 
mge  gootes  ous  dara  weldt  os  en  oldte  glook  os  ufif  ma 
welshkarn-grootsa  breed.  Farshtje  mich  awver  net  os  ich 
fahler  gleich  im  ma  mensch,  awver  ich  bin  en  menscha 
freind,  un  era  fahler  cooma  mit  we  de  knucha  mit  em  flaish. 

Dale  fahler  muss  mer  sich  awver  heeda  derfun.  Won 
en  yunger  mon  bragged  wos  en  gooter  mon  as  are  is  bi  der 
amount  beer  os  are  saw  fa  con  oona  g'suffa  wara,  don  is  es 
g'falich  OS  si  mawga  grseser  is  os  si  harn  un  si  dorsht  grae- 
ser  OS  si  farshtond. 

En  boo  OS  nix  hut  far  ene  recommenda  os  der  reich- 
dum  fun  seim  fodder — tsu  dum  tsu  larna  un  tsu  fowl  tsu 
shofifa — is  en  g'farlich  investment,  un  won  du  ene  in  sida 
hiresht  farlusht  du  ene  in  kardoo. 

En  arlicher,  uffrichticher,  sobera,  schmarter  boo,  os  si 
fodder  un  mudder  ared  un  fulgt,  is  mae  wardt  os  en  tzae 
ocker  feld  foil  frotsicha  dudes  un  mashers. 

Won  du  derno  en  boo  finsht  os  dich  soot,  shtick  tsu 
eme  we  en  shilgrut  tsu  ma  naeger  singera  lefts.  Broveer 
net  we  feel  onera  os  du  awtzeega  consht,  odder  es  gade 
dere  we  em  hoond  woo  ivver  der  shtaega  bluk  is  mit  ma 
shtick  flaish  im  mowl,  woo  noach  em  shodda  im  wosser 
ga-bissa  hut  uns  shtick  flaish  farlora.  Es  is  usht  ae  ga-deer 
OS  shlechter  is  os  en  dude  un  sell  is  en  flirt.     En  arlich  awk 


58  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

is  mae  wardt  os  en  guldniche  watcha-ket,  un  gooter  far- 
shtond  OS  we  grosser  reichdum.  En  bluck-heisly  foil  or- 
moot  un  leeb  is  mae  wardt  os  en  palace  foil  reichdum  un 
boss.  Hire  ken  siffer  mit  der  huffnung  os  du  ene  reforma 
consht.  Sel  is  shunt  gadoo  warra,  awver  won  en  yunger 
mon  net  ganunk  leeb  far  dich  hut  far  en  gentlemon  si  eb 
are  dich  hired  broucht  du  ene  net  blama  far  en  sow  warra 
noch  em  hira. 

Shtreck  di  feese  nuch  der  deck  un  di  glade  noach  em 
shodda  fun  dime  mon  sime  geld-sock.  Shtas  by  eme  won 
ar€  recht  is,  un  fullick  eme  woo  are  farshtoned  used,  awver 
luss  ene  net  uff  dich  draida.  Won  are  ebbes  hovva  will 
tsu  kicka  kawf  eme  en  gailer  hoond.  Won  du  net  goot 
kucha  consht  don  broveer  tsu  larna.  Hold  dich  sawver  un 
hibsh,  un  won  don  amohl  es  bubbly  coomed,  forlase  es  net 
bis  es  shtinked  os  we  en  farshimmelder  millich-hoffa.  Do 
en  tzaum  on  di  tzoong  un  hold  dich  ous  shtride  mit  da 
nuchbera ;  si  uff-ga-labed  un  f ri,  un  won  de  socha  dere  ken 
gooter  mon  maucha  don  ferhondel  ene  uff  en  hounse  un 
derno  sheese  der  hounse. 


EN  RIDE  UFF  MA  SI-BICKEL. 

Der  onner  dawg  is  en  karl  on  unser  house  cooma  mit 
ma  si-bickel  un  hut  mere  aner  farkawfa  wella.  En  si- 
bickel  is  en  gadeer  os  usht  tswa  redder  hut— anes  fonna  un 
anes  hinna — un  dob  fordt  mer  druff.  Mer  hucked  sich  uff 
de  longwid  un  draid  mid  de  feese,  feel  we  en  schpin-rawd. 
Es  is  uff  der  brinciple  fun  meim  single-track,  s^lf-babnc- 
ink  rigel-wake,  usht  os  mer  des  fora  con  oony  en  track  un 
used  ken  pole  fars  ding  balanca.  Ich  wore  ga-interest  drin 
grawd  fum  awfong  wile  ich  bahawbt  hob  os  es  en  infringe- 
ment ware  uff  my  patent-recht.  Der  agent  is  druff  ga- 
groddled  un  is  fart  g'fora  so  glot  os  en  ole.  Are  is  der 
wake  nunner  un  widder  ruff.  By  sell  tzeit  wore  de  Polly 
fun  eram  wesh-tzoover  aweck  un  unich  der  deer  g'shtonna 
un  den  mon  fun  wooner  aw  ga-gooked.     Derno  hut  der 


PUM  BOONASTlElv.  59 

agent  g'sawt  ich  set  amohl  druff  groddla  uns  broveera. 
Ich  hob  enie  g'sawt  ich  daid  de  scientific  brinciples  fun  der 
macheen  shunt  long  farshtae  un  wist  os  ich  fora  kent  os  es 
shmoka  daid  wile  my  rigel-wake  der  same  wake  shoffa 
daid.  Ich  bin  druflf  ga-groddled.  Are  hut  g'sawt  are  wet 
mich  balance.  Ich  hob  erne  g'sawt  ich  breicht  ene  net,  dos 
are  set  mere  usht  seller  rigel  longa  dart  fun  der  fense  un 
ich  wet  eme  wisa  we  mer  so  en  masheen  balanca  daid. 
Fonna  on  unseram  house  is  en  hocher  hivvel  un  we  ich 
drufif  wore  hov  ich  eme  g'sawt  are  set  mere  en  push  gevva 
so  OS  we  mer  rooch-board  ford.  Es  ding  is  ob-g'shtart  os 
we  en  fuggel.  Ich  hob  fargessa  tsu  draida  un  hob  de 
spharr  net  farshtonna.  Ivver  awennich  is  es  shunt  shtar- 
iger  gonga  os  ich  ga-used  bin  far  so  hivla  nunner  gae  un 
endlich  is  es  g'shproonga  we  en  dri  yarich  fill  oony  tzaum 
— ivver  shtae  un  felsa  un  grawva  un  ob-weiser — ae  mohl  uff 
ame  side  em  wake  un  de  naixt  minnutt  uff  der  onera — ga- 
boomed  un  ga-blutzed  un  g'schnart  os  es  fire  g'flooga  is. 
Ich  hob  g'shpeered  os  es  my  ledshtes  is  un  hob  tzurick  ga- 
gooked  noach  der  Polly  far  hilf.  Se  wore  uff'm  hivvel 
g'shtonna  mit  da  tswa  hend  in  der  has  un  ga-grisha  os  we 
en  narrishe.  Derno  is  es  mere  ei-cooma  os  ich  farleicht 
des  fardihenkert  ding  shtuppa  kent  won  ich  my  regel 
awek  shmisa  daid.  Ich  hob,  un  de  naixt  minnutt  hut's 
fedder  rawd  kartz  rum  ga-draid  un  derno  hut's  ebbes 
gevva.  Ich  bin  about  fooftzae  foos  fonna  nows  g'flooga 
dorich  en  fense  un  hob  en  folder-pushta  un  dri  rigel  ob 
ga-brucha.  De  masheen  is  fry  ivver  de  fense  nows  ga- 
joomped  un  is  holb- wakes  noach  em  shtettle  g'shproonga 
eb  se  ous  wind  cooma  is.  Ich  denk  se  hut  oil  der  wind  mit 
g'numma.  Ich  hob  anyhow  kenner  mae  g'hot.  Der  agent 
un  de  Polly  sin  runner  g'shproonga  cooma  un  hen  mich 
uflf  g'hova.  Se  hen  g'mained  ich  ware  dote.  Endlich  bin 
ich  tsu  cooma  un  hob  der  agent  g'frogt  eb  sell  ga-deer  uft 
lose  gingt  un  eb  net  my  bae  farbrucha  wara.  Are  hut 
g'sawt  my  bae  wara  orick  grum  awver  are  daid  net  danka 
OS  se  farbrucha  wara,  un  are  daid  aw  net  feel  droom  gevva 


6o  CHOICE  SS;ivECTlONS 

won  se  wara,  wile  so  en  oldt  kolb  we  ich  der  hols  farbrecha 
set.  We  se  mich  recht  examined  hen  g'hot  hen  se  ous 
g'maucht  ich  ware  net  feel  wae  ga-doo  un  der  agent  hut 
g'sawt  won  mere  de  fense  fixa  daida  don  daid  are  mich  nix 
charga  far  de  ride.  De  Polly  hut  grawd  agreed,  awver  hut 
ene  farshprecha  maucha  si  Iseva  nimmy  tzurick  cooma. 
Are  is  nunner  ins  feld  un  hut  si  masheen  examined.  Ich 
hob  net  g'wist  ebs  era  ebbes  ga-doo  hut,  awver  are  hut 
anyhow  se  uff  der  oxel  hame  ga-drawga.  Der  Billy  Bix- 
ler  hut  ene  ons  Hullerhecka  g'saena  un  are  hut  g'sawt  der 
agent  het  g'flooched  we  olles  wile  si  masheen  oil  in  huddla 
ni  farrissa  wore.  De  longwid  wore  farboga,  der  aned 
shamel  ob  gabrucha,  de  bocka  fun  der  deixel  wora  hinner- 
shich  g'shtomma  uns  hinner  rawd  wore  fonna.  De  Polly 
hut  mich  garivva  mit  darabadeen  un  fet.  un  der  naixt  dawg 
wore  ich  reddy  far  widder  en  race  nemma  uff'm  single  track, 
self-balancing  furwaisa. 

Ich  un  de  Polly  hen  now  agreed  uns  en  patent  wesh 
masheen  greega  onshtats  en  si-bickel  un  derno  kenna  mere 
aw  afforda  ols  noach  em  shtettle  tsu  foos  fora. 


ONERA  LEICHT. 


Es  DOOT  mere  gons  fun  hartza  laid  tsu  mentiona  des- 
mohl  OS  my  gooter  freind,  der  Johnny  Honnaberger.  orick 
in  droovel  is  ollaweil.  Si  fraw  is  g'shtarva  em  ledshta 
Somshdawg,  un  de  leicht  wore  em  Moondawg.  un  shier  oil 
de  leit  doh  om  Barrick  hen  gatend.  Se  wore  gronk  yusht 
a  paw  dawg.  Der  Porra  Mohler  hut  de  leicht  breddich 
gadoo,  un  der  Sam  Schnitzler  wore  der  fore-singer  un  es 
letsht  leedly  os  se  g'sunga  hen  wore,  won  ich  net  letz  bin,  os 

"Olla  menscha  missa  shtarva, 
Un  olla  uxa  fressa  hoy." 

Ich  bin  net  sure  eb  des  de  exacta  wordta  sin,  awver  es  wore 
anyhow  ebbes  waega  hoy,  derwake  we  der  porra  es  ous 
gevva  hut. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  6 1 

Awer  wos  ich  sawga  will  is  des — os  &e  anes  fun  da 
beshta  un  shmartshta  wiver  wore  om  gonsa  barrick,  far 
se  wore  olsfart  bissy,  un  hut  ganunk  geld  fardeened  mit 
hardt  shoffa  os  se  de  gons  familia  enaered  hut.  Se  hut  de 
w-esh  arawet  g'shofifed  far  sivva  odder  ocht  familia.  Shier 
olla  morga  hut  se  ols  wesh  g'sommeled  un  hut  se  dahame 
gawesha,  un  sella  waik  hut  se  aw  goot  aucht  gevva  kenna 
uff  de  kinner  un  oil  de  house  arawet  shoffa  derby.  Der 
Johnny  hut  mer  uftmohls  g'sawt  os  se  olla  wuch  ols  fun 
dri  bis  fier  dawler  fardeened  hut.  Awver  era  dote  is  now 
hart  uff  der  Johnny.  Ich  hob  geshter  owvet  mit  eme 
g'schwetzed  un  are  hut  mere  g'sawt  are  wist  now  net  woss 
tsu  do  wile  are  nemond  het  far  ene  un  si  familia  tsu  enara, 
un  wos  eme  bong  is  is  os  are  now'  nuch  gor  selver  shoffa 
muss  un  geld  fardeena.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawt  are  set  bro- 
veera  de  kinner  nows  tsu  do  unner  fremme  leit,  far  es  sin 
yusht  dri — de  Sally,  shunt  fartzae  yohr  oldt  un  shmart  ga- 
nunk far  era  Iseva  tsu  fardeena,  un  der  Billy  is  elf  yohr  oldt 
un  con  aw  sich  selver  helfa,  un  de  Kitty  is  aw  shunt  nine 
yohr  oldt,  un  wile  se  so  en  fines  maidly  is  hut's  leit  ganunk 
OS  willins  sin  se  tsu  nemma  un  se  uff  tzeega.  "Yaw,"  hut 
der  Johnny  g'sawt,  "awver  we  is  es  mit  mere  selver?  Om 
end  muss  ich  now  selver  ons  shoffa  gae,  anyhow  ganunk  far 
my  kusht  un  glaider  fardeena."  Un  are  hut  aw  g'hint  os 
won  es  mere  aw  so  happena  daid  os  de  Polly  shtarava  daid 
don  ware  es  aw  ordlich  hardt  uff  mich.  Sell  is  aw  so,  won 
ich  es  aw  selver  sawga  muss. 

Es  hut  wiver  blendly  ivverall,  un  mer  con  dri  wiver 
greega  eb  ae  maud,  awer  selly  os  shmardt  ganunk  sin  ame 
si  Iseva  fardeena,  der  waeg  we  em  Johnny  si  fraw  gadoo 
hut  un  we  de  Polly  doot  far  mich,  sin  ordlich  rawr  heitza- 
dawgs.  Ich  will  anyhow  net  huffa  os  es  mere  gait  we  em 
Johnny,  anyhow  net  bis  ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler  unser  bully 
A  No.  I  First  National  Bank  im  gong  hen. 

De  Betz  Grill  hut  awver  ebbes  g'sawt  os  mich  net  suit. 
So  hut  mer  anyhow  der  Bill  Bifflemoyer  g'sawt.  Se  hut 
g'sawt  OS  de  aurem  dote  fraw  now  feel  besser  ob  is  ps  se 

5 


62  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

wore,  wile  se  de  gons  tzeit  seller  fowl-lenser,  der  Johnny 
Honnaberger,  enara  hut  missa,  usht  exactly  we  de  Polly 
seller  farsuffa  Gottlieb  Boonastiel  enared.  Un  now  geb 
ich  aw  notice  os  es  arsht  mohl  os  ich  widder  in  de  shtodt 
gae  roof  ich  aw  beim  lawyer  un  do  en  sasherashey  rows 
nemnia  un  do  de  Betz  reshta  lussa  beim  shreef  un  no  muss 
se  es  broofa  os  ich  en  farsuffner  loadle  bin.  Ich  con's 
broofa  mit  em  Hullerheck  os  sell  en  leek  is,  wile  ich  tsu 
sawga  nee  nix  shtarickers  drink  os  keffer-bree  ous  der 
schwartza  buddle,  mitout  ich  bin  in  coombany  odder  by 
nier  selver. 


EM  BROWN-SEQUAD  SI  "LIFE  LIXER." 

IcH  hob  en  shtick  in  der  tzeidung  g'ssena  a  pawr  wucha 
tzurick  waege  da  leit  in  Centre  county  woo  maina  de  weldt 
daid  unner  gae  im  naixta  yohr.  Ich  hob  es  arsht  net  feel  der- 
fun  gadenked,  awver  ich  sae  olla  dawg  socha  os  mich  ersh- 
towna  un  ich  glawb,  by  ginerosity,  boll  os  ebbes  in  sellem 
glawva  is.  Es  ledsht  ding  os  mich  glawva  maucht  os  es 
boll  nuch  em  end  tsu  gged  is  dem  Ducter  Brown-Sequad  si 
discovery  far  oldta  leit  yung  maucha.  Der  ansicht  wake  os 
mer  ols  g'wist  hut  far  en  oldter  mon  yung  maucha  wore  ene 
narrish  wara  lussa  ivver  de  weipsleit  won  are  about  ochtzich 
yohr  oldt  wore.  Ich  hob  shunt  oldta  karls  gakent  os  era 
shteck  aweck  g'schmissa  hen  on  sellera  eldt  un  hen  gadonsed 
won  se  en  shse  yung  weipsmensch  g'saena  hen.  Awver  der 
ni  wake  far  oldta  leit  yung  maucha  is  frish  bloot  funera 
yunga  sow,  ma  kolb,  shofe,  odder  hoond  nemma,  un  sell 
doona  se  mixa  mit  awenich  whiskey,  darbadeen,  rhoder 
peffer  un  so  shtuft  un  sheesa  es  derno  unich  de  howd  fum 
mensch  mitera  shtritz-bix,  un  in  finf  minnutta  sin  se  so  yung 
un  frish  os  se  wora  on  tswonsich  yohr.  Der  Duckter  Bell- 
singer  doh  om  Barrick  hut  now  aw  de  bisniss  g'shtart  un  de 
oldta  leit  cooma  mila  weis  by  un  gaena  hame  so  yung  un  frish 
OS  era  wiver  un  kinner  se  gor  nimmy  kenna  data  wons  net 
far  era  glaider  ware.    Fargeshter  hut  der  ducter  de  Sexfoos 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  63 

Betz  dorrich  de  operation  gadoo.  Se  hut's  shunt  sechtzich 
yohr  hara  dunnera.  Se  hut  ga-mained  se  het's  obnemeda  un 
de  leit  doh  om  Barrick  hen  huffning  g'hot  der  goot  mon  daid 
s-e  gons  ob  nemma  so  os  mere  se  doh  lose  wara.  Noach  der 
operation  hut  se  g'sawt  se  daid  feela  we  en  harsh  un  we  se 
awfonga  hut  era  longa  arem  room  schwenka  hen  de  mons- 
leit  oil  importente  bisniss  ous  der  shtoop  g'hot.  Se  is  derno 
nows,  hut  era  hond  uff  en  sex-rigel  f  ense  galaiked  un  is  driv- 
ver  we  en  harsh  buck.  Of  course,  de  monsleit  hen  sich  oil 
g'shemmed  un  hen  en  onerer  wake  nows  ga-gooked  we  der 
Betz  era  longa,  b'oa,  flexicha  bae  ivver  der  sext  rigel  gonga 
sin. 

Wile  boll  yaklicher  mon  un  weipsmensch  om  Barrick 
es  gabroveered  hen  is  de  Poolly  aw  hinich  mich  cooma  far  en 
dose  nemma.  Se  hut  g'sawd  won's  mich  net  dote  maucha 
daid  don  daid  se  es  no  aw  broveera.  Du  consht  awver  saena 
on  meim  pickter  os  es  net  feel  effect  g'numma  hut  uff  mich. 
De  runsla  sin  nuch  oil  in  meim  g'sicht,  un  ich  glawb  net  os 
es  mere  so  feel  goot  gado  hut  os  we  en  jigger  ous  der 
schwartza  buddle.  Ich  hob  aw  ga-broveered  far  ivver  de 
fense  joompa  we  de  Betz,  awver  es  hut  en  wartzel  mich 
g'fonga  in  ma  Inch  fonna  in  meim  shtiffel  un  hut  mere  der 
gross  tzae  shier  ob  g'rissa.  Ich  hob  net  feel  glawva  draw, 
awver  feel  leit  hen,  un  won  ebbes  drin  is  don  gook  ous  far 
woonerbawra  socha.  De  lawda  maucher  missa  farhungera, 
de.grawb-shtae  hocker  missa  ous  der  bisniss  gae,  de  lawyer 
hen  ken  eshtates  m?e  uff  tsu  settla.  un  de  awrema  duckter 
missa  ons  giles  ducktera  bis  ebber  ebbes  ous  findt  far  yunga 
filler  ous  oldta  gile  maucha.  Won  de  leit  moll  nimmy 
shtarava  don  faricha  se  sich  aw  nimmy  waega  em  deifel,  un 
sell  shmised  de  porra  aw  ous  bisniss.  De  kinner  coomma,  de 
oldta  shtarava  nimmy.  Se  farmara  sich  we  de  hawsa  on 
unseram  barrick,  un  de  weldt  wierdt  so  foil  menscha  os  se 
nimmy  oil  uff  em  lond  shtae  kenna  un  pusha  anonner  in  der 
sae,  derno  gook  ous  far  es  end  fun  der  weldt ! 

Mere  wella  awver  nuch  awenich  worda  bis  mere  haera 
fun  Centre  county  un  saena  wos  arrangements  os  se  ga- 
maucht  hen  f  ar's  unnergae. 


64  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

WE  MER  G.ED  FISH  A. 

WoRSHT  du  in  dime  laeva  gonga  fisha?  Won  du  net 
worsht  luss  mich  dere  ebbes  derfim  fartz?ela.  Mer  maucht 
amohl  es  arsht  si  mind  uff  far  ga;  fisha — sell  nembt  net  long. 
Derno  gaid  mer  ins  house  un  soocht  oil  de  shtand  un  buro 
shooplawda  ous  far  ongla  un  lina.  Won  mer  se  net  grawd 
findt  don  doot  mer  de  hend  so  unich  es  soch  in  da  shoop- 
lawda un  draits  room.  By  selly  tzeit  coomed  de  fraw  mit 
ma  hevvel  un  mauchts  soch  widder  tsu-recht.  Endlich  findt 
mer  derno  en  oldte  farrushte  ongle  in  en  korrick  g'haigled 
un  en  fowley  line  droom  room  ga-wickled.  Won  mer  si 
warrem  ga-gravvva  hut  don  shtart  mer  far  de  greek.  Mer 
gaid  de  feddersht  shtrose — in  fact  mer  daid  dorrich  fire  gx 
far  der  naixt  wake  on  de  greek,  so  os  won  un-g'fare  aner 
bisa  will  os  mer  aw  dart  is.  Endlich  henked  mer  don  si 
worrem  ni  un  wardt  far  en  bise.  Won  net  aner  grawd  bised 
don  wardt  mer  nuch  awile  lenger,  un  won  derno  kenner 
bised  don  hold  mer  evva  aw  wardta  we  derfore.  un  so  maucht 
mer  fart  bis  ovets.  Endlich  coomed  don  so  en  glsener  weed- 
icher  harn-chup  os  de  ous-tzaring  hut  un  rised  der  korrich 
unichs  wasser.  Mer  shpringt  dobber  onna  un  rised  rouse. 
Der  fish  un  de  line  fleega  nuflf  in  der  gibble  fun  ma  wasser- 
pitch.  Wile  mer  usht  ae  line  hut  don  groddled  mer  nuff  un 
maucht  se  lose.  Der  chup  wardt  fowl  un  folt  runner  eb  mer 
gons  onna  coomed.  Mer  greeked  si  ongel  runner,  doot  wid- 
der en  worrem  draw,  shpouts  druflF  un  henked  en  widder  ni. 
Mer  fongt  widder  aw  tsu  wardta  we  derfore — usht  mse  so. 
Won  mer  fardich  is  warda  derno  rooked  mer,  un  won  mer 
de  recht  sart  bree  hut  far  uflFs  bait  shidda  don  folt  mer  in  en 
shlummer.  Mer  drawmed  mer  het  en  tzawm  un  en  soddle 
uflF  em  Jonah  seim  wold-fish  un  daid  im  sae  room  rida.  Won 
amohl  de  moshgeeter  un  de  umensa  fardich  sin  uflf  em 
feedera  don  wardt  mer  wocker  un  saed  si  korrich  oonich  em 
wasser  room  lawfa.  Mer  rised  rouse,  un  usht  won  mer  der 
fish  om  lond  hut  don  far-rised  de  line.  Wos  en  wooner- 
bawra  fish  muss  sell  gawest  si.     Olla  mohl  os  mer  draw 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  65 

denked  wardt  are  graeser  un  bis  mer  hame  coomed  wore  are 
so  long  OS  en  f  ensa-rigel  un  so  dick  os  en  doora-pushta.  Mer 
nembt  de  alley  far  hame  gae.  Mer  feeled  os  we  en  ga- 
gashelder  hounse.  Won  mer  hame  coomed  don  fartzaeled 
mer  wos  grose  unglick  os  mer  g'hot  hut  mit  dem  grossa  fish, 
un  bis  mer  fardich  is  leega  hut  mer  ene  shunt  hous  g'hot  un 
ous-g'numma  we  are  widder  ni  ga-joomed  is.  Pawr  dawg 
dernoch  fongt  ebber  en  soona-fishly  os  en  shtick  fun  der  line 
un  di  ongel  im  mowl  hut. 

Aler  maucht  si  mind  uflf  mer  gaid  immer-un-awich 
nimmy  fisha.  Der  naixt  dawg  coomed  ebber  un  sawgt  de 
sucker  daida  gor  woonerbawr  bisa  un  in  finf  minnutta  bisht 
widder  uff  em  wake  far  es  same  ding  ivver  maucha. 

De  fact  is,  de  ansich  deffinition  os  ich  gevva  con  far 
fisha  is  des :  "En  gart,  mitera  ongel  un  line  on  ame  end,  un 
en  farflompts  kolb  om  onera." 


ONERA  HUCHTZICH. 


Mer  mained,  by  chudes,  ich  het  oil's  schlecht  glick  in 
der  weldt.  De  ledsht  woch  hov  ich  mich  widder  in  en  far- 
dihenkerty  mess  greeked.  Du  waisht  em  oldta  Sammy 
Sensawetzer  si  boo  uff  der  onera  side  em  barrick  hut  em 
Billy  Broombernickel  si  elshte  duchter  g'hired.  Es  wore 
bakont  g'mauched  os  de  huchtzich  daid  ob  cooma  about  n'.ne 
uhr  em  Fridawg  ovet,  un  so  gl?ena  bobbeerlin  wora  nows 
g'shicked  far  de  leit  invita.  Ich  hob  kens  greeked  g'hot, 
awver  wile  ich  un  der  Billy  Bombernickel  ols  ob-gawexeled 
hen  far  fore-shnida  in  der  arn  far  oldters  hov  ich  ga-denked 
se  hetta  mich  fargessa  un  ich  bin  der  Poly  ob-g'shlipped  un 
bin  nivver. 

Now  mind  you,  es  wore  en  high-falootin  affair.  Des 
maidel  wore  fart  noach  der  shule  g'west  un  hut  en  lot  nia 
socha  g'saena  un  hut  se  m':t  on  der  barrick  ga-brucht.  Ich 
winch  usht  du  hedsht  era  dress  saena  kenna.  Se  wore  mit 
puffs,  un  rolls,  un  tucks,  un  frills  bis  se  ga-gooked  hut  we  en 
oldte    fasont    os    breed.   •  Era    dress    wore    wise    mit    ma 


66  choice;  se;i.ections 

schwontz  draw  os  nier  en  knipp  ni  bina  het  kenna,  un  es 
ewer  dale  wore  tsu  ga-decked  mitnia  sart  fun  ma  wolk- 
shtramicha  poUy-ann. 

Se  hen  mich  awenich  shep  aw  ga-gooked  we  ich  ni 
cooma  bin,  awver  we  ich  ena  g'sawt  hob  ich  ware  en  reporter 
far  en  tzeidung  wors  oil  recht.  Der  porra  Mohler  hut  se 
g'hired,  un  we  are  fardich  wore  hut  are  de  yung  fraw  ga- 
bussed.  Now,  so  bisniss  we  sell  het  ich  amohl  gor  net  ga- 
glicha.  Ich  geb  gor  nix  droom  we  oldt  un  heilich  os  de  porra 
sin  se  hen  nuch  oil  era  gnep  hinich  da  ora.  Ich  w^et  anyhow 
en  gwart  budder-milich  os  won  de  yung  fraw  so  oldt  un  so 
runtzlich  g'west  ware  we  my  leevy  Polly  don  het  are  se  net 
ga-bussed.  Well  de  leit  sin  derno  oil  ufT  g'shtepped  un  se 
ga-congratulate.  Es  wore  ebbes  nias  tsu  mere,  far  we  ich 
un  de  Polly  g'hired  hen  hut  mer  nuch  fun  ken  so  narheita 
g'wist.  Awver  wile  se  oil  nuff  g'shtepped  sin  un  ebbes 
g'sawt  hov  ich  ga-denked  here  goes  far  der  Boonastiel — bin 
uff  g'shtepped,  un  im  blots  fun  sawga  "I  wish  you  much 
joyfulness,"  we  de  onera,  hov  ich  by  em  dihenker  g'sawt, 
"How-de-do."  Ich  hob  g'wist  os  es  lets  is  ebs  hous  wore, 
awver  es  wore  tsu  shpote.  Ich  het  grawd  en  fardle  dawler 
gevva  far  en  luch  far  ni  shloopa — en  gnarra  luch  hets  ga- 
doo — so  we  ich  g'feeled  hob.  De  maid  hen  awfonga  locha 
un  de  monsleit  hen  era  schnoop-dicher  rous  un  g'hooshed. 

Awver  ich  bin  nuch  net  on  der  accident  coo'ma  os  mere 
wedderforra  is.  Noach  supper  hen  se  derno  awfonga  donsa, 
un  wile  mae  maid  dart  wora  os  we  boova  hut  aney  mich 
g'frogt  far  mit  era  donsa.  Ich  hob  era  g'sawt  ich  ware  ols 
en  gowl  draw  g'wist  awer  ich  hets  farleicht  fargessa.  Se 
hut  g'sawt  se  daid  mich  larna  un  hut  mere  so  friendlich  ins 
g'sicht  g'locht  OS  ich  uff  da  feese  wore  in  anera  minnut  un 
uff  em  floor.  Es  wore  orrick  warem  in  der  schtoop  un  we 
de  bisniss  uff  g'shtart  is  hov  ich  evva  amohl  my  ruck  ob- 
g'schmissa.  Es  naixt  hov  ich  my  shtiffel  ob  ga-kicked.  De 
musick  is  ols  shtarricker  un  shtarr'cker  cooma  un  ich  hob 
g'shpeered  os  my  jacket  aw  gse  muss  un  ich  hobs  in  en 
eck  g'shmissa.     By  dara  tzeit  hov  ich  g'feeled  we  en  race- 


FUM  BOONASTlElv. 


67 


gowl  won  are  om  dorrich  gge  is.  Es  hut  mere  ga-broomed 
in  da  ora'  un  de  fire  foonga  sin  mere  oonich  da  feese  rouse 
g'flooga.  De  leit  hen  fun  wooner  g'shtupped  un  ga-gooked 
wos  ich  far  en  donser  bin,  un  ich  wase  net  wos  es  nuch 
gevva  het  won  net  derno  usht  ebbes  g'happened  ware.  My 
gallus  sin  farrissa  un  my  hussa  wora  shunt  drunna  uff  da 
hifta !  Won  ich  nuch  en  fardle  minnut  "ga-balanced  all'' 
het  don  wara  se  mere,  be  chudes,  gons  nooner  g'folla  un 
derno — 


EN  HIER-RAWT  PARDY. 

Em  Moondawg  en  wuch  is  de  Betz  Grill  un  der  Billy 
Schnellkefifer  noach  em  shtettle  far  license  greega  far  hira. 
Der  Billy  is  so  en  awremer'  barrick-knobber  wee's  feel  hut, 
un  are  hut  nix  iavendichs  uflf  em  hofe  os  we  so  en  darrer, 
long-oricher,  shtuvvericher  asel  os  nemond  kawfa  hut  wella 
we  der  shreef  ene  ous-farkawfed  hut.  Well,  der  Billy  hut 
shtyl-e  aw  do  wella  un  hut  der  Betz  g'sawd  se  daida  noach 
em  shtettle  rida  wile  de  waega  so  weesht  wara.  Now  de 
Betz  is  en  oldt  maidel,  un  hut's  shunt  fartzich  yohr  hara 


dunnera.     Es  hut  nemond  ga-glawbed  os  se  mse  hira  daid, 
awver  der  Billy  hut  a  pawr  nochta  um  se  room  g'schmun- 


68 


CHOICK  SELFXTIONS 


seled  un  by  sell  tzeit  wore  se  so  weedich  os  en  bender  won 
are  bloot  reeched.  Se  hut  era  hore  ga-grulled  un  loomba 
in  de  bocka  far  se  ous-filla,  era  g'sicht  ga-powdered  mit 
male,  un  era  bocka  g'farrebed  mit  rhode-reeva  bree.  Well, 
der  Billy  hut  si  asel  rows  g'feered  un  hut  amohl  ae  bse  ivver 
ene  g'henked,  derno  hut  are  der  Betz  g'woonka  far  cooipa 
un  aw  druff  groddla. 


Es  hut  der  Betz  im  awfong  net  recht  aw-g'shtonna, 
awver  se  wore  willins  far  anich  ebbes  do  far  en  mon  greega 
wil-e  se  ga-denked  hut  os  des  ware  era  ledshte  chance.  De 
Betz  is  endlich  druff  cooma,  awver  der  asel  hut's  ollem 
noach  gor  net  ga-glicha.  Are  hut  anyhow  refused  se  shrit 
tsu  maucha  so  long  os  se  olla  tswse  uff  erne  hucka.  End- 
lich sawgt  der  Billy,  "Betz,  dr?e  eme  amohl  der  schwontz !"' 

Now,  der  asel  is  en  schtuvvericher  bugger  un  are  hut 
aw-fonga  shrowva  os  won  are  warrem  het,  awver  onshtots 
fun  farshich  gae  is  are  oils  hinnershich  ga-backed  bis  uff  x 
mohl  sin  si  fees  hinna  nows  g'flooga  os  we  en  wedderlaich. 

De  Betz  is  about  fooftzae  foos  in  de  hse  g'flooga  un  is 
im  dreck  ga-land  uff  eram  bussel  oona  wae  ga-doo,  awver 
gor  woonerbawr  farshrucka.  Se  is  en  shpunkich  weips- 
mensch  un  in  wenicher  tzeit  os  es  mich  nembt  far  dere's 
fartzaela  wore  se  widder  uff  em  asel.     "Now,"  secht  der 


FUM  boonastib;l. 


69 


Billy,  "habe  fesht  un  ich  drse  erne  es  ore."     Are  hut  nuch 
haerly  fesht  g'hot  bis — 


woopsh !  wore  der  asel  fonna  in  der  hae.  Der  Billy  hut  ene 
um  der  hols  room  greeked  un  fesht  g'hova.  De  Betz  is 
eme  hinna  ivver  der  rick  nunner  g'fora  os  de  foonga  g'flooga 
sin  un  hut  en  luch  in  der  dreck  g'shloga  os  mer  en  yarich 
kolb  drin  fargrawva  het  kcnna.  "Now,"  secht  der  Billy, 
"won  du  nuch  groodla  consht  don  broveer's  nuch  x  mohl. 


Mere  wella  niah  tackticks  usa.  Ich  drae  erne's  ore  un  du 
draesht  eme  der  schwontz.  Sell  holdt  de  tswse  enner  aeva." 
Der  asel  hut  g'shpeered  os  ebbes  gae  muss  un  are  hut  en 
shproong  ga-maucht  os  se  olla  tswae  hinna  ivver  ene  nun- 
ner g'flooga  sin. 


70 


CHOICE  SELECTIONS 


Der  Billy  is  uff  de  Betz  g'folla  un  hut  sich  net  wae  ga- 
doo,  awver  de  Betz  hut  era  tzoong  g'swisha  era  folshe  tzse 
greeked  un  hut  about  en  tzoll-un-a-holb  derfun  ob  ga-bissa. 

Der  Billy  hut  grawd  gae  wella  un  hira,  awver  de  Betz 
hut's  net  ga-doo,  un  dart  wore  era  glick.  We  de  leddicha 
menner  om  Barrick  ous  g'funna  hen  os  se  en  shtick  fun  era 
tzoong  ob  ga-bissa  hut  hen  se  se  oil  hira  wella  wile  yader 
garn  en  fraw  het  mit  wenicher  os  de  ordinary  amount  fun 
tzoong. 

De  g'hireda  menner  om  Barrick  woo  wiv€r  hen  os  tsu 
feel  schwetza  wella  en  law  ga-passed  hovva  os  oil  de  weips- 
leit  der  asel  rida  missa,  un  now  won  en  weipsmensch  tsu 
feel  retches  doot  don  gaits  schprich-wordt  om  Barrick  nows : 
"Selly  set  em  Billy  Schnellkeffer  si  asel  rida !" 


EM  BOONASTIEL  SI  BUTCHERES. 

IcH  hob  now  aw  ga-butch^ered,  un  es  is  so  shtill  hare 
gonga  OS  nemond  harly  ebbes  ous  g'foona  hut — net  even 
de  si — se  wora  so  naixt  dote  os  es  eena  anyhow  net  feel 
ous  g'mauched  hut.  Der  Porra  huts  awver  g'hart  os  mere 
ga-butchered  hen  un  is  aw  grawd  cooma.  Are  coomed 
uns  Siena  olla  yohr,  un  are  wase  tzimlich  goot  won  ebbes 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  71 

im  shonk  is.  Ich  gleich  porra.  Se  sawga  ma  man  grawd 
woo  are  shtaid  un  charga  ene  nix,  wo  en  lawyer  dich  ols- 
fart  finf  dawler  charge  daid.  Well,  unser  porra  is  cooma 
uff  der  ovet  os  mere  ga-butchered  hen  g'hot.  Are  hut  mich 
g'frogt  eb  ich  tsu'm  goota  mon  sinera  armas  kara  daid  for 
der  divel  fechta.  Ich  hob  erne  g'sawt  ich  daid,  awver  ich 
ware  shunt  edlicha  mohl  prisoner  g'numma  warra  ons 
Hullerhecka.  Don  hut  are  g'sawt  ich  ware  schwoch  un 
daid  mit  da  gase  gse  uff'm  grosa  dawg  won  de  gase  fun  da 
shofe  fardailt  daida  wara.  Ich  hob  erne  g'sawt  ich  wist  os 
ich  schwoch  ware,  awver  won  are  der  "gickser"  so  hardt 
g'hot  het  we  ich  don  ware  are  aw  schwoch,  un  so  wide  os 
unich  de  gase  cooma,  daids  mere  net  feel  ous  maucha,  usht 
so  OS  es  net  tsu  base  odder  tsu  kold  ware,  wile  my  glader 
net  fit  wara  far  en  grosser  wexel  in  der  luft.  So  hen  mere 
es  effingalium  rum  ga-glubbed  bis  de  Polly  supper  ready 
hut  g'hot.  Mere  hen  ae  arbodicher  grosser  warsht  g'hot,  un 
dare  hut  de  Polly  gons  tsu  garisht  far  der  porra.  Mere  hen 
uns  usht  shas  onna  g'hucked  g'hot  don  sawgt  der  porra : 

"Brooder  Boonastiel,  si  fri." 

Now  ich  wore  fri  g'west.  Es  wore  sheer  olles  uff  em 
dish  OS  mere  g'hot  hen,  un  ich  hob  eme  eldicha  mohl 
g'sawt  g'hot  OS  ich  nimmy  bada  kent  sidder  os  ich  de  radla 
hob  g'hot,  un  anyhow,  ware  kent  bada  mit  soera  brode- 
warsht  im  awk.  Ich  hob  a-wenich  g'hooshed,  un  der  Polly 
in  de  ribba  ga-rent  mit  mime  elbowga. 

"Brooder  Boonastiel,  si  fri." 

"Dammit  Polly,  bade  du!" 

Des  is  mere  rouse  g'shlipped  eb  ich  draw  ga-denked 
hob.  Ich  wore  so  far-kullebeered  os  ich  nimmy  noddeer- 
lich  g'feeled  hob.  Der  porra  hut  derno  ga-bade,  un  so  en 
ga-bade  hov  ich  in  mime  Iseve  net  g'hart.  Ich  het  grawd 
fuftzich  dawler  gevva  won  ich  so  en  ga-bade  maucha  het 
kenna. 

Are  is  bi  uns  ivver  nocht  ga-blivva,  un  morgets  hut 
are  g'sawt  mere  hetta  so  en  g'sunt  house — es  ware  so 
looftich.     Ich  hob  goot  g'feeled  we  mer  tsu'm  morge-essa 


72  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

gonga  sin,  wile  ich  g'wist  hob  os  are  mich  nlmmy  ei-la\vd 
far  "fri  si,"  awver  usht  eb  mere  uns  onna  hucka  hen  wella 
hut  are  g'frogt  far  unser  Beevil  far  en  kobbiddle  Isesa. 
Now,  de  fact  is,  mere  hen  ken  Beevil,  un  ich  hob  der 
Polly  g'sawt  ich  date  polidix  schwetza  mit  em  oldta  karl 
bis  se  nivver  ons  Bixler's  shpringa  daid  far  era  Beevil 
lana.  De  Polly  hut  feel  joomp  tsu  der  minnutt  un  usht 
pawr  tsu  der  mile  g'macht  ons  Bixler's  un  tsurick.  Se  hut 
em  porra  es  buch  onna  g'longt  un  we  are  es  uff  g'mauched 
hut  don  wor's,  hole  mich  der  shinner,  en  Koo  Ducter  buch! 
Mere  hen  ken  kab'ddle  g'laesa.  Noach  breckfesht  hov 
ich  em  porra  ei-g'shpont,  un  es  flaish  was  nuch  ivverich 
wore  fun  unseram  butchera  eme  hinna  ins  buggy  g'shtelt, 
un  eme  good-bye  gevva.  Are  hut  recht  blesserlich  ga- 
gooked  un  hut  g'sawt  ich  set  temperate  bliva  in  essa  un 
drinka.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawt  es  ware  ken  droovel  temper- 
ate in  essa  tsu  si  so  long  os  de  Polly  laeva  daid  far  es  bissel 
flaish  aweck  tsu  gevva  un  are  wist  ganunk  far  cooma  un's 
bulla. 


DE  SHTORY  FUM  RIP  VAX  WINKLE. 

De  Grishdawg  om  Barrick  wora  shtill,  awver  es  hut 
shier  yaders  en  Grishk  indie  greeked.  Ich  hob  my 
shtrump  on  der  shonshta  g'henked,  un  morgets  we  ich  uflF 
g'shtonna  bin  wore  ebbes  tzu'm  luch  rows  g'shtucka  om 
farshta,  un  wos  denksht  du  os  es  wore?  Du  kensht  es 
gor  net  rhoda.  Es  wore  en  booch  fun  ma  oldta  karl  woo 
oils  tsu  feel  "keffer-bree"  ga-drunka  hut  un  is  amohl  uff 
em  barrick  ei-g'shlofa  un  is  net  wocker  warra  far  tswon- 
sich  yohr.  Si  nawma  wore  "Rip  Van  Winkle."  Fonna 
im  booch  wore  ni  g'shrivva :  "Kumblaments  of  Polly. " 
Now,  de  Polly  is  en  shalloo  oldts  weipsmensch,  un  ich 
glawb  OS  se  es  ga-doo  hut  far  mere  der  ob-shei  gevva  fun 
licker.    De  shtory  fum  booch  is  des : 

Der  oldt  Rip  hut  net  ga-glicha  tsu  shoffa,  un  is  uhst 
room  ga-lsega  on  da  wartz-heiser  un  hut  licker  ga  drunka. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  73 

Si  frow  hut  Gretchen  g'haesa,  un  se  hut  oils  washes  ei  ga- 
numma  far  de  house-holdting  enara.  Se  wore  en  shmardy 
fraw,  awver  hut  en  grosser  tzarn.g'hot.  Der  oldt  Rip  hut 
en  hooned  g'hot  by  en  nawma  "Schneider,"  un  won  der 
oldt  Rip  net  om  wartz-house  ga-l?ega  hut  don  wore  are  om 
barrick  room  ga-luffa  mit  sinera  bx  un  em  "Schneider." 
Duch  hut  are  in  seim  laeva  nix  g'shussa  os  we  ae  mohl  hut 
are  ma  nuchber  si  bull  g'shussa  by  mistake.  Are  wore  en 
freindlicher  oldter  karl  un  hut  oils  de  kinner  im  shtettle  uff 
da  oxla  room  ga-drawga,  awver  sell  hut  duch  ken  brode- 
wsersht  ins  house  ga-brucht.  Endlich  is  es  der  Gretchen 
tsu  hardt  cooma  un  se  nocht  os  en  hardter  gwidder  rjega 
om  himmel  wore  is  are  widder  g'suffa  hame  cooma  usht 
far  em  shtorrem,  un  es  hut  de  Gretchen  so  fartzarndt  os  se 
de  deer  uff  ga-maucht  hut  un  hut  g'sawt:  "Now  hov  ich 
usht  long  ga-nunk  g'shtand.  Nows  mit  der.  Rip,  un  coom 
mere  in  dime  laeve  nimmy  far  de  awga !" 

Es  hut  ga-dunnered  un  ga-wedderlaeched  so  os  der 
Schneider  unich  der  uffa  g'schlooped  is.  Der  rsega  is 
runner  cooma  by  da  kivvel-foll,  un  der  Rip  is  room  ga- 
draid  tsu  der  Gretchen  un  hut  g'sawd:  "Net  so  en  noch 
we  de.     Es  is  yo  tsu  weesht  far  en  hoond  drows  tsu  si." 

"Nows  mit  dere,"  hut  de  Gretchen  g'sawd,  "ich  will 
dich  nimmy  sasna." 

"Good-bye,  Rip,  good-bye,  Meney,"  hut  der  oldt  Rip 
tsu  sime  glaena  boo  un  maidel  g'sawd.  Derno  hut  are  si 
bix  greeked  un  is  on  der  uffa  un  hut  g'sawd,  "Coom 
vSchneider." 

Are  un  der  Schneider  sin  nows  un  awfonga  om  bar- 
rick nuff  groddla.  Der  wind  un  der  r?ega  hen  ene  oils 
shier  um  ga-blosa  un  derno  hut's  oils  widder  es  wedder- 
isecha  ene  so  farblent  os  are  net  g'wist  hut  woo  are  he 
lawf ed.     Gli  hut  are  ebber  om  barrick  druvva  hara  roofa : 

"Rip  \'an  AMnkle!     Rip  Yan  Winkle!" 

Es  hut  der  Schneider  farshrecked  un  are  hut  awfonga 
gowtsa. 


74  choice;  sei^Sctions 

"Rip  Van  Winkle !  Rip  Van  Winkle !"  huts  widder  om 
barrick  nows  g'sholled. 

"Doh  bin  ich.  Wos  wit !"  hut  der  Rip  ga-ondward, 
awver  de  yocht  is  widder  cooma  we  derfore : 

"Rip  Van  Winkle !  Rip  Van  Winkle !" 
Endlich  saed  are  im  wedderlsecha  en  glae  menly  om 
barrick  nuff  groddla  mit  ma  fessly  uff  der  oxel.  We  des 
glaj  menly  der  oldt  Rip  g'saena  hut  don  hut's  es  fessly  he 
g'shtelt  un  hut  ga-motioned  tzu'm  Rip  os  are  set's  der 
barrick  nuff  drawga.  Der  Rip  hut  es  fessly  uff  de  oxel, 
sibix  in  de  onner  bond  un  is  der  barrick  nuff  g'shtart — es 
glae  menly  fonna  hare  un  der  Schneider  hinna  noach  mit 
em  schwontz  tswisha  de  bae  ga-petzed.  Ols  un  ols  om 
barrick  nuff,  don  bletzlich  fongts  widder  frish  ni  aw  dun- 
nera,  un  uff  ae  mohl  cooma  se  uff  en  longe  bonk  fum  bar- 
rick, un  doh  shtaena  en  gons  dutzent  so  glaena  menner  un 
rulla  grosse  bolla  naiva  om  barrick  nows.  We  se  der  Rip 
g'saena  hen  don  hen  se  oil  eme  de  tzeit  ga-budda.  Der 
Rip  hut  g'sawt,  "Good  novet.  Des  is  en  weeshte  nocht." 
Se  hen  ene  oil  aw-ga-gooked  un  hen  era  kep  ga-nooked. 
awver  ken's  hut  ebbes  g'sawt.  Se  hen  motions  tsu  enr 
Rip  ga-mauched  os  are  set  si  fessly  onna  shtella,  un  derno 
hut  anes  fun  da  glaena  menner  der  shpoonda  ni  g'schloga, 
un  se  hen  der  licker  rows  g'shit  in  ma  blech.  We  se  oil 
room  ga-drunka  hen  g'hot  don  hen  se  em  Rip  en  blech-foll 
onna  ga-longt,  awver  der  Rip  hut's  aweck  g'shtelt  un  hut 
g'sawt  are  het  ob-g'schwora  uff  "keffer-bree."  Now,  der 
Rip  wore  gor  woonerbawr  dorshtich  un  het  ebbes  hovva 
sulla  far  si  mawga  uff  toona  awver  are  hut  da  glasna  ketzer 
n€t  ga-drowed.  Se  hen  awver  druff  insist  os  are  anes 
nembt,  un  are  hut  awfonga  schwetza — hut  se  g'frogt  ware 
se  warra  un  woo  se  hare  cooma  daida.  Se  hen  usht  de 
kep  ga-nucked,  hen  nix  g'schwetzed  awver  hen  druff  insist 
OS  are  en  jigger  ous  em  fessly  nembt. 

"Nae,"   hut   der  Rip  g'sawd,    "Ich   hob   ob-g'schwora. 
Ich  drink  nimmy." 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  75 

Derno  hut  anes  fun  da  glsena  karls  ga-mauched  os  won 
are  es  tsurick  shidda  wet  ins  fessly  un  sell  wore  tsu  feel 
far  der  Rip  un  are  hut  g'sawd : 

"Hold  on.  Shits  net  tzurick.  Sell  fardarbt  der  licker." 
Are  hut's  ga-drunka  un  gli  hut's  erne  awfonga  dunnera  im 
kup.  Are  is  blind  un  dawb  worra  un  is  unich  en  glaener 
shproos  bawm  ga-bartzeled.  Dart  hut  are  der  Schneider 
aw-ga-bunna. 

Der  Rip  is  ei-g'shlofa  noch  dem  os  are  selly  keflfer-bree 
ga-drunka  hut.  Far  tswonsich  yohr  hut  nemond  em  olda 
Rip  si  bix  hara  sholla  ivver  em  hawsa  hoonda.  Ae  morga 
is  are  wocker  worra.  De  fegel  hen  uflf  da  bame  g'sunga 
um  ene  room.  "I,"  hut  are  g'sawt,  "hov  ich  don  de  gons 
nocht  g'shlofa?  Now  shelt  widder  de  Gretchen  we  olla 
dihenker."  Derno  hut  are  room  gagooked  far  der 
Schneider.  Are  wore  fart.  Si  bix  wore  naivich  erne  ga- 
laega  olles  farrusht  un  holver  fowl.  Si  glaeder  hen  fun 
em€  g'hunka  in  tzuddla.  "Now,"  hut  are  g'sawt,  "hen  de 
glaena  ketzer  my  glaeder  un  my  Schneider  g'shtola,  un  hen 
my  goote  bix  farhondled  uff  en  schlechte."  Are  hut  uflf 
shtae  wella,  owver  si  bae  wora  so  shtife  os  are  se  net  beega 
hut  kenna.  "Ah,"  hut  are  g'sawt,  "de  gons  nocht  ufT  em 
barrick  schlofa  hut  mere  de  rumadix  gevva."  Endlich  is 
^are  don  ufF  cooma  un  mit  sime  bixa-lawf  far  en  shtuck  is 
are  der  barrick  nunner  g'shtart. .  We  are  ins  arsht  shtettle 
cooma  is  sin  de  kinner  eme  noach  un  hen  ene  gatzarred. 
De  oldta  leit  sin  ous  da  heiser  cooma  un  hen  era  bawrd 
g'shtricha.  Des  hut  der  Rip  gooka  maucha  un  don  hut 
are  g'ssena  os  si  bawrd  en  foos  long  wore  un  so  wise  os 
schnge.  Are  hut  nemond  ga-kent,  un  de  hoond,  woo  are 
ga-maned  hut  os  oil  si  freind  wara,  hen  noach  eme 
ga-goutzed.  Endlich  coomed  are  don  ins  shtettle,  un  is 
aw  grawd  gonga  far  ons  wartz-house.  Es  oldt  wartz- 
house  wore  aweck  ga-rissa  un  en  grose  ni  ga-bi  wore  in 
sime  blotz.  De  leit  sin  um  ene  room  un  hen  ene  g'frogt 
ware  are  ware  un  wos  are  wet. 


76  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Yaw,"  sawkt  der  Rip,  "i.ch  wase  net.  Des  is  dies 
frem  tsu  mere.  Geshter  ovet  hut  de  Gretchen  mich  news 
ga-drivva  in  oil  sellem  rasga  shtarrem  un  ich  bin  uff  der 
barrick  un  hob  mich  farshlofa.  Kent  anich  ebber  der  Rip 
Van  Winkle?" 

"Rip  Van  Winkle?"  hut  anes  g'sawt.  "Dart  drivva 
om  pushta  shtaed  are.  Si  dawdy  hut  aw  Rip  g'sasa,  awer 
are  wore  so  en  schlechter  oldter  shellum  un  is  x  nocht, 
about  tswonsich  yohr  tsurick,  uff  der  barrick  un  is  nimmy 
hame  cooma.  Es  wore  ga-glawbed  are  het  sich  g'shussa, 
odder  ware  dode  ga-mauched  warra  by  da  Inching." 

"Gud  wase,"  hut  der  Rip  g'sawt.  "Ich  bin  mich 
nimmy  selver — ich  bin  ebber  soonsht.  Sell  is  mich  dart 
drivva  om  pushta.  Now  won  sell  der  Rip  \'an  Winkle  is, 
woonerts  mich  ware  der  dihenker  os  ich  bin?" 

Gli  sin  de  oldta  leit  tzomma  cooma  un  aines  noach  em 
onera  hut  ene  ge-kent.  Yaw,  es  wore  waricklich  der  oldt 
Rip  Van  Winkle,  awver  si  beshter  freind,  der  Schneider, 
wore  dode.  Si  kinner  wora  grose  ga-woxa  un  g'hired, 
awver  si  fraw,  de  Gretchen,  wore  aw  dode,  un  sell  hut  ene 
es  besht  ga-bleesed  fun  ollum. 

We  ich's  booch  gons  dorrich  ga-lsesa  hob  ghot  don 
hov  ich  der  Polly  g'sawt  ich  daid  garn  tswonsich  yohr 
shlofa  won  se  farsphrecha  daid  in  sclera  tzeit  aw  dode  gx,. 
un  se  hut  en  base  bigel-eisa  noach  mere  g'shmissa  un  es  is 
mere  so  naixt  om  kup  farby  os  es  mere  de  hore  g'senked 
hut. 

Ich  board  now  by  em  Billy  Bixler. 


ARE  SOOCHT  EX  OXERY  H;EMET. 

De  bisniss  mit  mere  un  der  Polly  is  wichtich.  Far 
fartzich  yohr  hen  mere  freedlich  bi-annonner  ga-laebed, 
awver  now  is  es  olles  farby.  Won  amohl  en  fraw  en  bloe- 
hase  bigel-eisa  noach  dere  schmised  don  is  es  hoch  tzeit  os 
mer  ous  tzeeked,  won  mer  net  unich  de  blimlin  gablonsed 
si  will.     Du  waisht  ich  hob  dere  g'sawt  in  mime  ledshta 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  "JJ 

brief  os  ich  daid  by  em  Billy  Bixler  borda.  Un  all  dare 
druvvel  is  usht  dorrich  sell  Grish-kindle  cooma  wsega  em 
oldta  Rip  Van  Winkle.  De  boarding  by  em  Billy  is  net 
we  ich's  ga-waint  bin.  Du  waisht  mer  is  ne  net  so  goot 
g'satisfied  os  won  mer  on  sime  agena  dish  is,  un  ich  muss 
es  sawga,  de  Polly  is  en  goote  kuch  un  hut  olsfart  en  goot 
house  g'holda.  Do  hare  doots  mer-e  laed  un  ich  glawb 
won  se's  agreed  ware  don  daid  ich  widder  tzurick  cooma 
unich  ma  "flag  of  truce,"  awver  os  ich  uff  my  knee  g?e  far 
uflF-maucha  mitra  fraw  os  en  base  bigel-eisa  noach  mere 
shmised  is  entirely  ous  der  question.  Es  shlimsht  is,  se 
schwetzed  nimmy  tsu  mere.  Der  onner  dawg  wore  se  niv- 
ver  ons  Sam  Schnitzler's  un  ich  bin  on  en  lane  woo  se 
farby  hut  missa  uff  em  hame  wake  un  hob  mich  of  de  fense 
g'hucked.  Ich  hob  gatzaled  se  daid  mich  farleicht  froga 
far  mit  hame  gae  wile  se  g'ssena  hut  os  ich  kold  bin  un 
hungerich  far  era  goota  welsh-karn  koocha,  owver  we  se 
on  mere  farby  is  hut  se  grawd  on  der  naws  news  gagooked 
un  fart  os  won  der  hoond  se  ga-bissa  het.  Ich  hob 
g'hooshed  os  won  ich's  kold  het  so  os  se  wissa  kent  os  ich 
my  brusht  g'schmeared  hova  set  mit  fet,  awver  even  sell 
hut  se  net  era  awga  fun  der  bawn  nemma  maucha.  Now, 
so  ebbes  is  hardt.  En  mon  fartzich  yohr  en  coomrawd 
hovva  un  derno  uff  se  mohl  ob-brecha  un  mit  ma  lara  maw- 
ga  arlae  in  en  kold  bed  groddla  is  awenich  tsu  feel  far  my 
konstitution  un  es  muss  be-chudes  ebbes  ga-doo  wara 
odder  ich  shtareb  mit  ma  farbruchna  hartz.  Ich  hob  era 
geshter  en  brief  g'shriva  un  hob  nuch  ken  answer.  Es  is, 
of  course,  nuch  harly  tzeit  far  en  answer  greega,  un  duch 
seemds  en  yohr  tsu  mere.  Se  con  woll  net  shriva,  awver 
won  se  mere  usht  anes  fun  era  goota  glaena  faws-nocht 
kichlin  shicka  daid  in  ma  wisa  shtick  bobbeer  don  wars  ga- 
nunk.  Se  set  mich  net  so  long  in  suspense  holda.  Won  se 
mere  so  en  brief  shriva  daid  we  ich  era  hob  don  daid  ich 
dorrich  si-dreck  bawda  bis  on  de  ora  far  hame  cooma. 

Es  mecht  nuch  wiesht  maucha.  Se  sawga  der  lawyer 
Lawbuck  ware  on  eram  house  g'west  der  onner  dawg,  un 

6 


78  choice;  selections 

OS  se  draw  ware  far  en  shaeda-brief  fun  mere  greega. 
Now  anicher  norr  wase  os  mere  olla  tzwa  willins  si  missa 
eb  de  law  uns  funnonner  doo  con — un  ich  bin  be-chudes 
net  willins.  Won  se  awver  law  greega  set  fum  Johny 
Lawbuck  don  donsed  der  Boonastiel  "Yankle-doodle"  om 
end  fum  ma  shtrick.    Look  out ! 


WIDDER  UFF  EM  NESHT. 

Hip  !  Hurrah !  Bully  far  der  Boonastiel !  Are  is 
widder  uff  em  nesht ! 

Es  hut  ebbes  gevva  sidder  os  ich  der  ledsht  breef 
g'shrivva  hob,  un  ich  un  de  Polly  sin  widder  so  dick  os  we 
tswae  buslin  uff  ma  haese  bocka-shtse.  Es  is  oil  room 
cooma  om  Bill  Bifflemoyer  sinera  ga-butts-dawg  pardy 
em  ledshta  Dunnershdawg  owet.  Du  husht,  denk  ich, 
shunt  g'hserd  os  mse  os  ae  wake  is  far  en  hoond  farwarixa 
except  mit  budder.  Well,  ich  hob  onera  tacktics  ga-used 
uff  der  Polly  un  se  hut  ga-bissa  we  en  oldte  farrel  won  se 
nuchera  g'schmase  mick  joomped.  Ich  bin  owvets  on  de 
pardy.  Es  wore  so  en  pardy  we's  feel  hut  os  net  feel  drin 
is  un  duch  coomed  feel  rows.  Es  wora  ordlich  feel  leit 
fum  Barrick  dart — weipsleit  un  monsleit,  un  we  ich  de 
Polly  g'ssena  hob  ware  mere,  be-chudes,  es  hartz  tzu  em 
hols  rows  won  ich's  net  drunna  g'holta  het  mit  em  dowma. 
Ich  hob  de  dolla  ous  meim  hoot  ga-dricked  g'hot,  my 
shtiffel  ga-blacked  mit  bock-uffa  roos,  en  shtand-up  collar 
aw  g'hot  un  hob  evva  lieb-hoftich  ga-gooked  we  so  en 
oldter  wid-mon  os  onera  mommy  soocha  is.  Ich  hob 
mich  sowver  ga-bolveered  g'hot,  un  hob  de  weisa  briser 
fum  ma  ga-kuchta  hem  tsu  mina  ruck  armel  rows  ga-tzoga 
g'hot.  In  fact,  ich  hob  hipsch  ga-gooked.  De  leit  hen 
mich  ga-kumblament  uff  my  looks,  un  ich  hob  gli  g'saena 
os  de  Polly  mere  shofe-awga  noach  shmised.  Des  hut 
mich  glawva  maucha  os  se  reddy  ware  far  ains  fum  Gen- 
eral Grant  sina  "unconditional  surrenders"  tsu  maucha. 
Ich   bin   independent   warra   un   hob    awfonga   mit    onera 


I^UM  BOONASTIEL.  79 

weipsleit  uff-cutta.  Ich  hob  "blinda-micely"  mit  der  Sex- 
foos  Betz  g'shpeekd  os  es  g'schtawbed  hut.  Now,  ich 
gleich  se  net  sidder  os  se  my  blawma  bame  so  fardarva 
hut  ivver  em  house  butsa,  un  ich  het  usht  so  leeb  en  grut 
aw-ga-raked  os  we  era  kolda  hend,  un  duch  hov  ich  nix 
aw  ga-kist  un  hob  fardt  ga-mauched  os  we  en  boo  os  usht 
ous  sinera  kelver-Heb  coomed.  De  Polly  hut  net 
g'shpeeled  un  wore  arlae  im  eck  uff  der  huls-box  g'hucked 
un  g'schwetzed  mit  der  Sus  Buchtell.  Now,  de  Sus  Buch- 
tell  is  about  so  feel  coombany  tsu  ma  mensch  os  en  tswae- 
bushel  sock  foil  huvvel-shpay,  un  de  Polly  hut  en  drookeny 
tzeit  g'hot,  un  ich  hob  g'ssena  os  se  shtorrick  om  jealous 
wara  is. 

Of  course,  de  leit  hen  oil  g'maencd  ich  daid  mich  en- 
joy a,  awver  ich  hob  net.  Es  hut  mere  fun  hartza  laed  ga- 
doo  tsu  sasna  os  de  Polly  schlect  f eeled  un  duch  hov  ich 
era  net  helfa  kenna,  un  ich  hob  my  mind  uff  g'mauched 
g'hot  OS  wile  se  mich  net  tsu  era  cooma  hut  lussa  don  mist 
se  now  tsu  mere  cooma. 

About  elf  uhr  is  se  cooma  un  sich  navich  mich  g'hucked 
un  mere  hen  annonner  aw  ga-gooked  os  we  tswae  kotza  uff 
der  gorda  fense.  Endlich  frogt  se  mich  we's  Billy  Bixler's 
aw-cooma  daida  un  farwass  os  se  net  on  der  pardy  wara. 
Ich  hob  era  g'sawd  ich  daid  net  denka  os  se  ei-ga-lawda 
wara  g'west.  Derno  hut  se  suggest  os  mere  daida  awen- 
ich  nei  gse  uff  unseram  hame-wake. 

Now.  si  Iseva  hut  ken  general  en  campaign  besser  ga- 
blanned  g'hot  far  en  shtodt  nemma  os  de  Polly  hut  far  my 
hartz  nemma.  Het  se  es  usht  g'wist — se  hut's  de  gons 
tzeit  g'hot.  Mere  sin  hame  g'shtart,  awver  es  wore  ken 
tzeit  far  ons  Billy  Bixler's  shtuppa.  In  fact,  es  hut  kens 
fun  uns  mse  ons  Billy's  ga-denked. 

•  My  shtory  is  kartz  un  my  "moral"  is  plain :  Won 
du  en  weipsmensch  aw-tzeega  wit  don  musht  du  fun  era 
aweck  gse. 


8o  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

EN  DRAWxM. 

IcH  hob  widder  amohl  en  woonerbawer  drawm  g'hot 
iin  ich  con's  net  helfa — ich  muss  dere  en  fartzsela. 

Sis  mere  fore  cooma  os  won  ich  en  grosser  silverner 
dawler  g'foona  het  un  ich  hob  net  g'wist  wos  tsu  to.  Won 
ich  wocker  g'west  ware  don  hets  net  long  ganumma  far 
decida — wile  ich  olsfart  dorshdich  bin  un  der  Hullerheck 
hut  usht  en  ni  barl  keffer-bree  in  der  keller  ga-rulled. 
Awveres  wore  en  drawm,  un  ich  hob  den  dawler  in  minera 
bond  g'hova  bis  are  warem  wore.  Sis  mere  derno  ei- 
cooma  OS  wile  ich  so  feel  shribe  far  de  tzeidunga  wed  ich 
en  druckeri  uff  shtarta  om  barrick  far  mich  selver,  un  de 
tzeidung  wed  ich  der  Hawsa  Barrick  Blodder  hsesa.  De 
bisniss  is  uff-g'shtart  un  in  a  pawr  moonet  hov  ich  en  lisht 
subscribers  g'hot  os  fun's  Kitzeldarfer's  nuff  ons  Fridder 
Hawnayarick's  uxa-drenk  ga-longed  but.  Do  bisniss 
wore  brisk  un  de  niah  nawma  sin  ei  cooma  os  we  kinner 
un  hoond  ous  ma  orma  mon  seim  house.  Ich  hob  woon- 
ers  g'maned  wos  ich  doh  en  shpeck  het.  awver  we  de  tzeit 
cooma  is  far  my  bobbeer  bill  batzawla  in  Fildelfy  hov  ich 
ken  geld  g'hot.  Ich  hob  der  Polly  g'sawt  mere  mista  mae 
schpawrsome  lasva,  un  mere  hen  shtubba  flaish  essa.  De 
subscribers  sin  ols  dicker  ri  cooma  far  der  Blodder,  awver 
ken  geld,  un  endlich  is  don  es  male  oil  worra  in  der  kisht 
un  ae  morga  sin  de  nuchbera  ri  cooma  un  hen  mich  dote 
g'funna — farhungered.  We  de  tzeidung  net  rous  cooma  is 
sin  de  leit  uff  wide  un  braid  by  cooma  un  hen  ga-yamered 
grawd  OS  won's  se  shpida  daid  os  ich  dote  ware.  Dei 
Billy  Bixler  is  on  de  sake-meel  un  hut  a  pawr  bind  board 
greeked  far  mere  en  lawd  maucha.  Are  hut  bahawbed  ich 
ware  net  dote  un  hut  olla-ga-but  en  bind  buddle  keffer-bree 
mere  on  de  naws  g'hova  un  hut  oils  g'sawt,  "Now  Gottlieb, 
nem  en  longer  pull !"  Awver  es  hut  nix  mse  ga-bot.  End- 
lich coomed  der  Bill  Blotner  ni  un  sawgt : 

"Des  is  tsu  shlim !  Farhungered  mit  lots  fun  geld  in 
sina  bicher  un  kens  in  sime  sock.     We  goot  het  ich's  ba- 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  61 

tzawla  kenna,  un   farwas  hov  ich   net  minera  goota   fraw 
g'fullicked  un  uff  ba-tzawled." 

Es  naixt  coomed  der  Billy  Heichler  ni.  "Yaw,"  sawgt 
are,  "der  Boonastiel  wore  ga-wiss  en  goot-manicher  mon. 
Si  tzeidung  hut  olsfart  rechte  socha  unnerschtitzed  un 
letz  far-hossed.  Ich  hob  erne  olsfart  de  karricha,  pic-nic,. 
un  festival  notices  g'shicked  un  hob  sex  tzeidunga  tsu 
mina  freind  g-shicked  olla  woch.  Ich  hob  eme,  of  course, 
nix  batzawled  wile  ich  ga-denked  hob  are  daid  de  sex 
tzeidunga  net  shpeera  wile  are  so  feel  onera  nows  shicked. 
Are  hut  olla-ga-but  tzoo  feel  gadrunka  un  wardt  woll  in 
de  hell  gae,  awver  ich  hob  doh  a  pawr  'Resolutions'  os  de 
Hawsa  Barrick  Rotta-schwentz  Association  ga-passed  hut 
uff  ene  wile  are  en  member  wore.  Ich  hob  se  ousera 
tzeidung  g'shnidda  un  der  nawma  ga-changed  un  de  com- 
mittee oona  draw  g'signed.  Wile  ich  bresident  fun  der 
committee  bin  het  ich  garn  os  du  my  nawma  ous  grosa 
booshdawva  doosht  won  deres  in  der  Blodder  doot." 

Es  naixt  coomed  der  Mike  Bloomer  ni.  "Ah !"  hut 
are  g'sawt,  "dote?  Well,  sis  net  feel  farlora.  Ich  hob  si 
tzeidung  net  ga-glicha  un  ene  nuch  feel  wenicher." 

Der  Billy  Bixler  is  ons  booch  un  huts  uff  ga-mauched. 
Dart  wore  em  Alike  Bloomer  si  nawma.  Are  wore  sivva 
dawler  shuldich  un  hut  de  dri  hoonert  dawler  law  ganum- 
ma  we  are  ga-resht  wore  derfore. 

By  dara  tzeit  is  de  leicht  g'shtart.  Usht  we  se  mich 
ins  grawb  lussa  hen  wella  is  der  bed-shtrick  farissa  un  ich 
un  de  Polly  sin  uff  der  budda  we  tzwae  kotsa  in  ma  sock. 
Ich  wore  wocker  un  hob  Gud  ga-donked  os  ich  nuch  laven- 
dich  bin  awver  ich  het  duch  garn  der  dawler  g'hot. 


EM  MIKE  SENDAPETZER  SI  CITY  FRAW 
HuSHT  du  shunt  g'hserd  we  om  oldta  Sammy  Senda- 
petzer  si  boo,  der  Mike,  sich  de  finger  farbrendt  hut? 
Won  du  net  husht  don  horrich  amohk  Ich  will  dere  ebbes 
fartzaela  os  ich  eme  goon.  Der  Mike  is  anes  fun  denna 
shmarda  boova  woo  in  sime  laeve  ken  geld  selver  fardeened 


82  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

hut  un  hut  sich  olsfart  besser  ga-dinked  os  we  onera 
boova  woo  ken  so  en  reicher  dawdy  hen  g'hot.  Are  wore 
so  doom  OS  en  asel  un  hut  olsfart  English  schwetza  wella 
un  hut  duch  net  kenna.  So  en  mon  we  ich  os  en  farriss- 
ner  ruck  wara  mus  hut  are  hardly  ga-kent,  un  won  are  fun 
hame  cooma  is  hut  are  si  eldera  farlsegeled.  Well,  des 
barshtly  hut  sich  olsfart  tsu  goot  ga-dinked  far  mit  unsera 
arlicha,  reshpectfulla  maid  tsu  dravela  usht  wile  era  dawdy 
net  so  reich  wora,  un  hut  olsfart  g'sawt  are  wet  en  city 
lady  far  en  fraw  os  recht  reich  ware,  un  endlich  hut  are  don 
aney  awga-druffa.  Se  wore  fun  Fildelfy  un  wore  uff 
b'sooch  ons  Alike  Dubriggle's.  Se  wore  so  weesht  os  en 
hecka-fens€,  awver  hut  orrick  reich  si  sulla.  Der  Mike  is 
um  se  room  ga-cut  we  evva  so  en  bush-knibble  doot  un 
is  gli  in  lieb  g'folla  mit  era  ivver  kup  un  ora.  Derno  hut 
are  se  g'frogt  wos  era  dawdy  waerdt  ware.  Se  hut  g'sawd 
are  het  de  ous-tzaring,  un  het  nine  dowsend  dawler  uff 
indressa.  "Un  we  feel  sins  fun  eich?"  hut  der  Mike 
g'frogt.  "Ich  bin  dc  ansicht  duchter,"  sawgt  se.  Des  hut 
der  Mike  recht  uff  g'shtart  un  are  hut  se  grawd  g'frogt 
far  hira.  Se  wore  willins  un  de  huchtzich  is  em  Dunnersh- 
dawg  morga  en  wuch  ob  gonga.  Se  hen  grawd  de  train 
om  Barrick  ga-numma  far  Fildelfy,  sin  owets  nunner 
cooma,  un  hen  de  nocht  by  der  fraw  era  eldera  g'shpent. 
Gli  hut  are  ga-noticed  os  en  lot  grossa  boova  im  house 
sin  un  de  fraw  hut  evva  anes  noach  em  onera  introduced 
tsu  erne  os  era  brooder.    Endlich  sawgt  der  Mike: 

"We  feel  sins  fun  ira  house-holdting?" 

"Tzae." 

"Ei,  ich  hob  g'maened  du  waersht  de  ansicht  duchter, 
un  di  dawdy  ware  nine  dowsend  dawler  waerdt." 

"Ich  bin  de  ansicht  duchter,  awver  ich  hob  nine 
breeder." 

"So,"  sawgt  der  Mike,  "ten  in  nine  goes  no  times  and 
nossing  comes  out !" 

Awer  es  wore  tsu  shpote  —  are  wore  farkawfed. 
Endlich  sin  se  don  ins  bed — we  evva  g'hireda  leit  donna. 


FUM  BOONASTIKI..  83 

Der  Mike  is  hordich  ins  bet  ga-joomped  wiles  kold  wore 
un  derno  is  amohl  si  fraw  awfonga  ous-annonner  folia. 
Se  hut  amohl  en  barrick  ob,  don  hut  se  en  set  falshe  tzse 
ous  em  mowl.  Derno  hut  se  en  glessich  awk  rous  ga- 
bored  un  uff  der  shtand  ga-laiked.  We  se  era  dress  ob  hut 
is  about  dri  beck  baw-woll  rows  ga-rulled,  un  endlich 
schnolled  se  don  en  hilsich  bse  ob ! 

By  dara  tzeit  wore  der  Mike  uff  g'hucked  im  bed  un 
hut  awga  ga-mauched  we  en  kotz  won  se  fargelshtered  is. 

"Greitz  badolga !"  sawgt  are,  "by  wellem  howfa  sull  ich 
shlofa?" 

"Usht  we  du  wid — '  sis  olles  di — dare  hawfa  is  personal 
property — ich  bin  di  real  eshtate." 

Der  oldt  Sammy  hut  geshter  en  breef  greeked  fum 
Mike.  Are  sawgt  are  wet  fendu  maucha  fun  sime  "per- 
sonal property"  un  si  "real  eshtate"  morgage  far  geld 
raisa  far  hame  cooma. 


ARE  G^D  HAWSA  HOONDA. 

Dkr  onner  dawg  bin  ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler  gonga 
hawsa  hoonda  om  barrick  nows.  Mere  hen  em  Sam  Petz- 
miller  si  grosser  bull  hoond  mit  ga-numma  far  de  hawsa 
ei  yawga.  Der  Billy  hut  em  Mike  Hawnayarrick  si  oldte 
flint  g'lsened.  De  oldt  flint  is  about  nine  foos  long,  un  hut 
en  luch  we  en  flaish-shtenner.  Se  hut  nuch  de  oldt  sort 
flinda-shluss.  We  mere  se  ga-lawda  hen  don  hen  mere 
amohl  en  bond  foil  bullfer  ni,  derno  en  gonser  kut  warrick 
druff  g'shtomped.  Uff  sell  hen  mere  en  tae-bledly  foil 
shroat  un  derno  nuch  mse  warrick.  Gli  hut  der  oldt  hoond 
en  haws  uff  de  fees  g'hot,  un  es  is  om  barrick  nows  gonga. 
Der  Billy  hut  mere  de  flnt  he  ga-longt  un  hut  g'sawd  ich 
set  der  haws  sheesa.  "Nge,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "du  bisht  der 
besht  shits  un  consht  ene  um-livela  we  gor  nix."  Now, 
ich  hob  ga-glawbt  os  es  oldt  looder  kicked  we  en  wol- 
shtramiche  koo,  un  doh-hare  wore  ich  so  willich  os  der 


84  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Billy  der  arsht  shoos  rous  sheesed.  Gli  coomed  der  haws 
dorrich  de  hecka  tsu  hoopsa  un  der  Billy  fort  uff  un 
"futch"  is  es  buUfer  in  der  tzint-pon  awgonga.  Des  hut 
der  haws  fargelshtered  un  are  is  awfonga  shpringa,  un  we 
de  bix  loos  gonga  is  wore  are  anyhow  en  fardle  mile  dor- 
rich  de  hecka  drows.  Der  Billy  is  en  shtick  mit  der  bix 
tzurick  gonga  un  derno  is  se  selver  fardt,  awver  se  hut  en 
gross  shtick  howd  fum  Billy  sime  bocka  mit.  Ich  hob  ene 
g'funna  in  da  hecka  lia  about  elf  shrit  fun  woo  are 
g'shtonna  hut  g'hot.  Es  arsht  hov  ich  g'maned  are  ware 
mouse  dote,  awver  gli  hut  are  de  awga  uff  g'mauched  un 
hut  mich  g'frogt  eb  don  de  Nofember  'leckshon  nuch  net 
farby  ware.  Ich  hob  ene  arinnered  os  mere  om  hawsa 
hoonda  wara  g'west,  un  os  are  de  bix  ob-g'shussa  het. 
Derno  hut  are  mich  so  wildt  aw-ga-gooked  un  hut  g'sawt  : 
"Well,  Gottlieb,  bin  ich  farshprunga  odder  de  bix?" 
Tswae  shlook  fun  sclera  "keffer-bree"  woo  ich  unner  em 
oldta  Sammy  Sendapetzer  seim  hoy-shtuck  fergrawva  hob 
g'hot  hut  ene  widder  uff  de  fees  g'shtelt.  Merc  hen  ga- 
gooked  far  de  bix  awver  hen  se  net  g'funna,  un  mere  sin 
tsu  der  conclusion  cooma  os  se  net  runner  cooma  ware  bis 
uff  em  onera  side  em  barrick.  Mere  hen  derno  yaders  en 
gooter  hevvel  g'numma  un  sin  em  haws  noach  gonga, 
awver  der  ketzer  wore  tsu  g'scheit  un  is  uns  olla  mohl 
ous-ga-draid.  Mere  hen  derno  der  oldt  hoond  fun  der 
g'shpoor  un  sin  nows  nuch  da  felsa-kep.  Gli  hut  are  wid- 
der loud  gevva  un  mere  sin  uff  de  g'shpoor,  don  sawgt  der 
Billy,  "Look  out,  Gottlieb,  es  is,  by  ginnerosity,  en  baar!'' 
Now,  ich  bin  net  shlim  far  baara  soocha — ich  hob  kenner 
farlora,  un  anyhow,  en  armlicher  oldter  mon  os  usht  ous 
en  gronkes-bed  cooma  is  en  baar  awdreffa  un  nix  hovva 
far  sich  tsu  defenda  os  we  en  hevvel  hut  mich  gar  looders 
shlecht  g'suit.  Ich  hob  on  de  Polly  ga-denked,  un  ware 
se  hira  daid  won  se  en  widfraw  gevva  daid.  Un  derno  is 
es  mere  ei  cooma  os  se  g'sawt  hut  ich  ware  en  hartz-cower 
un  es  daid  mich  nix  dote  maucha  wile  era  ken  so  goot 
glick  arfolla  kent.     Ich  hob  ga-grisha,  "Coom  on,  Billy," 


FUM  BOONA-STlKIv.  85 

un  bin  uff  der  baar  lose.  Der  hoond  hut  ene  g'fonga  g'hot 
un  se  wora  shunt  a  pawr  minutta  om  fechta  g'west.  We 
ich  onna  cooma  bin  hut  der  baar  uff  em  rick  g'lega,  der 
hoond  hut  ene  om  hols  g'hot,  un  hut  ene  aw  gli  dote  ga- 
choked  g'hot.  Mere  hen  der  baar  nuch  net  holver  ob-ga- 
tzooga  g'hot  don  hare  ich  es  lawb  robbla  hinnich  mere  un 
gook  room  don  sane  ich  en  bis-ketzel  sich  uff  shtrouba  un 
hut  der  hoond  ga-bandered  far  fechta.  Der  brawf  hoond  hut 
mere  in  de  avvga  ga-gooked  un  hut  derno  g'sawd  so  blain 
OS  en  hoond  es  sawga  kent : 

"Gottlieb,  ich  farrich  mich  far  nix.  Ich  hob  dare 
baar  ga-leddered,  awver  froke  mich  net  far  de  shtinkich 
glae  bisketzel  aw-pocka." 

Ich  hob  em  goota  oldta  hoond  der  kup  g'shtricha  un 
hob  tsu  eme  g'sawt : 

"Wasser,  du  bisht  recht.  En  hoond  os  baara  dote 
maucha  con  dare  set  sich  n-et  ob-gevva  mit  bis-kotza 
fechta." 

Mere  hen  unser  baar  hame  un  now  laeve  mere  widder 
we  onera  leit,  awver  de  dri  socha  hov  ich  sella  dawg  ga- 
larndt : 

1.  Won  du  en  oldte  flint  ob  sheesa  wid  don  luss  eb- 
ber  shunsht  se  haeva. 

2.  Won  du  en  baar  fonga  wid  don  luss  der  hoond  ene 
arsht  dote  maucha. 

3.  Os  feel  menscha,  we  bs-kotza,  lavendich  dorrich 
de  w€ldt  cooma  oona  wse  ga-doo  usht  wile  nembnd  sich 
shtinkich  maucha  will  mit  da  glaena  rutz-keffer  tsu  fechta. 


SHTRIDE  ONS  HULLERHECKA. 

Grawd  we  de  Polly  shunt  long  ga-bruflfatzied  hut. 
Ich  hob  mich  nuch  om  end  in  druvvel  g'shoft  mit  mina 
brief  shriva.  De  Betz  Grill  un  der  Bully  Schnellkeffer  hen 
mere  ga-draid  mich  tsu  womsha,  un  em  ledshta  Dunnersh- 
dawg  is  es  ob  cooma.  Du  waisht  ich  bin  shunt  en  oldter 
mon,  des  consht  du  saena  on  da  runsla  in  mime  g'sicht,  un 


86  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

even  we  ich  yung  wore  hen  olsfort  my  bae  tsu  feel  fun  mere 
ga-denked  for  mich  ga-garrebed  greega.  Der  ledsht 
knockdown  os  ich  g'hot  hob  wore  mit  der  Sex-foos  Bets 
ivver  em  house-butza,  awver  ich  hob  net  feel  bracktis 
greeked  ous  sellem  wile  se  oil  de  arawet  selver  ga-do  hut. 
Ich  ware  dessamohl  net  in  shtride  cooma  won  ich  mich  sel- 
ver ga-west  ware,  un  der  wake  os  es  g'happened  hut  wore 
des. 

Der  Sam  Schnitzler  is  uff  em  Mike  Hawnayarrick  si 
boweri  ga-tzoga  un  ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler  hen  si  rinsfee 
nivver  ga-drivva.  We  mere  uns  Hullerhecka  farby  sin  hov 
ich  em  Billy  g'sawt  are  set  de  uxa  heeda  bis  ich  ni  shpringa 
daid  far  my  mawga  uff  toona.  Are  huts  ga-broveered, 
awver  de  wile  os  ich  drin  wore  is  anes  fun  da  uxa  tzurick 
g'shprunga  un  der  Billy  is  eme  noch.  Are  is  so  long  net 
tzurick  cooma  un  des  hut  my  mawga  ols  shlimmer 
g'mauched,  un  ich  hob  olla-ga-but  widder  anes  ob  gapetzed 
on  der  schwartza  buddle.  Bis  der  Billy  tzurick  cooma  is 
wore  ich  ordlich  goot  how-come-you-so,  un  ivver  dem  is 
der  Billy  Schnellkeffer  ons  wartz-house  cooma  un  hut  aw 
grawd  aw  g'fonga  mit  mere  dishbadeera.  Es  hut  mich  net 
long  ga-numma  far  ene  en  lingner  haesa  un  sell  wore  grawd 
wos  are  hut  wella,  anyhow  es  naixt  os  ich  ga-wist  hob  hov 
ich  anes  uff  der  shawl  g'hot  os  de  shtarna  g'floga  sin.  Es 
hut  mich  mot  g'mauched  in  da  gnee,  awver  ich  bin  uff 
mina  shtelsa  ga-blivva  un  es  naixt  os  der  Billy  ga-wist  hut 
hov  ich  6me  anes  uff's  link  awk  ga-raiched  os  are  unichs 
fee  ni  ga-rulled  is  un  hut  ga-blart  os  we  en  yarich  kolb. 
Des  hut  anes  fun  do  uxa  farshrecked  un-  are  kicked  naiva 
nows  un  dreft  der  Billy  about  en  tzoll  un  a  holva  unich  der 
novvel.  Es  hut  ene  tzomma  ga-dubbled  os  we  en  oldt 
sock-messer  un  es  hut  finf  mon  g'numma  far  ene  uff 
maucha.  Der  Johnny  Sollakupper  is  dertzoo  cooma  un  hut 
grawd  ^n  wornd  rous  greeked  far  mich  reshta.  Gli  hen  se 
mich  far  em  'Shquire  Lawbuck  g'hot,  un  in  wennicher  os 
finf  minnutta  hen  se  dri  charges  gsega  mich  g'hot : 

1st.  Assault. 


FUM  BOONASTIEIv.  87 

2nd.  Assault  and  battery  with  intent  to  hit  him  on  the 
eye. 

3rd.  Aggravated  assault  and  battery  with  intent  to  kick 
him  by  an  ox. 

Ich  hob  ena  g'sawt  ich  ware  net  reddy  far  trial  shtanda 
wile  ich  un  der  Billy  unser  rinsfee  hame  driva  mista  un  der 
'Shquire  Lawbuck  hut  mich  released  uff  bail  bis  my  trial 
ob  coomed.  Ich  hob  ken  geld  tsu  shpenda  far  €n  lawyer. 
Wons  ob  gaed  harsht  do  nuch  mae  derfun,  wile  ich  tzale  my 
ageny  plea  tsu  maucha.  Der  Billy  Schnellkeffer  is  dahame 
im  bed.  Si  aned  awg  is  schwartz  un  bloe  un  si  wind  is 
nuch  net  oil  tzurick  woo  der  ux  ene  ga-kicked  hut.  Are  is 
in  da  sama  umshtenda  os  der  boo  wore  os  em  aisel  si  hin- 
ner  bse  ga-kitzled  hut  mit  ma  shtrow-holma.  Der  aisel  hut 
ene  dorrich  de  wedder-boarding  on  der  shire  ga-kicked  un 
we  si  dawdy  ene  uff  g'hova  hut  don  hut  are  g'sawt:  "My 
leeves  kind,  du  warsht  in  dime  Iseve  nimmy  so  shse  os  we 
du  amohl  worsht,  awver  du  husht  feel  mae  farshtond." 


ARE  ACT  LAWYER. 


My  dawdy  hut  ols  g'sawt,  "En  bisSel  law  wissa  maucht 
grosse  g'fore,"  un  ich  fin  olla  dawg  mae  ous  we  feel  g'sheiter 
OS  my  dawdy  wore  os  we  ich.  Ich  hob  dere  g'sawt  ich  daid 
my  ageny  case  pleea  far  em  'Squire  Lawbuck  wile  ich  ken 
geld  het  far  de  lawyer.  Ich  hobs  ga-broveered  un  bin  uff 
anes  naixt  in  de  bresent  cooma.  Der  Billy  Schnellkeffer  hut 
so  en  lawyerly  by  greeked  g'hot  un  dare  hut  mich  farkull- 
abeered  g'hot  in  finf  minnutta  os  ich  nimmy  g'wist  hob  woo 
ich  bin.  Der  'Shquire  Lawbuck  hut  de  meeting  tsu  odder 
ga-roofa  un  hut  g'shtate  was  der  charge  gaega  mich  ware. 
Derno  hut  are  g'sawt  are  ware  reddy  for  "der  prosecution 
era  tzeiga  tsu  hara."  Ich  bin  grawd  uff  ga-joomped  un  hob 
g'sawt  ich  het  nix  mit  der  brosecution  tsu  do,  os  gor  ken 
so'n  weipsmensch  derby  ga-west  wore  un  ich  het  de  bisniss 
tsu  settla  mit  em  Billy  Schnellkeffer.  Der  'Shquire  hut 
g'sawt  ich  set  mich  onna  hucka.    "De  brosecution  mained  de 


88  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Commonwealth  un  net  en  weipsmensch."  Sell  hut's  g'set- 
tled.  Ich  hob  grawd  g'saena  os  ich  mich  in  deef  wasser 
g'shoft  hob  un  wore  shtill.  Endlich  shtate  don  des  lawyerly 
uff  un  hut  en  speech  g'mauched.  Are  hut  g'sawd  ich  ware 
en  siffer  un  en  lodle,  en  fowlenser,  en  shellem,  en  keyone,  un 
en  lot  onera  socha.  Ich  hob  olles  g'shtand  bis  are  g'sawd 
hut  ich  het  amohl  hinkle  g'shtola,  un  derno  bin  ich  uff  ga- 
jomped  un  ene  nous  g'fuddered.  Se  hen  mich  ovver  ga- 
dishtered  greeked  un  endlich  hen  se  don  era  tzeiga  ga-roofa, 
un  ich  sawk  dere  ken  leeg,  se  hen  olles  uft'  mich  ga-broofed 
OS  are  g'sawt  hut,  un  ich  hob  weister  tsushtond  ga-glawbed 
se  daida  mich  henka.  We  se  ga-roofa  hen  far  de  defense 
don  hov  ich  room  ga-gooked  far  my  tzeiga,  der  Billy  Bixler. 
Are  wore  der  ansich  mon  os  by  mere  wore,  un  we  are 
em  lawyerly  si  speech  k'hart  hut  we  schlect  os  ich  bin  is  are 
bechudes  ous  ga-gleered  un  hut  mich  hucka  lussa  os  we  en 
kind  im  dreck.  Se  hen  mich  derno  uff  der  shtand  far  my 
tziegniss  gevva,  un  ich  hob  ferhoftich  de  pinklich,  awga- 
shinelich  woreheit  g'sawt.  W-e  ich  fartich  wore  hut  sell 
lawyerly  mich  awfonga  cross-questions  froga,  un  in  finf 
minnutta  hov  ich  mich  hina  un  fonna  fesht  g'shwora  g'hot. 
Yaw  are  hut  g'sawt  are  wist  os  ich  tzwa  wiver  enara  daid, 
ebs  net  so  ware,  un  hut  mich  "yaw"  sawga  maucha,  un  Gud 
wase  OS  ich  usht  any  hob  un  de  holdt  mich  un  wared  de 
hussa.  We  are  fardich  wore  mich  shtoombeera  hut  are  nuch 
en  speech  g'mauched  un  hut  law  ga-lsesa  ous  ma  grossa  led- 
derna  booch  bis  ich  g'mained  hob  ich  daid  shunt  der  shtrick 
shpeera  mere  der  hols  tsu  tzeega. 

We  are  fardich  wore  bin  ich  uff  g'shtonna  far  schwetza. 
Es  wore  mere  en  knup  im  hols  os  we  en  hinkle  oye,  awver 
endlish  hov  ich  ene  g'shooked  un  hob  aw  g'fonga: 

"My  Leevie  Oldta  Nuchbera  :  Bin  ich  nuch  der  Gottleib 
Boonastiel?  Wos  hov  ich  gadoo?  Olles  os  we  ga-mort,  un  bis  de 
shtoond  hov  ich  nix  derfun  ga-wist!  Hut  ebber  shunsht?  Law 
wase  ich  kenny;  des  hut  des  glae  ruts-nasely  mere  shunt  a  pawr  mohl 
g'sawt.  Ich  laig  de  law  aweck  un  appeal  tsu  eich  in  gooter  geils  far- 
shtond.    Woo  coomed  des  lawyerly  hare?     Wos  is  es  un  won  is  es 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  89 

cooma?  Huts  gloa  uff  da  feese  un  en  harn  uff  em  kup,  odder  is  es 
en  difel  in  mensha  g'shtelt?  Ware  is  es  un  wos  haseds?  Hut  de  law 
en  recht  en  difel  uff  roofa  un  ene  lose  draya  uff  en  ormer,  ondlicher, 
uffrichticher  oldter  men?  My  shtatement  wore  blain  un  simple. 
Der  Billy  hut  der  fecht  g'shtart  un  is  galeddered  warra.  Es  wore 
tit  far  tat.  Are  hut  de  lets  sow  om  ore  g'hot.  Sell  is  es  long  un 
kartz  derfun.  Now  bin  ich  en  deeb,  en  rawver,  en  sowf-lodle,  un 
sull  tzwa  wiver  hovva !  Un  ware  sawgts !  Doh  hucked  dare  grut- 
zich,  grindich,  gretzich,  greit-d " 

"Holt!  Holt!  Gottlieb,  flooch  net,"  hut  der  'Shquire 
Lawbuck  g'sawt.  "Du  bisht  fri :  Defendant  discharged 
and  Commonwealth  to  pay  the  costs  of  prosecution!" 

Ich  wore  tsu  base  far  hame  gae,  un  hob  arsht  sel  law- 
yerly  funnonner  risa  wella,  avvver  der  'Shquire  Lawbuck  hut 
g'sawt  ich  set  net.  Ich  hob  em  "Shquire  si  wardt  ga-numma 
un  bin  hame,  awver  won  ich  in  mime  laeva  sell  barshtly  wid- 
der  awdreff  don  mauch  ich  ene  so  fie  os  de  rotta  ene  shlooka 
kenna  oony  kowa. 


SHTYLE  AW  DO  WON'S  EM  NET  BA-COOMED. 

Ich  bin  en  commoner,  olla  dawg,  go-as-you-blease  sart 
fun  ma  mon,  un  won  ich  ols  ebmohls  nows  coom  unich 
fremma  leit  bin  ich  gons  ferlora.  In  fact,  ich  wase  net  we 
mich  aw  tsu  shicka.  Des  wore  de  case  mit  mere  der  onner 
dawg  we  ich  en  bindly  barrick-tge  tsu  em  porra  Alohler  ga- 
numma  hob  far  en  sart  funera  donation.  UflF  em  wake  onna 
bin  ich  de  shtross  galuffa  mit  em  porra  sime  boo,  un  ich  hob 
g'notic€d  OS  olla  mohl  os  are  on  ma  weipsmensch  farby  is 
hut  are  si  hoot  ob  g'numma.  Endlich  hov  ich  ene  g'froght 
farwass  os  are  sell  daid,  don  hut  are  g'sawt  es  ware  shtyle 
der  hoot  tsu  "tippa"  tsu  da  weipsleit.  Ich  hob  don  net  gons 
hinna  draw  si  wella  un  hob  aw  awfonga  my  hoot  "tippa," 
we  are  es  g'hsesa  hut,  un  ich  hob  g'noticed  os  de  maid  shier 
olla  mohl  galocht  hen.  Endlich  sin  mere  om  porra  si  house 
cooma,  un  we  ich  ni  bin  cooma  sin  se  oil  uff  g'shtonna  un 
mere  de  tzeit  ga-budda.  Now,  sell  is  net  der  Deitsch  wake. 
Mer  bleibt  sitsa  un  sawgt  "how-de-do."    Es  is  olles  so  shtyl- 


90  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

ish  hare  gonga.  OUes  wore  "yes,  dear,"  "no,  dear,"  "many 
thanks,"  grawd  os  won  se  'nonner  in  eram  laeva  net  derfore 
g'saena  hetta  g'hot.  Ich  hob  gor  net  dahame  g'feeled.  End- 
lich  hut  de  porra's  fraw  anes  fun  da  maid  ga-roofa  far  cooma 
un  helfa  es  essa  greega  un  we  se  fonna  on  mere  onna  g'luffa 
is  hut  se  g'sawt,  "excuse  me,  Mr.  Boonastiel."  "Ei,"  hov  ich 
g'sawt,  "du  husht  mere  yo  gor  nix  in  der  wake  g'laigt."  De 
kinner  hen  oil  awenich  g'locht,  awver  kens  hut  ebbes  g'sawt. 
Der  porra  Mohler  hut  hardt  uff  der  budda  ga-gooked.  End- 
lich  wore's  essa  ready  un  ich  hob  my  ruck  ob  g'laigt  we 
dahame  un  mich  on  der  dish  g'hucked.  Der  porra  hut  mich 
net  haesa  baeda.  Are  hut  mich  sella  mohl  hjesa  bseda  on 
meim  house  we  mere  ga-butchered  hen  g'hot  un  ich  hob's  uff 
de  Polly  g'shova.  Se  hen  so  glsena  shnoop-dicher  on  yaderm 
deller  g'hot,  un  wile  ich  se  wissa  hob  wella  lussa  os  ich  wase 
farwass  os  en  shnoopduch  is  hov  ich  amohl  grawd  my  naws 
in  anes  ga-blosa !  Endlich  is  es  on's  essa  gonga.  Es  hut 
mich  ga-peniched  ena  tsu  gooka  we  se  g'essa  hen.  Ich  hob 
olsfart  my  essa  ins  mowl  mit  em  m-esser.  Se  hen  olles  ins 
mowl  mit  der  govvel.  Ich  hob  d€s  g'noticed  un  hob  noach 
maucha  wella.  Ich  hob  shier  nix  ei  fora  kenna  sella  wake 
un  ich  bin  shier  farhungered  om  dish.  Es  hut  mich  net  long 
g'numma  far  ous  finna  os  ich  widder  en  ux  fun  mere  mauch 
un  ich  hob  shtyle  ob  g'laigt  un  bin  ni  ga-pitched.  Gli  hut 
der  dish  um  mich  room  ga-gooked  os  won's  barrick  fire 
drivver  ware,  awver  der  Boonastiel  wore  sot  un  sell  is  ord- 
lich  feel  g'sawt. 

Ich  bin  hame  un's  grawd  der  Polly  fartzaeled  wos  ich 
g'saena  un  g'haerdt  hob.  S^e  hut  g'sawt  ich  set  mich  shemma 
my  hoot  ob  nemma  tsu  da  weipsleit,  un  broveera  soop  essa 
mitera  govvel.  So  en  dobbich  oldts  kolb  we  ich  broveera  da 
shtyles  noach  maucha  daid  se  ga-mawna  on  en  oldte  gons  os 
broveered  tsu  fleega  we  en  awdler. 

Now,  ich  bin  tsu  dara  conclusion  cooma,  en  mon  set 
sich  nee  net  shemma  tsu  agena  wos  are  is,  far  en  asel  mawg 
sich  gons  in  ma  labe  si  howd  rulla — de  leit  kenna  ene  duch 
so  g'schwint  os  are  aw-fongt  blarra. 


PUM  BOONASTlElv.  9I 

DE    HOUSEBUTZ    GICHTERA    BRECHA    WIDDER 

OUS. 

De  Polly  hut  de  woch  widder  de  house-butz  gichtera 
greeked,  un  ich  shribe  dare  breef  im  bed.  Ich  wase  net  won 
ich  rouse  coom,  farleicht  gor  nimmy.  Won  ich  shtareb  don 
hov  ich  de  farsicherung  dos  woo  ich  onna  gse  wart  ken  house 
mae  ga-butzed.  De  shult  os  ich  net  my  bed  farlussa  con  is 
des.  De  Polly  hut  awfonga  house-butza  em  Moondawg 
morga,  awer  de  gichtera  hen  shunt  en  woch  derfore  in  era 
g'shoft  g'hot.  Em  Moondawg  nocht  wore  ich  ons  Huller- 
hecka  far  en  bushel  reeva  onna  doo  os  der  Sammy  Sensa- 
wetzer  fun  mere  g'wunna  hut  uff  de  'lection,  un  ich  hob  en 
lot  agents  aw  ga-druffa  os  glseder,  kardoo,  tzooker  un  so 
soch  farkawft  hen  tzoom  Mike  Blotner  far  si  nier  shtore. 
Se  wora  oil  fina  karls — hen  shtitza  heed  ga-wora  we  miner, 
weisa  hemmer,  un  fina  glader  aw  g'hot.  Se  hens  awfonga 
uff  setza  ous  der  schwortza  buddle  un  es  arsht  os  ich  g'wist 
hob  wore  ich  widder  boomerawlish  foil.  About  elf  uhr  hen 
se  mich  hame  g'feered,  un  we  ich  on  unser  house  (ich  mane 
der  Polly  era  house)  cooma  bin  hov  ich  era  ga-roofa  far 
runner  cooma  un  mich  ni  holda  un  ins  bed  doo.  We  se 
cooma  is  sin  de  agents  fart  g'shprunga.  Ich  hob  era  g'sawt 
dos  ich  glawva  daid  der  schlawg  h€t  mich  in  de  bse  ga- 
druffa,  awver  we  se  my  ochtum  ga-rucha  hut  don  hut  se 
g'sawt  se  daid  denka  der  schlawg  ware  mere  der  hols  nun- 
ner,  un  se  daid  settla  mit  mere  der  naixt  morga.  Ich  bin  de 
spicher-shtake  nuff  uff  hend  un  fees  un  se  is  hinna  noch  un 
g'shova  mit  da  hend.  Dinshdawg  morga  hut  se  mere  ga- 
foora  far  uff  shtse  un  fire  maucha.  Ich  bin  tzum  bed  rous 
we  en  haws,  un  der  tzwet  shrit  bin  ich  in  en  tae-bledly  foil 
carrabet  tacks  ga-draida.  Ich  hob  morderlich  ga-grisha  un 
bin  fore  gshprunga,  don  fleegt  der  bed  shtulla  uff  un 
shlawgt  mere  uffs  link  awg  os  ich  fire-funga  g'ssena  hob  so 
grose  OS  sooma-karrebsa.  Es  wore  gor  shtarns  kold,  un  ich 
hob  gli  gens-howd  on  da  bse  g'hot  os  we  parshing  shtse. 
Endlich   hov    ich   don    de    shtaik   g'funna   un   bin    nunner 


92  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

g'shtart.  Der  arsht  shrit  os  ich  ga-mauched  hob  bin  ich  uff 
en  shtick  safe  ga-draida.  Dart  is  der  accident  g'happened. 
Ich  bin  de  shtaik  nunner  os  we  en  bundel  long  shtrow  ivver 
en  schnae-grusht.  Ich  hob  gamaned  es  hetta  en  dutzent  asel 
mich  ga-kicked  un  derno  wars  gons  house  uff  mich  g'folla. 
We  ich  g'shtupped  hob  hov  ich  ken  gense-howd  mse  g'hot 
— un  net  feel  onery.  Ich  hob  der  Polly  ga-roofa  dos  ich 
ware  dote  un  se  set  cooma  mich  dobber  ouslaga  eb  ich  so 
shtife  daid  warra.  Se  is  cooma  un  hut  grawd  g'shicked  for 
der  ducter  HefTelfinger.  Are  hut  mich  examined  un  hut 
g'sawt  ich  het  dri-un-tzwonsich  ribba  farbrucha,  un  het  aws 
g'netz  farsprengt.  Are  hut  mere  de  bulse  g'feeled,  my  tzung 
bagooked,  mere  dri  pilferlin  gevva,  un  mich  tswse  dawler  ga- 
charged.  Ich  hob  mich  farschwora  ich  daid  de  pilferlin  net 
nemma,  un  de  Polly  hut  g'sawt  es  ware  shawd  se  aweck 
schmisa  un  wile  de  kotz  shunt  a  pawr  dawg  der  rutzer  het 
daid  se  era  de  pilferlin  gevva.  Se  hut.  De  kotz  is  now  dote. 
Won  ich  in  mime  laeva  widder  uff  coom  don  will  ich  selly 
kotz  shse  fargrawva  wile  se  my  laeva  g'safed  hut.  Won  ich 
ung-fare  dote  gse  set  don  will  ich  hovva  os  du  all  my  glaeder 
greekst,  der  Billy  Bixler  sull  de  holb-bind  buddle  keffer- 
bree  hovva  os  ich  unich  em  oldta  Sammy  Sensewetzer  sime 
hoystuck  far-grawva  hob,  un  de  Polly  sull  olles  soonsht 
hovva,  except  my  neie  biskotza  burglar-proof  safe.  Selly 
sull  em  Dellawetter  g'shicked  si  far  si  majority  ni  schleesa. 
Es  sull  aw  ken  lawyer  ga-dinked  warra  far  dare  willa  shriva 
soonsht  daid  are  unser  hamet  farkawfa  far  si  batzawling. 

Dare  willa  is  g'mauched  mit  meim  goota  farshtond — 
des  is  mit  so  gooter  farshtond  os  ich  in  mime  laeva  g'hot 
hob,  un  anich  ains  fun  da  araver  os  kicked  dare  sull  gor  nix 
hovva. 


UFF  GA-NUMMA  ON  SIME  WARDT. 

Der  onner  dawg  is  ebbes  om  Barrick  g'happened  os 

mich,  be-chudes,  ga-lechert  hut.    Du  waisht  der  Jeck  Bixler, 

em   Billy  si   brooder,    is    unser    black-shmidt    om    Barrick. 

Well,  are  un  der  oldt  Sammy  Sendapetzer  hen  mit  annonner 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  93 

g'settled.  Es  wore  en  settlement  fun  finf  yohr  far  giles- 
p'shloga,  kedda-shtreng  maucha,  sensa  dengla,  un  so  fardt. 
Der  oldt  Sammy  Sendapetzer  hut  en  gons  blaud  ga-charged 
g'hot  gsega  der  Jeck  fun  hovver  far  si  gowl,  garsht  far  si 
seilin,  hoy,  shtrow,  grumbeera,  wsetsa,  un  so  fardt. 

Se  hen  im  Jeck  sime  black-schmidt  shop  g'settled,  un 
we  der  oldt  Sammy  ni  cooma  is  mit  sime  booch  hut  der  Jeck 
grawd  g'shicked  far  der  'Squire  Lawbuck. 

"Un  wos  wit  mit  en  'Squire  Lawbuck,"  frogt  der  oldt 
Sammy. 

'"Ei,"  sawgt  der  Jeck,  "Ich  will  dich  tsu  dinera  account 
schwara  maucha." 

"Warroom  sull  des  si?"  frogt  der  oldt  Sammy.  "Ich 
hob  dich  far  nix  ga-charged  os  du  net  greeked  husht  un  du 
husht  in  dime  laeva  mich  net  derfore  g'schwora." 

"Well,"  sawgt  der  Jeck,  "Ich  hob  my  uresoch.  Ich 
wore  der  onner  owet  in  der  bade-shtoond  un  hob  dich  hara 
di  bakentniss  gevva.  Du  husht  dart  admit  os  du  en  oldter 
sinder  bisht,  os  du  olla  dawg  socha  doosht  os  du  net  sedsht, 
lusht  der  deifel  dich  on  der  naws  room  feera,  un  in  kartza 
wardta  os  du  en  oldter  shellem  bisht.  Ich  hob  ga-denked 
du  misht  ga-watched  si,  doh  hare  hov  ich  der  'squire  hare 
b'shtelt." 

"Oh !"  sawgt  der  Sammy,  "sell  wore  usht  en  bakent- 
niss in  der  karrich  far  wisa  we  da-meedich  os  ich  bin.  Es 
wore  net  so  shlim  we  ich  es  g'mauched  hob." 

"Don  husht  anyhow  ga-luga,"  sawgt  der  Jeck.  "Bring 
der  'squire."  Are  hut  ene  schwara  lussa  un  se  hen  g'settled 
according  tsu  law.  Der  Jeck  hut  mere  noachderhond 
g'sawt  are  het  em  oldta  Sammy  shunt  long  nimmy  ga- 
drowed,  wile  so  en  reicher  mon  we  are  os  en  hoonert-yord 
ga-bade  maucha  kent  un  daid  usht  ae  dawler  es  yohr  tsu 
em  porra  gevva  ware  awenich  tsu  geitsich  far  gons  arlich  si. 

Un  sawg,  der  Jeck  is  ken  doom-kup,  far  ich  glawb 
selver  net  os  der  deifel  en  mon  feel  room  feered  oony  are 
gebt  eme  ga-lagenheit. 


94  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

WE  CON  ICH  ES  BESHT  L^VA  MAUCHA. 

IcH  do  sheer  olla  dawg  brief  greega  fun  olla  sart  leit 
uff  olla  sart  socha.  Now,  ich  con  de  brief  net  oil  answera. 
Feel  fun  da  brief  sin  fun  yunga  menner  os  my  rode  wissa 
wella  we  en  laeva  maucha.  Aner  hut  niich  der  onner  dawg 
g'frogt:  "We  con  ich  es  besht  laeva  maucha?"  Des  is  de 
noddure  fun  feel  dun  da  brief.  Ae  answer  doots  far  se 
oil.  Un  doh  gaits :  Amohl  es  arsht,  my  yunger  friend, 
sin  tswse  socha  os  yader  mensch  mit  sich  uff  de  welt  bringa 
muss,  un  sell  is  g'soonheit  un  farshtond.  Du  consht  sheer 
olles  soonsht  somla  in  dara  weldt,  awver  de  tswae  sin  in  der 
mensch  gabora  un  du  mawksht  dich  educata  bis  du  der 
besht  ga-larnt  mon  bisht  im  lond,  won  du  ken  gooter  far- 
shtond husht  don  gaisht  du  der  grebs-gong.  Won  en 
yunger  mon  de  tswse  socha  hut  don  is  ken  limit  tsu  wos 
are  gevva  con.  Nows  shtarta  in  bisniss  is  en  missliche 
soch.  Won  du  nows  shtardt  un  du  doosht's  recht  hond- 
warrick  choosa  don  bisht  du  oil  recht,  won  net  bisht  du 
sheer  olsfart  oil  lets.  Doh  is  woo  gooter  farshtondt  ni 
coomed.  Won  du  derno  in  bisniss  bisht  si  arlich  un  uff- 
richtich.  En  fri  gawissa  is  feel  wardt.  Nem  ken  geld 
OS  du  net  arlich  fardeened  husht,  farhondel  net  di  arlich- 
keit  uff  geld.  Du  mawksht  en  ugarechter  dawler  tsu 
decka  mit  arlich  geld  so  deef  os  du  wid,  are  woxed  dorrich 
ruff  we  en  welshkarn  shtuck.  Farluss  ken  freind  im  fire. 
Holdt  dich  net  uff  mit  shlechte  coompany.  Broveer  net 
yader  ebber  tsu  bleesa,  awver  do  wos  recht  is  un  geb  ocht 
uff  dich  selver.  En  mon  os  recht  doot  greeked  olsfart  find, 
wile  dale  leit  woo  shlect  sin  doona  usht  so  leit  gleicha  woo 
shlechta  socha  mit  ena  doona.  Won  deeb,  un  rawver,  un 
lingner,  dere  socha  noach  sawga  far  suspicion  fun  sich 
selver  shmisa,  labe  so  os  nemond  es  fun  dere  glawbed. 
Du  consht  net  expecta  dorich  de  weldt  cooma  onna  op- 
position, un  won  du  ken  opposition  meeta  daidsht  don 
daidst  du  aw  ken  divel  wardt  warra.  Opposition  is  wos 
en  mon  ins  fire  doot  un  weist  was  far  quality  fun  guld  os 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  95 

are  is.  Si  net  far-shrucka  waega  leega.  Se  sin  we  dreck. 
Se  shtecka  tsu  deim  gla^d  bis  se  drooka  sin  un  derno  folia 
se  ob  fun  sich  selver.  En  recht-shofficher  mon  is  monich 
mohl  es  besht  ga-kent  by  da  find  woo  are  hut.  Do  net 
tzarrafa  biss  du  es  nimmy  helfa  consht,  un  derno  gse  druff 
lose  we  en  bull  uff  en  hoy-shtuck.  Der  IMartin  Ludder 
hut  g'sawt :  "Shtrat  f rish  uff,  mauchs  mowl  uff,  hare  boll 
uff,"  un  luss  mich  dere  sawga  der  oldt  Ludder  hut  en 
ordlicher  levler  kup  g'hot.  Der  g'sheitsht  gebt  olsfart 
arsht  uff.  Shoff  net  Soondawgs,  gammel  net,  si  olsfart 
uff  ga-laebt,  holdt  dich  fun  schlechta  weispleit.  Mauch 
oil's  geld  OS  du  consht  arlicher-wise  un  safe  oil  os  du 
consht  oona  geitz.  Geb  tsu  goote  socha  mitera  fria  bond 
un  unershtitz  karrich  un  Soondawg-shool.  Helf  da  orma, 
awver  luss  neemond  es  ousfinna,  holdt  en  fri  hartz  un  en 
weise  bond  un  du  finsht  ous  os  des  de  besht  weldt  is  os  du 
in  dime  Iseva  drin  worsht  un  dos  der  himmel  net  wide  ob  is 
won  du  de  weldt  farlusht. 


DER  NEI  NUCHBER. 
Mere  hen  nia  nuchbera  greeked  om  Barrick  far- 
gechter  morga.  Em  mon  si  nawma  is  Sam  Kivler.  Es 
will  nemond  wissa  woo  are  hare  coomed.  Are  hut  se 
hilsich  bae  un  shmoked  en  pife  os  shtorrick  ganunk  is  far 
en  lode  misht  der  barrick  nuff  tzeega.  Si  fraw  is  sheer 
gor  en  match  tsu  der  Sexfoos  Betz  un  is  orrick  nuchber- 
lich,  Ich  gleich  era  appearance  gor  net  usht  wile  se  era 
rechte  bond  schwenked  we  de  Betz  won  se  law  fed.  Der 
arsht  dawg  hen  se  de  kinner  (se  hen  about  en  dutzent  un 
a  holb)  rivver  g'shicked  far  unser  shrowva-tzeeger  Isena  far 
era  bed-lawda  tzomma  shrowva.  De  Polly  hut's  ena 
gevva  un  mere  hen  ene  sidder  nimmy  g'saena.  Der  same 
dawg  hen  se  rivver  g'shicked  far  en  kessly  foil  male  un  en 
bissel  peffer.  Owets  sin  de  kinner  oil  rivver  cooma  usht 
we  mere  uns  on  der  dish  g'hucked  hen  un  se  hen  so  hoonger- 
ich  ga-gooked  un  hen  der  ruts  so  dorrich  era  nase  nuff 
g'schnart  os  ich   fum   dish  aweck  bin  un  hob  g'sawd  se 


96  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

mechta  my  supper  essa  wile  ich  net  hoongerich  ware.  Se 
sin  druff  ni  os  we  de  hoy-shrecka  in  Kansas,  un  hen  even 
de  deller  g'shlecked.  Ich  hob  dies  g'schtand  bis  der 
graesht  boo  my  ess-govvel  uff  ga-picked  hut  far  si  tzse  ous 
shtarra  mit  un  derno  hov  ich  se  erne  ous  der  bond 
ga-rissa  un  hob  erne  g'sawd  won  are  ons  ous-mishta  wet 
don  set  are  nows  in  my  shtoll  gae,  dart  ware  en  govvel  far 
selly  bisniss.  Owets  sin  don  de  oldta  leit  rivver  cooma. 
De  Kivlern  hut  g'sawt  os  se  ware  so  fro  os  se  now  so 
goote  nuchbera  het,  os  woo  se  hare  wara  cooma  wara  de  leit 
gor  net  nuchberlich  g'west  awver  se  het  gor  nix  shunsht 
expecta  kenna  fun  so  leit.  Es  warra  de  meanshta, 
dreckichta,  un  u-farshtennishta  leit  ga-west  os  se  in  eram 
gonsa  laeva  g'saena  het,  except  de  leit  woo  se  derfore  mit 
g'wooned  hen  un  selly  wara  nuch  feel  meaner  g'west.  Ich 
hob  era  tsu  g'horriched  mit  ame  ore  un  mit  em  onera  hov 
ich  eram  mon  ob  g'horriched  fartzaela  we  mer  k inner  uff 
tzeega  set.  Are  hut  derno  uff  g'wind  mit  sawga  os  won 
mer  kinner  recht  uff  tzeega  wet  don  set  mer  aw  lots  tsu  essa 
hovva  far  se  un  eb  ich  eme  net  en  holb  bushel  grumbeera 
laena  kent.  Ich  hob  g'sawt.  "Xae.  mere  hen  kenny  far  uns 
selver."  Se  hen  oil  es  schwetza  ga-doo.  Ich  hob  g'saena  os 
es  der  Polly  gor  net  aw-shtaid.  Se  hut  wole  ga-nunk  g'wist 
OS  won  en  familia  ken  nuchbera  hut  woo  se  hare  coomed 
brouch  mer  net  gooka  far  groose  freindshoft  woo  se  onna 
ga^d.  Well,  we  se  about  reddy  wora  far  hame  gae  don 
gooked  de  Kivlern  nuff  on  de  uhr  un  sawgt : 

"Ei  du  liever,  boll  tzaea  uhr.  Ich  bin  so  farlora — sid- 
der  OS  mere  doh  woona  hen  mere  ken  uhr.  Kent  eer  net 
uns  ains  fun  eira  uhra  laena  far  pawr  wucha  bis  mere  afforda 
kenna  aney  kawfa?" 

"Nine,  nix !"  hov  ich  g'sawd.  "  "Sis  anyhow  nix  in  dem 
fardulta  ga-lane." 

Se  hen  g'saena  os  ich  base  bin  un  se  sin  hame  g'shtart 
oona  uns  haesa  cooma  se  saena.  Sell  hut  mich  ga-bleesed. 
Ich  gleich  en  mensch  os  en  insult  nemma  con  oona  en  kick. 
Es  gebt  nuch  ebbes  shunsht  eb  mere  se  loos  wara. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI*.  97 

DE  ORMA  HEN  AIER  OLSFART  BY  UNS. 

Icii  hob  dere  in  mime  ledshta  brief  g'shrivva  wsega 
unserem  nia  nuchber,  der  Sam  Kivler.  Mere  hen  ene 
nuch  awver  de  orma-pflager  sin  hardt  draw  far  se  lose  wara 
wile  se  bong  sin  os  se  uffs  township  cooma.  Du  waisht  de 
Beevil  sawgt,  "De  orma  missa  mere  by  uns  hovva,"  un  do- 
hare  will  net  usht  anich  ebber  es  blame  uff  da  oxla  hovva 
far  se  fart  shoffa.  Se  sawga  der  Kivler  is  en  deeb  un  is 
tsu  fowl  tsu  shoffa.  Ich  bin  en  tzeiga  os  are  tsu  fowl  is  tsu 
shoffa,  un  waega  em  shtsela  hov  ich  nix  tsu  sawga,  awver  es 
sin  mere  shunt  dri  hinkel  aweck  cooma  sidder  os  se  doh 
woona  un  ich  hob  de  feddera  fun  ma  shiffer-schtanicha 
hinkel  in  eram  hinera  hofe  g'saena.  Se  sawga  aw  are  het 
si  bae  ob  g'shussa  greeked  ivver  em  hinkel  shtsela.  De 
nuchbera  sin  der  onner  dawg  tzomma  cooma  far  blans  shloga 
far  ene  loos  warra.  Dale  hen  ene  "white-cappa"'  wella  un 
onera  ene  dorra  un  feddera.  Endlich  bin  ich  uff  g'shtonna 
un  hob  ena  g'sawt  os  de  weldt  ware  we  en  mowver,  un  de 
leit  sin  de  shtae.  Yader  shtaee  hut  si  blotz  in  der  mowver, 
derno  mauchts  nix  ous  we  grum  un  shep  os  are  is.  Now 
der  Kivler  is  en  grummer  shtse,  awver  are  hut  si  blotz,  un 
wile  are  en  deeb  is  un  tsu  fowl  tsu  shoffa  daid  ich  suggesta 
mere  daida  ene  'lecta  tsu  office — congress,  senate,  odder  so 
gor  bresident.  Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  arlawbt  are  daid  gor 
net  ni  gse  far  sel.  Are  ware  derfore  far  usht  de  reicha  tsu  so 
ofifica  electa,  derno  breichta  se  sich  net  reich  shtaela.  Ich 
hob  si  point  admit,  un  derno  is  der  Mike  Blotner  uff  ga- 
joompt  un  hut  g'sawt  won  mere  en  premium  do  wedda  uff 
deep  un  fowlenser,  don  wed  are  farshtonna  hovva  os  home 
talent  der  foretzook  het  ivver  room-laefer,  un  so  wide  6s  si 
reputation  concerned  ware  daid  are  se  grawd  ferhondla  far 
congress.  Endlich  is  don  de  meeting  room  ga-draid  tsura 
rechta  bolidix  meeting.  Yaderer  hut  confessed  os  are  goot 
do  kent  oony  shoffa  un  kent  aw  si  sheer  shtsela  wons  mohl 
on  der  grose  haw  fa  gingt.  Se  hen  der  Sam  Kivler  gons 
fargessa  un  yaders  huts  armsht  si  wella.     Endlich  hov  ich 


98  choice;  selections 

g'sawt  ich  het  ols  g'mained  ich  ware  der  armst  mon  om 
Barrick,  un  ich  daid  heit  hondla  mit  anich  fun  ena  un  duch 
het  ich  in  mime  Iseva  net  orum-mood  far  de  leit  room  ga- 
peddled.  En  mon  os  net  ufT  si  ageny  bisniss  ocht  gevva  con 
set  net  froga  far  ufT  onera  eary  ocht  gevva. 

Se  hen  oil  admit  os  ich  de  woreheit  schwetza  da'd.  un 
hen  mich  g'frogt  eb  ich  de  nomination  wet  far  Congress. 
"Nosser,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "Ich  bin  amohl  g'luffa  far 
sell  ompt  un  dere  het  oil  g'luga  tsu  mere  we  dere  far- 
shprucha  het  far  mich  vota  except  der  Billy  Bixler.  Ich 
will  net  widder  lawfa  un  nuch  en  lingner  ous  eme  maucha." 
Es  wore  en  centre-shuss  un  hut  de  karls  shrowva  maucha 
OS  we  rowva  in  ma  nesht  won  mer  en  pitch-fockel  on  se 
haebt.  Es  hut  se  oil  ga-dishtered  os  we  der  oldt  Sammy 
Sendapetzer.  En  familia  fun  fuftzae  kinner  uff's  township 
nemma  daid  hardt  riva  on  sina  holb  dutzent  boweria  un  are 
hut  suggest  mere  daida  en  collection  ufT  nemma  far  era 
fare  batzawla  nuch  Rooslond.  Ich  hob  der  Billy  Bixler  ap- 
point far  der  hoot  room  nemma.  We  are  om  oldta  Sammy 
farby  is  hut  are  si  kup  g'nooked  os  won's  en  oldter  bakonter 
freind  ware,  awver  hut  yo  nix  ni.  We  der  hoot  room 
cooma  is  wora  sivva  cent  un  en  hussa-knup  drin.  Ains 
wore  en  finf  cent  shtick  un  sell  hut  en  Irisher  peddler  ni 
g'schmissa  os  g'suflfa  wore.  De  meeting  is  derno  uff  ga- 
brucha  un  de  sivva  cent  sin  mere  ous  em  sin  g' folia  bis 
mere  ons  Hullerhecka  cooma  sin  don  hut  der  Billy  mere 
der  wink  gevva.  IMere  sin  uff  g'shtepped  on  der  baar  un 
derno  hut  are  g'frogt  far  sivva  cent  waert  "keffer-bree"  mit 
tswae  shtrow-holma  drin. 

Husht  du  in  dime  Iseva  tswae  dorshtiche  kelver  saena 
dicky  millich  ous  ame  kivvel  sowfa?  Dart  hetsht's  saena 
kenna.  Ich  hob  en  longer  tzook,  awver  der  Billy  hut  de 
awga  tzoo  g'mauched  un  de  ora  tsurick  g'laiked  we  en  asel 
won  are  blarra  will  un  bis  ich  recht  reddy  wore  hut  my 
sucker  shunt  wind  g'fonga. 


FUM  BOONASTI^I,.  99 

UFF  DER  KUP  G'SHTELT. 

Du  husht  mich  de  ledsht  wuch  uff  der  kup  g'shtelt  in 
der  tzeidung.  Do  sell  in  dime  Iseva  nimmy.  Ich  wore 
gronk  uff  meim  mawga  far  a  pavvr  dawg.  De  leit  hen 
shondlich  fun  mere  g'schwetzed  derwsega.  De  Sexfoos 
Betz  hut  g'sawt  es  ware  en  grose  imbroofment  uff  my 
looks  wile  my  fees  mae  menshlich  gooka  daida  we  my  g'sicht. 
Ich  hob  era  g'sawt  ich  daid  era  grawd  en  fardle  gevva  won 
se  sich  uff  der  kup  shtella  daid.  De  Betz  Grill  hut  der  Polly 
fore-g'schmissa  os  won  ich  net  so  feel  sowfa  daid  don  breicht 
ich  aw  net  so  farrissna  glaeder  drawga,  un  de  Polly  hut  era 
g'sawt  OS  se  hct  nuch  tsu  feel  tzung  un  set  moll  widder 
em  Billy  Schnellkeffer  si  asel  rida.  Ich  shtse  aw  net  arlae  uff 
em  kup.  Der  mensch  os  en  gonse  wuch  leeked  un  badreeged 
un  gsed  soondawgs  in  de  karrich  un  bade  far  de  orma  sinder 
shtaed  sex  dawg  uff  em  kup  un  aner  uff  da  f^ees.  Der  mon 
woo  si  f  raw  used  we  en  tramp  dorrich  era  gons  Iseva  un  doot 
derno  en  finf  hoonert  dawkr  monum-ent  ivver  era  grawb  is 
usht  uff  da  fees  bis  are  en  onery  aw-g'henked  hut,  un  der 
mon  woo  der  awrem  shoff-mon  nunner  bindt  bis  si  kinner 
nockich  gi£  missa  muss  uff  em  kup  in  der  Himmel,  won  are 
anyhow  ni  coomed. 

Droom  saesht  du  ich  bin  net  arlae  os  oils  ebmohls  uff  em 
kup  shtaed.  Feel  leit  shtaena  druff  un  wissa  es  net,  un  es 
daid  uftmohls  goot  won  mer  sich  druff  shtella  daid  usht  far 
saena  we  de  weldt  gooked  unna  ruff.  We  ich  uff  em  kup 
g'shtonna  hob  hut  olles  es  unnersht-evversht  ga-gooked — 
grawd  we  en  mon  os  g'suffa  is,  maned  are  arias  ware  sober 
un  oil  de  onera  leit  wara  g'suffa.  Far  ae  mohl  in  m€im  laeva 
hut  der  legislature  on  Harrisbarrick  recht  ga-gooked.  Oil 
de  Semly-menner  wora  sober  un  arlich.  Yaderer  hut  ga- 
broveered  si  tzae  dawler  der  dawg  fardeena  un  kenner  hut 
geld  in  de  ribba  g'shtecked  greeked  by  da  corporations.  De 
drucker  wora  oil  reich  un  de  lawyer  oil  awrem  un  uff  em 
wake  noach  €m  Himmel.  De  Demagrawda  hen  oil  far  pro- 
hibition   ga-vote,    un    de    'Publicans    hen    era    offices    uff 


lOO  CHOICE  SKI.ECTIONS 

g'schmissa  un  sin  ous  Washingdon  cooma  os  we  rotta  ous'ra 
shire  won  se  om  brenna  is.  De  porra  hen  de  seek  foil  guv- 
erment-benner  g'hot,  un  de  rigglewake  kanich  hen's 
effongalium  ga-breddiched.  De  karricha  wora  foil  un  de 
wartz-heiser  wora  lahr.  De  welsh-hawna  hen  shtrow-heet 
g'wora,  un  de  weipsleit  hen  mae  waega  der  Beevil  g'schwetzed 
OS  waega  era  nuchbera.  In  fact,  es  wore  olles  unn-ersht- 
evversht  uns  hinnersht  feddersht. 

Ich  tzale  mich   olla  yohr   a  pawr  mohl   uff   der  kup 
shtella  usht  far  ssena  we  de  weldt  gooked  on  da  tswse  enner. 


DE  FEELA  LINGNER. 


De  weldt  is  foil  lingner  un  es  gebt  olla  dawg  mse.  Se 
sin  we  Konadaw  dishtla.  Won  mer  mained  mer  het  se  oil 
fardilked  don  cooma  se  uff  so  dick  os  de  hore  ufT  ma 
hoond.  Es  hut  feel  sarta  lingner.  Dale  leega  for  g'shposs, 
dale  far  geld  un  dale  wile  se  nimmy  wissa  wos  de  wore- 
heit  is.  Ich  denk  de  drucker  un  de  lawyer  cooma  unich  de 
ledsht  gloss,  un  de  shult  is  wile  de  leit  en  feel  graserer 
price  batzawla  far  ga-druckde  leega  os  we  far  anich  ebbes 
soonsht.  Feel  boliditioner  cooma  aw  unich  de  gloss  os 
leega  wile  se  es  net  helfa  kenna.  Won  en  mon  rous 
corned  far  ofifice  un  fartzaeled  dere  os  are  der  ansiched 
arlich  mon  im'  feld  is  un  de  onera  wara  oil  lingner  un  deeb, 
un  OS  si  pardy  oil  de  goota  points  het  un  de  onner  oil  de 
shlechta,  don  helf  du  ene  ous  em  court  house  holda 
soonsht  shtaled  are  de  isena  henka  fun  da  deera. 

Demo  sin  de  leit  woo  far  geld  leega.  Won  en  shtore- 
keeper  sich  farshwared  are  daid  si  goods  far  wennicher  geld 
farkawfa  os  are  batzawled  hut  don  hold  di  bond  uff  dime 
geld-sock  so  long  os  du  in  sime  shtore  bisht  un  mauch  ene 
yoh  net  uff.  Odder  won  en  mon  tsu  dere  coomed  far  en 
gwidder-rood  uff  di  house  do  un  sawgt  os  du  hedsht  de 
shensht  fraw  un  de  schmardshta  kinner  im  county,  don 
lawd  de  oldt  flint  mit  fish-sols  un  hold  eme  about  en  foos 
unich  der  jacket  buckel  won  are  tzu'm  gate  nows  gait. 


PUM  BOONASTIEI..  lOl 

Dale  karl  leega  derno  far  g'shposs.  Selly  sort  leega 
donna  farleicht  es  wenniched  shawda  fun  oil.  Feel  karl 
fartzasla  de  sort  leega  in  g'shposs  un  in  bisniss  is  era  wardt 
so  goot  OS  era  note.  Ae  mon  find  blesseer  in  shtories  far- 
tzaela  un  der  onner  om  tsu-horricha.  Es  doot  nemond  ken 
particular  shawda  un  mauched  monich  mohl  en  schvvare 
hartz  leicht. 

Leega  kared  net  tsu  monsleit  arise.  Weipsleit  doona 
aw  ols  ebmohls  de  woreheit  shtrecka  os  se  yamered.  Won 
se  tzomma  cooma  don  joompa  se  uff  un  bussa  nonner  we 
en  droop  dowva.  In  finf  manutta  won  se  ousanonner  sin 
is  olla  shtick  glaid  os  de  onner  aw  hut  g'hot  ous  ga-laiked 
un  fun  anonner  ga-drenned  bis  der  finsht  sida  net  besser 
ga-gooked  hut  in  era  awga  os  en  older  house-loomba.  Ich 
wase  net  eb  mer  des  leega  hasa  con,  awver  es  is  by  giner- 
osity  hard  ufi  de  woreheit. 

Oil  de  onera  leega  cooma  unich  de  line  fun  fish  ling- 
ner.  Yader  ebber  leeged  os  fished.  Dohare  sin  usht  so  le.t 
worehoft  woo  tsu  fowl  sin  far  warrem  grawva. 


DER  BOWERA  BOO  UN  DER  DUDE. 
Der  onner  dawg  hov  ich   en  brief  greeked  fun  ma 
maidel  un  doh  is  are  un  my  answer : 

"My  Liever  Boonastiel  :  Ich  het  garn  os  du  mere  ous  meim 
druvvel  helfa  daidsht.  Ich  hob  tzwae  boova  os  cooma  mich  saena. 
Ich  bin  de  ansich  duchter  un  my  dawdy  hut  tzwae  boweri  un  blendy 
geld  uff  indressa.  Der-aned  fun  denna  boova  is  en  hard  shofficher 
bowers  boo.  Are  is  shae  ga-nunk  awver  si  hend  sin  row  un  si  glaeder 
fitta  ene  net.  Are  is  so  arlich  un  uff-richtich  os  der  dawg  long  is  un 
denked  de  weldt  un  olles  fun  mere.  Der  onner  is  en  yunger  mon  os 
in  sime  laeva  nix  g'shoft  hut  un  nemond  wase  we  are  en  laeva  maucht. 
Are  hut  olsfart  de  beshta  glaeder  un  se  fitta  ene  os  we's  bobbeer  uff 
der  wond — awver  'sis  ga-report  os  are  daid  net  uft  ga-nunk  settla 
mit  sime  shnider.  Are  is  orrick  polite,  is  en  gooter  denser  un  con 
schwetza  os  we  en  lawyer.  Are  savvgt  are  wet  mich  usht  far  en  lady 
— en  "ornament"  hut  are  mich  g'hasa — un  ich  breicht  in  meim  laeva 
nix  shoffa.  Now,  Gottlieb,  sawg  mere  wella  fun  denna  boova  sull 
ich  hira? 

Saixy  Lauderbach. 


I02  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Well,  Sally,  ich  hob  usht  se.  mohl  g'hired  in  mim  Iseva 
un  ich  glawb  net  os  ich  widder  so  en  risk  runna  daid  os  we 
ich  sella  mohls  hob.  Dohare  bin  ich  net  ga-booked  uff  so 
socha,  owver  ich  geb  dere  my  opinion  un  es  sull  dich  nix 
kushta.  Der  bowers  boo  hut  rowe  hend,  un  si  glaeder  fitta 
ene  net.  Well,  ich  wet  olsfart  liever  en  darrer  gowl  kawfa 
OS  goota  points  wised  os  en  fedder  os  de  shtaggers  hut. 
De  hend  sin  row.  Ferleicht  won  are  en  loafer  ware  done 
wara  si  hend  glot.  Won  arawet  en  shond  is  don  sin  si  rowe 
hend  en  disgrace.  Si  glaeder  fitta  ene  net?  So!  Well, 
ferleicht  sin  se  duch  batzawled.  Der  onner  boo  will  dich  hira 
un  nunner  seddla.  Sawg  du  em-e  are  set  arsht  uflf-seddla — 
mit  sime  shnider.  My  lieve  Sally,  en  arlicher,  uff-rich- 
ticher,  ondlicher,  flisicher  bowers  boo  is  so  feel  wart  os 
en  gonser  shoaf-shtoll  foil  fowlenser.  Der  aned  boo  will 
dich  holda  we  en  lady.  Duch  net?  Hut  are  g'sawt?  Mit 
dime  dawdy  sime  geld !  E-yaw  ?  En  mon  os  so  reddy  is 
far  farshprecha  maucha  is  der  arsht  mon  far  se  farbrecha, 
un  en  mon  os  net  wase  we  mer  geld  fardeened  dare  wase 
aw  net  wee's  tsu  holdta.  Dime  dawdy  si  how  fa  mawg 
grose  si  awver  ich  hob  in  mime  laeva  nuch  ken  geld-sock 
g'saena  os  so  long  is  os  are  ken  budda  hut.  En  arliche 
bond  OS  row  is  en  waurem  poultis  uffera  drowericha  fraw 
eram  hartz,  awver  de  glod  bond  fun  ma  ga-polishta  raskal 
is  so  kold  OS  en  grut  in  ma  hussa-bae.  Hire  du  ken  mon 
far  si  hend  un  si  glaeder — aw  net  for  si  ga-polishte  monneer 
un  si  shae  g'schwetz.  De  sin  oil  shae  won  mers  afforda  con, 
awver  se  sin  net  so  notewennich  os  en  arlich  hartz  un  en 
uflfrichtiche  bond.  My  dawdy  hut  ols  g'sawt :  "Besser  en 
shtickle  brote  im  sock  os  en  fedderly  uff  em  hoot,"  un  luss 
mich  dere  sawga  'sis  feel  woreheit  dart  drin. 

Du  waisht  now  wos  ich  mane.  De  glaeder  sin  der 
shtamp  uff'm  dawler — der  mon  is  es  guld. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  IO3 

DER  CENSUS  'NUMERATOR. 

Der  onner  dawg  is  ains  fun  denna  karls  room  cooma 
wos  se  en  census  'numerator  haesa,  woo  ous  finna  sull  we 
feel  leit  os  es  hut  doh  om  Barrick  un  we  feel  derfum  os 
g'sheit  sin.  Are  hut  ons  Mike  Dubriggel's  g'shtupped  un 
is  ni  tsu  der  fraw.  Now,  de  Dubriggelsy  wase  usht  ga- 
nunk  far  ni  gse  won's  raegered  un  ins  bed  gae  won's  dunkel 
wserdt.  So  g'schwint  os  se  der  census  'numerator  g'sana 
hut  mit  sime  bindly  don  hut  se  ga-grisha :  "Usht  fardt  mit 
dere !  Ich  use  ken  bouch-wae  druppa,  un  ich  brouch  ken 
brilla  far  saena  os  du  en  fardihenkerter  shellem  bisht." 

"Ich  peddle  ken  druppa  un  ken  brilla,"  sawgt  der  cen- 
sus 'numerator,  "awver  ich  mus  dich  a  pawr  questions 
froga.  My  bisniss  is  ous  tsu  finna  we  feel  leit  os  es  im  Hul- 
lerbeera  township  hut,  un  won  du  mere  net  fershtennich 
ontwardta  doosht  don  con  ich  dich  dreisich  dawler  fina." 

"Wos  der  dihenker  wase  ich  we  feel  leit  os  es  hut, 
awver  ich  con  dere  se  amohl  helfa  tzaela.  Dart  is  der  Gott- 
lieb Boonastiel  un  si  fraw,  de  Polly,  der  Sam  Seeshuls  un 
si  fraw  un  era  sex  kinner — sell  mauched  tzae,  un  sel  is  oil 
os  ich  tzaela  con  wile  ich  net  mse  finger  hob,  awver  won  du 
wardsht  don  nem  ich  my  shoe  ob  un  tzale  my  tzae — " 

"Nse,  nae,"  sawgt  der  'numerator.  "Ich  will  usht  wissa 
waega  dinera  agena  house-holdting.     Bisht  du  g'hired?" 

"Ga-hired?  Woo  der  dihenker  denksht  du  os  oil  de 
yunga  hare  cooma  daida  won  ich  net  ware?  Of  course  bin 
ich.  un  my  mon  is  drows  im  welshkarn  feldt,  awver  der 
"Wasser"  leit  ufif  der  hinnera  porch." 

"We  oldt  bisht  du?" 

"Well,  ich  wore  in  der  hovver  arn  ga-bora,  awver  usht 
well  yohr  con  ich  dere  ferhoftich  net  sawga,  awver  es  is  ga- 
wiss  shunt  ordlich  long  tzurick,  far  ich  wase  os  ich  usht 
nuch  en  glae  maidel  wore  we  em  oldta  Sammy  Petzmiller  si 
grose-dawdy  fargrawva  is  warra  un — " 

"We  long  sint  dere  shunt  g'hired?" 

"Ich  con's  dere  ga-wiss  net  usht  sawga.     Ich  hob  en 


I04  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

greitz  in  der  kollenner  ga-mauched  awver  derno  hov  ich 
der  kollenner  farlora." 

"We  feel  kinner  het  dere  un  we  oldt  sin  se?" 

"Well,  dart  is  der  Bill — are  wore  ga-bora  gli  we  mere 
g'hired  hen  g'hot,  derno  is  der  Sam,  der  Alike,  de  Sara,  de 
Suss,  der  Jim,  de  Alary,  der  Joe,  un  de  tzwilling  un  es 
bubbly,  un  waega  era  eld  musht  du  der  Alike  saena — are 
hut's  oils  uff  de  shtoll-deer  g'marricked." 

"Hen  se  oil  era  gooter  farshtond?" 

"Farshtond !  Now  mind  you !  Der  Alike  hut  usht 
dri  wucha  hossler  ga-act  om  wartz-house  im  shtettle  bis 
are  besser  English  schwetza  hut  kenna  os  we  Deitsch.  Der 
Jim  kent  laesa  we  en  lawyer  won's  net  ware  far  .de  capital 
booshtawva,  un  du  setsht  usht  de  Alary  hara  uff  der  drumble 
shpeela.  Der  Sam  will  en  show  actor  gevva,  un  der  Bill 
will's  ductera  Iserna  —  are  tend  anyhow  oils  em  duckter 
Seeshuls  si  gowl." 

Der  'numerator  is  derno  nows  un  de  shtoll-deer  exam- 
ined, un  fun  dart  is  are  ins  welshkarn  feldt  tzoo  em  Alike 
un  hut  der  balance  fun  da  shtatistics  greeked  far  der  Uncle 
Sam  satisfia. 


WE'S  GAIT  ONERA  INFAIR. 

De  Sally  Lauderbauch  hut  era  mind  uff  g'mauched 
seller  bower's  boo  hira  woo  ich  tsu  era  recommend  hob, 
un  se  hut  mere  en  eilawd  gevva  far  on  de  huchtzich  cooma. 
Se  wella  en  gross  waesa  hovva  un  hen  about  en  hoonert 
invitations  nows  g'shicked.  Ich  denk  net  os  ich  un  de 
Polly  goena  wile  ich  net  ni  glawb  so  en  fuss  maucha,  un 
won  mer  on  so  en  blotz  gaed  is  es  expect  os  mer  en  bresent 
mit  nemt  un  ich  con's  farhoftich  net  arforda.  Won  ich  en 
boo  ware  don  wet  ich  net  far  de  feela  le;t  ga-drivva  wara 
far  hira  os  we  en  blindter  asel  onera  fendu.  Des  hira 
is  en  wichtiche  soch  un  won  en  mon  ae  mohl  in  sime  Iseva  si 
ga-donka  by  sich  hovva  set  don  is  es  won  are  far  em  porra 
shtaed  un  mauched  so  wichtiche  farshprecha.     We  con  en 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  IO5 

mon  de  socha  oil  ei-nemma  won  are  farshrucka  is  os  w^e  en 
haws  won  de  hoond  hinnich  erne  sin?  Derno,  won  der 
porra  si  shpeech  ga-mauched  hut  don  gaits  om  ring  room. 
De  weipsleit  bussa  de  fraw  un  de  monsleit  sawga,  "I  wish 
you  much  joyfulness/'  un  so  fardt.  Ich  wet  usht  about  so 
leeb  henka  os  we  in  so'ra  pine  si.  Derno  gaits  far  de  bres- 
ents  saena.  Won  en  reicher  mon  en  glaener  bresent  bringt 
don  waerdt's  weesht  g'schwetzed  fun  erne!  Won  en  awr- 
emer  mon  en  grosser  bresent  bringt  don  sawga  de  leit, 
"dare  het  besser  brode  ga-kawfed  far  si  awremy  kinner," 
odder,  "dare  het  besser  si  arliche  shulda  batzawled."  Bis 
olles  farby  is  hut  der  hirawd  mae  ga-kusht  os  oil  de  bres- 
ents  wserdt  sin,  un  de  helft  sin  far  gor  ken  goot  tsu'ra 
yunga  fraw.  Won  ich  en  yung  maidel  ware  un  my  dawdy 
wet  mer  en  grosser  hirawd  maucha  don  daid  ich  eme 
sawga,  "Dawdy,  des  huchtzich  maucha  kusht  geld.  Ich 
will  kenny.  Nem's  geld  os  es  d'ch  kustha  daid  un  kawf 
mere  en  eck-shonk."  Of  course,  dale  yunga  leit  gleicha  en 
grosser  show  tsu  maucha.  Se  hen  shaena  glaider  un  se 
wissa  net  we  sich  gross  ga-nunk  aw-shicka.  Se  shtarta  ni 
un  fieega  hoch.  Se  fonga  aw  es  doch  ufF  era  house  do  eb 
se  de  keller  mower  uff  hen,  un  ich  hob  in  meim  laeva  ken 
house  g'sana  os  sella  wake  ga-bowed  wore  os  long 
g'shtonna  hut.  Glae  awfonga  is  en  goot  ding.  Es  mauched 
nix  ous  we  hoch  os  der  awdler  fleegt,  are  mus  oils  ebmohls 
ufT  de  serdt  cooma  far  feedera. 

Ich  wore  amohl  invite  g'west  on  en  huchtzich  un  on- 
shtots  fun  gse  hov  ich  der  yunga  fraw  en  boy-shissel 
g'shicked  un  hob  drufF  g'shrivva :  "Mae  freeda  in  ma 
goota  ebbel-boy  os  in  ma  guldna  hols-bond."  Es  hut  de 
fraw  insult  un  se  hut  far  en  gons  yohr  net  tsu  mere 
g'schwetzed.  Noach  sellem  hut  se  mere  ga-donked  un  hut 
g'sawd  -es  ware  en  froocht-bawer  bresent  g'west.  Dor- 
rich  sell  het  se  ous-g'funna  os  der  naixt  wake  on  eram  mon 
si  hartz  is  dorrich  der  mawga.  In  onera  wardta.  won  se 
goot  brode,  goote  boy  un  gooter  hooter  uff  em  dish  hut 
don  is  era  man  goodes  moods.     Won  era  brote  sower  is, 


I06  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

era  boy  usht  holver  ga-bocka,  un  der  booter  shtinkich  don 
is  era  mon  base  un  groomlich. 

Dale  leit  sawga  hira  is  en  ludderee.  Ferleicht  is  es, 
awver  en  moniche  chance  waerdt  farlora  dorrich  yunga  leit 
sich  gross  aw-shicka  won  se  es  net  arforda  kenna.  "Fong 
glae  aw  un  geb  gross  uff,"  is  en  oldt  shprich-wardt  un  is 
wore  de  weldt  ivver. 


DER  FIERT  JULY. 

Mere  hen  aw  mohl  en  celebration  am  Hawsa  Barrick 
g'hot  uff  der  Fiert,  un  ich  con  dere  sawga  won  der  George 
Washingdon  by  uns  g'west  ware  don  het  are  sich  farwoon- 
ered  we  feel  leit  os  in  dem  lond  sin  woo  are  un  der  Grish- 
tuffel  Columbus  g'funna  hen.  Ich  wore  ga-billed  for  en 
speech  maucha,  un  ich  hob  tzwae  kollenner  dorrich  ga-lsesa 
biss  ich  es  shtuft  greeked  hob  far  my  address.  Ich  hob  der 
Billy  Bixler  ga-denked  g'hot  far  es  cheera  uff-shtarta  won 
ols  my  fooder  oil  is  warra  in  der  speech.  Der  Johnny 
Lawbuck  hut  mich  uff  der  shtand  ga-numma  un  mich  in- 
troduced ols  der  grose  Washingdon  orator.  Der  shtand 
wore  about  sex  foos  in  der  hae  un  uff  shtelsa  g'shtonna. 
Ich  hob  g'frogt  far  en  glass  wosser.  Ich  hobs  navich  my 
shtitza  hoot  uff  der  shtand  g'shtelt.  OUa  mohl  os  ich  en 
drink  g'numma  hob  hut  der  Billy  awfonga  sulla  blotcha  so 
dos  ich  mae  fooder  somla  con.  So  naixt  os  ich  mich  arinnera 
con  wore  des  my  speech : 

"Grosse,  oll-feende,  un  gagenwardiche  untzoocht !  Ere  sint  heit 
tzomma  cooma  far  mich  hara  schwetza.  Ere  kent  gawiss  fro  si  os 
dere  so  en  grosser  mon  ga-dinked  het  far  eich  tsu  armawna.  Der 
Washingdon  un  der  Ghrishtuffel  Columbus  sin  dote  un  farfowled, 
awver  era  grosse  dawda  doona  eena  nuch  long  noach  Iseva.  We  der 
Washingdon  der  glae  karsha  bawm  um  g'hocked  hut  mit  sime  glaena 
hatchet,  un  si  dawdy  hut  ene  g'frogt  ware  des  ga-doo  het,  don  is  der 
George  grawd  uff  g'shtepped  un  hut  g'sawt,  'Dawdy  ich  con  net 
leega.  Es  wore  mich  mit  mime  glaena  hatchet.'  We  ich  en  glaener 
boo  wore  hov  ich  fun  selera  shtory  g'hart  un  ich  bin  draw  far  my 
woreheit  broofa  un  hob  meim  dawdy  en  shsener  yunger  beera  bawm 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  I07 

ob  g'saked.  We  are  hame  cooma  is  un  mich  g'frogt,  'my  liever 
glsener  Gottlieb,  ware  hut  des  widder  ga-doo?'  don  hov  ich  g'sawt, 
'Dawdy,  ich  con  net  leega,  es  wore  mich  mit  minera  glaena  sake.' 
Wos  hut  my  dawdy  ga-doo?  Are  hut  mich  shse  om  awrem  ga- 
numma  un  mich  in  de  huls  shade  g'feered.  Dart  hut  are  mich 
g'hocked  mit  der  fawr  gashel  bis  ich  rhona  uff  em  bartzel  g'hot  hob 
we  colda  lever-warsht.  Sella  mohls  hov  ich  my  mind  uff  ga-mauched 
in  meim  laeva  nimmy  de  woreheit  sawga,  un  es  is  aues  fun  da  feela 
goota  resolutions  os  ich  in  mime  laeva  net  farbrucha  hob." 

Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  awfonga  in  der  hend  blotcha  un 
sell  hut  de  onera  uff  g'shtart,  un  era  yocht  hut  em  oldta 
Sammy  Sendapetzer  si  oldte  lose  farshrecked  woo  om 
lemonade  tzoover  wore  unich  em  shtand  un  se  is  wedder 
anes  fun  da  shtelsa  g'shproonga  un  der  shtand  is  tzomma 
g'folla.  Ich  bin  grawd  dorich  nunner  oona  g'shtuppped,  un 
de  Bets  Biffelmoyer,  woo  finf  foos  ivver  der  shtoomba 
mest,  is  uff  mich  g'folla.  Now  ich  bin  ken  shtowder  mon, 
des  consht  du  sgena  on  mime  picter,  awver  won  ich  net 
so  din  ware  don  het  se  mich  by  ginerosity  in  der  mid  ob 
ga-dricked.  Se  hut  sich  net  wae  ga-doo,  usht  wennich 
g'shtouched  im  rick.  Ich  hob  gagooked  we  en  far-forrene 
grut  un  hob  net  so  goot  g'feeled  we  any  wile  ich  net  gons 
dote  wor€.  Se  hen  mich  uff  ga-picked  un  mich  ons  Hul- 
lerhecka  ni  woo  der  duckter  Gnuchasager  widder  de 
shticker  tzomma  ga-bunna  hut  mit  ma  shtrick  un  mich 
hame  gshicked  uff  me  shoop-karrich.  Ich  bin  widder 
so  OS  ich  awennich  essa  un  drinka  con  awver  ich  con  net 
nunner  ons  Hullerhecka  lawfa. 

Won  du  ung'fare  feelsht  far  ebbes  do  far  di  lond  don 
shick  mere  pawr  golla  keffer-bree  odder  bartzel-wosser  far 
my  mawga  widder  awennich  uff  toona. 


I08  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

ON  DER  ca:\ip-meeting. 

Em  Soondavvg  morga  hen  ich  un  de  Polly  unser 
beshte  glaider  aw  ga-doo  un  sin  nivver  noach  der  camp- 
me-eting.  Es  wora  feel  leit  dart.  Dale  hen  Grishdendum 
g'sooched,  onera  blesseer,  un  de  ivvericha  sin  cooma  era 
glaider  weisa.  Ich  glawb  awver  os  de  ledsht  lot  de 
menshta  wora.  Es  wora  leit  fun  olla  sarta ;  grossa  un 
glaena,  longa  un  dicka,  shsena  un  weeshta.  Un  wos  wora 
se  ga-dressed !  Whew !  De  maid  hen  weisa  dresses  aw 
g'hot  un  shep-ga-dradena  shoe,  fancia  bouch-garta  un 
grosse  bustles.  Se  hen,  denk  ich,  nuch  net  ous  g'foona  os 
de  Queen  Victoria  der  Mrs.  Ckveland  noach  g'mauched 
hut  un  der  bustle  ob  g'schnolled.  De  oldt  Vic  is  so  fet, 
se  brouch  ken  bustle  mae  os  wos  noddeerlich  is,  un  sell  is 
tsu  feel  far  nodewennich.  Hinner-g'scharr  is  oil  recht  uff 
gile  far  misht  fora,  awver  uff  weips-leit  is  es  we  en  si- 
schwontz — mae  ornamental  os  useful.  De  boova  wora  aw 
ordlich  uff  ga-doo.  Dale  fun  ena  hen  kit  hensching  aw 
g'hot  far  era  hend  safa.  Ich  will  dere  sawga  es  is  hardt 
uff  hend  so  en  gonser  Soondawg  room  lawfa  un  nix  shoffa 
won  mer  en  gonse  wuch  hovver  binned  oona  hensching. 
Se  hen  grosse  buggy-whippa  g'hot,  un  se  un  era  maid  hen 
grundniss  g'fressa  os  der  shtawb  eena  tsu  da  ora  rows 
g'flooga  is.  Ich  will  dere  sawga,  ich  un  de  Polly  wora  aw 
amohl  yung,  un  won  mae  blesser  im  Himmel  is  os  we  en 
shae  maidel  om  dowma  room  feera  on  der  camp-meeting 
don  do  mich  nunner  far  en  kondadawt  far  en  glaener  engle- 
wara.  Schwetza  waega  engel  g'mawned  mich  on  de  bred- 
dich.  Es  wore  en  boomerawlishe  breddich.  Der  porra 
hut  widder  fertzaled  fum  woldfish  woo  der  Jonah 
g'shlooked  hut.  un  fum  Moses  we  are  shlonga  g'fonga  hut 
in  der  wilderniss.  Derno  hut  are  si  discourse  uff  de  orma 
oldta  Yutta  ga-draid  un  hut  se  duch  gor  sobberments 
g'shtriggled.  Ich  gleich  de  porra  oils  hara  far  de  oldta 
Yutta  gee  woo  shunt  fier  dowsend  yohr  dote  sin.  Es 
coomed   ena  goot.     Se  hen  ken   freind  in   dara   nuchber- 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  IO9 

shoft,  un  won  so  bfeddicha  nix  bot  bon  shots  nix,  we  der 
oldt  bower  g'sawt  hut  we  are  de  gronk  sow  ga  grotsed  hut 
mit  ma  walshkarn  grootsa.  Es  hut  no  en  brooder 
ga-bade.  Es  wore's  same  ga-bad^e  os  ich  ene  hara  hob  ob 
robbla  far  de  ledshta  fartzich  yohr.  Un  ich  hob  usht  ga- 
denked  won  are  net  mae  headway  g'mauched  hut  noach  em 
Himmel  in  denna  fartzich  yohr  os  are  imbroofed  hut  in 
sime  ga-bade  don  gebts  nuch  meede  bse.  Ich  hob  amohl 
en  oldter  karl  in  der  West  ga-lobed  uff  si  ga-bade,  don 
hut  are  mich  aw  ga-gooked  un  hut  g'sawt :  "Oh !  Gollv- 
hill,  Boonastiel,  du  hetsht  mich  hara  sulla  bada  we  ich  yung 
wore.  Ich  hob  oils  woonerbawr  bada  kenna,  awver  sidder 
OS  ich  de  raidla  g'hot  hob  will's  nimmy  recht  gse." 

Ich  un  de  Polly  sin  hame  eb  de  karrich  ous  wore. 
Mer  hen  feel  socha  g'sana  os  es  gevva  hut  un  ich  denk  es 
hut  feel  socha  gevva  os  mere  net  g'sana  hen,  awver  selly 
socha  doona  sich  oils  selver  bakont  maucha  won  de  recht 
tzeit  coomed.  Ich  hob  anyhow  g'woonered  well  os  beed — 
de  gota  odder  de  schlechta  socha,  awver  we  mere  fardt  sin 
hut  der  deifel  es  long  end  fum  bendel  g'hot  un  wore  ols  om 
uff  wickla. 


DE  HOONDS-DAWGA. 


De  hoonds-dawga.  Se  cooma  olla  yohr  un  bliva  sex 
wocha.  Yaklicher  hoond  hut  si  dawg  un  dale  hen  tzwse. 
Feel  menscha  hen  hoonds-dawga,  net  usht  arise  won  de 
Hoonds-starn  om  himmmel  is,  awver  es  gons  yohr  room. 
Dale  leit  hen  era  hoonds-dawga  der  arsht  Obrill  won  era 
creditors  cooma  far  nota  collecta,  onera  hen  era  hoonds- 
dawga  noach  dem  os  se  hira  un  era  geld  wardt  oil  un  se 
missa  ons  shoffa  far  de  fraw  un  es  bubbly  feedera.  In 
fact,  sheer  anich  d)ber  hut  si  hoonds-dawga.  Der  bower 
hut  si  hoonds-dawga  won  are  si  waetsa  goot  in  der  budda 
gadoo  hut  un  expect  en  grosse  asrn,  awver  en  hardter 
winder  g'f reeds  'm  rous,  un  wos  net  rous  g'frorra  is 
fressa    de   micka.      Der    duckter   hut    si   hoonds-dawga    in 


no  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

der  nocht  won  anes  fun  unsera  ketzef  om  Barrick  gronk 
warra  woo'm  shunt  drisich  dawler  shuldich  sin,  un  are 
muss  ei-shponna  un  dorrich  der  dreck  un  felsa  reus 
cooma  un  ene  ducktera.  Der  lawyer  hut  si  hoonds- 
dawga  won  nemond  sunsht  se  hut — sell  is  won  olles  recht 
gaid  unich  da  leit,  won  ken  rawves,  un  mortas,  un  shtales 
aw  gaid,  derno  hut  are  nix  tsu  do  far  de  dihenker  fum 
golya  holdta.  De  porra  hen  era  hoonds-dawga  won  se 
on  en  niar  blotz  cooma  un  era  g'mse  fint  ous  os  der  wind 
se  net  feedered  un  os  de  wolka  se  net  glaid.  Da  drucker 
era  hoonds-dawga  fonga  aw  der  arsht  Yenner  un  enda  uff 
der  ane-un-drisicht  Detcember,  un  der  Boonastiel  hut  si 
hoonds-dawga  farhondled  tsu  der  Polly  sidder  os  are  si 
temberance  pledge  uff  g'shmissa  hut.  De  Polly  hut  now 
tzwae  hoond  era  dawga.  Der  onner  dawg  hut  se  em 
Hullerheck  wardt  g'shicked  are  darft  mere  ken  licker  m?e 
gevva  un  derno  bin  ich  gonga  un  bin  gor  wetters  foil 
warra  usht  far  se  tsu  shpida.  Ich  hob  g'sawt  se  het  ken 
recht  my  "friheit"  aweck  tsu  nemma.  Of  course  ich  base 
€s  friheit,  awver  de  fact  is.  ich  hob  ken  friheit  mse.  De 
shpin  fun  obbadit  hut  mich  in  erem  wabe  un  ich  bin  fesht. 
Es  arsht  wore  usht  se  fawda  um  mich  room  un  ich  het  lose 
risa  kenna,  awver  ich  hob  g'maned  es  ware  ken  g'fore,  un 
hob  ga-loched  ivver  leit  woo  g'sawt  hen  de  shpin  daid 
mich  om  end  fesht  waeva.  Olla  whiskey  jigger  wore  en 
fawda  fum  wseb,  un  heit  bin  ich  olles  ivver-shpunna.  Ich 
nem  olla  excuse  far  foil  warra.  Ich  bin  de  onner  nocht  uff 
g'shtonna  un  nows  in  de  shire  mit  der  loddarn  un  unich  em 
kee-droke  ga-gooked  far  my  buddle,  awver  der  Billy  Bixler 
hut  se  ous  g'funna  g'hot,  un  €s  wore  usht  nuch  about  en 
soopa-leffel  foil  drin. 

Ich  hob  de  onner  nocht  de  souf-gichtera  g'hot  un  ich 
hob  en  grosse  rot  saena  om  uffa-rohn  runner  cooma  un 
ivver  en  dutzent  fun  der  Polly  era  fas-nocht  koocha  uff  era 
schwontz  feddla,  se  hut  derno  es  hinner  end  fum  schwontz 
ins  mowl  g'numma  un  is  widder  es  rohr  nuff — koocha  un 
ollas.  Won  se  nuch  uft  coomed  don  gaid  der  Boonastiel 
amohl  mit  era  es  "rohr  nuff." 


FuM  boonastii;l.  hi 

DE  OLDT  BECKIE  SHTITSEL  IM   ORMA-HOUSE. 

Yets  hen  se  don  nuch  om  end  de  oldt  Beckie  Shtitsel 
noach  em  orma-house  g'shicked.  De  oldt  Beckie  wore 
anes  fun  da  arshta  settler  om  Barrick,  un  wore  anes  fun 
da  beshta  house-helder  un  schmardshta  wiver  im  gonsa 
lond.  Se  is  de  mudder  fun  sex  kinner.  Era  mon,  der 
John  Shtitsel,  is  shunt  tswonisch  yohr  dote.  Are  wore 
en  hardt-schofficher  mon  un  se  hen  era  lond  gaglored 
fun  hond,  un  de  oldt  Beckie  hut  feel  fum  grubba  selver 
ga-doo.  Finf  fun  da  sex  kinner  laeva  nuch — so  wide  os 
se  wissa.  Der  aned,  der  Bill,  es  schwortz  shofe  fun  der 
familia,  hut  es  yohr  eb  der  oldt  mon  g'shtarva  is  anes 
fun  da  nuchbera  era  gile  g'laened  un  is  fart.  Are  hut  der 
gowl  nuch  net  tzurick  ga-bruched  un  se  glawva  are  is  aw 
dote.  We  der  oldt  mon  g'shtarva  is  hut  are  ken  willa 
g'mauched,  un  de  oldt  Beckie  hut  da  kinner  arlawbt  de 
tswonsich  dowsend  dawler  boweri  fakawa  woo  era 
dower  drin  wore.  Se  hut  era  dower  in  cash  g'numma  uns 
grawd  nows  ga-daled  tsu  da  kinner  in  glicha  sheer.  De 
kinner  hen  fershprucha  se  tsu  holdta  far  de  indressa  fum 
geld. 

'Sis  olles  recht  gonga  far  a  pawr  yohr.  Se  hen  era 
uff-ga-wished  we  olles  un  kens  hut  ganunk  do  kenna  far 
se.  Se  wore  wilcoom  ivverall.  Se  hut  de  oldta  hussa 
uff-g'flicked,  de  shtrimp  g'shtupped,  nia  shtrimp 
g'shtricked  un  wore  in  arbordich  grose  demand  by  da 
g'hired  kinner  won  ols  de  familia  sich  fargraesered  hut. 
Era  eldt  fun  sivatzich  yohr  hut  endlich  awfonga  se 
schwach  maucha.  Rumatis  hut  era  hend  g'neppich 
g'mauched.  un  der  Jeck,  der  yingst  fun  da  boova,  woo  uff 
ma  lanes-blotz  g'wooned  hut  un  wore  nuch  kddich,  hut 
g'funna  os  de  oldt  mommy  nimmy  house  holda  con  far  ene 
un  are  is  noach  em  shtettle  un  hut  sich  en  fraw  hame  ga- 
brucht.  De  fraw  hut  en  goote  eddekasion  g'hot,  un  hut 
sich  goot  enjoyed  de  wile  os  de  oldt  fraw  de  dreckich  ara- 
wet  ga-doo  hut  un  se  hut  novels  laesa  kenna,  awver  won 


112  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

ols  fun  €ra  highfalootin  coombany  cooma  is  don  hut  de 
oldt  fraw  in  der  kich  hucka  sulla  un  sich  net  in  der  shtoop 
wisa.  Endlich  hut  don  amohl  de  oldt  Beckie  ebbes  g'saw  t  in 
coombany  os  de  ni  fraw  net  g'soot  hut,  un  se  hut  se 
weesht  ob-g'schnart.  De  oldt  Beckie  hut  ga-ond\vardt 
OS  se  het  in  eram  Iseva  nuch  ken  grammer  g'fressa  un  ken 
shpelling-booch  g'shlooked,  awver's  war's  arsht  mohl  os 
se  unich  eram  agena  soo  sime  doch  g'hasa  ware  warra  era 
mowl  holda.  De  bisniss  wore  ga-doo.  Der  Jeck  hut  gli 
ous  g'funna  os  are  de  wawl  hut  g'schwisha  sinera  fraw  un 
sinera  mommy.  Are  hut  by  der  fraw  g'shtonna  un  gli 
wore  si  doch  tsu  glae  far  de  twse  weipsleit,  un  de  oldt  mom- 
my hut  fart  missa.  Se  hut  tzum  Mike  g'shrivva  in  der 
west  far  se  holdta.  Are  hut  tzurick  g'shrivva  os  de  lond- 
shoft  ware  tsu  kold  far  so  en  oldte  fraw.  Derno  hut  se  tsu 
der  Mary  g'shrivva.  Se  woned  tswonsich  mile  sudda 
fum  Mike.  Se  hut  tzurrick  g'shrivva.  "de  londshoft  is  tsu 
waurem  far  eich."  De  Sus  hut  g'sawt  de  oldt  fraw  kent 
de  yocht  net  shtanda  fun  era  feela  kinner,  un  der  Sam  hut 
g'sawt  si  house  ware  gons  tsu  glae. 

De  oldt  fraw  wore  cm  end  fum  bendle,  un  endlich  is 
se  ob  ivver  der  hivvel  noach  em  orma-house  g'lufifa.  Ich 
hob  se  g'frogt  wos  des  oil  maned.  Se  hut  mere  de  shtory 
gevva  wos  ich  dere  doh  g'shrivva  hob  un  derno  hut  se 
g'sawt : 

"Gottlieb,  des  is  der  donk  os  ich  hob.  Ich  bin  now 
sivatzich  yohr  oldt.  Fooftzich  yohr  fun  mime  laeva  hov 
ich  tsu  ga-brucht  sorya  far  my  kinner.  We  uft  hov  ich  se 
shlofa  g'shuckled  in  der  shtilla  nocht  woo  nemond  by  mere 
wore  os  der  leeb  Gud.  My  ormy  oldte  hend  sin  grum  un 
shep  fun  schmartza  os  ich  mere  aw-g'shoft  hob  om  sorya 
far  se.  Des  is  my  donk.  Ich  hob  shunt  feel  shrit  g'num- 
ma  awver  des  is  der  hardsht  fun  oil." 

Ich  hob  era  noach  ga-gooked  bis  era  kup  ivver  der 
hivvel  drunna  wore,  un  derno  bin  ich  hame  mit  schwara 
ga-dunka. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  113 

SE  COOMER  WIDDER  HAME. 

In  meini  ledshta  breef  hov  ich  dere  g'shrivva  os 
se  de  oldt  Beckie  Shtitzel  nuch  em  orma-house  g'shicked 
hen.  Se  is  widder  tzurick  un  is  es  loostiched  weips- 
mensch  om  gonsa  Barrick.  Du  waisht  ich  hob  dere 
g'shrivva  we  de  kinner  se  lose  sin  warra.  Well,  der  onner 
dawg  is  en  mon  aw-cooma  om  Barrick  os  whiskers  ivver 
si  gons  g'sicht  hut,  en  grosser  brseder  hoot  uff  em  kup,  un 
en  ledderne  gardt  um  si  libe.  Es  hut  ebbes  ga-glitzered 
oonich  sime  ruck  os  dale  g'maned  hen  daid  gooka  we  en 
handle  funera  pishtole.  Are  is  ivver  sex  foos  long  un  hut 
en  awrem  so  dick  os  en  uffa-rohr.  So  g'schwint  os  are  ons 
wartz-house  cooma  is  hut  are  g'frogt  ware  em  oldta  John 
Shtitsel  si  oldte  hsemet  agena  daid.  Se  hen  eme  g'sawt  os 
der  Bill  Blotner  daid  im  oldta  house  w^oona,  awver  de 
boweri  ware  uff  g'schnidda  in  glaena  tracts  un  wara  ga- 
agened  by  differenda  leit.  In  wennicher  os  dri  shtond 
hut  are  de  oldt  Shtitsel  haemet  ga-kawfed  un  farshrivva 
g'hot.  Derno  is  are  tsu  em  'Squire  Luwbuck,  woo  em 
oldta  Shtitsel  si  fendoo  g'schrivva  hut,  un  hut  ous  g'funna 
Vare  oil  de  socha  ga-kawfed  hut.  De  oldt  hilsich  uhr  hut 
are  g'funna  by  em  oldta  Sammy  Sendapetzer.  In  finf 
minnutta  wore  se  si.  Der  oldta  Beckie  era  shuckel-shtool 
wore  uff  em  evvera  shpeicher  ins  Hullerhecka  wartz-house 
un  olles  farshpoona  mit  shpinna-waever.  En  oldte  rhode 
kisht  woo  se  oils  de  haps,  gwilds,  fedderdecka  un  dawf- 
shina  drin  g'holta  hen  wore  im  Sam  Seeshuls  sime  fooder- 
gong  g'shtonna  far  en  fooder-box.  Are  hut  se  rous  un 
frish  nei  aw-gshtricha.  Are  hut  olles  widder  tsurick  ga- 
kawfed  fum  oldta  property  os  are  finna  hut  kenna.  Even 
de  oldt  koffe-meel  hut  are  ga-kawfed  un  widder  uvvich 
der  fire-hserdt  g'shtelt,  un  der  oldt  eck-shonk  hut  are  foil 
rhode-bloomiche  deller  g'shtelt  un  ene  widder  ins  eck 
g'setzed.  We  are  olles  fardich  wore  (un  es  hut  ene  dri 
dawg  g'numma)  is  are  gonga  un  hut  em  Kitzeldarfer  si 
tswae  schwartza  match  gile  ga-kawfed  un  en  foongle  nei 


114  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

buggy  un  is  fadt  ga-driva — woo  onna  hut  nemond  g'wist. 
Are  wore  full  bisniss,  hut  en  gonse  harsh-howd  full-guld 
g'hot  awver  hut  gons  wennich  g'schwetzed.  Are  hut  de 
Mary  Bixler,  em  Billy  si  schweshter,  gadinked  far  ins 
house  cooma  nummy-dawgs  un  en  goot  essa  uff  em  dish 
hovva  um  sex  uhr  owvets.  De  leit  sin  woonerfitzich  wor- 
ra  un  dale  hen  g'maned  are  ware  en  rawver.  Onera  hen 
g'sawt  sell  kent  net  si  wile  are  olles  batzawled  un  hut  nuch 
feel  ivverich.  Es  wore  es  g'schwetz  fum  Barrick  un  de 
leit  wora  uff  noadla.  Fardle  bis  sex  owvets  cooma  de 
tswae  schwartza  gile  ivver  der  hivvel  rivver  os  we  en  shtrawl 
— olles  farshpritzed  mit  dreck — un  ware  denksht  du  os  are 
by  sich  hut  g'hot?  So  wore  os  ich  dere  sawg,  de  oldt 
Beckie  Shtitsel !  Der  f rem  mon  wore  era  long  farlorner 
boo,  der  Bill,  woo  fun  hame  is  ane-un-tswonsich  yohr 
tzurick  mit  ma  onera  mon  sime  gowl !  Are  wore  de  gons 
tzeit  drows  in  Kallefawny  g'west  om  guld  mina  un  hut 
ooner-haerdt  feel  geld  g'mauched.  We  are  g'hserd  hut  os  de 
kinner  si  oldte  mudder  noach  em  orma-house  gae  hen  lussa 
hut  are  olles  lia  lussa  un  uff  de  kaers  un  hame  cooma. 

De  oldt  Beckie  hut  g'hiled  un  g'loched — se  wore  so 
froh,  un  now  wooned  se  widder  im  oldta  house  mit  mae 
geld  uff  bond  os  se  wase  wos  mit  tsu  do,  un  der  soo  woo 
farhossed  wore  by  ena  oil  (except  by  der  mommy)  is  by 
era  now  un  nembts  graesht  dale  fum  blotz  uff  in  eram 
hartz.  Are  hut  em  nuchber  si  gowl  batzawled  mit  in- 
dressa,  si  longer  bawrd  ob  g'schafed  un  si  ledderner 
gardle  mit  da  pishtola  henked  im  shonshta. 


DER  BOONASTIEL  ON  DER  COURT. 

Ich  wore  de  ledsht  woch  on  der  court  im  shtettle  ols 
en  tzeiga  inera  weipsleit  boderation  case  os  der  Charley 
Leebshtickel  un  der  Billy  Boomernickel  in  der  court  hen 
g'hot.  Der  Billy  hut  der  Charley  ga-blamed  far  sinera 
fraw  en  buss  gevvav,  un  hut,  glawb  ich,  en  hoonert  dawler 
farlusht  hovva  wella.     Well,  ich  hob  mich  expressed  os 


FUM  BOONASTIEL,.  II5 

ich  daid  de  Polly  nows  lasna  bi'm  moonet  far  bussa  on  ma 
hoonert  dawler  der  buss,  un  der  Charley  Leebshtickel  hut 
des  g'hart  un  hut  mich  g'soomensed  far  em  Billy  Boom- 
bernickel  si  charges  far  farlusht  nunner  hocka.  Ich  hob 
mich  fardult  in  de  niss  greeked  un  ware  sheer  in  de  jail 
cooma  der-dorrich,  un  des  is  der  wake  os  es  gonga  is : 

Der  Boombernickel  hut  der  Johnny  Lawbuck  ga- 
dinked  far  si  lawyer.  Der  Johnny  wore  a  pawr  yohr 
tzurick  usht  se  en  ruts-keffer,  un  so  orem  os  si  mommy 
ken  naits  mae  g'hot  hut  far  es  endgate  fun  sina  hussa  tsu 
naea.  Are  is  derno  fart  noch  der  shool  un  es  arsht  os 
mere  g'wist  hen  hut  are  en  shtitsa  hoot  g'wora  un  hut 
g'sawt  are  ware  en  lawyer.  Well  des  barshty  hut  mich 
examined  uff  em  tzeiga  shtool  un  des  hut  starn-hawlich 
g'mauched. 

Se  hen  mere  amohl  es  arsht  en  booch  gevva  far  mich 
schwara.  Ich  hob  se  g'frogt  wos  es  ware  un  se  hen  g'sawt 
es  ware  en  beevil.  Ich  hob  g'sawt  ich  ware  amohl  g'fooled 
warra  sella  wake  un  ich  wed  hovva  os  se  der  rhode  bendle 
uflF  maucha  daida  un  mere  broofa  os  es  net  widder  en 
kooduckter  booch  ware.  Awver  se  hen  mich  ivverwel- 
diched  un  mich  en  beevil  aid  nemma  maucha  os  ich  de 
woreheit  sawga  daid. 

Well,  de  arsht  question  dos  der  Johnny  Lawbuck  mich 
g'frogt  hut  wore: 

"What  is  your  name?" 

Now  ich  hob  goot  g'wist  os  der  Johnny  mich  kent, 
awver  far  shtride  farheeda  hov  ich  eme  ordlich  ga-ond- 
wardt : 

"Gottlieb  Boonestiel,  Esq." 

"Where  do  you  live?" 

"Dahame  by  der  Polly." 

"I  don't  mean  that,  where  is  your  place  of  residence  ?" 

"Ich  hob  ken  'residence.'  Ich  woon  nuch  im  oldta 
bluck-heisly  woo  mit  dreck  tsu  g'shmeared  is." 

"No,  no,  Mr.  Boonastiel,  what  I  mean  is,  where  is  your 
home,  that  is,  where  do  you  reside?" 


Il6  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Oh,  well  ich  will  dere's  so  goot  sawga  os  ich  kon, 
sidder  os  du  en  lawyer  bisht  denk  ich  husht  olles  shunst 
fargessa — even  woo  di  oldta  freind  woona.  Du  gaisht  doh 
nows  bis  on  der  greitz-wake,  dart  gaisht  derno  dorrich  em 
oldta  Hawnayarrick  si  lane  bis  ons  arsht  folder,  derno 
gaisht  in  ma  pawd  om  Aluckel  Pestmiller  sinera  hecka- 
fense  nuff  bis  on  der  bush,  gli  sainst  derno  en  oldt  heisly 
uff  der  rechta  bond  side  os  der  shonshta  ousa  draw  ga- 
bowed  hut.  Sell  is  es  nuch  net,  awver  du  coomshed  derno 
on  en  pawd  os  dich  uff  der  linka  bond  side  so  tzimlich 
grawd  om  barrick  nuff  nembt,  un " 

"Well,  well,  hold  on  now  Mr.  Boonastiel,  the  court 
don't  care  to  hear  all  that.  What  we  want  to  know  is  th-e 
general  geographical  location  of  the  place  where  you  claim 
citizenship." 

"Om  Hawsa  Barrick,  United  Shtates  fun  Grishtuft"er 
Columbus." 

Sel  hut  ene  awenich  g'settled  un  ich  hob  ga-denked  are 
het  rhu.     Awver  are  hut  widder  awg'fonga  mit: 

"Mr.  Boonastiel,  what  is  your  business?" 

"Kens  fun  dinera  d bisniss?" 

"I  want  you  to  tell  this  court  what  you  do  for  a  living." 

"Micka-dreck  ous  schwartzer  peffer  laesa." 

Are  hut  derno  appealed  tsum  judge  far  mich  schwetza 
maucha,  un  der  judge  hut  mere  g'sawt  ich  set  eme  recht 
ondwarta. 

"Well,  proceed,  Mr.  Boonastiel." 

"Inventor,  bolitician,  un  filosifer." 

"All  right,  sir.     Do  you  know  the  defendant?" 

"Der  Charley  Leebshtickle?" 

"Yes,  sir." 

"Ei  du  farflompts  kolb.  Farwass  set  ich  net  won 
mere  boova  by-nonner  uff  ga-brucht  sin  worra,  un  unser 
eldera  hen  oils  mit-nonner  ga-butchered,  safe  ga-kuched, 
ga-arned,  ga-drusha,  un  by-nonner  Soondawgs  in  der  sama 
karrich  g'schlofa.    Du  setsht  so  feel  selver  wissa." 


FuM  boonastii<;l.  117 

"I  am  not  presumed  to  know  anything  and  I  ask  you 
this  question  and  demand  a  civil  answer." 

"Well,  ich  denk  net  os  ansich  ebber  'presumed'  os  du 
feel  waisht,  awver  du  sedsht  mae  wissa  os  we  en  ormer 
oldter  mon  we  ich  tsu  bully-ragga  un  pshimpa  doh  far  oil 
denna  leit.  Hov  ich  dich  net  oils  uff  mime  buckel  dorrich 
der  schnse  noach  der  shool  ga-drawga,  un  dere  bolla- 
kivver  ous  oldte  shtiffel-roahra  g'schnitta?  Now  wid  du 
aw-lussa  os  won  du  nemond  mae  kenna  daidsht  om  Bar- 
rick." 

"I  don't  want  any  of  your  insolence,"  sawgt  der 
Johnny  Lawbuck,  "and  if  I  hear  any  more  of  it  I'll  have  the 
Judge  put  you  in  jail." 

"Judge,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "Ich  gse  garn  tzsea  yohr  in 
de  jail  won  du  mich  tzaea  minnutta  on  sell  barshtly  lusht." 

De  lawyer  hen  derno  en  consultation  g'hot,  un  der 
Johnny  Lawbuck  is  uff  g'shtonna  un  hut  g'sawt : 

"The  witness  is  evidently  irresponsible  and  his  testi- 
mony must  necessarily  be  of  little  importance.  I  will  there- 
fore not  occupy  any  more  of  the  Court's  valuable  time  in 
useless  interrogatives." 

Un  der  Judge  hut  g'sawt : 

"Call  another !" 


S^LA  OS  MER  NET  ESSA  CON. 

Der  Porra  Mohler  maned  ich  het  ene  misrepresent  in 
ains  fun  mina  ledshta  breef  w€  ich  g'sawt  hob  os  are  daid 
Gud  donka  os  si  g'mae  eme  si  loo  raegler  olla  fardle  yohr 
batzawla  daida.  Are  sawgt  mere  es  ware  gons  wennich 
geld  OS  are  saena  daid  es  yohr  room,  un  fum  geld  far  des 
yohr's  loo  het  are  nuch  gor  nix  g'sana.  Ich  hob  ene 
g'frogt  we  are  don  laeva  daid,  don  hut  are  g'sawt  uff  wos 
onner  leit  net  essa  wella  un  de  pawr  grumbeera  un  reeva 
OS  are  in  sime  gorda  ga-raised  hut  dorrich  der  soomer. 
Now,  es  hut  mich  orrick  g'shpite  des  tsu  hara.  Ich  daid 
mana  en  mon  kent  net  goot  breddicha  mit  sime  mawga  foil 


Il8  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

reeva.  Awver  des  is  uft  der  fohl.  De  kit  mana  en  porra 
set  laeva  we  en  engel.  Se  treata  ene  so.  Won  are  um  der 
wake  is  don  sin  se  so  glod  os  en  ga-bigelde  wonse  un  olles 
OS  are  sawgt  is  recht.  Se  doona  olles  far  ene  os  we  ene 
batzawla  un  sell  is  es  hawbt  ding.  Se  missa  uff  borricks 
kawfa  odder  farhoongera,  un  won  amohl  en  porra  ma 
mon  a  pawr  dawler  shuldich  is  un  are  denked  are  waerdt 
net  batzawled  don  is  em  porra  si  influence  ivver  seller  mon 
fardt.  Der  porra  daids  garn  batzawla  won  are  es  wexel 
het,  awver  si  g'mae  batzawled  ene  net  un  we  will  are  si 
shoolda  batzawla? 

Ich  hob  amohl  en  porra  ga-kent  os  shier  olla  Soon- 
dawg  tsu  sinera  g'mae  g'schwetzed  hut  wsega  sime  loo, 
Endlich  is  en  oldter  fore-shtseer,  woo  oils  en  fardle  daw- 
ler es  yohr  gevva  hut  tsu  em  porra,  uflf  g'shtonna  un  hut 
g'sawt  are  het  g'maned  se  hetta  ene  ga-dinked  far  bred- 
dicha  far  era  sala  un  net  olsfart  far  era  geld.  Der  oldt 
porra  hut  ene  awenich  aw  ga-gooked  dorrich  si  brilla  un 
hut  derno  g'sawt: 

"My  liever  brooder,  ich  bin  doh  far  breddicha  far  eir 
sala,  awver  sala  con  ich  net  essa,  un  won  ich  kent  don 
daids  tzae  dowsend  nemma  we  diny  far  ma  hoongericha 
mon  en  reshpectable  breckfesht  maucha !" 

So  hut's  tsu  feel  karricha-gser  olla  wile.  Se  treata  en 
porra  we  en  kanich  bis  se  ous  finna  os  are  usht  en  con- 
moner  mensch  is  un  derno  treata  se  ene  we  en  sow.  De 
socha  sin  oil  lets.  Der  lieb  Gud  frogt  nemond  far  uflF 
reeva  laeva  so  os  are  saelich  shtarava  con,  un  won  ich  en 
porra  ware  un  se  daida  mich  net  besser  batzawla  don  daid 
ich  my  ob-shits  breddich  maucha  we  der  oldt  porra  we  are 
g'sawt  hut : 

"Geld  regeneered  de  weldt,  un  doomheit  Globberdawl." 


FUM  BOONASTieiv.  1 19 

DER  SCHMART  BOO. 

IcH  un  de  Polly  wora  em  ledshta  Dunnersdawg  driv- 
va  by  em  Mike  Seeshuls  uff  der  onera  side  em  barrick,  un 
dem  si  boo  is  usht  hame  cooma  fun  der  college.  Der 
Mike  is  en  bower  un  dare  boo  wore  noddeerlich  meed 
gabora,  un  wile  are  ene  nimmy  uff  der  boweri  usa  hut  ken- 
na  hut  are  ene  noach  der  shool  g'shicked.  Mere  wora 
nuch  ken  finf  minnutta  dart  bis  d€r  Mike  awfonga  hut 
glawga  we  laed  os  es  erne  daid  os  si  boo  nimmy  Deitsch 
schwetza  kent.  "Un  €s  shlimsht  is,"  hut  are  g'sawt,  "si 
laming  is  so  hoch  os  mer  si  English  boll  nimmy  farshtae 
con." 

"Ei,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "we  long  wore  are  don  fart 
noach  der  shool?" 

"O,  usht  tzae  wocha,  awver  are  hut  so  woonerbawra 
deefa  gadonka  un  used  so  hocha  worda  os  es  em  recht  laed 
doot  erne  tsu  horricha  won  are  schwetzed,  wile  ich  ene  de 
helft  tz€it  selver  net  ferstse  con." 

"Un  was  will  are  do  far  en  laeva  maucha,"  hov  ich 
g'frogt. 

"Ei,"  sawgt  der  Alike,  "ich  glawb  are  will  sich  repaira 
far  in  de  ageing  bisniss  gse  won  are  sich  anyhow  maintaina 
con." 

"Un  woo  bust  du  di  edication  greeked?"  hov  ich  der 
Mike  g'frogt. 

"Es  mensht  hov  ich  usht  so  uff  ga-picked  fum  John- 
ny," hut  are  g'sawt. 

Ivver  dem  coomed  der  boo  in  de  shtoop. 

"Well,  Johnny,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "we  gleicht  du  de 
shool?" 

"Aw  deah,  its  way  out  of  sight.  I,  ah,  was  tempted 
never  to  come  back  again.  This  place  is  entirely  too  slow 
for  me,  and  if  it  hadn't  been  for  the  bonds  of  consanguinity 
that  bound  me  to  this  deah  old  home  I  should  have  stayed 
at  college  until  I  had  gwaduated !" 

"Oh,  xknd !" 


I20  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Un .  husht  du  oil  di  Deitsch  fargessa?"  hov  ich 
g'frogt. 

"No,  not  altogether,  ah.  but  it  is  such  a  hawrid  cor- 
ruption, such  a  supersquirtical  conglomeration  of  lingual 
analysis  that  I  have  almost  concluded  to  drop  it  from  my 
vocabulary !" 

Ich  hob  long  uff  der  budda  ga-gooked  un  hob 
g'winched  ich  ware  en  shil-grut  so  os  ich  my  kup  ei-tzeega 
kent,  awver  ich  wore  nuch  net  gons  reddy  wile  es  middawg 
essa  boll  reddy  wore  un  ich  hob  shunka-flaish  ga-rucha. 
Es  wore  olles  shtill  far  about  finf  minutta.  Der  boo  hut  si 
pawr  mustach  ous-anonner  g'shprayed  so  os  se  si  lefts  tsu 
decka,  un  si  cuffs  ous  da  armel  gatzooga  so  os  mer  de 
guldna  gnep  saena  hut  kenna.     Endlich  sawgt  are : 

"Mr.  Boonastiel,  I  have  secured  the  agency  for  an  en- 
cyclopaedia for  this  county,  and  I  am  thinking  you  ought  to 
have  one." 

Des  wore  tsu  feel  far  de  Polly  un  se  is  rous  g'fora: 
"Yaw,"  hut  se  g'sawt,  "bring  mere  usht  anes  fun  sella  far- 
hexta  dinger  ins  house  un  demo  gebts  smoke  in  der  kich. 
Der  Gootlieb  is  amohl  der  hivvel  nunner  g'fora  uff  anes 
fun  sella  fardihenkerta  redder  un  hut  sich  der  hols  sheer 
farbrucha !" 

Der  Johnny  hut  era  explained  es  ware  ken  ding  far 
druff  rida  awver  en  booch  far  hocha  wordta  finna,  awver 
de  Polly  hut  arlawbt  ich  wist  ganunk  hocha  wordta  won 
ich  ols  hame  cooma  un  bin  g'suffa. 

Gli  wors  middawg  essa  reddy.  Mere  hen  uns  oil  tsu 
salawd  g'hulfa  ousera  grossa  shissel,  groombera  es  same, 
un  es  shoonka-flaish  wore  uff  ma  grossa  deller  un  doh  hen 
mere  oil  unser  brote  ni  ga-doonked.  Awver  net  so  mit  em 
Johnny.  Are  wore  on  ame  end  fum  dish  g'hucked  un 
about  en  dutzent  glsena  deller  um  sich  room  g'hot.  En  glae 
schnoop  dichly  uff  em  shose  un  mit  dem  hut  are  oUa-ga- 
but  si  mowl  ob  ga-butzed.  Ich  hob  ene  ga-watched  bis  es 
mere  ivvel  g'mauched  hut,  un  ich  bin  in  de  shtoop.  Der 
Mike  is  mere  noach  cooma  un  g'frogt  wos  letz  ware.     Ich 


FUM  BOONASTISL.  121 

hob  eme  g'sawt  nix,  usht  es  ware  en  grosse  pitty  en  kind 
fart  shicka  far  so  gooter  farshtond  farhondla  uff  awennich 
larning. 

''Ich  wase  wos  du  mansht,  Gottlieb,  awver  wos  doot 
mer,  are  hut  evva  shunt  awfonga  Latin  shtudia." 

"Shpon  ene  ei !  Shtell  dich  hinna  on  ene  un  won  are 
shtreidich  wardt  hock  eme  in  de  flank !  Froke  ene  wos 
hazvlabus,  dungahns,  fieldabus  mained  in  Latin  un  derno 
farbrech  em's  greitz  won  are  net  draw  gaid,  far  farluss 
dich  drufF,  won  du  net  doosht  don  farbrecht  are  dere  di 
hartz !" 

Der  oldt  mon  is  nows  un  sich  en  longe  ebbel-gart 
greekt  un  mere  sin  gli  hame  g'shtart.  We  mere  om  misht- 
hofe  farby  sin  hov  ich  en  whip  hara  pi  fa  im  wauga  shup 
un  olla  shtraich  en  wardt  g'hared :  "Dunner  uns  wedder- 
abuss — hawlabuss  —  dungabuss  —  fieldabuss  —  raiksht  dich 
now !" 

Der  naixt  dawg  wore  der  Johnny  heftich  om  misht 
fora.  Der  Mike,  hov  ich  g'hared,  hut  si  knecht  discharged 
un  is  widder  selver  boss  uff  sinera  agena  boweri. 

Moral:   Awennich  larning  is  grosse  g'fore. 


ES  SHOLK-YOHR. 


Des  is  Sholk  Yohr,  odder  "Leap  Year"  we  der  Eng- 
lish mon  sawgt,  es  yohr  woo  de  maid  de  boova  froga  far 
hira.  Ich  bin  froh  os  es  olla  fier  yohr  en  tzeit  gebt  os  de 
maid  de  bisniss  do  missa  un  de  boova  wara  g'schoned. 
Consht  du  dich  nuch  arinnera  we  du  di  fraw  g'frogt  husht 
far  hira?  Ich  con,  un  wile  ich  glawb  os  yadder  ebber  ga- 
interest  is  drin  don  will  ich  dere's  fartzsela. 

Du  kensht  de  Polly?  Se  is  my  fraw.  Well,  we  ich 
so  about  ochtzse  yohr  oldt  wore  don  wore  ich  shunt  so  en 
ordlicher  knup  fun  me  boo.  Uff  ae  mohl  bin  ich  awfonga 
dahr  wara.  blaich  un  mowderich.  My  gross-mommy  hut 
g'maned  ich  daid  de  raidla  greega  un  se  hut  awfonga  mere 
tse  maucha    fun'  ga-grider  ous   em   gorda.      Ich    hob's   net 


122  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

nemma  wella,  awver  se  hut  druff  insist,  un  ich  hob's  ivel 
odder  wole,  evva  drinka  missa.  Awver  es  hut  mere  nix 
g'hulfa.  Ich  bin  oils  mowdericher  worra,  hob  my  obbadit 
farlora  un  se  hen  g'maned  ich  daid  en  glaener  engel  gevva. 
Se  hen  en  ducter  ga-roofa  un  are  hut  mere  my  bulse 
g'feeled,  mere  de  tzoong  bagooked  un  endlich  mere  en 
loxeering  geva.  Awver  es  hut  ken  wexel  gevva — except 
wos  im  ducter  si  sock  is.  De  fact  is  ich  wore  in  leeb,  un 
es  wore  usht  se  mensch  in  dara  gonsa  weldt  os  mere  helfa 
hut  kenna  un  des  wore  der  Widfraw  Shively  era  duchter. 
Se  wore  unser  nuchber  un  mere  hen  oils  g'shpeeled  mit 
enonner  we  mere  kinner  wora,  awver  sidder  os  mere  uff 
ga-woxa  wora  hen  mere  g'seemed  uns  far  annonner  faricha. 
Se  wore  es  shensht  maidel  in  der  gonsa  nuchbershoft  un 
es  wora  edlicha  karls  era  noach  g'schneaked — aner  wore 
nuch  so  gor  en  lawyer — awver  olla  mohl  os  ich  se  in  coom- 
bany  aw-ga-druffa  hob  don  hut  se  mich  ga-treat  mit  partick- 
ler  faver,  un  se  mohl  hen  mere  pusht-office  g'shpeeled  onera 
pardy  un  se  hut  mich  in  de  shtoop  ga-roofa  far  my  mail 
greega  woo  se  gons  arise  wore.  Ich  bin  nei  un  w€  ich  se 
dart  ssena  hob  shtse  don  is  mere  my  hartz  gons  in  de 
shtiffel  g'sunka.  Ich  hob  se  net  aw-ga-raiked  un  der  buss 
woo  reddy  g'wardt  hut  far  mich  uff  era  leftsa  hov  ich  net 
g'numma !  Oh !  wos  en  hartz-kower.  Ich  bin  nows  hin- 
nich  der  bock-uffa  un  mich  ga-kicked. 

Well,  des  ding  is  so  fardt  gonga.  Ich  bin  oils  shlim- 
mer  worra.  My  bouch  is  mere  ei-g' folia  un  my  glaider 
wora  mere  tsu  grose.  Se  hen  g'maned  ich  daid  de  ous- 
tzaring  greega,  awver  ich  hob  ena  g'sawt  es  ware  on  meim 
hartz  un  net  on  minera  loong.  Endlich  hov  ich  my  mind 
uff  g'mauched  os  ebbes  ga-doo  si  mus.  Ich  hob  conclude 
des  maidel  f roga  far  mich  hira,  un  won  se  refused,  mich  tsu 
henka.  Ich  hob  en  grosse  gicht-rose  uff  my  jacket 
g'shpelled  un  bin  ob  g'shtart  far  der  Widfraw  Shively  era 
house  grawd  os  won  mer  tsu  em  duckter  gingt  far  en  tzaw 
rupppa.  We  naixter  os  ich  on  era  house  cooma  bin  we  glen- 
ner  is  my  hartz  worra  un  we  ich's  doch  g'sana  hob  hov  ich 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  1 23 

g'maned  ich  kents  rous  shpautsa.  Es  wore  shunt  om  dunkel 
wara  un  we  ich  about  en  dootzent  yserd  fum  house  wore 
don  hare  ich  ebber  singa: 

"Du  liever,  wos  is  der? 

Coom  hare  don  un  pishper — 
Un  savvg  mere  wos  is  lets  mit  dime  hartz. 

Wos  druvvel,  wos  kimmer, 

My  hartz  husht  du  immer, 
Du  waisht  duch  du  bisht  mere  gons  leeb." 

Es  wore  warrickUch  des  maidel. 

W€  se  der  tzwet  farsht  g'shtart  hut  hov  ich's  nimmy 
shtanda  kenna  un  ich  bin  uff  g'shtepped  tsu  era  un  hob 
g'sawd : 

"Mainsht  du  mich?" 

"Och,  Gottlieb,  wos  husht  du  mich  farshrucka !  Woo 
coomsht  hare  ?" 

"Fun  hame,  un  ich  bin  coonia  dich  froga  eb  du 
mich—" 

Un  usht  about  sell  tzeit  hov  ich  g'maned  my  gons 
gling  daid  mere  der  hols  roof  cooma.  Es  hut  mere  im  kup 
ga-dunnered,  bin  dormlich  worra  un  hob  g'maned  ich  daid 
folia.  Se  hut  mich  g'fonga  un  uff  era  shtool  g'setzed. 
Derno  is  era  g'sicht  naixter  un  naixter  cooma,  era  awrem 
oom  my  hols  room  un  uff  ae  mohl  hut  se  mich  ga-bussed, 
dri,  fier,  finf,  sex  mohl ! 

Jimmany  crickets  un  General  Jackson !  Wos  wora  se 
so  sees  !  Whew !  Schwetz  waega  booch-wsetza  koocha  un 
malossich,  belly-buts  un  lickerisball.  Ich  hob  g'feeled  os 
won  ich  om  farshmelsa  ware,  daid  in  en  grose  shtick 
tzooker  draya  un  de  Polly  wet  mich  essa,  un  ich  hob  ken 
continental  droom  gevva  won  se  daid.  Ich  kent  ken  sees- 
erer  dote  shtarava.  We  ich  tsoo  coma  bin  don  wore  my 
gicht-rose  uff  em  budda  g'lsega,  my  hoot  ins  eck  g'rulled, 
my  ainder  gallus-gnup  ob  ga-rissa  un  my  gonser  jacket- 
buckel  farshprengt. 


124  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Gottlieb,  Gottlieb,"  sawgt  se,  "du  bisht  net  om 
shtarava?" 

"Oh,  nae!  Net  usht  ollaweil.  Ich  bin  cooma  dich 
froga — eb — du — mich — hira— daidsht?" 

"Why,  of  course.  Farwass  husht  mich  net  shunt  long 
g'frogt?" 


DRUVVEL  MIT  DER  POLLY. 

Mer  hen  widder  shtride  in  der  householding.  De 
Polly  hut  mich  fardt  ga-yawked  far  unser  karraseera  aweck 
gevva,  un  ich  hob  shunt  aw-shprooch  greeked  fun  edlicha 
weipsleit  far  tsu  ena  cooma,  anes  fun  denna  wore  de  Betz 
Grill,  woo  sella  mohls  der  Billy  Schnellkeffer  hira  hut  wella, 
un  ich  will  be-chudes  leever  farfreera  os  mit  era  ufT  nemma. 
Du  waisht  se  hut  sich  sella  mohls  en  shtick  tzoong  ob  ga- 
bissa  we  se  fum  asel  g'folla  is  un  se  sawga  mere  sell  ware 
widder  oil  noach  ga-woxa  un  se  kent  ma  karl  Hail  Columby 
widder  gevva  in  rechter  ord.  Se  wore  mere  gons  ous  em  sin 
g'folla  we  ich  ga-adfertised  hob  far  en  bed-feller,  un  ich  hob 
aw  net  draw  ga-denked  os  se  uff  nemma  daid  mit  mere.  Ich 
het  mere  tzwae  weipsleit  ous  holdta  sella,  un  sell  wore  de 
Betz  Grill  un  de  Sexfoos  Betz.  Ich  wase  os  de  Scxfoos  Betz 
mich  farrivla  daid  won  mere  ousfolla  daida,  far  hut  se  mich 
net  sella  mohls  ivver  em  house-butza  im  gorda  room  g'shlen- 
kered  bis  se  sheer  oil  my  blowma  bame  farbrucha  hut  g'hot  ? 
De  Betz  Grill  is  net  so  g'farlich  awver  se  is  so  sobberments 
weesht.  Se  waerdt  en  bar-rick,  hut  en  glossich  awk,  en  naws 
OS  we  en  blook-shawr  un  usht  nuch  tzwae  tzae.  Era  mowl 
gooked  OS  we  en  karrich-hofe  in  der  nocht  won  der  moond 
shined.  Sell  is  aw  net  oil.  Se  hut  en  foos  os  we  en  hinner 
shoonka  funera  tzwae  hoonerd  poond  sow  un  grae-awga 
draw  we  en  ous-galefiflede  walniss.  Se  hut  bae  os  we  en 
growd  shtomper  mid  da  wauda  'sunnersht-eversht  draw. 
Es  mecht  dich  farleicht  wonera  we  ich  sell  ous  g'funna 
hob,  awver  sell  gaid  nemond  nix  aw. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  I25 

Ich  bin  gawiss  ivvel  ob,  un  ich  ware  garn  widder  tzu- 
rick  far  fun  der  Polly  era  goote  booch-wsetza  koocha  €ssa. 
Mer  wase  net  wos  wosser  wserdt  is  bis  der  brunna  drooka  is. 
un  sidder  os  de  Polly  mich  fadt  ga-yawked  hut  fin  ich  usht 
ous  wos  en  goote  haemet  os  ich  g'hot  hob.  Ich  hob  era  der 
onner  dawg  en  brief  g'shrivva  un  hob  g'sawt  wile  mere  don 
net  agreea  kenta  don  wetta  mere  draw  gae  un  unser  socha 
fardaila,  en  shaeda-brief  greega,  un  uns  widder  farhira.  Se 
hut  mere  wardt  gshicked  dorrich  der  'Shquire  Luwbuck  os 
es  soch  ware  shunt  long  fardailed  un  der  ansich  wake  os  ich 
het  far  tzurick  cooma  ware  anes  fum  General  Grant  sina 
"unconditional  surrenders"  maucha.  Now,  eb  ich  uff  my 
knee  gse  far  ma  unnerruck  fress  ich  hoy  we  en  ux.  Wos  ich 
g'sawt  hob  waega  unserem  karraseera  is  wore.  De  Polly 
wase  es.  awver  se  wills  net  admitta.  Mere  wora  grawd  we 
feel  onera  yunga  leit  heitza-dawgs  woo  on  anonner  room 
shlovera  os  we  tzwae  kelver  won  se  dickey  millich  ous  ma 
kivvel  sowfa.  De  oldta  maid  maega  de  nause  nuff  draya, 
awver  won  se  en  chance  now  hetta  far  en  mon  karraseera 
don  daide  se  uff  eme  room  shlovera  os  we  en  gowl  won  are 
farrseged  glaya-hoy  g'fressa  hut.  De  socha  saena  mer  oil 
won  se  farby  sin,  awver  'sis  gor  ken  use  os  mer  de  woreheit 
farlaegled. 

Ich  board  now  widder  by  em  Billy  Bixler,  awer  ich 
denk  net  os  ich  long  mae  bleib.  Der  Billy  is  en  ormer  ketzer, 
grawd  we  ich  selver,  awver  are  hut  en  grose  hartz  un 
gleiched  mere  net  ous-beeda.  Won  de  Polly  net  era  mind 
w^exeled  don  gane  ich  uff  der  wake  un  nem  em  oldta  Abe 
Lacy  si  blotz.    So  hod-ya.    Ich  luss  dich  hara  fun  mere. 


EN  TRAMP. 


Well,  doh  bin  ich  In  ma  fremma  lond.  Em  Moondawg 
en  wuch  hov  ich  der  Hawsa  Barrick  farlussa  far  en  tramp 
gevva.  De  Polly  hut  nix  derfun  g'wist  os  ich  gx,  un  about 
nine  uhr  bin  ich  nuff  in  der  bush  naixt  ons  house  un  mich 
uff  de  fense  g'hucked.  Ich  hob  net  goot  fardt  gae  kenna 
oony  se  nuchamohl   saena.     Se  is  gli  rous  cooma  un  de 

9 


126  CHOICE  SEI^ECTIONS 

g'charr-wesh-shissel  ous-g'lard  un  derno  grawd  widder  ins 
house.  Se  hut  mich  net  g'saena  un  ich  hob  era  net  ga-roofa. 
Ich  bin  ivver  de  fense  nunner,  mer  en  shtuck  g'sooched  un 
demo  ob  der  barrick  nuff  g'shtart  mit  ma  schwara  hartz. 
So  long  OS  ich's  house  ssena  hob  kenna  hov  ich  tsurick  ga- 
gooked,  un  endlich  bin  ich  ivver  der  top  un  drivver  nunner 
g'shtart.  Ich  hob  mich  he  g'sitzed  un  g'shtudied.  Far  fart- 
zich  yohr  hen  mere  by  anonner  g'lsebed.  Mere  hen  uft 
shtride  g'hot  un  ich  wore  de  mensht  tzeit  de  shoold.  Mere 
hen  olla  tswae  blendy  shpunk  g'hot  un  es  glensht  ding  hut 
uns  uff  g'shtart  un  far  gonse  dawga  hen  mere  net  tzomma 
g'schwetzed  usht  wile  mere  olla  tswae  tsu  feel  mowl  hen 
g'hot.  Se  hut  amohl  en  lot  porra  hame  ga-brucht  un  de  hen 
en  wonerbawrer  obbadit  g'hot.  Ich  hob  dri  dawg  huls 
g'saked  far  der  oldt  Sammmy  Sendapetzer  far  en  welsh- 
hawna  fardeena  far  en  roasht  maucha.  De  Polly  hut  denna 
porra  de  shenkel,  der  bartzel,  es  levver  uns  hartz  uff  era  del- 
ler  g'hifled  un  ich  wore  dart  g'hucked  un  der  hols  un  de 
fliggel  ob  g'sookled.  Ich  het  nix  um  sell  gevva  won  se  net 
olla  ga-butt  g'shtupped  hetta  ivver  em  essa  far  mere  sawga 
woo  ich  shtse.  Aner  hut  g'sawt  der  deifel  daid  mich  amohl 
se  dawg  lavendich  hola  un  de  hell  ware  mere  shure.  Des  hut 
mich  so  sobberments  fortzarndt  os  ich  uff  ga-joomped  bin 
un  hob  eme  g'sawd  os  are  mecht  don  amohl  awhile  shtarta 
un  ich  mecht  ferleicht  ivver"  awhile  noach  cooma.  Des  hut 
de  Polly  insult  wiles  en  porra  g'west  wore.  Ich  hob  era 
g'sawt  en  porra  ware  en  ga-laernter  mon  un  set  mae  fershtond 
hovva  os  we  so  tsu  ma  mon  schwetza  on  sime  agena  dish — 
arbordich  won  are  em  si  welsh-hawna  shenkel  uff  em  deller 
het.  Der  ous-coom  derfun  wore  os  mere  net  g'schwetzed 
hen  far  tswse  wucha,  un  onshtots  fun  de  hell  arise  lussa,  we 
mere  do  hetta  sulla,  hen  mere  en  branch  establishment  da- 
hame  im  house  g'shtart.  Un  so  is  es  fardt  gonga.  .  De 
mensht  tzeit  hov  ich  uff  gevva  un  now  is  de  Polly  so  weit  os 
se  maned  ich  set  olsfart  uff-gevva — eb  ich  recht  bin  odder 
net.  Des  is  mere  tsu  hardt  cooma  un  now  gsena  mere  tswae 
waega.     Es  hut  uns  fartzich  yohr  g'numma  for  der  barrick 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  I27 

nuff  groddla  mit  anonner — now  nembts  fartzich  minnutta 
far  der  barrick  nuner  ous-anonner  gae. 

Sidder  os  ich  der  Hawsa  Barrick  ferlussa  hob  un  bin 
om  dravla  hov  ich  in  da  shira  g'schlofa  un  huls  g'saked  un 
shtell  ous  g'misht  by  da  bowera  far  my  essa.  Ich  hob  net  so 
feel  g'schoft  in  tzaea  yohr  os  ich  de  tswae  ledshta  wucha  hob, 
un  my  experience  ols  en  tramp  mawg  interesting  wara  eb 
ich  fardich  bin. 


UNNER  FREMMA  LEIT. 

At  helft  fun  der  weldt  wase  net  w€  de  onner  helft  laebt. 
Des  hov  ich  uft  hara  sawga  awver  hobs  net  ga-glawbed  bis 
ich's  selver  ous-g'funna  hob.  Ich  hob  in  meim  laeva  net 
g'wist  wos  es  is  hoongerich  tsu  si.  Ich  wase  now  ebbes 
derfun.  En  tramp !  Yader  mensch  shied  sich  far  mere  un 
won  ich  uff  der  shtrose  lawf  don  gooka  de  leit  mich  net 
aw  bis  ich  farby  bin  un  derno  draya  se  room  un  gooka 
mere  noach.  Ich  hob  shunt  feel  wsega  g'ssena  far  en  laeva 
maucha,  un  ich  hob  shier  olles  ga-broveered  os  we  beddla, 
un  sell  doon  ich  net.  Ich  ess  net  oony  ich  hob  my  essa 
fardeened,  un  ich  gse  uftmohls  far  en  gonser  dawg  eb  mere 
ebbes  der  hols  nunner  gaed  except  es  goot  wasser  un  de 
frish  loo  ft  OS  Gud  uns  fri  gevva  hut,  un  wons  meeklich 
ware  don  daida  de  reicha  de  socha  aw  morgaga  un  der 
orem  mon  fardorshta.  Ae  onner  ding  hov  ich  ous-g'foona 
un  des  is  os  de  leit  woo  es  wennicht  tsu  gevva  hen  sin  es 
g'schwinsht  reddy  far  em  helfa.  De  wissa  wos  hoonger  is. 
Se  hens  shunt  selver  g'shpeered.  Es  maucht  nix  ous  we 
feel  figgers  is  in  ma  mon  sinera  bank  account  sin  un  we 
hoach  os  are  shtaed  in  society,  de  reicha  sin  oil  ivver  ae 
laesht  ga-maucht,  un  far  selly  mus  ich  es  mensht  huls  saega 
far  my  middawg  essa.  Ich  will  net  hovva  os  du  denksht 
OS  gor  ken  blesseer  is  in  so  ma  laeve  we  ich  ollawile  fere. 
De  grassht  blesser  is  blendy  tsu  essa  hovva  won  mer  recht 
hoongerich,  is  un  es  u-blesseerlicht  ding  is  on  ma  fulla  dish 
hucka  won   mer  net   essa  con.     De   beshta  ga-noddoorda 


128  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

mensha  woo  era  laeva  es  besht  en  joy  a  sin  de  shoffmon  woo 
ken  kimmer  hen  os  we  brote  somla  far  era  householdting. 
Won  du  en  u-rooicher  mensch  finna  wid  don  sooch  aner  os 
olles  in  dara  weldt  hut  os  are  will.  Ich  bin  der  onner 
dawg  on  en  house  cooma  woo  en  reicher  mon  dahame 
wore.  Ich  hob  shier  en  glowfter  huls  uff  g'hocked  far  my 
middawg  essa  by  erne.  We  de  familia  g'essa  hut  g'hot 
hen  se  mich  nei  g'roofa  un  mere  en  oldter  shtool  on  der 
dish  g'setzed.  Ich  denk  se  hen  ga-denked  ich  ware 
lowsich  odder  gretzich.  Der  mon  hut  sich  hinna  on  mich 
g'hucked  un  mich  ga-watched  so  os  ich  yo  nemond  dote 
mauch  eb  ich  fardich  bin  essa.  Are  wore  anes  fun  sella 
karls  woo,  won  are  ga-tzooga  waerdt  far  en  jury-mon, 
hinna  on  sime  nawma  sawgt  "gentlemon."  Ich  hob  en 
obbadit  g'hot  we  en  sake-meel.  Are  hut  mere  tsu 
ga-gooked  we  ich  ae  shtick  brote  um  der  l?eb  room  noach 
em  onera  nunner  g'shroad  hob,  un  endlich  hut  are  g'sawt : 
"Och !  Ich  dait  en  dowsend  dawler  gevva  far  di 
obbadit !" 

"All  right,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  "Ich  farhondle  dere  ene." 
"Yaw,"  sawgt  are,  "we  con  ich  ene  greega?" 
"Sell  is  easy.     Luss  mich  in  di  shtool  hucka  un  gse  du 
ons  huls  saega." 

Are  hut  mich  awver  net  uff  g'numma.  Un  so  gaits 
in  der  weldt  f ardt  —  aner  soocht  far  brote  un  der  onner 
soocht  for  en  obbadit.  Geshter  wore  ich  on  ma  house 
ivver  middawg.  Es  wore  en  reicher  mon  mitera  lot 
kinner.  Are  hut  en  long  ga-bade  g'mauched  om  dish  in 
English  un  hut  g'sawd:  "Help  the  poor  and  the  needy,  the 
dying  and  distressed."  Ich  wore  im  eck  g'hucked  un  bin 
net  on  der  dish  g'haesa  worra.  De  kinner  hen  mae  far- 
darva  os  ich  g'essa  het.  We  se  awfonga  hen  der  dish  ob 
rawma  hov  ich  de  fraw  g'frogt  eb  se  mere  net  a  pawr  oldte 
hussa  gevva  kent. 

"Nae,"  hut  se  g'sawt,  "Ich  schnide  em  mon  si  oldta 
hussa  oil  uff  far  gwilds  maucha  far  ob-chanca  on  unsera 
karricha  faer  far  geld  raisa  far  de  hida  bakara." 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  I29 

Se  iiut  mich  net  g'frogt  eb  ich  bakert  bin,  un  hut,  denk 
ich,  aw  net  draw  ga  denked  os  ich  farfreere  mecht  eb  se 
era  gwilt  ob  g'husseled  greeked. 

Now,  won  der  Himmel  foil  leit  waerdt  we  des  weips- 
mensch  don  glawb  ich  net  os  en  grosser  demand  gebt  far 
"front  seats."  Ich  daid  amohl  anyhow  net  chanca  hondla 
mit  era  won  se  mere  en  foongle  neie  pawr  kassanettne  hussa 
in  der  barga  gevva  daid. 


IN  DER  JAIL. 


Du  DOOSHTS  mere  farleicht  net  glawva,  awver  'sis 
warricklich  wore — ich  bin  in  der  jail !  Geshter  en  wuch  is 
en  gowl  g'shtola  warra  ous  ma  mon  sime  shtoll,  un  wile 
ich  der  ansicht  frem  mon  wore  os  kartzlich  g'saena  is  warra 
in  der  nuchbershoft  'hen  se  grawd  uff  mich  ga-pitched  un 
mich  in  de  jail  ni-g'shtecked.  Es  hut  mich  goot  ga-nunk 
g'suit  wile  des  weesht  wedder  ei  cooma  is,  awver  de  idea  os 
ich  in  der  jail  shtecka  set  ols  en  giles-deeb  doot  mere  my 
hartz  sheer  farbrecha.  Ich  hob  forhoftich  ken  gowl  g'shtola, 
awver  se  hen  so'n  holb-ga-bockener  detective  doh  un 
dare  hut  sich  wisa  wella  un  der  deeb  recht  g'schwint  fonga, 
un  wile  ich  en  tramp  bin  un  hob  ken  geld  far  mich  defenda 
shtane  ich  en  goote  chance  far  awhile  doh  bliva.  Ich  daid 
nix  droom  gevva  won  ich  arlae  doh  ware,  awver  in  der 
naixta  ben  tsu  mere  is  en  marder  ei  g'shpart.  Dare  karl 
hut  nix  ga-doo  dorrich  si  gons  laeva  os  we  rawva  un  sowfa, 
un  is  36  nocht  hinnich  en  shse,  young  u-shoodlich  maidel  un 
hut  se  g'mardt.    Farwoss  des  con  mer  denka. 

Des  is  de  coombany  os  ich  hob,  un  es  shtaid  mere  gor 
net  aw.  Are  sull  g'henked  warra  der  drit  Moy  un  ich 
cons  be-chudes  sheer  net  shtanda  doh  hin  si  won  sell  ob- 
gait.  Sell  is  aw  net  oil.  So  long  os  ich  doh  bin  don  bin 
ich  ga-glossed  mit  dem  drechicha  keyone.  Der  onner  dawg 
sin  tzwse  yunge  mon  doh  ri  cooma  far  der  marder  ssena  un 
hen  grawd  fonna  on  minera  ben  g'shtupped  un  mich  ba- 
gooked.     Don  sawgt  aner  tzum  onera: 


130  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Seller  karl  hut  en  weesht  awk.  Are  daid  en  gonse 
house-holding  marda  far  en  cent." 

"Yaw."  hut  der  onner  g'sawt,  "seller  kent  ich  selver 
henka." 

Des  hov  ich  net  shtanda  kenna,  un  ich  hob  se  g'frogt 
eb  se  wista  waega  wem  os  se  schwetza. 

"Du  bisht  der  Bloom,  der  marder,"  hut  aner  g'sawt. 

"Ich  denk  net.  Ich  bin  der  Gottlieb  Boonastiel,  un  won 
ich  doh  nows  kent  don  daida  tzwae  dudes  era  rick  far- 
brucha  greega !" 

Se  sin  un  d€  naixt  deer  un  dart  hen  se  g'funna  wos  se 
g'soocht  hen. 

Gli  noach  sellem  sin  en  lot  maid  ri  cooma  un  hen  mere 
oranges  un  blooma  dorrich  de  isena  shprussa  ni  g'hand.  Ich 
hob  se  g'numma  un  -evva  awfonga  oranges  €ssa  os  de  bree 
mere  om  bawd  ob  ga-drupsed  is.  We  anes  fun  ena  ous- 
g'funna  hut  os  ich  n€t  der  marder  bin  hut  se  awfonga  greisha 
OS  we  en  yaricher  Isfer  won  are  in  der  fense  shtecked.  Se 
hen  hovva  wella  ich  set  des  soch  widder  nows  handa.  Se 
hen's  intend  g'hot  for  my  butty  in  der  onera  ben.  Ich  hob 
ena  g'sawt  der  Gottlieb  Boonastiel  het  olsfart  gredit  g'hot 
far  gooter  farshtond,  un  nemond  os  en  narr  daid  so  en 
boondle  oranges  uff  g-evva  won  ar  se€  amohl  het.  Aney  hut 
g'sawt,  "nawsty  thing,"  aney  hut  g'sawt,  "the  brute,"  un  en 
onery  hut  g'sawt,  "Oh,  if  I  only  had  him."  Sell  hut  mich 
ga-lechered,  un  ich  hob  era  g'sawt  se  mecht  mich  hovva,  libe 
un  sale,  won  se  ni  cooma  daid,  wile  des  anyhow  sholk-yohr 
ware !  Ich  hob  lots  fun  g'shposs  mit  ena  g'hot,  awver  es 
hut  mich  ga-dinked  os  won  ich  net  so  goot  ware  os  en  mar- 
der. Sheer  olla  dawg  sin  en  lot  leit  doh  hin  far  dare  raskel 
bakara.  Si  tzeit  is  kartz,  awver  wik  are  en  divel  wore  in 
dara  weldt  daida  se  now  garn  en  engel  ous  eme  maucha  far 
de  onner.  Ich  wase  net,  awver's  will  mere  net  recht  in  der 
kup.  Won  des  orem  maidel  woo  are  dote  g'mauched  hut  net 
gons  prepared  wore  far  der  goot  blotz  don  is  se  farlora,  un 
de  wile  os  se  uff  da  kohla  lawft  un  rooft  far  en  druppa  was- 
ser,  doot  dare  ketzer  druvva  in  der  hse  sitza  un  shpeeled  de 


FUM  BOONASTlEIv.  1 31 

hariff.  Are  sawgt  are  het  en  ticket  direct  far  der  himmel. 
Ich  winch  erne  ken  unglick,  awver  ich  wut  duch  os  de  train 
woo  are  druff  gaid  daid  ivver  en  koo  shpringa  un  umshmisa. 
Da  Moondawg  hov  ich  my  hearing  far  em  'Shquire, 
derno  fin  ich  ous  wos  mit  mer  gebt. 


ARE  FINDT  EN  FREIND. 

Ous  der  jail  un  widder  uflf  em  wake.  Se  hen  ken 
evidence  gaega  mich  g'funna  on  niinera  haering  un  der 
'Squire  hut  mich  fry  gevva  —  providing  ich  f arluss  so 
g'shwint  OS  ich  con.  Now,  woo  in  dara  weldt  sull  ich  he? 
Hov  ich  ken  recht  mse  os  ansich  ebber  reshpecta  muss  ?  Bin 
ich  net  noach  -em  greek  far  fechta  far  unser  lond,  un  ware 
aw  ga-bHvva  won  ich  net  de  follent  gronket  greeked  het  we 
ich's  amohl  hara  hob  dunnera?  Un  now  muss  ich  fardt. 
Farwass?  Un  woo  onna?  Is  mse  en  blotz  in  dara  weldt 
far  en  mon  won  are  amohl  drunna  is?  Het  ich  en  gowl 
g'shtola  don  ware  ich  in  de  penisemly  g'shtecked  worra. 
Het  ich  en  holb  millune  dawler  g'shtola  don  hetta  se  mich 
noach  Congress  g'shicked.  Wile  ich  nix  g'shtola  hob  un 
nemond  nix  in  der  wake  g'laiged  hob  don  muss  ich  fardt. 
De  leit  gooka  mich  aw  os  we  en  risend  ga-deer,  usht  wile 
ich  in  der  jail  wore.  Won  oil  de  u-arlicha  menscha  un  de 
professional  deeb  in  der  jail  wara  don  daid  unser  Shtate 
House  on  Harrisbarrick  in  en  shofe-shtoll  ga-draid  wara, 
un  der  Capitol  in  Washington  ware  far  rent.  Of  course,  es 
hut  dale  arlicha  menner  on  denna  bktz,  awver  hardly  ga- 
nunk  far  ains  fum  Tom  Reed  sina  "quorums"  maucha. 

Well,  de  orders  sin  "git"  un  ich  muss  mich  uff  der 
wake  shoffa. 

"Hello !" 
"Hello !" 
"Woonows?" 
"Der  deifel  wase." 
"Woo  coomsht  hare?" 


132  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Ous  der  jail." 

"Woo  is  di  hsemet?" 

"Om  Hawsa  Barrick." 

"So;  Om  Hawsa  Barrick.  Kensht  du  der  Gottlieb 
Boonastiel  ?" 

"Ich  set  €ne  kenna.  Ich  bin  wos  nuch  doh  is  fun 
erne?" 

"Geb  mere  di  bond,  Gottlieb;  coom  rei  un  sitz  dich. 
Ich  sse  du  bisht  hoongerich,  un  du  setsht  ebbes  tsu  essa 
hovva." 

"Ich  bin  shunt  finf  wucha  fun  hame  un  hob  sidder 
ken  goot  wardt  greeked  fun  nemond,  un  ich  con  shier  net 
glawva  OS  du  en  noddeerlicher  mensch  bisht?  Ware  bisht 
du  un  wos  waisht  fun  mere." 

"Ich  wase  olles  fun  dere.  Ich  lase  di  breef  un  ken 
mensch  os  sell  doot  kent  dere  en  eems  refusa.  Wile  du 
shunt  en  tramp  bisht,  du  husht  duch  en  goot  hartz  unich 
dime  oldta  farrissna  ruck,  un  ich  geb  nix  droom  we  nidder 
drunna  os  en  mon  is  es  is  olsfart  nuch  ebbes  gootes  in 
eme.  Yader  mensch  hut  si  blotz  in  dara  weldt.  Du  bisht 
en  tramp.  Di  droovel  is  en  example  far  yunga  boova  woo 
era  yoochend  tsu  bringa  mit  fowlensera,  un  era  goota 
yohra  mit  sow  fa.  Des  is  oil  letz,  awver  es  muss  duch  eb- 
ber's  do  far  onner  leit  dei  ob-shy  gevva." 

"Ich  farshtae  dich  net." 

"Well,  wos  ich  mane  is  des.  De  weldt  is  en  grosse 
mower.  Yader  mensch  is  en  shtae  in  sclera  mower,  un 
derno  mauchts  nix  ous  we  groom  un  shep  os  der  shtse  is, 
are  filled  si  blotz." 

"Un  doh  denksht  du  es  is  nuch  en  chance  far  mich?" 

"Certainly.  Bleib  aweck  fum  Hullerheck  un  sinera 
schwartza  buddle,  bleib  aweck  fun  da  karls  woo  es  end- 
gate  fun  era  hussa  olsfart  ous-g'wora  hen  fun  uflf  da  wartz- 
house  shteel  room  rutcha,  un  ich  guarantee  os  du  nuch  en 
mon  ous  dere  mauchst.  My  haemet  is  uff  tsu  dere  so  long 
OS  du  sober  bleibsht.  Du  broucht  net  hardt  shoffa  un 
greeksht  blendy  tsu  essa,  un  aw  tsu  drinka  won  ich  denk 
OS  du  ebbes  broucht.    Now  sitz  uff  un  ess." 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  1 33 

Ich  hob  mich  ga-petzed  far  ssena  eb  ich  net  om  draw- 
ma  bin  un  we  ich  ous  g'funna  hob  os  ich  wocker  bin  hov 
ich  g'sawd,  "Well,  by " 

Awver  ich  hob  shtuppa  floocha. 


HAME-WiE. 


HusHT  do  in  dime  laeva  en  howns  ga-kawfed  fun  ma 
mon  OS  im  barrick  wooned,  woo  harly  ebbes  tsu  essa  hut 
far  sich  selver  un  nuch  feel  wennicher  far  si  hoond?  Won 
du  husht  don  sawg  mere,  wors  net  di  experience  os  seller 
hownse  dere  olla  mohl  hame  g'luffa  is  os  du  ene  recht  roond 
un  fet  g'feedered  husht  g'hot?  Un  are  ware  aw  nimmy 
tzurick  cooma  tsu  dere  won  are  uff  em  barrick-mon  sinera 
deera  schwell  farhoongered  ware.  Is  sell  net  de  case? 
Won  du  ols  der  hownse  hame  hulsht  un  sheldst  ene  far  dere 
fart  lawfa  don  henked  are  der  schwontz  un  gooked  dich  so 
da-meedich  aw  un  sawgt  so  noddeerlich  os  en  hownse 
schwetza  con,  "There  is  no  place  like  home." 

Sell  is  now  grawd  wee's  is  mit  mere.  Ich  hob  doh  on 
minera  nia  hsemet  olles  os  ich  will.  Blendy  tsu  essa,  en 
goot  waurem  bet  far  drin  shlofa,  un  duch  bin  ich  net  g'sat- 
isfied.  We  ich  my  essa  soocha  hob  missa  fun  house  tsu 
house  hov  ich  blendy  awaret  g'hot  far  my  gadonka.  Bid- 
der OS  ich  seller  droovel  nimmy  hob  don  denk  ich  sheer  de 
gons  tzeit  on  hame  un  de  Polly.  Ich  wase  net  eb's  hame- 
wae  is,  awver  ich  will  dere  sawga  mer  wase  net  os  mer  garn 
hame  gaid  bis  mer  amohl  nimmy  hame  dariff — un  derno 
will  mer  es  oiler  shlimsht  hame  fun  ebbes.  Sidder  os  ich 
doh  bin  un  de  leit  finna  ous  os  ich  der  genuine  Boonastiel 
bin  gooka  se  mich  aw  os  we  en  grosser  mon,  un  ich  ware 
feel  consult  wsega  politics.  Won  ich  oils  nix  wase  waega 
politics  (un  sell  is  sheer  olsfart)  don  holdt  ich  my  hoot  uff 
un  my  mowl  tsu  un  derno  maina  se  ich  ware  en  grosser 
polititioner  un  wet  mich  net  committa.  Ae  ding  wase  ich 
un  sell  is  os  der  Moses  in  der  Shrift  en  Demagrawd  wore 
soonsht  het  are  net  si  pardy  fartzich  yohr  im  doonkla  room 


134  CHOICE  SElyECTIONS 

g'feered  un  derno  net  g'funna  wos  are  g'soocht  hut.  Yo, 
are  hut  duch  endHch  ins  lond  saena  kenna  awver  are  is  net 
ni  cooma. 

Der  graesht  druvvel  os  ich  hob  is  mich  sober  holda. 
Ich  hob  farsprucha  net  tsu  drinka  so  long  os  ich  doh  bleib 
un  ich  con  denna  kondadawda  by  ginerosity  sheer  net  re- 
fusa.  Es  wore  en  tzeit  os  ich  "nae"  sawga  hob  kenna  oony 
druvvel,  awer  ich  con  dere  sawga  es  gaid  mere  hardt  now. 
De  leit  schwetza  olsfart  waega  dem  sowfa  awver  se  sawga 
nee  nix  waega  dem  grossa  dorsht.  En  yunger  mon  nembt 
en  drink  un  mained  es  daid  gross  gooka  won  are  shtag- 
gered  oonich  sinera  load.  Are  nembt  ae  drink  noach  em 
onera  un  locht  ivver  der  yung  mon  woo  refused.  Are 
holdt  aw  bis  are  en  obbadit  hut  far  licker  un  won  are 
amohl  si  schnopps  recht  goot  gleiched  don  hut  are  shunt 
der  lengsht  wake  noach  ma  siffer  si  grawb  g'mauched. 
Are  mawg  derno  shtuppa  drinka  un  sober  bleiva  bis  are  in 
druvvel  coomed  un  derno  gaid  are  far  de  buddle  far  si 
druvvel  drin  farsowfa.  Ae  drink  licker  g'mawned  mich  os 
won  mer  en  mon  on  en  bawn  binna  will  mit  ma  naitz- 
fawda.  De  arshta  pawr  fawda  con  der  mon  good  farrisa 
un  sich  lose  shoffa,  awver  won  are  amohl  pawr  dowsend 
fawda  um  sich  room  hut  don  findt  are  sich  fesht.  Der 
divel  is  en  grosse  shpinn,  un  are  shpinned  en  fawda  oom 
der  mon  room  olla  mohl  os  are  en  drink  nembt. 

Ich  bin  shunt  ordlich  farshpoona  un  won  ich  amohl 
widder  ae  dawg  tsu  feel  "keffer-bree"  greek  don  consht  du 
di  mind  uff  maucha  os  der  divel  widder  en  niar  glingle 
naits  greeked  hut. 


WIDDER  IN  DRUVVEL. 
Ich  hob  mich  shunt  widder  in  en  shaener  mish-mosh 
g'shoft.  Se  hen  en  grosse  bolidix  convention  doh  g'hot 
der  onner  dawg,  un  noach  der  convention  hen  se  en  ban- 
quet g'hot.  Ich  wore  invite,  un  so  en  brogram  we  se  g'hot 
hen  far  sell  essa  husht  du  in  dime  dawg'n-des-laeves  net 
g'saena.    Der  nawma  fun  dale  fun  da  socha  os  se  g'hot  hen 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  135 

far  essa  hov  ich  gov  net  Isesa  kenna,  awver  se  hen  amohl 
dri  sarta  soop  g'hot :  noodle,  boodle  un  poodle.  Derno 
hen  se  dri  sorta  boy  g'hot:  ramberry,  cranberry  un  jam- 
berry.  Awv€r  sell  wore  net  oil.  Se  hen  olla  sarta  wei 
g'hot.  Ae  sart  hut  grawd  g'schmocked  we  em  Alike  Blot- 
ner  si  sider.  Se  hens  shampain  g'haesa.  Ich  hob  se 
g'frogt  eb  se  kens  fun  der  rsela  oldta  sart  Hawsa  Barrick 
keffer-bree  hetta,  un  se  hen  en  buddle  foil  grawd  fonna  on 
my  deller  g'shtelt  un  ich  hob  amohl  ni  ga-lashed  in  gooter 
ord.  Gli  sin  de  g'sichter  om  dish  room  mere  bakont  warra 
— anes  noach  em  onera,  un  ich  hob  g'maned  ich  ware  wid- 
der  oonich  mina  oldta  freind  om  Hawsa  Barrick.  Ich 
wore  determined  far  en  shpeech  maucha  un  endlich  hen  se 
mich  don  draw  gainst.  Husht  du  in  dime  laeva  en  asel  fun 
dere  g'mauched  un  hushts  net  g'wist?  Well  won  du  net 
husht  don  consht  du  gor  net  denka  we  ich  now  feel.  Ich 
hob  en  shpeech  g'mauched  un  in  mime  soof  hov  ich  tsu  feel 
wore-heit  g'sawt  w?ega  bolidix  un  se  hen  mich  shtuppa 
wella.  De  result  wore  en  fecht.  Seller  detective  woo 
mich  in  de  jail  g'shtecked  hut  is  uflF  cooma  far  mich  dish- 
tera.  Ich  hob  ene  oom  der  hols  greeked  un  hob  eme 
g'sawt  si  nawma  ware  Billy  Bixler — der-besht  freind  os  ich 
in  der  weldt  het.  We  my  gooter  freind,  woo  mere  essa 
gevva  hut  w€  ich  ga-tramped  hob,  tsu  mere  cooma  is  far 
mich  hame  nemma  hov  ich  eme  anes  hinnich's  link  ore  ga- 
longed  OS  are  bartzel-bawn  ivver  der  dish  ni  g'folla  is. 
Wos  es  weider  gevva  hut  wase  ich  net,  awver  der  naixt 
morga  hov  ich  mich  im  lock-up  g'funna,  olles  bludich,  mit 
tzwas  shaena  bloa  awga,  en  naws  os  we  en  fousht  un  es  link 
'  ore  ous-g'shlitzed.  Ich  bin  tzu  der  conclusion  cooma  os  de 
kusht  tsu  shtarrick  wore  far  mich  on  der  convention. 

On  nine  uhr  is  der  detective  cooma  un  de  deer  fum 
minera  ben  uff  g'shlussa,  is  ni  cooma  un  a  pawr  hand-cuffs 
ous  sime  sock  ga-tzooga. 

"Du  wid  selly  net  on  mich  do  ?''  hov  ich  g'sawt. 

"Certainly." 

"Ich  hob  net  g'mardt?" 


136  CHOICE  SEI^ECTIONS 

"Du  finsht  ous." 

Now  ich  hob  in  mime  Iseva  net  feela  my  hore  sich  uff 
shtella  bis  dessamohl.  Ich  hob  nix  onishters  gadenked,  so 
we  dare  detective  aw  gonga  is,  os  ich  het  ebber  dote 
g'mauched  in  mime  soof  un  mist  now  henka. 

We  mere  im  'Shquire  si  office  cooma  sin  hut  are 
g'sawt : 

"Gottlieb  Boonastiel,  stand  up!    What  is  your  name?'' 

"Du  husht'n  yo  usht  g'sawt." 

"What  is  your  name?     Answer  my  question." 

"Gottlieb  Boonastiel." 

"Where  do  you  reside?" 

"Woo  ich  my  hoot  ob  nem." 

"What  have  you  to  say  to  the  charge  of  drunkenness 
and  disorderly  conduct.    Guilty  or  not  guilty?" 

"Guilty !"  hut  ebber  g'sawt  hinnich  mere.  Ich  hob 
room  ga-gooked  un  doh  shtaid  my  friend  hinnich  mere  woo 
ich  de  nocht  derfore  ivver  der  dish  ni  g'shloga  hob.  We  ich 
g'sana  hob  ware  es  wore  bin  ich  in  my  sitz  g'folla  os  we  en 
doter  mensch. 

"Let  the  prisoner  before  the  bar  answer  for  himself." 

"Sawg  guilty,  JGottlieb,  ich  shtffi  by  dere." 

Ich  bin  uff  g'shtonna  un  tzurick  ga-gooked,  un  dart 
shtaed  my  freind  mitera  roll  bills  in  der  bond.  Ich  hob 
mere  sheer  net  selver  glawva  kenna,  awver  are  wore  far- 
hoftich  nuch  my  freind. 

"Guilty!"  hov  ich  g'sawt. 

"Ten  dollars  fine,  costs  of  prosecution  and  a  bond  to 
keep  the  peace,"  hut  der  'Shquire  g'sawt. 

My  freind  is  uff  g'shtepped,  my  bond  g'signed  un  de 
tzaea  dawler  nunner  batzawled.  In  tzwae  minutta  wora  mere 
uff  em  hamewake.  We  mere  ous  em  shtettle  wora  hut  my 
freind  sich  room  gadraid  un  hut  g'sawt: 

"Well,  Gottlieb,  we  feelsht?" 

"Schlecht  ga-nunk.  Schwetz  net  tsu  mere.  Farhon- 
del  mich  uff  en  hoond  un  derno  shees  der  hoond." 


FUM  B(X)NASTIEL.  I37 

OM  BOWERA. 

IcH  bin  now  en  bower  un  hob  der  bower  bisniss  feel 
shtudy  gevva  de  pawr  wucha  os  ich  dob  by  meim  freind 
bin.  Mere  shtaena  morgets  free  ufF  un  wons  net  tsu  wind- 
ich  is  don  saea  mere  glse-sooma.  Dorrich  der  dawg  ssea 
mer  bovver,  maucha  fensa  un  greega  reddy  far  welshkarn 
blonsa.  Bisht  du  in  dime  Iseva  free  uff  g'shtonna  un  nows 
ins  feldt  ons  glae-sooma  sae  un  um  about  sivva  uhr  rei 
cooma  far  di  breckfesht  essa  fun  goot  shoonka-flash  un 
ga-bockna  oyer,  gooter  booder  un  weis  brote?  Won  du 
net  husht  don  husht  ains  fun  da  beshta  socha  in  dime  laeva 
farfailed.  Der  bower  hut  feel  goote  socha  in  sime  laeva.  Si 
hondwarrick  is  about  es  ainsicht  os  ken  humbug  drin  is. 
Are  is  de  "first  cause,"  un  oil  de  onera  hondwarricksleit 
laeva  fun  eme.  Shtup  der  blook  un  mer  daida  oil  farhung- 
era.  De  rigel-wsega  hetta  ken  koonsht,  de  shtore-keeper 
hetta  ken  customers  far  era  goods  kawfa,  de  drooker  mista 
shtae  glubba  far  en  Iseva,  un  de  duckter,  de  porra  un  de  law- 
yer mista  oil  ons  reesla  far  sich  selver  odder  farhungera. 
De  fact  is,  der  bower  is  es  grose  rawd  woo  de  ingine  im 
gong  holdt.  De  onera  professions  sin  de  glaena  messna 
ornaments  os  so  uflf  der  ingine  room  g'setzed  sin  far  es  shae 
gooka  maucha.  Du  finsht  olsfart  os  es  grose  rawd.  on  der 
ingine  net  feel  polish  hut.  So  is  es  mit  em  bower.  Are 
muss  gruvve  glaeder  wara,  un  hut  rowe  hend,  un  de  result 
is  are  maned  are  ware  unnerdanich  tsu  denna  onera  pro- 
fessions woo  uff  eme  hucka  un  maucha  de  weldt  usht  hardt 
gae.  Won  en  bower  ins  shtettle  gsed  don  coomed  are  im 
lawyer,  em  duckter  odder  em  drooker  si  office  os  we  en 
shool-boo  won  are  der  arsht  dawg  in  de  fry-shool  gaed. 
Are  doot  sich  shier  faricha  far  loud  schwctza,  un  won  der 
professional  mon  ene  tzasa  dawler  charged  far  tzaea  min- 
nutta  arawet  don  batzawled  der  bower's  bill  un  is  froh  os 
are  nows  con  mit  sime  laeva.  Won  ich  en  bower  ware  un 
daid  en  boweri  agena  don  ware  ich  der  graesht  hoond  uff 
der  garaveri  un  daid  olles  shiddla  os  mere  in  der  wake 
cooma  daid.    'Sis  wore,  are  is  independent,  awver  are  muss 


138  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

shoffa  we  der  dihenker  far  independent  si,  un  won  are  in- 
dependent is  don  wase  are  es  de  helft  tzeit  net. 

We  ich  g'sawt  hob,  ich  gleich's  bowera  un  tzale  doh 
bliva  un  ferleicht  my  hsemet  doh  maucha  far  goot.  Won 
ich  amohl  tswse  yohr  doh  bin  don  will  ich  appplication 
maucha  far  en  shaeda-breef  greega  fun  der  Polly.  'Sis  en 
oldt  maidel  doh  hunna  os  mere  aw-shtaid  un  ich  do  se  olla- 
ga-but  awenich  druff  he  karraseera.  Ich  hob  se  der  onner 
owvet  g'frogt  eb  se  hira  daid  won  se  en  goote  chance  het. 
Se  is  bletzlich  u-mechtich  worra  un  is  in  my  awrem  g' folia. 
We  se  tsoo  cooma  is  hut  se  g'sawt  se  ware  nuch  "heart 
whole  un  fancy  free,"  os  se  ware  in  eram  Iseva  net  g'frogt 
worra  far  hira  un  wist  net  wees  shpeera  daid,  awver  se  wet 
net  hoova  os  en  mon  se  froga  daid  bis  are  reddy  ware  far 
grawd  aweck  hira.  Eram  g'schwetz  noach  hov  ich  far- 
nummma  os  ich  amohl  anyhow  net  uff  de  knee  gae  brouch 
far  froga  won  ich  amohl  bisniss  mane.  Se  is  net  wos  mer 
en  tzaea  dowsend  dawler  beauty  based,  awver  se  hut  dri 
gruller  uff  yader  side  em  kup,  is  so  din  os  en  weshp  in  der 
mit,  un  is  anyhow  shunt  fartzich  yohr  oldt.  Ich  denk  net 
OS  ich  besser  do  kent  un  se  kent  aw  net  feel  schlechter  do. 

Ich  will  awver  duch  amohl  arsht  fun  der  Polly  hara. 


ARE  UN  DE  BETSY  WETZEL  G^NA  FISHA. 

Ich  un  de  Betsy  Wetzel  (sell  oldt  maidel  woo  ich  dere 
derfun  fartzseled  hob  de  ledsht  woch)  sin  der  onner  dawg 
gonga  fisha  un  mere  hen  en  shtarn-hawgelsy  tzeit  g'hot. 
Won  du  in  dime  Iseva  net  mit  da  weipsleit  gonga  bisht  fisha 
don  waisht  du  evva  gor  nix  derfun,  un  w^e  wennicher  os  du 
derfun  waisht  we  besser  os  du  ob  bisht. 

Well,  mere  sin  doh  nunner  on  de  Schwoger  grick  woo 
se  oils  g'sawt  hen  de  sucker  lia  uff'm  rick.  Mer  hen  uns 
en  shsener  blocka  ous  ga-gooked  om  sucker  luch  un  ich 
hob  der  Betsy  g'sawt  se  sull's  essa  safe  aweck  shtella  ous 
em  wake.  Derno  hen  mer  unser  lina  reddy  g'mauched 
don  wore's  der  Betsy  bong  g'west  far  en  worrem  draw  do 


FUM  BOONASTI^I,,  I39 

un  ich  hob  my  gardt  onna  g'laiked  un  era  ainer  draw 
g'henked.  Se  hut  era  line  nei  g'schmissa  un  ich  hob  usht 
my  korrick  draw  binna  wella  don — woopsh,  rised  se  rous 
un  hocked  era  line  about  fooftzae  foos  nuff  in  en  wasser 
pitch.  Wile  yaders  usht  %.  line  un  ae  ongel  hut  g'hot  hov 
ich  evva  nuff  uff  der  bawm  groddla  missa  un  era  ongel 
loos  mauncha.  Uff  em  runner  wake  hut  en  shtartsa  my 
hussa  g'fonga  un  gli  hov  ich  de  kold  looft  uff  minera  bloosa 
howd  g'shpeered.  Runner  hov  ich  net  wella  de  wile  os  se 
oona  om  bawm  shtaid  un  druvva  bliva  fongt  ken  suckers. 
Endlich  hov  ich  ga-broveered  der  bawm  runner  kups-fed- 
dersht  so  we  en  squarl  un  ich  wore  net  weit  cooma  bis  my 
hinnery  glowa  holdt  farlora  hen  un  ich  bin  flotch  fonna  on 
era  uff  der  budda  g'foUa.  Se  hut  marderlich  ga-grisha 
un  ich  hob  ga-glawbed  se  daid  widder  ans  fun  era  kotza- 
gichtera  greega.  Se  hut  awver  net  un  gli  hut  se  widder  era 
line  drin  g'hot.    Ivver  awennich  sawgt  se: 

"Gottlieb,  ich  hob  en  bise." 

"Woo?" 

"On  minera  ongel.    Woo  daidsht  denka,  du  ux?" 

"Now  wardt  a  bissel  bis  es  widder  tzupped  un  derno 
schnarr." 

Woopsh,  rised  se  un  rous  coomed  en  ole  shier  wedder 
era  fees. 

"Haryesses!  En  shlong!"  sawgt  se.  "Shpring,  Gott- 
lieb!" 

Se  hut  net  g'wardt  far  mich  un  is  g'schloga  far  de 
naixt  fense.  Es  luch  woo  se  dorrich  hut  wella  wore  eider 
tsu  glae  odder  se  tsu  grose  un  se  is  shtecka  blivva — der  kup 
nunner  un  de  fees  so  gaega  da  tzgea  uhr  nei.  Ich  hob  ousa 
um  en  sex-ocker  feldt  room  shpringa  missa  bis  ich  uff  der 
rechta  side  by  hob  kenna  far  era  loos  helfa.  We  ich  se 
tsurick  g'holdt  hob  g'hot  don  hut  de  ole  sich  loos  ga-draid 
g'hot  un  wore  widder  ins  wasser  g'schlipt.  De  Betsy  hut 
g'sawt  se  wut  se  hets  fisha  net  g'larnt  un  hut  era  gardt  uff 
de  bank  g'schmissa.  Se  hut  g'sawt  se  wet  mere  now  helfa 
my  tackling  reddy  greega.    Es  wore  now  shunt  naixt  mid- 


I40  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

dawg  un  ich  hob  ga-tzaeled  de  Una  nei  do  un  derno  reddy 
maucha  far  essa,  don  uff  se  mohl  hut  ebbes  awfonga  gleb- 
bera  hinnich  uns  un  we  ich  room  ga-gooked  hob  don 
coomed  ma  nuchber  si  oldte  lose  hinnich  em  bawm  rous 
mit  unseram  ess-karab  ivver  der  hols  henka.  Ich  hob  se 
fonga  wella  usht  far  der  karab  wile  ich  g'wist  hob  os  es 
essa  anyhow  fardt  is,  awver  won  du  in  dime  laeva  ga-bro- 
veered  husht  en  oldte  lose  fonga  don  waisht  os  der  oldt 
shinner  inera  is.  Ich  hob  se  endlich  in  en  wauga  shup  ga- 
drivva.  Se  is  ins  hinner  eck  nei  ga-backed  unich  en  tswse- 
giles  wauga  un  we  ich  tsu  era  groddla  hob  wella  hut  se 
"Hu-hu"  g'mauched  un  is  rous  g'shtart.  Ich  hob  se  ob 
heada  wella  un  bin  mit  em  kup  wedder  de  longwid 
g'shprunga  os  my  sidener  hoot  tzomma  ga-dubbled  is  we 
en  'cordeon.  Ich  hob  se  net  greeked  bis  noach  da  tswse 
uhr  un  derno  hov  ich  se  tzomma  g'schloga  mit  ma  shil- 
shite.  We  ich  tsurick  cooma  bin  wore  ich  base,  farshunna, 
farrissa  un  hoongerich,  un  mere  hen  ous-g'mauched  hame 
gse  un  es  ivver  maucha.  uff  en  onerer  dawg. 

Awver  dere  will  ich  now  usht  amohl  grawd  aweck  eb- 
bes nunner  fartzasla,  un  des  is  dos  won  ich  nuch  amohl 
g'fonga  wasr  mit  da  weipsleit  gse  fisha  don  mawksht  du 
mich  nunner  do  os  en  farflompts  oldts  kolb  os  net  wase 
wos  are  will  un  is  net  tsu-fridda  bis  es  ebber  findt  far  ene. 


IN  FILDELFY. 


ICH  wore  aw  mohl  de  ledsht  wuch  in  Fildelfy.  Ich 
bin  mit  em  shtore-keeper  nunner  far  si  goods  kawfa  un  mer 
hen  en  woonerbawre  tzeit  g'hot.  Ich  wore  in  mime  Iseva 
derfore  net  ous  em  lond  un  es  is  mere  ordlich  fore  cooma. 
Mer  sin  doh  fart  im  formiddawg  un  sin  dorrich  Harrisbar- 
rick,  Lenghester  un  oil  de  onera  shtettle  om  wake  noach. 
De  car  wore  foil  leit  un  we  ich  ni  cooma  bin  huts  grawd 
gagooked  os  we  en  shtoop  os  foil  leit  hucked  un  ich  hob 
grawd-awek  my  hoot  ob-g'numma.  We  ich  g'saena  hob 
OS  de  onera  oil  de  heet  nuch  aw  hen  don  hov  ich  miner  aw 


?UM  boonastie;l,  141 

widder  uff  der  kup.  Endlich  is  der  conductor  room  cooma 
un  hut  g'sawt,  "All  tickets,  pleas."  Ich  hob  in  my  sock 
g'longed  un  erne  my  ticket  he  galonged.  Ich  hob  ene  der- 
no  g'frogt  we  si  familia  ware  un  eb  are  selver  recht  g'soond 
ware  un  we  der  wsetza  gooka  daid  oona  nows.  Are  hut  mere 
ken  ondwardt  gevva  un  hut  mich  aw-gagooked  os  won  are 
mich  net  kenna  daid. 

We  mere  naixt  on  Fildelfy  cooma  sin  hut  der  conduc- 
tor ous  ga-roofa : 

"Fildelfy,  Fildelfy!    All  change,  Fildelfy!" 

We  are  es  drit  mohl  "Fildelfy"  g'sawt  hut  bin  ich  uff 
ga-joomped  un  hob  g'sawt :   "Yaw,  yaw,  ich  bin  reddy." 

Es  hen  a  pawr  karls  hinnich  mere  awfonga  locha,  awver 
we  ich  room  ga-draid  bin  un  se  aw  ga-gooked  un  se  hen 
g'saena  os  ich  de  tzae  blick,  hen  se  awver  era  gakidder 
g'shtupped.  We  mere  ous  da  kars  wora  un  sin  uff  de 
shtrose  cooma  don  bin  ich  in  en  eck  ni  g'shteppped  un  hob 
em  shtore-keeper  g'sawt  are  set  aw  ni  cooma  bis  de  leicht 
farby  ware. 

"Leicht?"  hut  are  g'sawt.    "Woo  saesht  du  en  leicht?" 

"Ei,  wos  is  des  don  won's  net  en  leicht  is?  Ssesht  du 
net  de  feela  leit  doh  hinnich  annonner  noach  lawfa?" 

Are  is  en  shtiller  mon  un  duch  huts  ene  galechert. 
Are  hut  mich  derno  on's  wartz-house  un  hut  g'sawt  ich  set 
dart  bliva  bis  are  cooma  daid.  We's  supper  tztit  wore  hut 
der  wsert  g'sawt  ich  set  usht  dart  in  de  shtoop  ni  shteppa. 
Es  wore  en  grosse  longe  shtoop  un  we  ich  about  in  der  mit 
wore  hov  ich  nuch  en  shtoop  g'saena  feel  we  de  arsht  un 
bin  g'shtart  far  ni.  Es  naixt  os  ich  g'wist  hob  bin  ich 
blump  wedder  en  shpiggel  g'luffa  os  es  mere  de  naws  sheer 
in  der  kup  ni  ga-drivva  hut.  De  leit  hen  oil  awfonga  locha 
un  ich  hob  ga-broveered  mit  maucha,  awver  my  naws  hut 
mere  tsu  wae  gadoo  far  locha  un  ich  hob  g'shpeered  os  ich 
tsu  dihenkers  grose  bin  far  hila.  Endlich  bin  ich  on  der  dish. 
Der  nseger  is  derno  cooma  un  sich  hinnich  mich  g'shtelt 
un  hut  awfonga  tsu  sich  selver  schwetza,  ebbes  we: 

"Ham-bee f-mutton-surloin-mutton  chops-spring  chick- 

10 


142  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

en-Iobster-devikd  crab-pork-and-beans-de-la-supersquirtical 
cembuHanaexetra." 

"Wos  is  letz?"  hov  ich  g'sawt. 

"Want  supper,  sah?" 

"Certainly,  sah,"  hov  ich  g'sawt,  un  mich  tzurick  ga- 
lawned  in  my  shtool,  don  gaid  der  schwartz  ketzer  weis  der 
himmel  grawd  widder  ivver  de  same  shtory.  Des  hut  mich 
fartzarndt  un  ich  bin  uff  ga-joomped  un  g'sawt  os  wile  der 
shpiggel  net  farbrucha  ware  het  are  nix  tsu  shelda,  un  won 
are  net  in  druvvel  cooma  wet  don  set  are  sinera  bisniss 
noach  gse. 

Are  is  derno  nows  un  gli  is  are  cooma  mit  ganunk  essa 
far  dri  menscha.  Ich  hob  olles  farsoocht  un  nix  hut  mere 
recht  g'schmocked.  Ich  hob  net  olles  gakent.  Ich  hob  en 
leffel  foil  fun  ame  deller  g'numma,  don  fin  ich  ebbes  hardes 
drin,  un  we  ich's  ous  em  mohl  hob  far  examina  don  wor's 
so  farhoftich  en  gloa  fun  ma  grebs !  We  ich  sell  g'ssena 
hob  is  es  mer  ivvel  warra  un  ich  hob  usht  nuch  de  deer 
g'mauched  bis  olles  roof  cooma  is.  Es  hut  my  mawga  gor 
woonerbawr  ous  tune  g'schloga  un  ich  hob  em  wsert  g'sawt 
ich  wet  ins  bed.  Ich  bin  g'shtart  far  de  shtaik  nuff  don  hut 
are  g'sawt  ich  set  worda  un  ich  kent  nuff  rida  uff'm  alli- 
gator !" 

"Nosser,"  hov  ich  g'sawt.  "Ich  con  do  oony  eir  grebsa 
fressa,  awver  der  divel  sull  mich  bulla  won  ich  nuch  en  alli- 
gator ride !" 

Ich  wore  net  holver  de  shtaik  druvva  g'west  bis  en  boo 
noach  tsu  shpringa  is  cooma  far  mere  my  bed  wisa.  Ich  hob 
mich  ous  ga-doo,  un  we  ich's  licht  ous  maucha  hob  wella 
hov  ich  en  cord  g'ssena  uff  ga-noggled : 

"don't  blow  out  the  gas." 

We  hov  ich's  don  ous  maucha  sulla.  Ich  hob  amohl 
awile  ga-roofa  un  es  is  nemond  cooma.  Nunner  gae  hov  ich 
nimmy  w€lla,  wile  ich  ous  ga-doo  wore,  don  bin  ich  draw  un 
hob  en  shtool  wedder  de  wondt  naiva  ons  licht  g'shetlt, 
derno  hov  ich  de  "nocht  ile"  greeked  un  wasser  uft*'s  licht 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  143 

g'shit.  Sell  hut's  ous  g'mauched  oona  ga-blosa,  awver 
won's  net  far  der  shtore-keeper  g'west  ware,  woo  gli  hame 
cooma  is,  don  ware  ich  im  gas  farshticked. 

Der  naixt  morga  hov  ich  mine  friend  g'sawt  dos  wons 
erne  nix  ous  maucha  daid  don  daid  ich  widder  hame  gse. 
Are  huts  farwillicht.  Es  essa  hut  mere  gor  net  aw 
g'shtonna.  Se  essa  breakfast  om  elf  uhr,  dinner  on  sexa 
owets,  un  supper  der  naixt  dawg.  Won  der  good  mon  mere 
my  farshtond  lust  don  maega  de  Fildelfy  karls  era  grebsa 
fressa  un  alligators  rida  tsu  eram  gootes  moodes  un  so  long 
OS  ee  wella.    Ich  will  kens  mae  derfun. 


WIDDER  DAHAME. 


Es  MAWK  dich  surprisa  won  ich  dere  sawg  os  ich  wid- 
der dahame  bin.  Ich  hob  en  raise  fun  tzgee  dawler  ga- 
mauched  der  onner  dawg.  Der  Bill  Sollakupper  woo  dart 
druvva  wooned  hut  di  tzeidung  sivva  yohr'  g'numma  un 
hut  se  net  batzawled  g'hot  we  due  ene  ob  g'schloga  husht, 
un  dare  hut  mere  sawgt  are  kent  net  salich  shtarva  won 
are  sell  net  batzawla  daid.  Ich  hobs  farwilliched  dere's 
tsu  bringa  un  are  hut  mere  de  amount  ivver  batzawled. 
Ich  hob  net  g'wist  wos  do  wit  mit  so  feel  geld  un  es  is 
mere  eicooma  ich  set  amohl  widder  hame  gae  un  de  Polly 
p'soocha.  Ich  hob  era  en  foongle  neie  dress  ga-kawfed 
mit  grosse  rhode  blooma  drin  un  nuch  en  lot  so  onner  ga- 
tziffer  far  weipsleit.  Derno  bin  ich  draw  un  hob  mere  en 
foongle  neier  bobbeerner  collar  un  en  rhoad  neck-tie 
greeked  un  im  nummydawg  bin  ich  uff  de  Hawsa  Barrick 
train  ga-joomped  un  g'shtart  far  hame.  We  ich  ons  Hul- 
lerhecka  cooma  bin  wora  en  lot  leit  om  wartz-house  un  se 
wora  oil  froh  mich  tsu  saena.  Even  em  Hullerheck  si 
oldter  fetter  hoond  is  hinnich  em  uffa  rous  cooma  un  on 
mere  ga-rucha  un  hut  g'schwentzeled.  Ich  con  dere 
sawga,  es  doot  em  oils  ebmohls  goot  far  fardt  gae  usht  far 
saena  we  froh  os  de  leit  sin  won  mer  hame  coomed.  Dale 
leit  gaena  nee  net  fardt,  arbordich  doh  om  Barrick  sin  feel 


144  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

karls  OS  msena  de  soon  daid  olla  morga  dart  drunna  hin- 
nich  em  oldta  Sammy  Sendapetser  sinera  shire  ous  em 
budda  schluppa  un  ovets  widder  unner  gse  im  Alike  Blot- 
ner  sime  hivvel  feld.  Well,  we  ich  evva  oil  "how-de-do" 
gevva  hob  g'hot  bin  ich  der  barrick  nuff  g'shtart.  Ich  hob 
awver  arsht  der  Hullerheck  g'frogt  eb  de  Polly  shunt  de 
house-butz  gichtera  g'hot  het  des  free-yohr,  un  are  hut 
g'sawt  are  denked  se  het  wile  are  ga-noticed  het  em  Soon- 
dawg  OS  se  de  fensa  shunt  ga-weiseled  het.  Sell  hut  mere 
en  grosser  losht  fum  hols  un  ich  hob  mich  ga-doomeled 
far  der  barrick  nuff  eb  doonkel.  We  ich  ons  house  cooma 
bin  wore  de  Polly  on  a  pawr  fun  mina  oldta  hussa  flicka 
OS  shunt  sivva  mohl  ous  g'wora  wora  un  widder  uff- 
g'flicked.  Ich  hob  era  de  bond  gevva  un  se  hut  aw-ga- 
lust  OS  won's  era  net  feel  ous-g'mauched  het  won  ich  fardt 
ga-blivva  ware.  Ich  hob  g'ssena  os  ebbes  ga-doo  si  muss 
un  des  g'schwint.  Ich  hob  g'sawt  ich  ware  usht  cooma  far 
en  pawr  minnutta  call  maucha  (we  de  weipsleit  oils  sawga 
won  se  en  dawg  bliva),  un  ich  ware  doh  far  era  good-bye 
gevva. 

"Woo  wid  nows?"  hut  se  g'frogt. 

"Noach  der  West  far  uff-woxa  mit  em  lond." 

Se  is  uff  g'shtonna  un  sich  hinnich  der  dish  g'hucked. 
Ich  hob  g'saena  os  my  shtory  &e  u-rooich  g'mauched  hut. 

"Doh  is  en  dress  far  dich.  Es  wart  woll  de  ledsht  si 
OS  ich  dere  in  meim  laeva  kawfa  do,  un  ich  sawg  good-bye 
wile  ich  nuch  awennich  bisniss  hob  es  shtettle  drunna." 

Ich  hob  era  de  bond  onna  ga-longed,  awver  se  hut  net 
uff  ga-gooked  awver  hut  ga-picked  on  da  glsena  rhoda 
blimlin  uff  em  ale-duch  uff  em  dish.  Gli  hov  ich  en  drub- 
ba  wasser  s?ena  uff  der  dish  folia.  Se  wore  waricklich  om 
heila !  Sell  wore  tsu  feel  far  mich.  Ich  hob  mich  navich 
se  g'hucked  un  gli  sin  mere  de  drsena  ivver  de  bocka  nun- 
ner  ga-rulled  we  hosselniss.  Es  hut  kens  nix  g'schwetzed 
far  finf  minnutta.  Ich  hob  shpeera  my  oldte  leeb  widder 
oil  tsurick  coma  un  endlich  draid  se  room  un  gebt  mere 
en  buss ! 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  145 

Jimmany  crickets !  Sell-er  buss  wore  we  wei — we  el- 
der we  besser,  un  ich  sawg  dere  os  ken  kolb  se  en  grose 
kolb  is  OS  en  oldt  kolb.  Ich  ware  amohl  anyhow  net  ous 
sellem  house  selly  nocht  wons  so  full  divel  g'west  ware  os 
shindla  uff  em  doch.  Unser  meeting  is  uff  ga-brucha  so 
shtill  os  en  baid-shtoond  un  kens  hut  en  wardt  mae  g'sawt 
der  waega.  Unser  actions  hen  uns  olla  tzwse  aweck  gevva 
un  mere  hen  uns  olla  tzwae  g'shemmed  os  mere  so  oldte 
kelver  fun  uns  g'mauched  h^n. 

Ich  will  dere  sawga  sell  is  uft  de  shuld  fun  feel  druv- 
vel  in  house-holdinga.  Tzwae  so  oldta  wissa  net  os  se  an- 
nonner  leeva  bis  anes  odder  es  onner  shtarbed,  un  derno 
finna  se  ous  os  nix  so  grosse  schmartza  mauched  os  de  ga- 
donka  fun  da  dawga  woo  se  u-anich  mita-nonner  tsu  ga- 
brucht  hen.  Es  is  ken  mensch  so  u-obbaditlich  os  are  net 
ebbes  on  sich  hut  os  mer  leeva  muss,  un  uft  findt  mer  si 
goote  qualities  net  ous  bis  are  fardt  is. 


DE  MENSCHA  UN  DE  MONKEYS. 

Dkr  onner  dawg  wore  en  mon  om  Barrick  mitera 
dray-arrigle  un  ma  monkey.  Der  Henner  Shenkelmoyer 
hut  derno  g'sawt  es  ware  amohl  en  mon  g'west  by  em 
nawma  Darwin  woo  bahawbt  hut  os  mere  daida  fun  da 
monkeys  hare  shtomma.  Dare  monkey  wore  so  shmardt 
un  ga-wixed  os  mer  es  shier  glawva  hut  missa  os  se  amohl 
menscha  wora,  odder  mere  amohl  monkeys.  Es  wore  ken 
ivver-ouser  weeshter  monkey,  un  si  g'sicht  wore  mere  ba- 
kont  un  ich  hob  long  shtuddied  we  are  gooked  bis  der 
Billy  Bixler  mere  tsu  hilf  cooma  is  un  hut  g'sawt  are  daid 
gooka  we  em  oldta  Yuckel  Hannabarger  si  boo  uff  der  onera 
side  em  Barrick. 

My  dawdy  hut  ols  g'sawt  "Da  hsecher  os  en  monkey 
groddled  da  besser  con  mer  si  schwontz  saena."  Sellem 
noach  missa  unser  eldra  goot  bakont  g'west  si  mit  era 
fore-eldra.  Es  hut  feel  monkeys  os  olla  wile  in  de  hae 
grodla  far  era  schwentz  wisa. 


146  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Der  mon  woo  olla  political  pardy  fardompt  os  we  si 
ageny  un  maned  are  ware  arise  recht,  groddled  in  de  hse  si 
schwontz  tsu  weisa.  Der  shse  monkey  woo  maned  yader 
weipsmensch  daid  in  leeb  folia  mit  eme  so  g'shwint  os  se 
ene  ssed,  groddled  in  de  hse  far  si  schwontz  tsu  weisa. 
Der  mon  woo  neemond  drowed,  woo  maned  are  ware  arise 
arlich,  is  shunt  long  in  der  hae  on  sime  schwontz  weisa. 
Der  mon  woo  maned  es  ware  en  grosse  aer  won  are  so  feel 
drom  drinka  con  os  en  sow  oona  g'suffa  wara  groddled 
olla  dawg  in  de  hae  far  si  schwontz  weisa.  Der  mon  woo 
maned  are  daid  de  gons  weldt  agena  un  het  en  mortgage  uff 
Konadaw  hut  en  schwontz  un  yader  ebber  hut  ene  shunt 
g'sana.  Der  mon  woo  en  double  laeva  labed,  is  ousa  weis 
un  inwennich  schwartz,  un  denked  de  weldt  findt  ene  net 
ous,  groddled  amohl  ae  dawg  nuff  si  schwontz  tsu  weisa. 
Der  mon  woo  maned  are  het  gons  Hullerbeera  township 
im  jacket-sock  un  kent  olla  fier-un-tzwonsich  shtoond  tsu 
office  elect  wara,  groddled  amohl  ae  dawg  wide  nuff  un 
weised  en  longer  schwontz.  Der  boo  mit  reicha  eldra, 
woo  awfongt  woo  si  dawdy  uff  gevva  hut,  groddkd  nuflF, 
weised  si  schwontz,  coomed  runner  un  gebt  uff  woo  si  dawdy 
awg'fonga  hut.  Der  orem  mon  woo  si  geld  om  dawg- 
lenera  fardeened  un  lust  si  fraw's  oil  shpenda  far  dress  hut 
net  ga-nunk  rick-sthrong  far  weit  nuff  groodla  far  si 
schwontz  tsu  weisa.  Der  mon  woo  glawbt  are  con  drom 
drinka  so  long  un  so  feel  os  are  will  un  shtuppa  won  are 
reddy  is,  groddled  amohl  ae  dawg  nuff,  folt  runner  un  far- 
brecht  si  schwontz.  Der  mon  woo  maned  os  oony  si  hilf 
daid  de  karrich  tsu  em  deifel  gae,  findt  sich  amohl  ae  dawg 
om  pole  druvva  un  si  schwontz  by  sich ;  un  der  mon  woo 
maned  are  kent  hoora,  shtaela,  corda  shpeela,  leega,  b'shisa 
un  de  orema  rawva  in  dara  weldt,  un  by  grose  geld  tsu  da 
hida  shicka  si  wake  in  der  Himmel  kawfa,  findt  sich 
amohl  ae  dawg  on  ma  blotz  woo's  ma  monkey  de  hore  fum 
schwontz  sengt. 

Anyhow,  en  monkey  is  en  g'shpossich  ga-deer.  En 
goot-gookicher    monkey    is    shenner    os    we    en    weeshter 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  I47 

naeger — un  se  reacha  besser.  Ich  mane  se  setta  en  vote 
hovva  so  OS  se  aw  ebbes  fardeena  kenta  on  der  'leckshon. 
Sell  ware  es  Sechtzsed  Amendment  tsu  der  Constitution, 
un  won  de  Brohibitionists  glawva  daida  os  se  era  konda- 
dawt  electa  kenta  mit  selera  blonk  in  eram  plat-form  don 
glawb  ich  ferhoftich  os  se  em  monkey  en  shtim  gevva 
daida.  Ich  glawb  os  es  net  so  en  shlecht  ding  ware.  En 
monkey  daid  duch  ga-nunk  wissa  far  si  mowl  tsoo  holdta 
un  onner  leit  vota  lussa  we  se  wella — un  feel  fun  da  onera 
sart  menscha  doona  net. 


DER  SOLS  REVER  DRUVVA. 

"Mommy  mauch  de  deer  tzoo.  De  Demagrawda 
cooma."  De  'leckshon  is  farby,  der  oldt  Grover  is  widder 
uff  em  nesht  un  mere  orma  'Publicans  sin  der  Sols  Rever 
druvva. 

Mer  sin  oil  doh  un  sin  so  tzimlich  goot  g'fixed,  awver 
won  de  tzeita  so  goot  wara  der  rever  drunna  we  de  Dema- 
grawda uns  farshprencha  don  gebts  lots  fun  deserters. 

Se  sawga  in  finf  yohr  ware  en  dawler  feel  mae  wardt 
OS  are  now  is.  Es  mawk  woll  so  si.  Es  husseled  en  karl 
now  fardihenkert  for  en  dawler  fardeena,  un  won  are  nuch 
feel  mae  wserdt  wart  don  wase  der  le-eb  Gud  ware  se  far- 
deena con. 

Luss  mich  saena.  In  i860  we  de  'Publicans  in  power 
cooma  sin  hov  ich  ols  hame-gamauchte  fioxna  hussa  ga- 
wora.  Sella  mohls  hut  mer  en  hover  dawler  greeked  far 
im  arnfeldt  shoflFa,  un  en  dawler  wore  feel  wardt.  Tzooker 
wore  tzwelf  cent  es  poond  un  kardoo  tzwelf  cent  de  yord. 
En  dawg-loo  hut  fier  poond  tzooker  odder  fier  yord  kardoo 
ga-kawfed.  Now  greeked  en  mon  en  dawler  der  dawg. 
Tzooker  is  finf  cent  es  poond  un  kardoo  finf  cent  de  yord. 
We  der  dawler  so  feel  wardt  wore  uni'ch  Demagrawdishe 
brinciples  hut  mer  tzwae  dawg  un-a-holva  shoffa  missa  far 
der  fraw  en  dress  kawfa,  un  now  con  en  mon  tzwae  dresses 
kawra  mit  em  loo  fun  ame  dawg's  arawet. 


148  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Der  Billy  Bixler  sawgt  sidder  os  are  doh  huvva  is  hut 
are  mse  fun  bolidix  ga-larndt  os  are  si  Iseva  derfore  g'wist 
hut.  Oil  de  grosse  karls  sin  doh  un  bolidix  is  der  topic  fun 
dawg  tsu  dawg,  un  yader  ebber  shpeculate  uflf  de  brinci- 
bles  fun  da  Demagrawda  woo  unser  revenue  ob  scheita 
wella  far  unser  income  increasa. 

Der  onner  dawg  hut  der  Bench  Harrison  en  goob- 
hock  un  shofel  g'numma  un  is  hinnich  em  Bill  McKinley  si 
stoll  gonga  un  hut  awfonga  grawva. 

"Wos  shofsht,  Bench?"  hut  der  Bill  ga-grisha. 

"Well,"  sawgt  der  Bench,  "Ich  hob  shunt  uft  g'haert 
OS  es  ware  usht  ae  ding  in  der  weldt  os  mer  lenger  maucha 
kent  by  on  da  tzwse  enner  derfun  ob-hocka,  un  des  ware  en 
grawb,  un  ich  con  mer's  selver  sheer  net  glawva  bis  ich's 
broveer,  un  won's  so  is  don  is  se  question  g'settled  in  mi- 
nera  mind  os  mich  shunt  long  ga-boddered  hut." 

"Un  wos  is  sell?"  hut  der  Bill  g'frogt. 

"Well,"  sawgt  der  Bench,  "won's  lenger  wardt  by  fun 
da  tzwae  enner  ob-hocka  bin  ich  g'satisfied  os  de  Dem- 
agrawda hame  gonga  sin  far  era  sega  grawb  grawva.  Se 
wella  es  tariff  end  fun  unseram  income  ob-hocka  un  sella 
wake  expecta  se  unser  surpluss  increasea,  un  wile  mere  en 
grawb  graeser  mauched  by  fum  end  ob-hocka  muss  der 
Demagrawdish  tariff  doctrine  un  en  grawb  anes  un  es 
same  ding  si." 

"By  gosh,"  sawgt  der  Bill,  "du  bisht  en  schlitz-oricher 
oldter  keyone.  Coom  ri  un  geb  mere  en  pull  ous  sellem 
Carnegie  fessly  un  derno  helf  ich  dere  grawva." 

Der  Bench  hut  si  showfel  un  groob-hock  wedder  de 
shtolla  deer  g'shtelt  un  se  sin  mitannonner  ins  house  woo 
se  de  boliticians  in  pickel  holda.  Gli  sin  se  rous  cooma. 
Der  Bench  hut  si  mowl  ob  ga-butzed  mit  sime  ruck-armel 
un  derno  hut  are  si  lederny  benching  aw,  in  de  hend 
g'schpoutzed  un  ons  growva  we  en  oldte  groond-sow. 

Der  McKinley  un  si  Bill  hen  sich  navich  ene  g'shtelt 
un  eme  tsu  g'schprucha.  Gli  hut  der  Bench  en  luch  g'hot 
OS  mer  der  Tom  Reed  drin  fargrawva  het  kenna.     Derno 


FUM  BOONASTlElv.  I49 

hut  are  awfonga  on  ame  end  ob-hocka  un  es  is,  by  gosh, 
ols  lenger  un  lenger  warra  un  bis  owvet  hut  are  en  grawva 
dri  foos  deef  un  de  gons  leng  fum  McKinley  sinera  gorda- 
fense  nunner  ga-grawva  g'hot.  Es  is  eena  derno  ei-cooma 
OS  der  grawva  ga-used  kent  wara  far  en  kanawl,  un  se  sin 
now  heftich  om  shoffa  far  der  kanawl  der  gonsa  wake  naiva 
om  Sols  Rever  nunner  grawva  so  won  de  flood  coomed  in 
fier  yohr  os  se  der  kanawl  usa  kenna  far  hame  gae,  onshtots 
der  rever. 


WOS  HUT'S  GA-DOO? 

IcH  hob  nuch  ken  furlough  greeked  far  hame  gae  un 
mer  sin  nuch  oil  der  rever  druvva.  Mer  hen  shier  olla 
dawg  bakentniss-shtoond,  un  yader  ebber  is  derno  arlawbt 
si  opinion  gevvva  wsega  wos  uns  ga-leddered  nut  on  der 
'leckshon. 

Der  Sam  Kissinger  bahawbt  de  Demagrawda  hetta  uns 
b'shissa  mit  era  grossa  tickets. 

Der  oldt  Petzmiller  blamed  unser  defeat  uff's  welsh- 
karn  boshta — wile  de  'Publicans  oil  on  der  arawet  wora  liff 
der  'leckshon  dawg. 

Der  'Squire  Lawbuck  sushpect  os  da  'Publicans  era 
campaign  schmoltz  oil  is  worra  eb  der  Nint  Nofember. 

Der  Bench  Harrison  bahawbt  es  ware  nix  g'west  os 
dare  farflompt  McGinty  tariff  os  uns  defeat  hut,  un  der  Bill 
McGinty  sheebed  de  shoold  uff  seller  keryose  oldt-fashioned 
grose-dawdy  Soondawg's  hoot  os  der  Bench  ols  drawgt  won 
are  in  de  karrich  gaed. 

De  Betz  Grill  bahawbt  da  'Publicans  era  kinner  wara 
oil  maid  g'west  far  de  ledshta  tswonsich  yohr,  un  de  Sex- 
foos  Betz  sull  g'sawt  hovva  os  my  narrishe  brief  feel  tsu  do 
hetta  g'hot  mit  unsera  shliak. 

Ich,  far  my  pserdt,  hob  my  ageny  opinion.  Won 
amohl  de  leit  en  notion  nemma  don  wase  mer  net  woo  se 
shtuppa.  Ae  shofe  joomped  ivver  de  fense  un  de  drofe 
yawked  hinna  noach.     Es  mauch  nix  ous  we  goote  tzeida 


150  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

OS  mer  hen,  yader  ebber  maned  se  kenta  nuch  besser  si, 
un  won  en  schwarer  raega  en  grosser  grawva  dorrich  ma 
mon  si  welshkarn  feldt  garissa  hut  don  is  de  'Publican 
pardy  ga-blamed  worra  derfore.  In  fact,  olles  os  lets 
gonga  is  is  da  'Publicans  in  de  shoe  g'shit  worra  bis  yader 
ebber  boll  ga-glawbed  hut  se  wara  de  shood  fun  olles 
schlechtes.  Of  course,  de  Demagrawda  kenna  grosse  im- 
broofments  maucha  uff  dale  fun  da  'Publicans  era  socha. 
Tzu'm  by-shpeel,  wos  is  de  use  en  lot  loafers  un  room- 
laefer  feedera  fum  guverment — karls  holdta  woo  ken  finf 
cent  waerdt  sin  in  anichera  bisniss  un  greega  demo  en  ap- 
pointment fum  guverment  on  a  pawr  dowsend  dawler's 
yohr  un  fardeena  ken  rohr,  heller  cent.  De  'Publicans 
hen  usht  a  pawr  tsu  feel  fun  sella  karls  in  schmals  g'holta. 
Won  se  ols  grosse  dawta  ga-doo  hen  inera  campaign  don 
hen  se  en  appointment  greeked  in  ma  department,  un  won 
der  manager  fun  sellem  department  g'sawgt  hut  are  ware 
foil  un  het  ken  blotz  far  mse  hilf  don  is  are  instruct  worra 
far  blotz  maucha,  un  der  sucker  hut  si  loo  greeked  usht  es 
same  os  won  are  olla  cent  fardeened  het.  Es  is  shier  der 
same  wake  in  unesram  Harrisbarrick.  Es  doona  olla  ses- 
sion fun  em  'Sembly  un  Senate  en  lot  karls  appoint  wara 
tsu  offices  OS  far  gor  ken  use  sin,  un  derno  kenna  se  mit 
anera  bond  om  Harrisbarrick  dits  henka  un  mit  der  onera 
de  boliticians  dahame  rawva.  Sella  wake  kenna  se  es 
double  aw-driva — awver  de  tzeit  coomed  os  de  leit  era 
mind  uff  maucha  os  se  net  arforda  kenna  en  Congressman 
odder  Senator  electa  fum  county  usht  far  de  bloot-sookler 
se  ob  hondle  we  fetty  sei  far  offices  in  Harrisbarrick. 

Gook  amohl  a  bissel  ous  de  wile  os  ich  net  dahame 
bin  un  du  consht  farleicht  selver  saena  wos  so  bisniss  en  in- 
flooence  hut  uff  de  voters  woo  era  socha  goot  msena,  un 
derno  consht  du  di  shlate  un  pencil  nemma  un  selver  ous 
rechla  we  long  os  selly  socha  nuch  gsena  bis  olles  tsu'm 
dihenker  gaed.  Ich  glawb  os  de  bloot-sookler  uns  mae  votes 
ga-kusht  hen  os  der  McGinty  t  ariff,  un  won  de  Dem- 
agrawda se  loos  shiddla  don  doona  se  grosse  dinshta  tsu 
unseram  guverment. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  I51 

Es  is  en  grosse  chance  far  imbroofment  far  unser 
Demagrawdishe  freind  un  ich  glawb  os  se  es  doona  won  se 
net  tsu  hoongerich  wara  eb  se  uff's  nesht  gaena  far  breea. 


IM  SOLS  REVER  SHTORE. 

Ich  hob  ga-tzseled  da-hame  si  by  dara  tzeit,  awver  my 
furlough  is  nunch  net  cooma.  Ich  daid  sheer  anich  ebbes 
gevva  far  lose  cooma  wiles  mere  gor  shtarns  farlaed  is  doh 
huvva.  De  coombany  os  ich  holdta  muss  shtaid  mere  gor 
net  aw.  Der  oldt  Sammy  Sendapetzer  camped  mit  uns,  un 
si  gons  g'shwetz  is  waega  geld  un  indressa,  un  sei  un  lond. 
Won  mer  schwetza  waega  ma  mon  os  are  net  kent  don  ba- 
kimmert  are  sich  net  eb  are  en  gooter  karl  is,  odder  en 
grisht,  awver  si  arshte  froge  is,  "Wos  is  are  wardt  un  we 
hut  are's  g'mauched?"  Are  frest  nix  os  reeva  un  grum- 
beera,  un  selly  greeked  are  far  nix.  Du  mawkst  en  mon 
kenna  far  tzwonsich  yohr  un  du  finsht  net  so  feel  ous  fun 
eme  in  sclera  gonsa  tzeit  os  du  doosht  won  du  se  wuch  mit 
eme  campa  doosht.     Sell  developed  de  sow  os  in  eme  is. 

Der  onner  dawg  hut  der  oldt  Sammy  mich  g'frogt  far 
mit  eme  in  der  shtore  gae.  Mer  sin  ni,  don  hut  are  der 
glarrick  g'frogt  wos  are  wet  far  en  yord  tape. 

"Well,"  hut  der  glarrick  g'sawt,  "mere  farkawfa's  on 
finf  cent  de  rull." 

Ich  will  evva  usht  ae  yord,"  sawgt  der  oldt  Sammy. 

"Well,  about  en  cent." 

"En  cent  de  yord !  Sell  seemed  ordlich  hoach.  Consht 
net  besser  do?" 

"Ich  wase  net  we  ich's  wennicher  maucha  kent,"  sawgt 
der  glarrick. 

"Oh,  well,  now  du  consht's  gevva  far  en  holver  cent 
de  yord.    Du  maucht  nuch  ganunk  on  sellem  figger." 

"Well,  ich  geb  dere  en  yord  far  en  holver  cent  won  du 
es  wexel  maucha  consht." 

"Ich  con  sell  do.  Ich  hob  a  pawr  holva  cenda  os  ich 
mit  mer  drawg  usht  far  so  tzeida,  awver  ich  mane  ich  kent 


152  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

sell  tape  nuch  awenich  welfler  greega.     Is  sell  es  besht  os 
du  do  consht  far  en  yord  tape  ?" 

"Oh,  well  du  consht's  hovva  on  dime  agena  figger. 
Geb  mere  en  fardle  cent,"  sawgt  der  glarrick. 

"Gook,  sell  is  der  dihenker.  Now  hov  ich  nix  wen- 
nicher  os  en  holver  cent.  Het  ich  now  usht  en  fardle  cent. 
Es  sphite  mich.  Ich  con  net  saena  farwass  es  guverment 
net  fardle  cenda  maucha  con  onshtots  dawler,  un  holva,  un 
so  on.  Awver  ich  gae  amohl  on  de  onera  shtora  un  won 
ich  net  besser  do  con  coom  ich  widder  tzurick.  Du 
seemsht  anyhow  en  first-rater  glarrick  tsu  si  un  ich  gleich 
dich  gawiss.  Du  solsht  oil  my  hondle  hovva  won  mere  tsu 
terms  cooma  kenna  dessa  mohl." 

Der  oldt  Sammy  is  derno  nows  un  inera  holb  shtoond 
is  are  tzurick  cooma.  De  schwitz-druppa  sin  eme  ivver  de 
shtarn  runner  ga-rulled  os  we  hickerniss. 

"Well  mishter,"  sawgt  der  oldt  Sammy,  "Ich  wore  in 
ollem  shtore  im  shettle  un  du  bisht  so  wolfel  os  anicher. 
Ich  nem  en  yord  now  far  en  fardle  cent  won  du  mer  en  tzse 
cent  shtick  wexla  consht." 

"Ich  hob  dere  sell  net  farshprucha,"  sawgt  der  glar- 
rick. "Ich  hob  dere  g'sawt  du  consht  es  tape  hovva  on 
dime  agena  figger,  awver  derno  misht  du  selver  es  wexel 
maucha." 

"Yaw,  awver  consider  now,"  sawgt  der  oldt  Sammy, 
"du  greekst  en  customer  won  du  mich  accommodata 
doosht,  un  ich  sawg  mina  nuchbera  we  wolfel  os  eer  sint." 

"Well,  ich  doos,"  sawgt  der  glarrick,  un  hut  awfonga 
es  tape  messa." 

"Geb  mere's  so  braid,  os  dere's  het  un  goot  mose. 
Ich  schwetz  tsu  oil  mina  nuchbera  un  bring  eich  hondle." 

We  es  tape  ob  g'schnidda  wore  un  uff  gawickled  don 
hut  der  glarrick  galonged  far  em  oldte  Sammy  si  geld.  Der 
oldt  Sammy  hut  en  oldte  sei-blose  rous  greeked  un  amohl 
awfonga  about  tzwonsich  foos  bendle  ob-wickla. 

"I  swan  now,"  sawgt  der  oldt  Sammy,  "ich  hoss  de 
tzae  cent  farrupt  hovva.    Kensht's  mich  net  hovva  lussa  far 


PUM  BOONASTIEI,.  1 53 

nix?  Es  is  net  feel  tsu  dere,  un  eer  greekt  lots  fun  cus- 
tom derdorrich." 

"Anicher  wake  far  dich  suita." 

"Well,  ich  badonk  mich  aw  derfore.  Es  is  ken  wel- 
flerer  shtore  im  shtettle  os  eer,  un  won  ich  ols  ebbes  so  will 
don  consht  du  mich  expecta  olla  mohl." 

Der  glarrick  hut  en  longer  sifetser  g'hult  un  is  umech- 
tich  in  en  shtool  g'folla. 

Der  naixt  dawg  is  der  oldt  Sammy  widder  in  der 
shtore  gonga,  un  in  finf  minnuta  wora  de  glarrick  oil  hin- 
nich  em  counter  hous  un  sin  de  shtrose  nunner  g'shprunga 
OS  era  ruck-fliggel  grawd  hinna  nows  g'shtonna  hen. 

Em  Soondawg  morga  wora  mere  oil  in  de  karrich 
gonga.  Der  porra  Mohler  hut  gabreddiched.  Si  text 
wore  ebbes  waeg'ra  noadle  un  ma  reicha  mon  os  in  ma 
commail  si  awg  ga-groddled  is.  Noach  der  breddich  hut 
are  uff  der  oldt  Sammy  ga-roofa  un  are  hut  en  ga-bade 
g'maucht  so  long  os  der  bendle  on  sime  geld-sock.  Derno 
hut  de  g'msea  g'sunga : 

"Salwasion's  free  for  you  and  me," 
un  der  Sammy  hut  sich  uff  ga-blossa  we  en  oldte  grut  in 
ma  gwidder-raega,  un  hut  ni  ga-joined: 

"I'm  glad  salwasion's  free !" 


EN  BOWER'S  BOO. 

Ich  hob  der  onner  dawg  en  shtick  ga-lsesa  fun  ma 
mon  OS  ga-winched  hut  are  were  widder  en  boo  un  ware 
dahame  uff  der  boweri.  Now  ich  doubts  eb  seller  mon  uff 
der  boweri  ga-raised  is  warra.  Won  are  wore  don  hut  are 
grosse  advantages  g'hot  ivver  de  boova  wos  uff  der  boweri ' 
uff  gabrucht  sin  warra  in  minera  tzeit.  Ich  winch  mich 
ken  boo  mse  uff  der  boweri,  un  ansich  ebber  os  doot  dare 
muss  in  fardulta  schlechta  circumstances  si  now. 

En  bowers  boo.  Wos  wore  are?  Gabora  inera  hamet 
woo  blendy  arawet  wore — won  are  sich  net  dote  gabrillcd 
hut  bis  de  mommy  era  nine  kee  olla  morga  un  owet  ga- 


154  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

mulka  hut  g'hot,  don  hut  are  endHch  a  pawr  hussa  un  a 
pawr  shtiffel  mit  rhode  ledder  uvva  ga-arebed,  un  is 
in  de  shool  g'shicked  warra.  Are  is  gonga  mit  sime  kar- 
rively  foil  kolde  lever-warsht,  hardt-gakuchte  oyer  un  lod- 
warrick  brote  far  si  a  b  c's  larna.  Si  bae  wora  tsu  kartz 
far  uff  der  budda  longa,  un  dart  hut  are  g'hucked  der  leeb 
long  dawg,  un  si  wammis-armel  ga-glesseered  mit  sinera 
naws.  So  g'schwint  os  are  grose  ga-nunk  wore  far  shoflfa 
don  sin  si  shool-dawga  ols  kartzer  warra.  Es  arsht  wor's 
summer  huls  hocka,  un  generally  about  "freelings  awfong" 
hut  sell  ni  g'shtart.  Derno  wor's  shtje  laesa,  fense  maucha, 
welshkarn  lond  in  odder  greega,  un  usht  about  de  tzeit  is 
ols  anes  fun  da  grossa  dawg  uff  der  boweri  aw-cooma.  Es 
wore  der  shofe-shger  dawg.  Der  g'schposs  fum  dawg  hut 
ga-consist  fun  helfa  de  shofe  fonga,  un  derno  uff'ra  huvvel- 
bonk  hucka  un  da  shofe  de  kep  drunna  haeva,  wile  de  shofe- 
lice  ame  in  der  hols-ongle  room  ga-groddled  sin.  Es  naixt 
wore  welshkarn  blonsa.  Fier  karna  tzum  stuck.  "Aney 
far  der  fuggel,  aney  far  de  warrem,  un  tzwae  far  woxa." 
Der  dawdy  is  hinna  noach  cooma  mit  der  hock,  un  won 
mers  net  recht  g'mauched  hut  don  is  are  fore  cooma  mit  em 
shteel.  Hust  du  in  dime  laeva  en  gowl  garidda  far  welsh- 
karn blooga?  Waisht  nuch  we  schlaeferich  os  mer  ols 
warra  is  un  we  wocker  os  mer  warra  is  won  en  grund-shulla 
em  ins  hols-g'nick  ga-druffa  hut?  Gli  wore  de  hoyet  doh. 
Finf,  sex  mon  sin  dorrich  der  dick  glae  un  hen  g'mauda  uff 
garulled  os  we  wolla  seek,  un  der  bower's  boo  is  en  holb 
feld  braiding  hinna  noach  cooma  fars  graws  farshpraya. 
Wos  mer  ols  g'horriched  hut  far  hara  fun  wos  os  de  mayer 
schwetza  won  se  era  sensa  ga-wetzed  hen.  Es  wore  gener- 
ally waega  da  maid.  D.e  arn  is  doh.  En  dutzent  reffer  un 
binner  im  feld.  Der  boo  is  widder  ous-gabissa  fum 
g'shposs.  Are  is  en  holf  feld  braiding  hinna  draw  mit  sime 
tzomma  drawga.  Es  tzae  uhr  shtick  is  doh.  Der  boo 
greeked  es  glensht  shtick  karsha-boy  un  ken  drom.  Mid- 
dawgs  lia  de  mon  uff  em  graws  im  hofe  fer  en  rook  shtoond 
un  der  boo  muss   de  gile  drenka,   der  worreff  haeva   far 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  155 

de  Deitsha  sensa  dengla,  odder  der  shlife-shtae  draya  far  de 
Reff-sensa  shlifa,  bis  es  widder  tzeit  is  far  ins  feldt. 
Gli  coomed  de  hovver  arn,  un  en  tzae  ocker  feld  is  usht  shse 
ga-rsetzed  Somshdawg.  nummy-davvgs  won  de  Soondawg  • 
shool  sallabrasion  is,  mer  gait  ins  hovver  feld  base  ganunk 
far  fechta — aiwer  mer  gait.  Es  is  aw  sella  mohls  net  feel 
tzurick  gamowled  warra  won  ich  mich  recht  arrinera  con. 
Endlich  is  es  shpote-yohr  doh.  Es  welshkarn  muss  ga- 
bosht  si,  un  der  boo  wardt  ous  sime  warma  nesht  ga-yawked 
on  fier  uhr,  shtriggled  nine  gile  un  bucked  on  shtoond  hinnich 
em  uffa  un  wardt  far  de  dawg's  helling.  Won  se  doh  wore 
don  is  mer  ins  feld.  Ich  bet  ols  usht  so  leeb  mit  em  divel 
garasseled  os  so  en  rificher  welshkarn  shock  aw-gapockcd. 
Won  de  dresher  tzeit  doh  wore  don  hut  mer  dawgs  ga- 
drusha  un  nouchts  uflf-gabutzed.  Husht  du  in  dime  laeva  in 
ma  waetza  howfa  g'hucked  hinna  onera  oldta  rhoda  wind- 
meel  tzae  uhr  in  der  nocht  un  der  kold  waetza  in  di  hussa- 
lotz  ga-kitched?  Ich  denk  so.  So  naixt  on  da  fire-dawg  is 
mer  ols  widder  in  de  shool  cooma.  Es  arsht  uff  em  pro- 
gram wore  en  fecht.  Won  mer  net  ga-garrebed  is  warra 
don  hut  der  teacher  ame  ga-garrebed,  un  derno  is  mer  nuch 
amohl  dahame  ga-garrebed  warra  wile  mer  in  der  school  ga- 
garrebed  is  warra. 

Un  so  is  es  yohr  room  gonga  uff  der  boweri.  Ich  bin 
shtorrick  drivver  gonga.  Es  wore  ga-wiss  net  feel  blesser 
drin,  un  ich  winch  mich  nimmy  tzurick,  awver  duch  bin 
ich  fro  OS  ich  amohl  en  bower's  boo  wore,  far  ich  hob  dart 
galarnt  wos  shoffa  is,  un  aw  nemond  tsu  farochta  os  shoffa 
doot. 


DE  NEIA  LAWS  OS  MER  BREICHA. 

Se  sawga  mere  es  gebt  widder  ivverous  feel  neia  laws 
den  winder,  un  far  da  'Semlymenner  mit  helfa  hen  mer  em 
Somshdawg  owvet  en  meeting  g'holdta  ons  Hullerhecka  far 
neia  laws  suggesta. 


156  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Der  Johnny  Lawbuck  is  bresident  fun  der  meeting 
elect  worra,  der  Billy  Bixler  secretary,  un  der  oldt  Sammy 
Sendapetzer  dreshrer. 

Ich  hob  de  arsht  shpeech  g'maucht  un  hob  ena  ous- 
ga-laiked  wos  de  object  fun  der  meeting  ware,  un  derno 
hov  ich  en  wexel  suggest  in  der  Brohibition  law,  un  grawd 
fore-g'setzed  os  wile  der  licker  heitzadawgs  so  farmixed  is 
mit  rhoder  peffer,  rsega-wasser  un  onner  gift  set  en  inshpec- 
ter  appoint  si  on  yadem  baar  far  de  lickers  sampla  eb  se 
farkawft  wara,  un  hob  derno  aw  grawd  g'shtate  os  wile  ich 
de  law  suggest  het  ware's  in  odder  far  de  'sociation  my 
nawma  ni  shicka  far  inshpecter  appoint  wara  on  dem  baar. 
Se  hen's  farmoodlich  aw  grawd  oil  unner-shtitzed  un  won's 
en  law  gebt  don  hut  der  Boonastiel  en  office  os  are  net  far- 
hondla  daid  far  Bresident  fun  da  United  Shtates. 

Der  Sam  Seeshuls  hut  derno  en  wexel  suggest  in  der 
wake  law.  Are  het  garn  superintendents  appoint  os  de 
waiga  ivver-saena  os  we  de  riggel-wake  inshpecter.  Are 
het  garn  os  se  ene  shtate  superintendent  appointa  daida  on 
about  fooftzae  dowsend  dawler's  yohr  un  eme  derno  der 
power  gevva  far  en  county  superintendent  appointa,  un 
derno  em  county  superintendent  power  gevva  for  der  town- 
ship superintendent  appointa.  Derno  hut  are  suggest  oil 
de  superintendents  uniforma  mit  shtitsa  heet  un  kit  hensch- 
ing,  un  en  carriage  un  tswae  browna  gile  kawfa  in  yadem 
township  un  holdta  usht  far  de  superintendents  room  fora 
won  de  waiga  shae  un  drooka  sin.  Der  Billy  Bixler  hut 
object  tsu  der  law.  Are  hut  bahawbt  de  bowera  kenta  era 
ageny  waiga  maucha  won  se  es  geld  hetta.  un  are  ware  der- 
gaega  uff  general  brincibles  wile  ollawile  shunt  ga-nunk 
fowlenser,  loafers  un  bumms  uff  der  office  pay-roll  sin. 
Mer  hen  oil  agreed  mit  em  Billy  un  de  motion  is  unich  der 
dish  gonga. 

Der  Pit  Blotner  is  derno  uff  g'shtonna  un  hut  g'sawt 
are  het  en  law  tsu  suggesta  os  uns  oil  concerna  daid.  Es 
ware  tsu  der  effect  os  ken  widfraw  mae  hira  daref  inera 
nuchbershoft  woo  aniche  oldte  maid  dahame  sin.     "Doh," 


PUM  BOONASTIEL.  157 

hut  are  g'sawt,  "hov  ich  sivva  duchtera  os  reddy  sin  far 
anich  ebbes  hira  os  hussa  wsered,  un  ich  un  de  fraw  hen 
ena  helfa  'leckshoneera  far  menner  shunt  de  tswonsich  yohr 
un  kens  is  nuch  g'hired."  "Un  sell  is  net  oil,"  hut  are 
g'sawt.  "de  weipsleit  os  shunt  amohl  g'hired  wora  un  setta 
ga-nunk  hovva  sin  de  oiler  shlimshta  far  widder  menner 
greega  un  schnappa  de  boova  aweck  os  we  en  oldte  shil- 
grut  yunge  gens  fongt,  un  de  maid  woo  shunt  tswonsich 
yohr  ga-wardt  hen  hucka  uff  em  bock-uflFa  un  hila  ruts  un 
wasser.  Ich  bin  in  favor  fun  home  brotection.  un  so  long 
OS  mer  blendy  'raw  material'  dahame  hen  set  de  importing 
bisniss  g'shtupped  si."  Mer  hen  oil  ei-g'shtimmed  mit  em 
Pit,  awver  ich  glawb  net  os  are  om  end  sale  findt  far  si 
maid.  Se  sin  gor  hesslich  weesht  un  ich  daid.  be-gosh.  heit 
net  my  oldter  seventy-sixer  gevva  far  de  besht  fun  ena. 

Der  Bench  Hess  hut  suggest  os  ken  mon  mas  os  se 
hoond  holdta  daref  tsu  olla  ocker  lond  os  are  agend,  un 
der  oldt  Sammy  Sendapetzer  hut  en  law  suggest  os  ken  boo 
unner  ane-un-tswonsich  yohr  tsu  da  maid  gse  daref  mitous 
are  hut  en  county  license  un  en  shrives  fun  sinera  mommy 
OS  se  es  arlawbed. 

Der  Billy  Bixler  un  der  Johnny  Lawbuck  sin  anooint 
worra  far  de  bills  uflF  tzeega  un  se  bresenta  tsu'm  'Semlv. 
un  won  se  passa  don  wella  mere  nuch  en  law  uff  greega  on 
der  naixta  meeting  far  g'hireda  menner  toll  charga  won  se 
de  allevs  dravela  noach  tswelf  uhr  in  der  nocht. 


EM  GROVER  HELFA  TZEEGA. 

Em  ledshta  Somshdawg  is  der  oldt  Grover  widder  tzu- 
rick  uff  em  Uncle  Sam  si  boweri  ga-tzugga.  Ich  un  de 
Polly  worra  on  der  tzook  g'frogt.  Ich  hob  em  Billv  Bixler 
helfa  de  uxa  driva,  un  de  Polly  is  mit  em  Sam  Schnitzler 
g'fora.  Are  hut  en  load  oldte  eck-shenk,  huls-boxa. 
kuch-effa,  sols  barl  foil  uffa-rohr  un  basom,  un  en  shlife- 
shtse  g'hot.  Der  shlife-shtse  is  foongle  nie.  un  der  Grover 
hut  en  usht  ga-kawfed  far  em  General  Bissel  si  ox  shlifa 

II 


158  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

WOO  are  da  hawna  era  kep  mit  ob  hocka  will.  In  about 
sex  wucha  fongt  are  aw.  Are  hut  en  grosser  job  far 
sich.  Es  sin  about  ochtzich  dowsend  Republican  pusht- 
office  hawna  os  era  kep  shunt  uff  em  hock-glutz  hen. 
Der  Johnny  Wannymaker  hut  de  hawna  fardult  goot  g'fee- 
dered  de  ledshta  fier  yohr  un  du  consht  denka  os  se  fet  sin. 

Mer  sin  ons  Wise  House  cooma  usht  awenich  noach 
middawg,  un  mere  wora  fordult  hoongerich,  un  duch  wora 
mere  ken  patching  tsu  da  demagrawdisha  hawna  os  om 
welshkarn  hisely  room  g'shtonna  hen  un  ga-goxed.  ga- 
grayed  un  g'fuchta  far  ebbes  tsu  fressa.  Se  hen  warrick- 
lich  recht  badowerlich  ga-gooked.  Dale  hen  de  schwontz- 
feddera  farlora  g'hot,  un  de  menshta  de  kem  farfrora.  Se 
hen  far  fier  yohr  uff  de  pudda  un  fowla  ebbel  fun  da  bame 
im  bomgardo  galaebed  un  mer  het  net  g'maened  os  so  feel 
fun  ena  sich  ivver  so  en  hardtef  winder  shoffa  hetta  kenna. 

Endlich  hen  mere  der  kuch-uffa  uff  shtelt  g'hot  un  de 
weipsleit  hen  awfonga  es  middawg  essa  greega.  un  so  on  da 
dri  uhr  hen  mere  uns  by-g'setzed.  Noach  middawg  is  der 
Grover  tsu  mere  cooma  un  hut  g'sawt  ich  un  de  Polly  hetta 
unser  sheer  gadoo  un  setta  now  awenich  nows  lawfa  uns 
shtettle  saena.  Mer  sin  ob-g'shtart  un  so  en  grosse  shtott 
we  Washingdon  is  hov  ich  in  mime  laeva  net  g'saena.  De 
heiser  sin  uff  annonner  ga-bowed  un  de  leit  sin  oil  uff  ga- 
dressed  os  won  es  Soondawg  ware.  Es  arsht  hov  ich 
"how-de-do"  tsu  yader  ebber  g'sawt,  un  grega  es  ledsht 
sin  se  so  dick  cooma  os  ich  mere  der  kup  sheer  ob  ga- 
noked  hob.  Es  hut  mere  nemond  gadonked  won  ich  ena 
de  tzeit  gabudda  hob  un  des  hut  mich  fartzorned  un  ich  hob 
der  Polly  g'sawt  se  mechta  tzoom  dihenker  gx.  un  mere 
daida  hame  shtarta.  Uff  em  wake  tzurick  sin  mere  on  ma 
bush  farby.  Es  wore  foil  bame  un  blonsa,  un  fountains. 
Uff  se  mohl  hov  ich  ebbes  g'saena  os  mich  ershtound  hut. 
Yaw,  du  mawksht  mere's  glaw^va  odder  net,  awver  grawd 
in  der  mit  fun  denna  bame  wore  en  weipsmensch  g'shtonna 
OS  ken  shtick  glaid  aw  g'hot  hut.  Yaw,  se  wore  so  nock- 
ich  OS  der  dawg  os  se  gabora  wore.    We  de  Polly  se  g'saena 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  159 

hut  is  se  sheer  timechta  warra.  Ich  hob  suggest  mere 
daida  gae  un  era  helfa  era  glaider  aw  do,  awver  de  Polly 
hut  g'sawt.  "Gottlieb,  du  bleibsht  doh ;  en  g'hierder  moii  hut 
ken  bisniss  on  so  bletz."  Se  is  gonga  far  dem  weips- 
mensch  helfa  era  glaider  soocha,  awver  gli  is  se  tzurick 
cooma  un  hut  g'sawt  ich  kent  cooma,  dos  es  weipsmensch 
ware  ous  marvel  g'mauched  un  kent  net  schwetza. 

We  mere  tzurick  cooma  sin  hen  se  olles  reddy  g'hot 
far  de  'Noggeration  Ball.  Doh  wore  awver  shtile !  De 
weipsleit  wora  in  full  dress  un  se  hen  de  schwentz  fun  era 
gowns  room  g'schlaefed  we  biskotza.  De  Polly  hut  ken 
"full  dress"  g'hot  un  hut  refused  tsu  donsa.  Ich  wore 
ruich  bis  de  band  der  oldt  "Ferginny  Reel"  uff  g'shpeeled 
hut  un  derno  hov  ich  my  feese  nimmy  ruich  holdta  kenna 
un  bin  ni  ga-joomped.  Dart  is  woo  ich  der  letz  mistake 
g'maucht  hob.  Es  arsht  os  ich  g'wist  hob  wore  ich  far- 
hoodled  in  da  weipsleit  era  longa  schwentz  un  bin  uff  der 
bouch  in  de  shtoop  g'folla.  De  toneya  karls  woo  om  donsa 
wora  hen  awfonga  ivver  mich  laucha,  awver  ich  hob  se 
bleztich  nows  g'fuddered  un  sell  hut  se  ga-distered. 

Der  Grover  hut  derno  g'sawt  mere  daida  besser  in  de 
rue  gae  so  os  mere  free  morgets  hame  shtarta  kenta.  Ich 
hob  der  hint  g'numma.  Are  ware  uns  garn  lose  warra  un 
es  hut  ene  net  long  g'numma. 

Morgets  we  are  uns  goot-by  gevva  hut  hov  ich  eme 
g'sawt  OS  ich  daid  ene  net  shtecka  lussa,  un  won  are  ken 
mon  greega  kent  far  in  si  cabinet  don  set  are  mich's  usht 
wissa  lussa  un  ich  daid  bletzlich  cooma.  Ich  gook  olla  dawg 
far  en  breef.  un  won  ich  en  call  greek  don  goot-by  tzoom 
Hawsa  Barrick. 


DER  U-BENNICH  BOO. 

BisKOTZADAwi,^  U.  S.  A.,  Obrill  10,  1893. 

LiEvER  B00NAST1E1-:    Du  bisht  en  long-keppicher  oldter  karl  un 

ich  coom  tsu  dere  far  rode.     Ich  bin  der  fodder  fun  ma  boo  os 

u-bennich  is.    Es  is  es  ansicht  kind,  is  ninetzae  yohr  oldt,  hut  si  L-eva 

olles  greeked  os  are  hovva  hut  wella,  shoft  nix  un  duch  draid  are  olla 


l6o  CHOICE  SEI.ECTIONS 

dawg  uff  sina  eldera  era  hartz.  Ich  hob  shunt  ga-coaxed,  ga-bid  un 
ga-bade  mit  eme,  un  won  ich  ene  leddera  will  don  doot  de  mommy 
interfera.     Wos  sull  ich  do  mit  eme? 

Heinerich  Hullerbuck. 

Well,  Heinerich,  ich  denk  du  husht  en  job  uff  hond. 
Luss  mich  saena :  Der  boo  is  es  ansicht  kind,  shoft  nix,  hut 
si  laeva  dies  greeked  os  are  hovva  hut  wella,  is  ninetzse 
yohr  oldt  un  du  darefsht  ene  net  leddera!  Hut  are  dich 
nuch  net  ga-garrebed?  Won  are  net  hut  don  set  are,  far 
en  fodder  os  en  boo  so  uff-tzeeged  set  bletzlich  shlaik  hov- 
va. Der  boo  is,  denk  ich,  der  mommy  era  "pet"  un  der 
"mommy  era  pet"  is  generally  de  nuisance  fun  der  nuch- 
bershoft.  Geb  ma  kind  olles  os  are  will  un  es  naixt  os  du 
waisht  nembt  are  olles  os  du  husht.  Ich  wist  ken  besserer 
wake  far  en  boo  tsu  fardarva  os  grawd  der  wake  os  du  ga- 
numma  husht,  un  won  are  net  on  der  golya  coomed  don  is 
es  net  di  shoold.  Bada  is  oil  recht  on  der  rechta  tzeit, 
awver  en  goote  ebbel  gardt  hut  shunt  en  monnicher  boo 
ous  der  penitentiary  g'holdta. 

Es  is  amohl  en  porra  on  unser  house  cooma  we  ich 
nuch  en  glaener  boo  wore.  Of  course,  won  en  porra  cooma 
is  don  is  es  amohl  es  arsht  ons  hinkel  fonga  gonga.  Won 
sell  ga-doo  wore  don  hen  mere  boova  uns  oil  in  da  ecka 
room  g'hucked  os  we  gibs  bubba.  Dare  porra  hut  en  soo 
g'hot.  Es  wore  aw  es  ansicht  kind,  sex  yohr  oldt.  Es  hut 
longe  gruller  in  sina  hore  g'hot.  wore  blaich  im  g'sicht,  un 
hut  en  bloae  velvet  suit  aw-g'hot.  Dare  boo  wore  ken 
shtoond  uff  em  blotz  bis  are  oil  unser  shpeel-heislin  tzom- 
ma  g'schmissa  hut  g'hot.  Are  wore  en  glaener  kanich,  un 
ich  hob  g'winched  ich  ware  aw  en  porra's-boo.  Der  boo 
hut  sich  endlich  on  der  hoond  g'mauched  un  hut  eme  der 
schwontz  ga-draid  bis  are  eme  in  de  naws  ga-bissa  hut. 
We's  essa  reddy  wore  sin  se  oil  on  der  dish  except  mere 
boova.  Mere  wora  net  ga-trained  far  mit  da  porra  essa. 
Es  porra's  kind  hut  der  feddersht  blotz  om  dish  g'hot,  un 
ebs  ga-bade  g'mauched  wore  hut  are  shunt  en  wasser  tum- 
bler fum  dish  ga-pushed  g'hot  un  en  farbrucha.     By  sella 


PUM  BOONASTIEL.  '     l6l 

tzeit  hut  are  en  frisher  custard-boy  saena  shtae  un  aw 
grawd  ga-grisha  far  en  shtick  hovva.  Are  hut's  aw  bletz- 
lich  g'hot.  Grawd  hut  are  widder  en  shtick  wella  un  so 
hut  are  aw-g'holdta  bis  are  de  helft  fum  gonsa  boy  tsu  sich 
g'shoft  hut  g'hot.  Sell  tzeit  hut  en  holver  custard-boy  ord- 
lich  feel  ga-maned,  un  we  se  refused  hen  erne  mse  gevva 
don  hut  are  aw^fonga  unna  wedder  der  dish  kicka  os  es 
rawm-greegly  um  g'folla  is.  Der  porra  hut  g'sawt  "Now, 
Johnny,  you  must  not  be  so  naughty  or  papa  will  cry !" 

Ge-whiliker-bumn !  Won  se  mich  usht  on  ene  ga-lust 
hetta !  Ich  het  erne  garn  de  onner  helft  fum  boy  gevva. 
Seller  boo  hut  olles  greeked  os  are  hovva  hut  wella  except 
shlaik— un  heit  laerndt  are  es  shoe-maucha  hond-warrick  in 
der  penitentiary. 


DER  BOO  OS  SI  MARRICK  MAUCHED. 

Des  is  de  tzeit  fum  yohr  woo  de  boova  un  de  maid 
graduata  doona  ous  da  Colleges  un  Seminaries.  Es  hut 
mich  shunt  uft  g'woonered  we's  coomed  os  tzwae  mit  der 
sama  amount  fun  larning  nows  in  de  weldt  gaena,  un  aner 
gebt  en  mon  fun  influence  un  reshpectability  un  der  onner 
gait  der  grebbs-gong.  Ich  mane  ich  het's  om  end  ous 
g'foona.  De  shult  is,  aner  hut  gooter  fershtond  un  der  on- 
ner hut  kenner.  Nem  en  boo  fun  der  boweri  woo  wase 
wos  arawet  is,  woo  noddeerlich  is,  un  hut  larna  shoffa. 
Shick  ene  in  de  shook  Educate  ene,  don  husht  en  mon. 
Nem  demo  en  city  chap,  woo  in  sime  laeva  nix  g'wist  hut  os 
we  si  hussa  ous  wara  uff  em  sitz,  woo  mained  es  ware  en 
shont  tsu  shoffa,  woo  en  bond  hut  so  waich  os  baw-woll  un 
so  kold  OS  en  lizzard — shick  so  en  kolb  in  de  college  un  won 
are  rous  coomed  husht  en  ga-larnter  ux.  Der  arsht  boo 
gait  in  bisniss.  Won's  notewennich  is  far  en  barl  tzooker  in 
der  keller  rolla  don  shpoutsed  are  in  de  bend  un  nembt 
holdt.  Em  onera  si  bend  sin  net  fit  far  on  ebbes  hold 
greega.  Derno  larnt  are  de  piano  glubba.  Are  con  a 
pawr  shticker  shpeela,  un  ferleicht  coombany  shae  enter- 


l62  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

taina  far  en  owet,  avvver,  luss  mich  dere  sawga,  de  piano 
glubba  far  en  yunger  mon  is  en  accomplishment,  un  is 
hendich  far  en  ornament,  awver  es  bringt  ken  brode- 
warsht  ins  house. 

Alit  unsera  maid  is  es  feel  der  same  wake.  Era  mitter 
hen  larna  shpinna,  wesha,  melka,  un  ferleicht  hoy-recha. 
Se  sin  g'sunt  on  fuftzich  yohr  un  kenna  ivver  en  finf-rigel 
fense  joompa.  De  maid  sin  en  ornament,  uns  daid  note 
mer  daid  se  in  baw-woll  wickla  un  uff  en  shelf  laega  fun 
ame  Somshdawg  ovet  tzoom  onera.  Era  aim  is  en  nom 
tsu  fonga.  Se  kenna  shse  schwetza,  (farleicht  Latin)  se 
kenna  de  piano  shpeela  os  se  dunnered,  un  shae  ga-tzif^'er 
maucha  far  um  era  hemmer  room,  awver  won  se  amohl 
g'hired  sin  don  fint  era  mon  gli  ous  dos  even  Latin  un 
Greek  un  triganometry  un  astronomy  nix  tsu  do  hut  mit 
windla  wesha  un  brode  bocka. 


KARRASEERA  BY  MACHINERY. 

Es  DOOT  mere  gons  fun  hartza  Ised  won  ich  sae  we  de 
yunga  leit  aw  gsena  heitza-dawgs.  Es  waerdt  now  olles  by 
machinery  gadoo.  Der  onner  dawg  bin  ich  de  shtrose 
g'luffa  don  fin  ich  en  cord  un  doh  wore  ebbes  druff  ga- 
drucked.  Ich  hob's  tzoom  Billy  Bixler  g'numma  un  dare 
hut  mere's  glaesa.     Des  is  wos  es  wore : 

ESCORT   CARD. 

MISS 

May  I  have  the  pleasure  of  your  company 

to  attend  a to  be  held  at 

on day  of 189..,  at. ..  .o'clock. ..  .M. 

If  so,  please  sign  your  name  on  the  back  of  this 
card  and  return  to  me. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  163 

Now,  is  es  meeklich  os  se  awfonga  nuch  karraseera  by 
machinery?  Far  oldters  won  mer  gse  hut  wella  si  maidel 
saena,  I  don  hut  mer  a  pawr  nia  Kentucky  jean  hussa,  en 
shtrafich  hem  un  a  pawr  ora-shoe  aw  gadoo.  Derno  is  mer 
gablivva  so  long  os  mer  hut  wella — odder  ga-darreffed — un 
won  mer  g'hired  hut  don  hut  mer  de  kinner  uff  gatzooga 
mit  der  mudder  era  millich.  OUaweil  muss  mer  hame  gse 
um  tzaea,  muss  es  licht  brenna  lussa  un  de  fenshtera  wide 
uff  hovva.  Se  finna  yo  weis  der  tsu-shtond  nix  ous  fun  an- 
nonner  bis  se  g'hired  sin.  Derno  won  se  hira  don  is  es  en 
grosse  shont  kinner  tsu  hovva;  Won  ols  ebmohls  so  en 
armlichs  gabora  is  don  muss  de  fraw  yo  net  ous  society 
g'holda  warra,  uns  kint  wardt  fardt  g'shicked  un  uff 
g'tzooka  we  en  kolb  uff  dicky  millich.  Is  es  en  wooner  os 
es  ken  shoff-leit  mae  gebt — os  se  oil  clerks,  un  ducter,  un 
shtore-keeper  un  drucker  si  wella.  Yader  mon  tsu  seim 
g'sheft.  Du  daidsht  usht  so  goot  broveera  en  raega-boga 
fonga  in  ma  fish-gorn  os  en  prize-fechter  finna  in  anes  fun 
unsera  shtylisha  familia. 

Es  heira  is  aw  gons  onishter  fun  wos  es  oils  wore. 
Mer  is  ols  gonga  un  g'sawj: :  "Wilsht  mich,  Liss?"  Won 
se  g'sawt  hut  "Yaw,"  don  huts  de  bisniss  g'settled.  Now 
muss  mer  ins  court  house  gse  uns  yader  ebber  uff  de  naws 
henka  wos  aw^  gaid,  un  derno  froga  os  we  en  kint  far  es 
recht  far  sich  farhira?  Hoons-boona  uff  so  business.  Sin 
mer  oil  kinner  os  net  wissa  wos  mer  wella?  Won  se  don 
amohl  ame  oUes  g'frogt  hen  un  mer  hut  ena  g'sawt  we  feel 
shtae-blodera  os  mer  shunt  g'hot  hut,  un  we  feel  bocka-tzse 
OS  mer  ferlora  hut  don  gebt  mer  si  dawler  un  gaid  nows  we 
en  ga-gaishelder  hounse.  Derno  won  der  porra  em  nuch 
awile  recht  bagooked  hut .  don  doot  are  em  shplisa,  un 
derno  awver  brecht's  lose — en  trip  noach  Ni  Yorrick,  Fil- 
delfy,  odder  so  gor  Washingdon !  Dahame  bliva  is  en 
shont,  un  feel  gaena  un  shpenda  tzae  dawler  far  karfare  woo 
derno  en  shtorebox  usa  missa  fer  en  eck-shonk  won  se 
hame  cooma  fun  era  honey-moon  trip. 

In  fact,  'sis  olles  ivver-tzwarrich  un  won  unser  grose- 


164  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

mitter  tzurick  cooma  daida  un  daida  ssena  era  maid  room 

lawfa  mit  gallusa,  un  pull-backs,  don  daida  se  Gud  donka 

OS  se  g'shtarva  sin  eb  de  leit  so  fardihenkert  narrish  sin 
warra. 


WARE  SULL  DE  PRISCILLA  HIRA. 

LiEvER  BoonastiEl:  Du  husht  em  Heinerich  Hullerbuck  so 
bully  gooter  advice  gevva  wsega  sime  u-bennicha  boo  os  ich  mer  net 
helfa  con  dich  aw  umrode  froga.  Ich  hob  en  duchter,  Prescilla,  os 
boll  uff  eld  is,  un  de  will  hira,  awver  se  will  net  hira  ware  ich  hovva 
will.  Mer  breicha  se  aw  notewennich  dahame  un  ich  mane  se  set 
nuch  so  socha  sich  ous  em  kup  shloga.  Kunsht  du  mere  rode  gevva 
we  se  derfun  tsu  holdta. 

Danny  Maislich. 

Weee,  Danny,  my  arshte  froke  is,  wid  du  hira  odder 
di  duchter?  Won's  dich  is  don  sedsht  du  di  agener  willa 
hovva,  awver  won  di  duchter,  Prescilla,  hira  will  don  set  se 
de  waul  hovva  ware  se  hovva  will  far  en  mon.  Ich  sawg 
des  wile  du  sawgsht  in  dime  brief  os  se  boll  uff  eld  is,  un 
ich  bahawb  os  won  en  maidel  net  era  fershtond  hut  on 
sclera  eld  don  greeked  se  kenjier.  Won  se  nuch  in  era 
kelver-leeb  ware  don  daid  ich  dere  by  shtae,  awver  se  is 
oldt  ga-nunk  far  selver  picka  un  de  noddure  sawgt  era 
tzimlich  naixt  ware  se  gleicha  con  un  ware  se  net  gleicha 
con, 

Luss  mich  dere  sawga,  Danny,  en  oldter  mon  yunga 
leit  era  leeb  picka  is  en  missliche  bisniss,  un  se  hira  maucha 
ware  se  net  wella  is  orrick  g'farlich.  Es  is  ken  house- 
holdting  OS  net  ols  ebmohls  glsena  shtrawatts  hut,  un  won 
es  dreeb  wasser  net  grawd  hell  wardt  don  soocha  se  far  en 
uresoch,  un  won  der  fodder  de. match  ga-mauched  hut  don 
blama  se  ene  far  era  droovel,  un  es  naixt  os  du  haersht 
sawga  se,  "My  dawdy  hut  my  fraw  ga-picked  un  are  mawk 
aw  now  by  era  Iseva."  Is  sell  net  wore?  Waisht  du  net 
fun  house-holdtinga  os  grawd  sella  wake  uff-ga-brucha  sin? 

Uff  der  onera  bond,  won  tswse  mit  eram  agena  willa 
sich    farmared   hen   don   is   es   era   agener   bariga,   un   se 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  165 

shticka  generally  dertsoo  so  long  os  meeklich,  De  ga- 
donka  os  shtride  ga-bruffatzeid  is  warra  by  era  friend  we  se 
g'hired  hen  is  os  we  der  crack  funera  whip  ivver  era  kep, 
un  se  shtarta  widder  nei  mid  frisher  mood  far  broveera 
anonner  widder  recht  tsu  gleicha.  Dohare  set  en  fodder 
orrick  ochtsome  si  we  weit  os  are  gait  in  sella  socha.  Es 
set  enda  mit  gooter  rode  un  en  farshtennicher  protest — 
awver  by  freeda,  ken  g'wold.  Are  doot's  ba-ria  mit  bid- 
dery  draina. 

Du  sawgsht  aw  de  Prescilla  set  net  hira  wile  dere  se 
nuch  dahame  breicht.  Yaw,  un  we  elder  os  dere  wardt  we 
mas  notewenich  os  dere  se  breicht.  En  harlicher  hire- 
rawd  is  en  grosse  g'nawd.  De  chanca  sin  net  blendy,  un  es 
con  nemond  afforda  aney  tsu  farleera.  Won  du  de  Pres- 
cilla moll  nimmy  wid  don  will  aw  nemond  shunsht  se  mae. 
Nix  is  mae  important  in  weldliche  socha  os  we  en  fraw  od- 
der en  mon  soocha — un  luss  mich  dere  sawga,  Danny, 
recht  hira  hut  gor  shtarns  feel  tsu  do  mit  der  naixta  weldt. 
Es  is  nix  shurer  far  en  mon  tsu'm  divel  driva  os  en 
schlechte  fraw.  Won  der  mon  schlecht  ous  draid  don  doot 
de  ga-recht  fraw  farwelka  we  en  doolla-bawn  un  gait  gen- 
erally yung  ins  grawb.  Won  de  fraw  schlecht  is  don  doot 
der  mon's  generally  shtanda  far  awile,  awver  by  degrees 
draid  are  in  en  sow  un  farrecked  so. 

Now,  Danny,  ich  hob  dere  net  g'sawt  wos  du  do  sulsht, 
awver  du  consht  di  ageny  conclusion  tzeega  wos  ich  mane. 


ON  DER  WELDT'S  FARE. 

Ich  sae  du  worsht  on  der  Weldt's  Fare  un  hare  du  bisht 
widder  tzurick.  Won  ich's  ga-wist  het  don  het  ich  dere, 
by-chucks,  g'sawt  du  sedsht  uns  en  blotz  ous-gooka  far 
unser  Hawsa  Barrick  Museum.  Ich  un  der  Billy  Bixler 
hen  en  goote  collection  fun  curiosities  un  mer  hen's  ga- 
nawmed  "The  Great  Hawsa  Barrick  Aggregation  of  Nat- 
ural Curimosities,"  un  hen  g'maned  mer  wetta  de  gons  bis- 
niss  noach  Chicago  nemma  den  soomer,  un  hetta  garn  g'hot 


1 66  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

OS  du  uns  awennich  ga-adfertised  hedsht.  Mer  hen  feel  fun 
da  ardickle  der  Sols  Rever  runner  ga-brucht,  un  wile  yader 
ebber  ga-interest  is  in  sclera  lond-shoft,  mane  ich,  mere 
mista  ordlich  geld  maucha  kenna  derfun.  'Mohl's  arsht  hen 
mere  em  Bench  Harrison  sime  grose-dawdy  si  oldter  shtitsa 
hoot  woo  de  Demagrawda  eme  ivver  de  awga  nunner  ga- 
tzoga  hen  em  ledshta  Nofember ;  derno  hen  mere  anes  fun 
Grover  Cleveland  sina  bobbeerna  collars  os  dri-un-tswonsich 
tzoU  messed,  un  em  oldta  Hendrick's  si  bandanna  schnoop- 
dooch  woo  are  nei  g'hiled  hut  we  de  returns  rei  cooma  sin 
fun  der  'leckshon  in  ocht-un-ochtzich.  Mer  hen  anes  fum 
grossa  Demagrawdisha  politician  Breckenridge  sina  reck  woo 
are  mit  gale-feever  kutz  g'schmeared  hut  un  se  tsu  da  Union 
soldiers  g'shicked  dorrich  der  greek  far  es  gale  f eever  in  de 
North  shicka,  aw  em  Mat  Quay  si  nawma  woo  are  g'signed 
hut  we  uff  em  pardon  board  wore  far  der  Bill  Kemble 
ous  der  penitentiary  greega  noach  dem  os  are  dri  milluna 
dawler  ous  de  Pennsylvania  treasury  shtaela  hut  wella.  Mer 
hen  aw  en  bocka-tzaw  fun  yadem  asel  im  Pennsylvania 
Legislature,  un  es  pickter  fum  ansichta  member  os  sich  si 
laeva  net  farkawfed  hut  tsu  em  Pennsylvania  Rigel-wake  un 
der  Shtandard  Oil  Coombany.  Mer  hen  en  wishly  hore  fum 
ansichta  mon  im  county  os  sich  net  der  hols  ob  g'schora 
hut  we  are  in  office  gonga  is,  un  en  finger-nawgel  fum  mon 
OS  nix  g'shtola  hut  de  wile  os  are  in  office  wore.  Mer  hen 
de  tzaw-lawd  fum  mon  os  oil  si  farshprecha  g'holdta  hut 
tsu  sina  freind,  un  de  ansicht  finf-cent  segar  os  si  laeva  ous 
gevva  is  warra  by  ma  kondadawt.  Mer  hen  en  shroub  ous 
der  lawd  fum  mon  os  tzaea  yohr  in  bolidix  wore  un  is  en 
grishtlicher  dote  g'shtarva,  un  feel  onery  socha  os  nemond 
si  laeva  derfum  g'hared  hut.  Mer  hen  en  weipsmensch  os 
liever  in  de  bade-shtoond  gait  os  in  en  milliner-shop,  en  boo 
OS  liever  in  de  kaarich  gait  os  fisha,  en  maidel  os  net  olla 
mohl  in  der  shiggel  gooked  os  se  draw  farby  lawfed,  en 
monskarl  os  so  feel  fun  sinera  agena  fraw  denkend  os  fun 
sime  nuchbar  sinera,  en  duckter  os  si  aega  medicine  nembt, 
en   waerdt   os    si   shtuft   net   gieiched,    en   lawyer   os   net 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  1 6/ 

shtaled,  en  drooker  os  net  leeked,  en  shtore-keeper  os  net 
badreeked,  un  en  dri-banich  kolb  mit  sivva  schwentz. 

Now,  won  du  in  dinera  gonsa  trip  en  graesery  aggre- 
gation fun  ciirimosities  g'saena  husht  don  luss  mich's  wissa. 
Shribe  nows  un  sawg  sella  karls  os  mere  cooma  daida  un  se 
setta  uns  en  shtand  uff  holdta  naixt  on  Demagrawdisha 
head-quarters  wile  mere  em  Chicago  wasser  net  drowa. 


DER  BUSH  HOOND  UN  DER  CITY  HOOND. 

Es  sind  amohl  tswse  hoond  tzomma  cooma  im  shtettle. 
Der  aned  hut  en  messich  holls-bond  g'wora,  hut  shaena  hore 
g'hot  un  wore  so  monneerlich  os  en  mensch.  Are  wore  en 
city  hoond  awver  hut  sich  net  besser  ga-dinked  os  si  nuch- 
bera  hoond  woo  uff  der  boweri  uff-ga-tzoga  sin  warra.  Der 
onner  hoond  wore  en  shepherd  un  wore  ous  em  bush.  Are 
hut  €n  fershtenich  g'sicht  g'hot,  wore  goot  ga-bowed  un 
wore  en  grosse  hilf  uff  der  boweri  far  hetsa  un  helfa's  fee 
heeda.  We  se  tzomma  cooma  sin  hen  se  wennich  on  'nonner 
room  g'schmunseled,  on  'nonner  nuff  ga-joomped,  un  end- 
lich  sin  se  mit  'nonner  naiva  nows  ga-drulled  un  sich  uff  en 
wausem  bank  g'hucked.  Der  City  hoond  hut  der  country 
hoond  awennich  aw-ga-gooked  don  hut  are  aw-fonga 
schwetza : 

"My  liever  freind,  es  hut  mich  shunt  uft  ga-woonered 
we  de  leit  es  maucha  im  lond.  In  der  city  shtaena  mere  uff 
won  mere  wella,  hen  lot  dinsht  leit  os  oil  de  arawet 
doona,  essa  oil  es  goot  soch  os  de  leit  im  lond  raisa  un 
bringa  uff  der  morrick,  un  won  unser  ei-coomas  tsu  wennicch 
wardt  don  doona  mere  usht  a  pawr  cent  uff  der  tzooker 
odder  koft"ee.  odder  kardoo,  un  de  leit  ous  em  lond  woo  de 
socha  kawfa  missa,  mauche  widder  olles  aeva.  Won's  uns 
tsu  hase  waerdt  in  der  shtodt  don  gaena  mere  noach  em  sae, 
un  won's  uns  dart  farleid  don  dinga  mere  en  Pullman  Palace 
kar,  doona  a  pawr  naeger  mit  nemma  far's  kucha  do  un 
derno  fora  mere  dorrich's  lond  un  saena  we  hardt  os  dere 
awremy  ketzer  shoffa  mist.    Im  lond  is  nix  os  shoffa,  shoffa, 


l68  CHOICK  SELECTIONS 

shoffa  by  da  monsleit,  un  nix  os  kucha,  roashta,  un  bocka  by 
da  weipsleit.    We  kent  dere's  shtanda?" 

"Goot  ga-nunk,"  sawgt  der  shepherd.  "Unser  Iseva 
uff  der  boweri  is  net  so  hardt  os  du  denka  daidsht.  Es  is 
wore,  mere  sin  olsfart  bissy.  Der  Soondawg  is  der  lengsht 
dawg  in  der  wuch  tsu'm  bissya  mon.  De  hardsht  arawet 
in  der  weldt  is  broveera  nix  do.  De  leit  in  der  city  wissa 
net  wos  es  is  en  gooter  obbadit  tsu  hovva  un  we's  shpeered 
meed  tsu  si.  En  gonser  gawg  lia  se  in  era  hammocks  un 
ga-kushionda  shteel  un  broveera  de  tzeit  fardr'iva,  un 
nochts  rulla  se  im  bed  room  os  we  gronke  gile  un  bro- 
veera tsu  schlofa.  Se  wissa  net  wos  ena  failed.  Era  obba- 
dit is  fart  un  era  rue  farfloga.  Won  de  monsleit  net  fowla 
neera  greega  don  gaena  se  dote  on  da  harn-gichtera,  un  de 
weipsleit  drickla  usht  so  uflf  os  we  blooma  im  shodda. 
Won  en  kint  unich  denna  leit  in  der  city  ga-bora  is  don  is 
es  ob-g'shtonna,  blaich  un  gnetchich.  Ae  knicker  maucht's 
dote.  Im  lond  sin  se  so  hardt  os  en  bind-gnarra,  un  der 
mumps  un  de  reidla  hen  net  feel  mit  ena  tsu  do.  So  kin- 
ner  sin  en  blesseer,  un  so  wiver  os  mere  hen  sin  en  lusht. 
Se  bocka  es  besht  brode — des  es  net  uff  ga-blosa  mit  ollow 
OS  we  en  sei-blose,  unser  booter  is  frish  un  sees  un  net  so 
shtraifich  os  en  fensa-mouse,  unser  oyer  sin  frish  un  hen 
nuch  der  dudder  in  der  mid,  un  unser  shoonka-flaish  is  fun 
g'sunte  sei  os  mer  selver  dote  g'mauched  hen  un  sin  net 
farrecked  on  der  cholera  in  der  West.  Unser  wasser  is 
frish.  un  sees  un  net  misht-bree  os  ous  rever  g'fonga  is. 
un  unser  bedder  maega  net  so  deef  in  feddera  si  os  da  city 
leit  era,  awver  en  bind-schward  is  waich  won  mer  meed  is. 
Dohare,  my  liever  freind,  daid  ich  heit  net  hondla  mit 
dere." 

De  hoond  sin  uff  g'shtonna,  sich  g'shiddeled  un  ous- 
anonner  g'shtardt,  awver  eb  se  fun-nonner  sin  hut  der  city 
hoond  der  shepherd  g'frogt  eb  are  en  bower  wist  in  sinera 
nuchbershoft  os  garn  en  gooter  hoond  het  far's  fee  heeda. 

Moral :     Tsu  feel  rue  mauched  un-rue. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  1 69 

BY  DA  SOLDAWDA. 

Ich  wore  der  onner  dawg  drunna  om  encampment  on 
ShikilHmy,  un  es  hut  mich  ons  badolya  ga-mauned  woo 
mere  ols  g'hot  hen  far  em  greek.  Mindsht  du  nuch  we  far- 
ichderlich  os  de  soldawda  ga-gooked  hen  ivver  em  exi- 
tzeera  un  wos  duch  de  officers  uff  weedlicha  gile  room  ga- 
ridda  sin,  mit  grosse  wisa  giles-schwentz  uff  era  heet  un 
reff-sensa  far  daega !  Ich  hob  ols  g'mained  anes  fun  sella 
grosa  officers  kenta  en  gonse  ous-lendishe  armas  leddera — 
so  risend  hen  se  ga-gooked.  Un  de  soldawda  hen  grosse 
flinda  g'hot  mit  grosse  grumma  bomanetta  draw.  Mer 
hut  g'wiss  g'mained  os  won  greek  ous-brecha  set  don 
daida  de  en  breckfesht  maucha  ousera  gonsa  armas.  De 
officers  sin  ols  naiva  nows  ga-ridda  un  mer  hut  g'mained 
der  freeda  fun  unserem  gonsa  lond  daid  henka  uff  wos  os 
se  now  schwetza — un  duch  is  nix  lose  ga-brucha  os  der 
korrick  funera  g'ward  huddle  os  aner  fun  ena  in  sina  sad- 
del-bags  g'hot  hut.  Mindsht  du  nuch  we  g'schwint  os  es 
exitzeera  g'shtupped  hut  we  der  greek  ous  ga-brucha  is? 
De  grossa  officers  hen  era  giles-schwentz  fun  da  heet  un 
sin  unnich  de  dish  g'shlooped.  Se  hens  marrick  ollamohl 
dreffa  kenna  mitera  gward  huddle,  awver  mit  bulfer  un  bli 
hen  se  net  fechta  wella,  un  de  oldta  soldawda  woo  ols  in 
line  g'shtelt  sin  warra  mit  da  grossa  reff-sense  daega  hen 
net  mae  lama  wella  waega  greek.  Won  aner  en  grosser 
drom  drinka  hut  kenna  un  en  grosser  bully  si  don  hen  de 
leit  g'mained  are  daid  en  woonerbawrer  soldawdt  maucha, 
un  selly  wora  de  arshta  os  sich  de  finger  odder  dowma  ob 
g'hocked  hen  far  draft-fry  warra. 

Un  so  is  mer  evva  aw-g'feered  mit  da  looks  fun  socha. 
We  der  greek  ous  ga-brucha  is  huts  badolya  g'shtupped, 
un  history  hut  es  hero-worshippa  aw-g'fonga.  De  boova 
woo  de  koogla  g'shtupped  hen  sin  net  feel  ga-mentioned 
warra,  un  feel  fun  ena  shlofa  heit  unich  ma  shtae  os  "un- 
known" ga-marricked,  is,  wile  de  officers  woo  ga-nunk 
g'wist  hen  far  sich  ous  g'fore  holda.  sin  oldt  g'shtarava. 


170  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Duch  saened  mer  in  da  picter-bicher  fum  greek  os  de  gen- 
erals in  bletz  room  ga-ridda  sin  wog  de  canoona  koogla  so 
dick  ga-lega  hen  os  karribsa  in  ma  welsh-karn  feldt,  un 
duch  wors  net  uft  os  aner  wse  ga-doo  is  warra.  Won  aner 
fun  ena  endlich  g'shtarava  is  don  hut  si  widfraw  finf  dow- 
send  dawler  pension  es  johr  ga-vote  greeked  by  Con- 
gress usht  OS  won's  era  aega  geld  ware,  un  de  awrem  wid- 
fraw fum  a  private,  mit  era  tzwelf  kinner,  hut  ocht  odder 
tzwelf  dawler  greeked   der  moonet. 

Ich  hob  en  oldter  shriner  ga-kennt  os  oils  g'sagt  hut, 
"Der  doch-shtool  bringed  olles  on  der  blotz."  Ich  doubt 
eb  der  "doch  shtool"  olles  aeva  mauchet  im  greek.  Won 
en  officer  g'suffa  is  warra  un  pawr  dowsend  soldawda  una- 
dich  dote  maucha  hut  lussa  don  is  are  politely  g'frogt 
warra  far  resigna.  Won  en  private  ous  ga-wora  wore  un 
is  ei-g'shlofa  uff  gserd  don  hen  se  ene  g'shussa  odder  ins 
gserd-house  g'sheckt  bis  der  naixt  battle  un  derno  ene 
rous  galust  far  fonna  hare  gse  un  de  rebel  ranks  brecha. 
Won  are  umm  cooma  is  don  hut  nemond  en  monument 
erect  tsu  erne — awver  si  dote  hut  usht  so  en  grose  luch  ga- 
mauchet  dahame  in  sinera  house-holdting  os  der  grsesht 
general  in  der  armae. 

De  fact  is,  se  doter  mon  mauched  usht  so  feel  shtawb 
OS  der  onner,  un  about  fartzich  per  cent,  fun  unseram  pa- 
triotism un  show  sin  fowla  fish. 


DER  GOOT  FREIND. 


Bn  gooter  freind!  Husht  du  in  dime  laeva  draw  ga- 
denked  we  rawr  os  se  sin  ?  Es  hut  lots  fun  leits  os  di  freind 
sin  so  long  os  se  dich  usa  kenna,  awver  won  se  dich  amohl 
ous  g'used  hen  don  shmisa  se  dich  in  der  grawva  we  en 
ous-g'sookelde  lemon.  De  weldt  is  foil  so  freind.  Won 
du  ena  ninetzae  favors  doosht  un  refushed  ena  der  tswon- 
sicht  don  draida  se  dich  in  der  dreck. 

Derno  is  en  onery  sart  freind.  Es  sin  de  woo  freind- 
lich  tsu  dime  g'sicht  sin,  un  won  tsu  dere  schwetza  don 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  1 71 

mainsht  du  se  wara  oil  tzooker  un  hoonich,  awver  won  du 
der  buckel  draisht  don  sin  se  uff  dere  we  de  gale-weshpa. 
Selly  sart  leit  wissa  olles  os  gaega  dich  is,  un  won  ebbes 
letz  gait  mit  dinera  freindshoft  odder  mit  dere  selver  don 
doona  se  es  room  peddla  os  we  der  gretz  so  yader  ebber 
ese  fongt,  un  olla  mohl  os  se  es  fartzsela  warts  grseser  bis 
se  endlich  en  elefont  ous'ra  mouse  ga-mached  hen.  "Du 
musht  awver  nix  sawga,"  is  era  shrprich  wordt.  Se  wella 
es  sawga  oil  selver  do.  Derno  won  ebbes  gootes  in  dinera 
house-holdting  odder  in  dinera  friendshoft  happened  don 
sawga  se  ken  wordt  awver  wardta  bis  ebber's  ena  fartzaled. 
Derno  sawga  se:  "O,  yaw;  ich  hob  sell  aw  g'hared 
awver  mer  muss  evva  allowance  maucha  far  de  woreheit. 
Ich,  amohl  farains,  glawbs  net,"  un  bis  se  fardich  sin  mit 
der  case  hen  se  en  elefont  so  glse  os  en  mouse.  Du  waisht 
fun  so  leit.  Ware  doot  net?  Era  graeshter  concern  is  far 
de  goota  leit  drunna  holdta  so  os  yo  nemond  feel  fun  ena 
denked  odder  era  ageny  reputation  is  on  shtake.  De  ling- 
ner  un  heichler  sin  drunna — se  wissa's — un  se  wella  nu- 
niond  in  der  nuchbershoft  hovva  os  mae  derfun  ga-denked 
is  OS  se  selver.  un  de  result  is  os  se  era  ageny  bisniss  far- 
sima  un  farleera  uft  geld  wile  se  usht  room  hucka  missa  un 
watcha  far  de  leit  os  era  kep  ous  em  dreck  haeva  woo  se 
selver  drin  sin.  So  leit  sin  we  grebsa.  Se  fonga  era  bait 
un  derno  backa  se  unich  en  shtae  un  fardrenna's  im 
doonkla.  Se  drowa  sich  selver  net — un  dohare  drowa  se 
nemond  shunsht.  Se  maena  se  hetta  feel  freind.  awver  won 
se  in  de  note  cooma  un  froga  far  hilf  don  joompa  selly 
freind  ous-anonner  we  flae  in  ma  sei-shtoll. 

Ich  bin  kens  fun  denna  karls  os  maena  es  het  gor  ken 
goote  freind  mae  in  der  weldt.  Es  hut  se,  awver  ich  ba- 
hawb  se  sin  rawr.  Der  goot  freind  doot  grawd  es  gaega- 
dale  fun  denna  woo  ich  derfun  g'schwetzed  hob.  Are 
sawgt  de  goota  socha  waega  dere  won  du  se  net  haersht,  un 
won  are  findt  os  du  letz  bisht  don  coomed  are  tsu  dere  we 
en  mon  un  sawgt  dere's  ins  g'sicht.  En  freind  os  by  dere 
shtaid  won  are  wase  os  du  letz  gaisht  doot  dere  grosser 


172  CHOICE  sele;ctions 

shawda.  Em  recht  setza  won  mer  letz  is  is  em  ous  em 
doonkla  in  de  helling  g'feered  un  ken  grseserer  favor  con 
ma  men  bafolla.  Dich  gse  lussa  un  dich  ssena  in  ii-glick 
cooma  is  em  deifel  si  g'sheft.  Der  goot  freind  is  der  arsht 
OS  nei  coomed  won  amohl  de  gons  weldt  nows  gonga  is,  un 
won  du  so  aner  finsht  don  bin  ene  on  dich  mit  eisna  ben- 
ner,  far  du  consht  en  tzsea-ocker  feldt  fon  karls  finna  os 
dere  der  belly-guts  uff  der  worriflf-showfel  he  haeva  bis  du 
ainer  finsht  os  dere  en  sock  foil  waetza  on  di  hinnery  dere 
shtelt  de  wile  os  du  shlofsht. 


PART  II. 


12 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  1 75 


DE  COLLEGE  BOOVA. 

We  mere  ols  in  de  shool  gonga  sin  wore's  far-shtonna 
OS  mere  net  usht  shool  laerning  greeked  hen  awver  aw 
awenich  farshtond  mit  ei-g'numma.  Es  is  nimmy  so 
heitza-dawgs.  Now,  es  arsht  os  de  professor  in  unsera 
colleges  wissa  wella  is  we  wide  os  mer  joompa  con, 
we  good  OS  mer  bolla  shpeela  con,  un  we  long  os  mer 
si  hore  woxa  con  lussa  eb  mer  blind  waerdt.  De  arsht  lesson 
OS  mer  derno  greeked  is  laerna  der  "college  yell"  gevva,  un 
es  naixt  os  mer  wase  doot  der  boo  shtse-mit  em  movl  uflf  we 
en  omshel  un  greished  we  en  Holenner : 

"Zip  !    Bang !    Boom  ! 

'Rah!    'Rah!    'Rah! 

Hinkle  Tzae  un  Reeva  Blude, 

Grudda  Hore  un   Dowva  Millich. 

Epsilorum,    Boof !" 

un  oil  so  dihenkersa  norrheita  os  nemond  wase  wos  es  is, 
awver  yader  ebber  farshtad  os  der  boo  shunt  nei  g'shtart  is 
far  en  farflommpts  kolb  fun  sich  maucha.  De  leit  gooka  tsu 
un  sawga,  "De  boova  saya  era  wilder  hovver,"  awver  der 
druvvel  es  se  saya  der  hovver  so  deef  os  are  farfowled  im 
budda.  Won  se  derno  en  holb  yohr  fun  hame  sin  hen  se 
olles  galaerndt  os  so  rutsnawsa  wissa  kenna  wsega  reshpect- 
fully  leit  unsulta,  un  se  maena  es  ware  shmardt  far  awrmy 
u-shuldiche  maid  blackgarda  waega  era  dressa,  un  oldte  leit 
b'shimpa  waega  era  doomheit.  Se  shmoka  oil  grosse  pifa 
wile  sell  se  gooka  maucht  we  toughs,  un  won  se  in  de  kars 
cooma  don  muss  yaders  tswse  sitz  tsu  sich  selver  hovva  won 
shunt  meede  oldte  wiver  im  gong  shtse  missa  un  bublin  haeva. 
Now,  sawg  mere  amohl,  doona  se  de  socha  laerna  in 
era  shool  bicher?  Won  se  doona,  ware's  net  en  gooder  blan 
en  collection  uff  nemma  far  ena  nia  bicher  kawfa  os  aw 
awenich  ebbes  sawga  waega  we  mer  sich  badrawga  set  in 


176  CHOICE  se;lections 

coombany.  Es  doot  waricklich  seema  os  der  karl  woo  es 
loudsht  schwetza  con,  de  shtinkisht  pifa  shmoka  un  hut  de 
lengshta  hore  is  es  mensht  aw-g'name  by  eena.  Se  explaina 
de  socha  mit  em  argument  os  se  mista  exercise  hovva.  Far- 
moodilch.  Awver  farwass  sasga  se  net  huls  un  bowa  pushta 
fense.    Awver  sell  ware  g'shoft,  un  shof  fais  gaega  de  rule. 

Awver  des  is  net  de  rule  by  de  boova  arlae.  Gook  amohl 
on  unser  maid.  Yohra  tzurick  hen  se  ols  laerna  bocka  un 
bigla,  un  shtricka  und  wesha.  Now  missa  se  hem-shticha, 
embroidera,  ruffla  un  flounsa  maucha  os  em  usht  net  warem 
holdt  awver  sin  en  farflompte  nuisance.  Won  se  hira  don 
missa  se  grawd  en  mawd  hovva — so  gor  tswse — aney  far  de 
arawet  do  un  de  onner  far  uff  se  ocht  gevva.  Won  der  mon 
net  en  bank  hut  don  muss  are  de  naws  uff  em  shlife-shtse 
hovva  bis  se  tsu  der  conclusion  coomed  os  se  en  mon  g'hired 
hut  OS  se  net  enara  con  un  derno  gseds  on  de  divorce  court 
un  der  deivel  locht  si  feisht  full  we  en  pudding  os  are  hut. 

Unner  denna  conditions  daid  ich  suggesta  os  oil  de  col- 
leges en  post-graduate  course  uff  graichta  far  de  shtudents 
farshtond  laerna  won  se  'mohl  olles  wissa  os  se  in  da  colleges 
laerna  kenna,  un  de  idea  hut  sich  suggest  tsu  mere  der  onner 
dawg  we  der  Sammy  Mulbarger  hame  cooma  is  fun  der  col- 
lege. Des  barshtly  wore  fier  yohr  fardt  in  de  shook  Der 
Mike,  si  pap,  hut  usht  se  suit  glader  g'hot  de  gons  tzeit  os 
der  boo  in  der  shool  wore  un  si  mommy  wore  far  dri  yohr 
net  weider  fun  hame  os  ons  Gretzinger's  greitz-wake,  wile 
se  ken  glader  hut  g'hot  far  gse  b'sooka.  Der  Sammy  is  der 
ancicht  boo.  Are  wore  ols  en  aw-g'namer  younger  mon, 
awver  de  college  hut  si  kup  so  full  Iserning  g'maucht  os  ken 
blotz  mse  wore  far  farshtond,  un  es  arsht  os  are  gadoo  hut 
wore  si  dawdy  retza  wile  are  net  recht  English  schwetza 
con,  un  der  mommy  sawga  os  are  sich  shemma  daid  si  col- 
lege chums  cooma  lussa  ene  saena  wile  de  gons  nuchbershoft 
tsu  doom  ware.  Are  hut  oil  si  mail  fun  Schweffletown 
greeked,  tswae  mile  ob,  wile  are  g'sawd  hut  de  Hawsa  Bar- 
rick  pusht-office  ware  tsu  "insignificant."  Are  hut  de  boova 
nimmy  gakent  os  mit  eme  uff  ga-woxa  sin  un  Soondawgs 


FUM  BOONASTIEIv.  177 

room  ga-draveled  hummel  neshter  soocha.  In  fact,  are  wore 
unich  em  shodda  bawm  g'hucked  en  gonser  dawg  un  novels 
g'laesa,  si  finger-negel  gabutzed,  si  pife  g'shmoked  un  si  hore 
ous  da  awga  ga-wished.  Si  dawdy  hut  mich  g'frogt  far 
advise  wos  are  mit  dem  boo  do  set.  Ich  bin  nows  ons  house- 
eck  un  ene  long  ba-gooked  unich  em  shodda  bawn ;  derne  bin 
ich  tzurck  un  hob  eme  dare  advise  gevva :  "Fong  ene  un 
bin  en  uff  en  huvvel-bonk  os  we  en  oldt  mooder-shof e ;  derno 
greek  en  hecka-share  un  nem  si  belse  f um  kup ;  schnide  de 
longa  negle  fun  sina  finger  un  mauch  ene  se  fressa;  shtrip 
en  kelsich  hem  ivver  si  kup  un  a  pawr  over  alls  ivver  si  fees ; 
drae  si  g'sicht  nuch  em  welshkarn  feldt  un  derno  shtell  dich 
hinnicJi  ene  mit  der  fawr-gaishel  un  greish : 

"Zip  !    Bang !    Boom  ! 

'Rah!    'Rah!    'Rah! 

Hinkle  Tzae  un  Reeva  Blude, 

Grudda   Hore   un   Dowva   Millich. 

Epsilorum,    Boof !" 

un  won  are  sich  net  raiked  don  hock  eme  in  de  flank  un  ich 
insure  dich  di  druvvel  is  om  end." 

Der  naixt  morga  eb  ich  uff  wore  hov  ich  hara  der  oldt 
Mike  der  "college  yell"  gevva  un  de  fure  es  g'shtart  nuch  em 
welsh-karn  feldt.  Ich  hob  ene  der  naixt  dawg  g'frogt  we's 
gonga  is  un  are  hut  g'sawd : 

"Boonastiel,  du  bisht  en  filossifer.  De  post-graduate 
course  hut  my  Sam  olles  g'larndt  os  are  fargessa  hut  in  fier 
yohr  un  safed  mere  en  knecht.  Wos  sawgsht?  Mere 
shtarta  en  post-graduate  course  om  Barrick  far  uxa  brecha? 


DER    OLD    BILLY    SULTZER    UN    DE    LOODER 
GROBBA. 

Ae  helft  fun  der  weldt  wase  net  we  de  onner  helft  laebt, 
un  won  mers  wist  don  daida  dale  leit  fun  era  hoacha  box 
shteppa  un  onery  daida  era  blotz  nemma. 

De  fact  is,  es  sin  tsu  feel  leit  os  laeva  uff  wos 
de  onera  fardeena,  un  se  bloaga  sich  mae  far  en  dawler  by 


178  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

b'shisseri  greega  os  se  mista  far  aner  arlich  fardeena.  Des 
hut  sich  g'wissa  doh  a  pawr  yohr  tzurick  we  der  oldt  Billy 
Sultzer  en  grocery  g'shtart  hut  in  Schvveffeltown.  Der 
oldt  mon  hut  olsfart  hardt  g'shoft,  un  hut  in  sime  Iseva  ken 
u-arlicher  dawler  ga-agened.  Are  hut  g'maned  yader  eb- 
ber  ware  arlich,  un  we  are  mohl  nimmy  si  boweri  selver 
shoffa  hut  kenna  hut  are  se  farkawfed  uns  is  ins  shtettle 
gatzoga  un  en  grocery  g'shtart.  Are  hut  g'maned  by 
sellem  wake  kent  are  si  oldte  dawga  tsu  bringa — laeva  uff 
wos  are  maucht  fun  sime  wennich  geld  un  breicht  nimmy 
so  hardt  shoffa.  Are  hut  shelf er  uff  gadoo  un  a  pawr  roya 
gakante  tomats  un  welshkarn  un  boona  druff  g'shtelt. 
Derno  hut  are  en  box  g'schmokede  herring  uff  g'macht 
un  uff  der  counter  g'shtelt,  en  barl  tzooker  unich  der  coun- 
ter, en  lot  g'maulener  coffee  rous  g'setzed  un  en  roy  Frish- 
mute  duwock  un  rhode-shtraficher  tzooker  uffs  shelf  na- 
vich  feel  onery  glaena  socha,  un  sich  derno  onna  g'hucked, 
si  pife  aw  g'shtecked  un  g'wardt  far  customers.  Are  hut 
net  long  g'sitzed  bis  en  glaener  boo  ni  cooma  is  mit  finf 
cent  far  tswae  g'schmokede  herring  kawfa,  un  der  oldt  mon 
hut  es  geld  in  de  box — es  arsht  os  are  si  laeva  fardeened 
hut  oony  shoffa — en  hoonert  per  cent,  brofit.  Der  naixt 
customer  wore  de  oldt  "Beckie  Hetzel.  Se  hut  en  pock 
Frishmute  mit  hame  un  dart  wore  sivva  cent  brofit,  un  so 
is  es  awgona  bis  owet  hut  are  dri  dawler  un  sivva  cent 
cash  im  sock  g'hot.  "Des  beat  boochwastza  bowera  uff 
der  fire-shtse  rich,"  hut  are  tsu  sinera  oldta  fraw  g'sawd, 
uh  der  naixt  morga  wore  are  widder  in  sime  shtore  bissy 
om  kara  un  es  soch  in  ordnung  shtella.  Der  hondle  is  ri 
cooma  longsome  im  awfong  awer  awenich  mae  olla  dawg 
un  es  wore  shier  oil  cash.  Der  oldt  karl  hut,  by  chucks, 
endlich  en  bank  account  g'hot.  Awer  derno  is  ebbes 
g'happened.  De  looder-grobba  hen  en  doter  gowl  ga- 
rucha,  un  aner  noach  em  onera  is  tsu  fleega  cooma.  Se 
hen  oil  cash  batzawled  far  a  pawr  dawg,  un  derno  hen  se 
g'frogt  fer  gredit — ols  usht  a  pawr  cent  im  anfong,  awver 
a  pawr  cent  doh  un  a  pawr  cent  dart  hut  gli  si  cash  box 


FUM  BOONASTIEJI,.  1/9 

gooka  maucha  we  dreisich  cent  wexel  un  si  groceries  sin 
gonga  we  der  schnae  im  Obril.  Awer  de  accounts  wora 
oil  goot.  Dart  wore  der  Bill  Heichel,  fore-shtayer  in  der 
karrich.  Dare  wore  shunt  dreitzas  dawler  im  gride,  awver 
en  mon  os  olla  Soondawg  morga  noach  der  karrich  gaed 
mit  der  beevil  unich  ame  awrem  un  es  hymn-booch  unich 
em  onera,  un  con  so  griselhoftich  bada  set  duch  arlich  si, 
un  der  oldt  mon  hut  si  mind  uff  g'maucht  os  are  ene  net 
insulta  daid  mit  ene  froga  far  uff-casha  won  are  de  gons 
bisness  farleera  daid.  Endlich  hut  are  duch  eme  en  hint 
nows  g'hova  os  are  geld  hovva  mist  far  si  city  creditors 
satis fya,  awver  der  Bill  hut  awfonga  karricha  socha 
schwetza  un  hut  em  oldta  mon  g'sawd  os  so  en  gooter  mon 
we  are  set  tsu  der  karrich  kara,  un  won  are  era  g'mse 
joina  daid  don  daid  are  saena  os  se  ene  bletzlich  foreshtayer 
maucha  daid.  Are  but  seller  dawg  anyhow  nix  btzawled 
fun  sinera  oldta  account  awer  hut  widder  dri  dawler  waerdt 
groceries  gakawfed  un  we  are  es  batzawla  hut  wella  hut 
are  g'funna  os  are  usht  en  dawler  un  dri  cent  in  sime 
pocket-booch  hut,  un  es  onner  is  widder  uffs  booch.  De 
looder-grobba  hen  era  ronsa  full  g'hot  un  der  oldt  gowl  is 
ols  wennicher  worra.  Der  old  mon  wore  shtultz  mit  sime 
hondle.  Are  hut  net  gadenked  g'hot  os  are  so  feel  freind 
het,  un  si  bisniss  is  gawoxa  bis  are  shier  de  onera  gro- 
ceries ous  gadrivva  hut. 

Awver  endlich  is  ebbes  g'happend — we's  olsfart  doot. 
En  bill  far  en  hoonert  un  fartzich  dawler  is  cooma  mit  der 
mail  fun  Fildelfy.  Des  wore  far  ollerlae  socha — feel  derfun 
OS  are  net  farkawfa  hut  kenna — even  de  looder-grobba  hen 
ken  use  g'hot  derfore.  De  ecka  wora  full,  de  shelfer  wora 
full  un  de  soon  hut  de  shsena  booshtawva  uflf  da  hoxa  ga- 
blaiched  g'hot  bis  mer  se  shier  nimmy  saena  hut  kenna. 
De  city  looder-grobba  wora  eme  aw  noach.  Se  hen  eme 
socha  aw-gablowdered  g'hot  os  are  gor  net  gabreicht  hut. 
bis  endlich  hut  are  olles  g'hot  os  far  ken  use  wore  except 
en  bank  account,  un  der  shrief  hut  en  notice  uff  si  deer 
ga-tacked.     Are  is  tsu  da  karl  woo  socha  gakawfed  hen 


l8o  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

uff  gredit.  Der  Bill  Heichel  hut  erne  en  check  gevva  far 
finf-un-tswonsich  dawler.  Der  oldt  men  hut  erne  dri  daw- 
Icr  wexel  gevva,  awer  we  are  on  de  bank  comma  is  hen  se 
eme  g'sawd  os  der  Foreshtayer  Heichel  het  ken  account 
in  sclera  bank  un  der  oldt  drup  hut  de  gons  bisniss  far- 
lora.  Dri  dawg  dernoach  hen  se  auction  g'hot  om  oldta 
Billy  Slutzer  sinera  grocery.  Der  shrief  hut  de  socha 
farkawfed  by  em  shelf  un  der  oldt  mon  is  rous  g'shtepped 
un  hut  si  boweri  drin  g'lust.  Der  naixt  Soondawg  morga 
is  der  Bill  Heichel  nuch  der  karrich  g'shtepped  mit  der 
beevil  unich  ame  awrem  un  es  hymn-booch  unich  em 
onera. 

Un  so  gaed  de  weldt.  De  grossa  fish  fressa  de  glaena. 
Es  sin  fier  sorta  leit — de  woo  era  shulda  batzawla  wile  se 
gleicha  es  tsu  do ;  de  woo  se  batzawla  wiles  batzawled  se 
tsu  batzawla ;  de  woo  batzawla  wile  se  missa,  un  de  woo  se 
gor  net  batzawla.  Un  loss  mich  dere  sawga,  won  so  karl 
we  der  Bill  Heichel  in  der  himmel  gaena  uff  era  glawva  don 
is  es  far  kae  use  mae  es  fire  uff-holda  om  onera  blotz. 

Es  set  yader  ebber  a  pawr  lessons  laerne  fum  oldta 
Billy  Sultzer  sinera  experience,  un  doh  sin  se : 

1  Luss  nemond  si  bisniss  farlussa  os  are  farshta;d  un  in 
bisniss  gae  os  are  nix  derfun  wase.    Es  is  hordt  en  oldter 

hoond  nia  tricks  laerna. 

2  Es  con  nemond   sawga  wos  in  ma  mon  sime  hartz   is 
won's  tsu-gadecked  is  mit  ma  gooda  glade. 

3  Der  recht-shoflFa  mon  brouch  ken  bell  aw  hovva — de  leit 
kenna  ene  anyhow. 

4  An  kortze  account  is  mae  waerdt  os  en  long  gabade. 


DE  U-FARSHTENICHA  FASHIONS. 

Es  is  mere  shunt  edlich  mohl  ei-cooma  far  dere  en 
breef  shriva  ufif  de  u-farshtenicha  fashions,  un  won  ich 
ols  recht  draw  denk  don  mus  ich  admitta  os  se  duch 
net  so  outlandish  sin  os  se  ols  wora.  Ich  un  de  Polly 
hen  usht  der  onner  owet  derfun  g'schwetzed.     IMer  wora 


FUM  BCX)NASTIEIv.  l8l 

ons  Yuckel  Hawnayarricks  un  se  hen  an  gvvilding 
g'hot.  Doh  wora  yunge  un  oldte  by  anonner,  un  ich  hob 
feel  socha  g'saena  os  mere  net  aw-g'shtonna  hen.  'Mohls 
arsht  wore  der  Jeckey  Hetzel,  woo  usht  fun  der  college  hame 
cooma  is.  Des  barshtly  hut  der  shadle  grawd  uff  der  mit 
fun  .sime  kup  g'hot,  un  hut  derno  si  longe  hore  ivver  de 
shtarn  nunner  ga-paste.  We  are  hands  g'shaked  hut  mit 
der  Polly  hut  are  usht  holdt  g'numma  on  da  end  fun  era 
finger,  era  bond  nuff  en  level  mit  sime  foosichera  bawrd 
g'hova  un  derno  g'shiddled  os  we  en  shiply  si  schwontz. 
We  are  mere  si  bond  onna  g'sbtrecked  hut  hov  ich  se  erne 
g'schnarred  os  are  shier  uff  de  gnee  g'folla  is.  Ich  hob 
noacb-derliond  ous  g'funna  os  sell  der  society  hand  shake  is. 
Si  schwester  wore  aw  dart  un  de  hut  en  dress  aw  g'hot  mit 
ma  waist  os  era  shier  nunner  on  de  gnee  g'hunka  hut.  Ich 
hob  g'frogt  wos  sell  maened  un  se  hen  g'sawd  sell  ware  wos 
mer  der  "long  effect"  hsesa  daid.  Ich  wase  net  we  se  era 
jacket  so  nunner  henka  hut  kenna  maucha  oony  es  wore  en 
biegel-eisa  draw  ga-bunna.  De  monsleit  wora  aw  bout  shae 
aw  ga-do.  De  Molly  Hetzel  wore  dart  mit  eram  mon  woo 
fun  Massachudes  coomed.  De  Molly  is  dri-un-tswonsich 
yohr  oldt  un  era  mon  es  dri-un-sechtzich.  Se  hut  ene  g'hired 
far  si  geld  un  we  se  den  oldta  karl  uff  g'fixed  hut  g'hot 
hedsht  usht  ssena  sulla.  Hoche  Monroe  shoe,  celluloid  cuffs 
OS  mer  en  rood  ob  reecha  hut  kenna,  un  en  collar  so  hoach  os 
are  net  drivver  nows  shpoutsa  bet  kenna.  Se  hut  hovva 
wella  are  set  yung  gooka  un  are  hut  en  boga-hols  gamaucht 
we  so  en  oldter  gowl  won  mer  ene  recht  hardt  uff-rained  far 
farhondla. 

Un  duch  sin  de  socha  net  so  schlim  os  se  wora  far 
yohra  tzurick.  Mindsht  du  nuch  we  de  grossa  hoops 
in  fashion  cooma  sin?  Ei,  wos  shondloshiche  socha 
wora  sell !  Ae  hoop-skirt  un  ae  brader  hussa-lotz  wore  oil 
OS  in  ge  karicha  sitz  hut  kenna.  Un  selly  wora  nuch  net  ous 
shtile  bis  der  bussel  ei-cooma  is.  Mindsht  du  nuch  we  ols 
de  weipsleit  room  g'luffa  sin  un  en  ga-pulshter  noach 
g'shlaifed  we  en  yarich  kolb?     No  hen  se  sich  gor  nimmy 


i82  choice;  selections 

setza  kenna.  Sell  wore  awver  de  tzeit  woo  ols  usht  ae  sidener 
frock  in  der  valley  wore,  un  der  mon  os  en  guldeny  watch 
ga-drawga  hut  wore  reich  g'hsesa.  Won  mer  on  en  infair 
gonga  is  hut  mere  der  nia  fraw  en  bresent  g'mauched  fun 
ma  hame-gamauchta  dish-dooch  odder  en  blechene  shissel. 
Es  naixt  wore  chinaware,  un  now  wserdt  mer  shep  aw-ga- 
gooked  won  mer  net  en  shtick  silver  bringt. 

Awver  ich  bin  shier  gor  fun  minera  subject  cooma.  Ich 
hob  g'sawd  ich  wet  uff  shtyles  shriva,  un  won  ich  draw 
denk  sin  de  monsleit  usht  so  narrish  os  de  weipsleit.  Em 
ledshta  yohr  wore's  shtyle  en  kartzer  ivver-ruck  wara — des 
yohr  en  longer.  Ledsht  yohr  hen  oil  de  menner  en  cady  hoot 
g'wora — des  yohr  en  ei-gadubbleder  hoot  mit  ma  braida 
roneft,  Ae  yohr  sin  de  hussa  eng  un  es  naixt  wide,  ae  yohr 
shtaena  de  kollar  uff  un  es  naixt  yohr  lia  se  ivver,  se  yohr  de 
jacket  hoach  un  es  naixt  yohr  nidder.  Es  same  ding  is  by 
da  weipsleit.  Ae  yohr  hen  se  feddera  uff  da  heet  un  es  naixt 
yohr  blooma,  se  yohr  hen  se  lose  armel  un  es  naixt  yohr 
tighta,  ae  yohr  wsera  se  era  gons  long  un  es  naixt  yohr 
kortz,  un  wos  se  shunsht  farwexla  daref  mer  net  derfun 
schwetza — awver  mer  findt's  ous  won's  bill  ei-coomed. 

Un  farwass  sin  de  soocha?  Well,  es  sin  olsfart  en  cer- 
tain lot  norra  oonich  so  feel  menscha  un  wile's  en  oldt 
shprich-wordt  is  os  "ae  norr  maucht  en  hoonert,"  don  nembts 
net  long  biss  oil  de  weldt  narrich  is  except  soiche  os  ken 
geld  hen — un  selly  sin  holver  narrich  wile  se  net  aw  noach 
maucha  kenna. 

Ich  bin  der  onner  owet  funs  Hullerhecka  hame  un  wore 
awenich  im  boox,  don  hov  ich  de  Becky  Bixler  aw  ga-druffa. 
Se  hut  mich  g'frogt  far  mit  gae  un  en  fremmer  mon  hara  uff 
temperance  schwetza.  Ich  hob  mich  hinna  in  de  karrich 
g'setzed  un  gli  hov  ich  ebber  hara  awfonga  blowdera.  Ich 
hob  es  arsht  g'maned  es  ware  outside,  bis  endlich  hov  ich 
ous  g'funna  os  es  der  mon  is  os  de  lecture  gevva  hut  sulla, 
awver  ich  het  usht  so  goot  in  der  bush  nei  ga-gooked.  Es 
wora  oil  weipsleit  far  mere  un  yader  hut  en  hoot  aw  g'hot 
about  en  yord  brade  un  dri  foos  hoach.    Shtyle?    Of  course, 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  183 

awver  ich  hob  usht  gadenked  won  oil  de  weipsleit  holver  so 
feel  grish-dadoom  im  hartz  hetta  os  feddera  uff  da  heet  don 
breicht  nemond  mae  shtarva  far  in  der  himmel  gae. 

Of  course,  won  oil  de  leit  wara  we  ich  un  de  Polly  don 
daida  feel  hondwaricksleit  farhungera.  De  millners  mista 
ons  brode-bocka,  de  dress-makers  ons  wesha,  de  Schneider 
ons  huls  hocka  un  de  onera  blude-soockler  ons  misht  shpraya. 
Ae  soot  giseder  far  olla  dawg  im  yohr,  en  warmer  uffa,  en 
waich  bed,  en  leeve  fraw  un  en  schwartze  huddle  oonich  em 
kee  droke  is  my  harlichkeit  bis  in  de  avichkeit — aw-men. 


EN  JURY-MON. 

De  ledsht  wuch  wore  ich  in  der  shtodt  un  hob  uff  der 
jury  g'hucked.  Es  is  mere  so  holver  fore  cooma  os  won  ich 
now  aw  g'saena  ware  os  anes  fun  da  hawpt  menner  im 
county,  nuch  gor  en  gentlemon,  far  sel  is  wos  der  lawyer 
ivver  un  ivver  bahawbt  hut  we  are  si  speech  ga-maucht 
hut — "gentlemon  uff  der  jury"  hut  are  mainer  os  en  dutzent 
mohl  g'sawt  un  olla  mohl  hut  are  mere  grawd  ins  g'sicht  ni 
ga-gooked,  un  sel  broofts  os  are  mich  selver  considered  hut 
ols  der  hawbt  gentlemon. 

Un  won  ich's  aw  selver  sawga  muss,  won  mer  des  ding 
considered  bin  ich  aw  entitled  tsu'm  nawma  gentlemon. 
Wos  is  en  gentlemon,  anyhow?  Ei,  en  mon  os  wase  we 
mer  si  Iseva  maucht  oony  hardt  shoffa.  Aner  os  shoft  we 
der  awrem  Johnny  Honnabarger  is  yusht  en  commoner 
dawg-lenner.  Der  Hullerheck  is  en  waerdt  awver  ken  gen- 
tlemon. Der  Billy  Bifflemoyer  doot  olla  sort  bisniss  aw- 
driva — gile  hondla,  hinkle  peddla,  un  onner  soch,  un  doh- 
room  is  are  aw  ken  gentlemon.  We  es  is  mit  em  Porra 
Mohler  wase  ich  shier  net,  far  are  mus  evva  tsu  sinera  kar- 
richa  bisniss  tenda  far  en  laeva  maucha,  un  es  dinked  mich 
are  is  yusht  anes  fun  da  wucha-dawgs  gentlemenner  un 
Soondawgs  dawg-lenner,  wile  are  si  laeva  fardeened  Soon- 
dawgs  won  onner  leit  in  de  karrich  gaena. 


184  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Awver  ich  bin  der  ainsicht  men  os  nee  nix  shoft  far  si 
laeva  fardeena.  De  Polly  agened  es  house,  un  de  koo,  un 
dri  ocker  lond,  un  hut  nuch  oil's  arbshoft  geld  uff  indressa 
OS  se  fun  eram  dawdy  greeked  hut.  un  se  gait  uftmohls  in 
de  shtodt  uff  der  marrick  un  farkawft  booder,  oyer,  schnitz, 
shtinkkase,  boona  un  shier  anich  ebbes  os  se  raisa  con,  un 
se  maucht  unser  laeva,  un  ich  hob  gor  ken  bodderation  waega 
shoffa,  odder  bisniss,  un  hob  blendy  tzeit  far  ons  Hullehecka 
uff  der  borch  hucka  un  worda  bis  ols  anes  fun  da  polititioner 
ous  der  shtodt  rous  coomed  un  setzed  de  "jiggers"  uff,  un 
don  nem  ich's  ols  shtrait  ous  der  schwartza  huddle.  Doh- 
room  bin  ich  der  gentlemon  fum  barrick.  Ken  wooner  os 
se  mich  uff  de  jury  ga-doo  hen,  un  ken  wooner  os  seller 
lawyer  mere  ols  grawd  in  de  awga  ni  ga-gooked  hut  olla 
mohl  OS  are  "gentlemon  uff  der  jury"  g'sawt  hut. 

Sel  wor  aw  en  ordliche  goode  case  os  se  ga-broveered 
hen.  So  we  ich  es  farshtonna  hob  wor  der  defender  en  karl 
fun  Doodletown  un  se  hen  €ne  ga-dite  far  a  pawr  shtraifiche 
hussa  shtaela.  Der  shtate  lawyer  hut  en  shpeech  ga-maucht, 
und  dri  tzeiga  uff  ga-roofa,  ainer  noach  em  onnera,  un  yader 
hut  en  beevel  aid  schwsera  missa  os  are  de  woreheit  sawgt, 
un  yader  hut  g'schwora  os  are  es  g'saena  hut  we  der  de- 
fender de  hussa  g'shtola  hut.  Well,  demo  hut  der  onner 
lawyer  en  shpeech  ga-maucht.  un  are  hut  fier  tzeiga  uff 
ga-roofa — oil  Doodletowner,  un  yaders  hut  g'shwora  os  are 
der  defender  net  g'ssena  hut  de  hussa  shtaela.  Don  hen  de 
lawyer  widder  shpeecha  ga-maucht  un  hen  uftmohls  der 
gentlemon  uft'  der  jury  ga-nenned,  un  sell,  we  g'sawt,  wor 
wos  mer  en  allusion  haist — tsu  mere  selver.  Don  hut  der 
judge  aw  si  soch  g'sawt  un  hut  aw  net  der  gentlemon  uff 
der  jury  fargessa,  un  hut  uns  tsu  farshtae  gevva  os  mere 
des  ding  decida  setta  according  tsu'm  g'wicht  fum  evidence. 
Well,  we  mer  by-nonner  wora  wore  de  question  we  mere  des 
ding  decida.  Dri  tzeiga  hen  g'shwora  os  se  der  defender 
sana  hen  de  hussa  shtaela,  un  fiera  hen  g'shwora  os  se  gor 
nix  so  g'saena  hen,  un  wile  fier  tzeiga  besser  sin  os  dri,  hen 
mere  decide  according  tsu'm  g'wicht  fum  evidence  un  hen 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  1 85 

agreed  uff  "not  guilty"  un  os  der  Doodletown  kunshtawbler 
de  u-kushta  un  aw  de  hussa  batzawla  muss.  Un  des  brooft 
OS  mer  sich  aw  uff  en  jury  farlussa  con  won  anyhow  anes  fun 
ena  en  gentlemon  is. 


POLITICS  UN  DE  KARRICHA. 

IcH  un  de  Polly  sin  der  onner  owet  nivver  ons  Billy 
Bixler's  un  we  mere  wile  dart  wora  is  de  subject  fun  politics 
uff  cooma.  Der  Billy  hut  behawbt  es  kent  nemond  mae  arlich 
si  OS  in  politics  gaed,  un  sell  hut  de  subject  uff  ga-brucht. 
"Was  maucht  politicioner  u-arlich?"  De  Polly  hut  druff 
insist  OS  de  leit  wara  nimmy  so  arlich  os  se  ols  wora  un  sell 
ware  de  shult  os  nemond  mae  in  office  gadoo  kent  wara  os 
arlich  is.  Em  Bixler  si  fraw  hut  ga-maned  es  ware  wile  mae 
tsu  shtaela  ware  now  os  es  ols  gawest  ware,  un  de  Billy  hut 
der  nawgle  centre  uff  der  kup  ga-druffa  we  are  g'sawd  hut 
OS  de  leit  daida  de  politicioner  u-arlich  maucha. 

Ich  hob  g'sawd,  du  bisht  recht,  Billy,  un  de  weipsleit 
helfa  de  bisniss  do.  Se  sin  shlimmer  os  de  monsleit  far 
leit  in  office  farfera.  Won  en  karrich  ga-bowed  si  sull  don 
cooma  se  room  mit  era  glaena  bicher  un  der  arsht  mon 
OS  se  tackla  far  finf  dawler  is  der  mon  woo  house  is  far 
office,  un  won  are's  net  grawd  nunner  chalked  don  sawga 
se  are  ware  tsu  geitzich  un  won  se  en  shtim  hetta  don  daid 
are  se  gawiss  net  greega.  Era  mon  haerd  des,  un  wile  are 
shunt  glawbed  os  der  kondadawt  en  arlicher  mon  is,  won's 
on  de  'leckshon  gaed  don  shtimmed  are  far  der  karl  woo 
sinera  fraw  finf  dawler  uffs  bichley  hut,  un  won  are  wase 
OS  der  same  karl  nix  gebt  tsu  goode  socha  except  won  are 
house  is  far  office.  Der  arlich  kondadawt  saed  des.  un  es 
naixt  mohl  os  are  rous  coomed  far  office  don  maucht  are 
si  mind  uff  os  mer  divel  ferchta  muss  mit  fire,  un  are 
shpend  oil  es  geld  os  are  hut  un  won  are  elect  is  don  muss 
are  shtaela  far  aeva  cooma. 

Ich  wore  em  ledsht  shpote-yohr  onera  karricha  fair. 
Es  wore  usht  in  der  campaign.     Es  wora  about  en  dutz- 


l86  CHOICE  SElvECTlONS 

ent  kondadawda  dart  un  so  feel  geld  hov  ich  in  longe 
yohra  net  g'saena.  Oil  de  kinner  sin  ga-treat  worra  tsu 
ice-cream  un  koocha.  Se  hen  g'fressa  bis  se  shier  far- 
shprunga  sin  un  de  helft  fun  ena  wora  gronk  der  naixt 
davvg.  Yader  kondadawt  hut  es  mensht  gelt  novvs  do 
wella,  un  de  weipsleit  sin  um  se  room  we  micka  um  en 
malossich  barl.  Derno  hen  se  neck-ties  farkawfed 
Yader  neck-tie  hut  der  nawma  fun  ma  weips-mensch  druff 
g'hot  un  sell  weipsmensch  wore  em  mon  si  pardner  woo 
era  necktie  ga-kawft  hut.  Es  hut  dale  boomer-awlish  goot 
g'suit  un  dale  wora  no  liet  so  goot  ga-bleased.  De  Sail 
Yudder,  woo  shunt  dri  hoof-eisa  farlora  hut,  hut  der  Porra 
Mohler  greeked ;  de  Ann  Hetzel,  woo  in  eram  laeva  ken 
beau  g'hot  hut  un  is  so  grawd  os  en  doter  bobla  baum  fun 
da  fees  bis  on  der  bawrd,  hut  der  Mike  Boomer  greeked 
woo  dri-un-ochtzich  tzoll  um  de  hifta  messed  un  sex  tzoll 
um  der  kup.  Der  P.  Morton  Gunsallus,  woo  si  nawma  un 
si  hore  in  der  mit  fun  nunner  daled  un  wared  en  kollar  so 
hoach  OS  are  net  drivver  nows  shpoutsa  con,  hut  de  Betz 
Bifflemoyer  greeked  woo  so  centre  uff  der  mit  fun  era  fees 
shtaid  OS  du  net  sawga  consht  wella  wake  os  se  gonga  is 
won  du  era  g'shpoor  im  schnse  ssesht ;  un  so  wore's  en  gen- 
eral case  fun  "misfit"  der  gonsa  wake  dorrich.  Dale  leit 
hen  en  holva  dawler  waerdt  tzooker  un  rawm  gevva  un  hen 
derno  en  holva  dawler  wserdt  ice-cream  g'fressa.  Es  hut 
se  derno  nuch  en  holva  ga-kusht  far  en  loxeering  greega 
fum  duckter  far  se  widder  g'sunt  maucha.  Es  hut  mich 
ga-mawned  os  won  mer  sht?e  uff  en  worref-showfel  laisa 
daid  un  daid  se  derno  uff  der  shoop-korrich  lara.  Awver 
es  wore  ae  wake  far  geld  maucha,  un  ebs  letz  wore  odder 
recht,  se  hen  ganunk  greeked  far  en  silverny  bowl  un  tumb- 
ler kawfa  far's  nocht  mohl  ous  daila.  Anes  fun  da  karl 
woo's  mensht  geld  gevva  hut  is  elect  worra  tzu'm  legisla- 
ture un  hut  ga-nunk  u-garecht  geld  ei-gnumma  far  a 
pawr  karricha  bowa,  awver  sidder  os  are's  hut  doona  de 
karricha  fairs  ene  net  boddera  bis  are  widder  lawfed. 


PUM  BOONASTlEly.  187 

Dohare  sawg  ich  unser  public  officers  sin  usht  wos 
mere  se  maucha.  En  arlicher  mon  os  ebbes  um  si  ade 
gebt  muss  eder  ous  politics  bliva  odder  sich  aweck 
holdta  fun  da  leit,  far  won  are  tsu  olles  gebt  os  are  g'frogt 
wserdt  don  muss  are  shtajla  far  seva  cooma,  un  won  are 
nix  gebt  don  sin  si  chances  far  elect  wara  about  so  goot 
OS  meim  glaena  hoondly  sine  far  in  der  himmel  cooma. 


ICH  WUTT  OS  ICH  EN  BOWER  WARE. 

Ich  wut  OS  ich  en  bower  ware, 

Un  het  en  boweri; 
Het  shaene  gile  un  f  ette  kee 

Un  schwartze  naeger  si. 

Des  is  es  leedle  os  der  karl  singt  woo  em  bower  de  oxel 
shtriched  won  are  en  office  will,  awver  ich  hob  nuch  fun  kem 
lawyer,  odder  porra,  odder  drooker,  odder  ducter  g'hared  os 
en  henker  nootz  wore  os  net  tsu  sinera  profession  g'shtucka 
hut.  Se  sawga  mere  der  bower  is  en  independender  mon. 
Are  is.  Es  doot  nemond  opposition  runna  tsu  eme,  un  are 
hut  olsfart  ganunk  tsu  essa — wons  usht  lodwarrick-brode 
un  sida  flaish  is. 

Em  ledshta  shpote  yohr  is  so  en  holb-gabockner  lawyer 
room  gonga  shpeeches  maucha  un  endlich  is  are  on  der 
Hawsa  Barrick  cooma  woo  shunt  en  monicher  karl  wedder 
galufifa  is.  Des  barshtly  hut  oil  de  shaena  socha  g'sawd 
wsega  da  bowera  os  are  g'wist  hut,  un  endlich  is  are  ufif  se 
gadraid  un  hut  g'sawd : 

"Oh,  ere  leeva  bowera.  We  garn  daid  ich  my  bisniss 
uff  gevva,  doh  runner  cooma,  en  lut  kawfa  un  en  house  druff 
bowa  un  by  eich  laeva !  De  good,  f rish,  barrick  loof t ;  des 
sees  wasser,  de  braida  ocker  un  reich  lond !  Dere  wist 
net  wos  dere  het.  Awver  mere  professional  leit  lasva  uff  wos 
mere  fun  eich  greega — wos  dere  net  essa  kent.  Missa 
ei-g'shpart  si  es  gons  yohr  room.  Unser  laeva  is  far-kartzed 
un  unser  frei-heit  farbunna,  un  duch  winch  ich  eich  olles. 


l88  CHOICE  SSlvECTlONS 

Unser  pardy  maucht  eir  condition  nuch  besser  won  der  ols 
usht  recht-shoffa  far  se  shtimmed." 

Are  ware  nuch  weider  gonga,  awer  der  Billy  Bixler  is 
uff  ga-jumped  un  hut  awfonga  nei  blowdera. 

"Ich  gleich  belly-guts"  (taffy),  hut  are  g'sawd,  "uff  ma 
shtecka,  awer  wons  amohl  uff'ra  worreff-showfel  coomend 
don,  by-chudes,  mauchts  mich  kutsa.  Du  sawgsht  du 
daidsht  garn  doh  runner  cooma  un  by  uns  woona.  Es  kusht 
dich  nix.  Der  Mike  Ditzel  gebt  dere  en  lut  far  en  holva 
dawler,  un  du  konsht  dere  en  house  druff  bowa  mit  da  felsa 
OS  druff  sin.  Es  wasser  un  de  luft  is  fry,  awer  du  konsht 
net  im  bed  lia  morgets  bis  tzse  uhr  we  du  da  hame  doosht,  un 
uns  derno  finf  dawler  charga  won  mer  dich  usht  en  question 
froga." 

Es  hut  es  barshtly  g'shtoomped.  Are  hut  si  hols  ous 
ga-butsed,  g'shpoutsed  un  a  pawr  mohl  g'hooshed  eb  are 
widder  si  wind  greeked  hut ;  awer  are  is  nuch  net  gatzoga  un 
ich  denk  aw  net  os  are  doot.  De  fact  is,  es  sin  gons 
pawr  leit  os  in  eram  lasva  net  uff  ra  boweri  ga-wooned  hen 
OS  wissa  was  es  msened. 

Nem  amohl  der  bower's  boo.  Summers  shoft  are  fun 
soon-uff  bis  soon-unner.  Soondawgs  gait  are  in  de  karrich 
mit  sina  rowa  glaider,  un  waerdt  harley  aw-ga-gooked  by  da 
shtettle  leit.  Shpote-yohrs  gsed  are  bawr-feesich  bis  de  rifa 
cooma  un  won  are  free  nows  g'shecked  waerdt -far  de  gile 
hola  don  yawked  are  se  uff  un  shpringt  nu  hordich  onna  woo 
se  ga-laega  hen  far  si  fees  waerma.  Wons  welshkarn  boshta 
awfongt  don  muss  are  nows  won  de  dawg's  helling  brecht  un 
en  welshkarn  shock  uni  der  hols  greega,  en  um-rasla  un 
derno  im  lawb  sitza  un  boshta  bis  are  shiddled  os  we  en 
oshbla  lawb.  Won  endlich  de  arawet  aweck  is  os  are  in  de 
shool  coomed  don  sin  de  onera  kinner  shunt  om  multiplica- 
tion table  farby,  un  are  muss  ni  shtarta  un  broveera  uff  f onga 
odder  dunner-hawgelse  shlake  nemma.  De  pawr  wocha  os 
are  in  der  shool  hut  fleega  os  we  dowva,  bis  de  soon  widder 
ivver  der  hivvel  ruff  coomed  un  derno  gaeds  ons  soomer  huls 
hooka,  un  won  sell  fardich  is  is  der  soomer  widder  doh.    Der 


FUM  BOONASTlEJlv.  189 

boo  woxed  uff  mit  rowe  hend  os  are  net  wase  we  farsheckla 
won  are  in  coombany  coomed,  es  based  "are  is  nix  os  en 
bower's  boo,"  un  de  maid  gooka  ivver  ene  nows  far  en  mon 
un  henka  sich  on  en  counter-hoopser.  Awer  es  hut  olsfart 
dale  maid  os  farshtond  hen,  un  endlich  hired  are  aney  os  si 
gleiches  is — net  farleicht  wile  se  ene  will  awer  wile  de  coun- 
ter-hoopser net  room  longa,  un  derno  is  de  same  oldt  shtory 
widder  ivver  ga-maucht. 

Des  is  de  dunkle  side  fum  bower.  Es  is  aw  anonnery 
side  tsu  sime  laeva,  un  ae  wake  far  on  sell  cooma  is  sich  ous 
shulda  holdta.  Des  is  ols  ebmohls  hardt  tsu  do,  awer  dri 
dowsend  dawler  laena  on  sex  per  cent,  frest  sex  dowsend 
dawler  uff  os  usht  dri  per  cent,  ei  bringt,  un  en  mon  os  hardt 
shoft  dorrich  der  dawg  un  con  net  shlofa  nochts  far  shulda 
brendt  es  licht  on  da  tswae  enner,  un  won  are  even  lavendich 
dorrich  coomed  don  wase  are  net  wos  laeva  is  bis  are  tsu  oldt 
is  fars  enjoy  a. 

Shoolda  shpraya  giles-hore  ins  bed.  Ich  wet  liever 
unich  ma  doch  shlofa  os  full  lecher  is  os  unich  ame  os  mit 
ma  mortgage  blanket  tsu  gadect  is — mer  hut  duch  rhue  wons 
net  raegered.  Oil  os  mer  hut  in  dara  weldt  is  en  decent 
glade,  ganunk  tsu  essa,  en  fry  hartz  un  ols  ebmohl  en  glaener 
schnopps.  Des  is  es  ledsht  mohl  os  mere  den  wake  gaena, 
un  mer  nemts  besser  grawd  we's  coomed  wons  shunt  net  so 
harlich  gait.  Won  du  en  boo  husht  os  mae  farshtont  hut 
OS  larning  don  shick  ene  in  de  shook  Won  are  en  shtoom- 
bich  nilond  blooga  con  mit  tswa  blinde  gile  oony  floocha,  don 
luss  en,e  schdoodeera  far  en  porra ;  won  are  en  boomerawe- 
lishe  leek  fartzaele  con  oony  shlooka,  don  mauch  en  lawyer 
ouse  erne ;  won  are  dri  beck  groombeera  uff-fossa  con  so  os 
se  gooka  we  en  bushel,  don  do  ene  in  en  shtore ;  won  are  kot- 
za-gichtera  cura  con  mit  shpeel-wasser,  don  kawf  erne  en  di- 
ploma far  ductera,  un  won  are  en  mon  glawva  con  maucha 
OS  are  feel  mae  use  ware  tsu  sinera  famillia  won  are  sich 
henka  daid,  don  luss  ene  in  de  life  insurance  bisniss  gas. 

Awver  shick  de  boova  in  de  shool  un  luss  se  net  shtuppa 
om  rechla,  laesa  un  shriva.    Luss  se  olles  larna  fun  der  ordt 

13 


190  CHOICE)  SELECTIONS 

WOO  uns  oil  en  laeva  gebt.  Luss  de  onera  ousfinna  eb  der 
moond  fun  kase  gamauched  is — se  greega  anyhow  ken 
shtick. 

So   doh  is  en  pull  ous   der  schwartza  huddle  tzoom 
bower,  woo  uns  oil  feedered ;    far  gook  amohl  he, 

Wons  net  far  unser  bower  ware, 

Wos  ware  don  unser  morrick? 
Mer  hetta  nix  tsu  fressa  mse — 

Un  sell  ware  gons  tsu  orrick ! 

De  bowera  bringa  olles  bei, 
Doh  brauch  mer  gor  net  grivvela ; 

Se  bringa  grose  un  gla;ne  si,, 
Aw  grose  un  glsene  tswivvela. 

Now  ufif  der  morrick  geb  du  ocht, 
Won'd  flaish  wid  far  tsu  kucha — 

Es  wore  nuch  nee  ken  ux  ga-schlocht 
Os  flaish  hut  ooney  knucha. 

Dart  sin  aw  fish  uff  sellem  dish, 

Wond  wid  don  konsht  se  hola. 
De  dick-kepp  sin  de  kotza-fish, 

De  longa  sin  de  ohla. 

Un  levver-warsht,  gook  usht  we  feel ! 

Of  course,  sell  con  mer  denka. 
Un  won  mer  levver  hovva  will 

Don  lust  mer  brode-warsht  henka. 

Se  bringa  ebbel,  boona,  schnitz, 

Un  sell  kusht  aw  de  senda. 
Shoolder,  shoonka,  un  aw  flitch — 

Doh  con  mer's  geld  gli  shpenda. 

Se  hen  aw  hinkle,  enda,  gense. 
Dale  dote  un  dale  lavendich. 
Dale  sin  garupt  bis  on  de  schwentz, 
Sell  coomed  em  orrick  hendich. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  IQI 

Om  end  is  geld  des  foondament, 
"In  God  We  Trust"  hut's  belt. 
.   En  dawler  is  en  hoonert  cent — 
Dare  Regeneered  De  Weldt! 

Un  sell  broofed  os  der  oldt  Porra  Frees  fun  sina  oyer 
wore  we  are  g'sawd  hut :  "Geldt  regeneered  de  weldt  un 
doomheit  Brush  Valley." 


DER  "CHRISTIAN  SCIENCE"  DUCKTER. 

Ds  oldt  Beckie  Moll  muss  shtarva  un  doh  is  gor  nix 
onersht,  sawgt  der  long-banich  duckter.  De  oldt  Beckie 
wore  en  gadrie  oldte  mommy  un  hut  elf  kinner  uff  gatzoga. 
Era  gons  laeva  wore  uff  g'numma  in  goodes  do.  Dorrich 
de  woch  hut  se  nine  kee  olla  morga  un  owet  g'mulka,  es 
g'scharr  g'wesha,  de  kinner  aw-gadoo,  ga-kuched,  booder 
g'shtosa  un  ga-wesha,  un  ols  nuch  im  feldt  g'shoft  won  de 
hend  rawr  wora.  Soondawgs  is  se  free  uff,  era  arawet 
aweck  un  by  nine  uhr  hut  se  de  gons  house-holding  ready 
g'hot  far  in  de  karrich.  Era  mon  hut  g'sawd  are  het  en 
hoonert  maid  dinka  kenna  eb  are  aney  greega  het  kenna  os 
so  feel  g'shoft  het  fars  same  geld.  Se  hut  tsu  der  Allgamina 
karrich  ga-kared  un  hut  net  usht  arlae  oil  era  kinner  in  de 
unnericht  g'shicked  un  se  laerna  bada  awver  hut  olsfart  olla 
owet  era  ageny  gabadelin  g'sawd  os  se  in  era  kindheit  ga- 
Igerned  hut.  In  kortze  worda,  se  wore  en  rechtshoffne  oldte 
mommy  un  hut  in  eram  Igeva  nemond  nix  in  der  wake  ga- 
laiked.  Era  kinner  sin  uff  ga-woxa  un  sich  farhired  anes 
noach  em  onera — dale  sin  weit  fardt  gatzoga  un  se  hut  se 
ols  ebmohls  net  g'saena  far  en  gons  yohr.  Endlich  hut  anes 
fun  da  maid  en  yunger  mon  g'hired  os  g'maned  hut  are 
ware  garoofa  far  en  porra.  Net  os  are  anicher  farshtond 
ivverich  hut  g'hot,  awver  wile  are  en  grose  mowl  hut  g'hot 
un  hut  g'maned  ansich  ebbes  os  are  schwetza  daid  ware 
aw-ganame  by  da  leit  wile  are  fun  Gut  g'shicked  ware.  Si 
breddicha  hut  awver  net  ous  ga-panned  we  are  g'mained 
hut  un  derno  is  are  ons  bicher  peddla.    We  sell  eme  g'faled 


192  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

hut  is  are  ons  linament  druppa  maucha  iin  hut  se  room  ga- 
peddled,  un  we  sell  ous  g'shpeeled  wore  is  are  by-em- 
grommy-note  nows  g'shtart  ols  en  Christian  Science  odder 
"faith  cure"  duckter,  un  dare  keyune  doot  now  de  oldt  Beckie 
drockdeera  olla  dawg  mit  sina  norrheita  un  will  se  glawva 
maucha  os  era  ubarem-hartzicha  schmartza  fun  da  rheu- 
matix  wara  oil  in  era  ga-donka,  un  won  se  recht  hartzhoftich 
baida  daid  don  daida  se  noach  lussa  un  se  daid  widder  so 
yung  wara  os  en  fill.  Are  sawgt  era  os  oil  duckter  era  shtuft 
ware  divel  shtraich,  un  se  daid  sich  farsindicha  olla  mohl  os 
se  derfun  nemma  daid.  Are  hut  de  oldt  fraw  olles  farkulla- 
beered  wile  se  so  holver  in  ene  glawbt  un  mained  se  ware 
ken  grisht  wile  Gut  era  net  helfa  daid. 

Now  sawg  mere  amohl  wos  set  mer  mit  so  ma 
farfllompta  kolb  do?  Are  laesed  der  Mrs.  Eddie  era  booch 
un  hut  en  ondwardt  far  yada  mon  woo  opposed  is  tsu  sinera 
cure.  Der  onner  dawg  is  en  bluck  em  Sam  Seeshuls  ivver's 
bae  ga-rulled  un  se  hen  g'maned  es  ware  farbrucha.  Se 
hen  g'shicked  far  der  duckter,  awver  eb  are  cooma  is  is  dare 
"faith  cure"  karl  dertzoo  cooma  un  hut  em  Sam  g'sawd  are 
kent  eme  si  farbrucha  bae  widder  tzomma  bada,  un,  behold 
you,  we  der  duckter  cooma  is  un  hut  g'sawd  es  hx  ware  net 
farbrucha  hut  dare  karl  bahawbt  os  si  gabade  hets  gons 
g'maucht.  A  pawr  dawg  dernoach  wore  en  kind  om  bar- 
rick  gronk  mit  dipseria,  un  dare  ketzer  hut  on  eme  gabade  bis 
es  dote  wore  un  hut  derno  g'sawd  es  ware  Guttes  willa. 

Des  is  de  condition  om  barrick.  Es  wore  ols  g'west  os 
yada  nuchbershoft  oil  ae  wake  gadenkt  hut.  In  fact,  es 
wora  usht  tswae  sorta  Effingalium — Luderish  un  Dema- 
grawdish.  Now  hut  yada  mench  si  agener  grishtliche 
glawva,  un  kens  glawbed  os  es  onner  in  der  himmel  coomed 
wile  se  net  gleicha  glawva  hen.  A  pawr  yohr  tzurick  hut 
der  Porra  Mohler  ga-breddiched  os  en  kind  os  sex  shtoond 
oldt  ware  wons  net  gadawfed  ware  daid  in  de  hell  gae,  un 
em  ledshta  Soondawg  hut  are  g'sawd  are  ware  net  g'satisfied 
in  sime  mind  os  en  hell  ware.  Es  sin  ocht-un-tswonsich 
g'maena  now  om  barrick,  un  oil  tzomma  gadoo  kent  ken  ae 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  193 

gooder  porra  enara.  De  porra  breddicha  wsega  der  grossa 
leeb  unich  de  grishtlicha  leit  un  hinna  on  da  karricha  shtecka 
de  bixa  tsu  da  fenshtera  nows  far  nuch-anonner  sheesa. 
Yader  ebber  hut  si  agener  rigel-wake  nuch  em  himmel  un 
yader  ebber  maned  der  onner  earned  net  onna  won  are  net 
uff  sina  kars  fawred.  Ich  hob  der  onner  dawg  mit  em 
Sammy  Sensawetzer  g'schwetzed.  Are  hut  mere  g'sawd  os 
are  un  si  fraw,  de  Melinda,  hetta  se  karrich  gons  by  sich 
selver,  un  sell  ware  de  ansich  karrich  os  em  far  sure  nuch 
em  himmel  nemma  daid.  "Un,"  hut  are  g'sawd,  "Ich  glawb 
in  meim  sin  won  de  Melinda  sich  net  bakared  don  con  even 
se  net  mit  mere  in  dere  himmel !" 

De  fact  is,  es  ansicht  hondwarrick  os  heidich- 
dawgs  batzawlt  is  bolidix,  un  de  menshta  fun  da  boliti- 
cianer  enara  sich  mit  shtasla.  In  fact,  se  missa  shtaela,  far 
es  is  net  boll  os  en  office  ga-nunk  arlicher  loo  in  sich  hut  far 
de  expenses  fun  der  leckshon  batzawla.  Awver  de  tzeit  far 
karricha  bowa  is  wons  feel  kondadawta  hut.  Mere  doona 
olsfart  de  kondadawta  tzae  dawler  'sessa  won  se  on  der  bar- 
rick  cooma  far  votes  greega.  A  pawr  yohr  tzurick  wora 
ninetzae  kondadawta  im  feldt.  Mere  hen  ous  g'maucht  sell 
daid  uns  se  hunnert  un  ninetzich  dawler  netta  un  mere  sin 
ons  karrich  uff  fixa  uff  gredit.  Olla  bugger  hut  tzsea  dawler 
g'shrivva  un  kenner  huts  batzawled.  De  karrich  waerdt 
now  farkawfed  by  em  shreef. 

Drum  sawg  ich  won  mer  heit  en  dawler  hut  don 
maucht  mer  der  divel  donsa.  Grishdendoom  wserdt  g'messa 
by  em  hoonert  cent.  Won  en  mon  blendy  geld  hut  un  gebts 
don  saened  de  g'mae  shunt  de  fluss-federa  fun  sina  fliggel,  un 
won  are  nix  gebt  don  reecha  se  gli  shwevvel. 

Ich  un  de  Polly  hen  unser  mind  uft  g'maucht  os  shtuppa 
letz  do  un  aw-fonga  recht  do  is  de  groond-arawet  fun 
olla  garechtichkeit.  Ware  recht  doot  denkt  recht.  Nemond 
con  letz  denka  un  recht  do.  En  keyune  is  en  keyune — un 
derno  mauchts  nix  ous  eb  are  en  fore-shtayer  in  der  karrich 
is  odder  en  hostler  in  ma  livery-shtoU, 


];94  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

DE  WEIPSLEIT  IN  POLITICS. 

IcH  hob  mich  by  gromma-note  shier  dote  galocht  doh 
om  Barrick  der  onner  owet.  Mere  hen  shunt  long  g'wart  far 
de  campaign  tsu  shtarta  so  os  es  ebbes  tsu  drinka  gebt,  un 
endlich  hut  der  Mike  Hetzel,  der  Demagrawdish  chairman, 
en  meeting  garoofa  far  de  issue  fun  der  campaign  considera. 
Are  hut  notices  nows  g'shicked  tsu  oil  da  Demagrawda  far 
by-woona  ons  HuUerhecka  wartzhouse,  un  far  es  ding  inder- 
esting  maucha  hut  are  aw  en  invitation  g'shicked  tsu  em 
Bryan,  Es  hut  nemond  gaglawbed  os  are  coomed  un  duch 
sin  feel  cooma  far  ene  ssena,  un  se  hen  en  goode  attendance 
g'hot.  Ich  bin,  of  course,  ken  Demagrawd,  awver  wile  ich 
anes  f  um  Hullerheck  sina  beshta  customers  bin  hen  se  mich 
net  wole  nows  oddera  kenna. 

Der  Chairman  Hetzel  hut  de  meeting  tsu  odder  ga- 
roofa, un  hut  bakont  gamaucht  os  de  object  ware  far 
awenich  fire  in  de  campaign  tsu  do.  Dos  won  net  boll  de 
kondadawta  by-woona  daida  un  de  socha  awenich  ufT 
shtarra  don  daida  de  leit  net  ous-finna  os  en  leckshon  ware 
un  olles  gingt  tsu  groond. 

Es  wora  edliche  weipsleit  dart.  Was  se  hen  wella  hut 
nemond  gawist  awver  se  hens  gli  ous-g'funna,  far  we  de 
bisniss  recht  awgonga  is  hen  se  oil  es  schwetza  do  wella. 
De  Beckie  Kissinger  hut  es  shpeecha  do  sulla.  Se  is  en 
oldt  maidel,  hut  longe  gruller,  is  so  roonslich  os  en 
groombeer  os  fardich  is  kima,  un  is  nuch  uff  eram  fartzich- 
yohr  hoond  far  en  mon.  Der  Porra  Mohler  wore  aw  dart. 
Se  hen  en  temperance  society  ga-represent  un  hen  grawd 
awfonga  bobla  waega  canteens.  Der  Billy  Bixler  is  rouse 
g'fora  un  hut  se  g'frogt  wos  bolidix  tsu  do  het  mit  can- 
teens. De  "schwartz  huddle"  is  der  issue.  En  canteen, 
hut  are  g'sawd,  ware  en  ding  ous  huls  g'maucht,  ware 
rhode  awg'shtricha  un  daid  gooka  we  en  glaene  droom ; 
het  en  shtrap  os  mer  ivver  de  oxel  henked  un  daid  wasser 
ins  arn-feldt  drawga.  De  naixt  minnutt  wore  de  gons 
congregation  fun  weipsleit  om  Billy  g'hunka  we  weshpa. 


FUM  BOONASTlElv.  195 

Der  Billy  hut  g'sawd  de  Beckie  ware  en  monsleit  narrishe 
oldte  hex,  un  de  Beckie  hut  g'sawed  der  Billie  ware  en 
sowf-loadle.  Endlich  is  es  tsu  hradt  cooma  far  de  Beckie 
un  se  hut  awfonga  hila.  Se  hut  g'sawd  es  daid  nemond 
se  mse  lieva,  un  we  der  Porra  Mohler  (woo  now  widmon 
is)  era  g'sawd  hut  os  es  ware  nuch  aner  os  se  lieva  daid, 
hut  se  uif  ga-gooked,  ene  by  der  hond  g'numma  un  hut 
g'sawd : 

"Is  es-^con  ich  ene  nawma?" 

"Yaw,"  hut  der  Porra  g'sawd ;  "Es  is  nuch  aner  os 
dich  leebed !    Dare  leebed  dich  bis  in  der  dode." 

"Oh,  we  leeblich !  We  leeblich !  Ich  hob  duch  shunt 
so  long  ga-wort.  Farwass  husht  du  mich's  net  aner  wissa 
lussa?" 

"Du  farshtsesht  mich  net,  my  leeve  schweshter.  Der 
leeb  Gut  is  di  gooder  friend — are  leebed  oil  si  kinner." 

De  Beckie  is  umechtich  worra  un  de  canteen  pardy 
is  gli  ous  ga-tzoga.  Der  Chairman  Hetzel  hut  derno 
g'sawd  es  ware  tzeit  far  de  regular  odder  fun  bisniss 
resuma  un  es  arsht  ware  en  platform  manefactera. 

Der  Bill  Mickelroyer  hut  suggest  os  are  het  nuch  a  pawr 
wise-bind  in  sime  eckbush  os  are  on  de  meel  fora  daid  won 
der  oldt  Sammy  Sendaptezer  se  saega  daid  far  de  platform 
bowa.  Em  Mike  Sheeshuls  si  Sam  woo  usht  hame  cooma 
is  fun  der  college  hut  awfonga  so  u-farshtenich  locha  os  se 
oil  ga-grisha  hen,  "Rouse  mit  eme,  rouse  mit  eme,"  un 
rouse  is  are  gonga — kups-fedtersht  tsu  der  deer  nows. 
Der  Mike  Hawnayarrick  hut  g'sawt  are  het  ken  huls  far  in 
de  platform  do,  awver  si  boo  woo  shool  holdt  h€t  eme 
hame  g'shrivva  wos  se  uff  anes  fun  da  blonka  shriva  sella, 
un  des  wore : 

"Resolved,  We  believe  in  annexation,  anticipation, 
emancipation,  reformation,  adulteration,  contamination 
and  all  other  prognostications  as  applied  to  Portorickaty  by 
the  Filipeanuts  and  descriptioned  in  the  Monroe  Doctrine 
by  Christopher  Columbus  when  he  writ  the  Ten  Commence- 


196  CHOICE   SELECTIONS 

ments  on  a  slate  and  which  are  embodied  in  the  Chicago 
platform." 

Se  hen  de  resolution  adopt  oony  discussion. 

Der  Sam  Sensawetzer  hut  g'sawd  are  daid  garn  en 
dri-tzoll  blonk  offera  wsega  da  Fillipeanut  Islands,  un  hut 
g'shtate  OS  are  het  sich  in  sime  Iseve  net  sot  groondniss 
gessa  un  won  mere  sell  lond  hetta  don  daida  de  groondniss 
blendy  wara.     Sell  farshtate  sich. 

Resolution  adopted. 

Der  Solly  Sullekupper,  w^oo  si  awrem  farlora  hut  on 
Antietam  un  is  en  "war  democrat,"  hut  suggest  se  daida  en 
blonk  in  de  platform  os  laesa  daid : 

"GOD  BLESS  THE  OLD  FLAG." 

Awver  der  Chairman  hut  ene  ous  ga-ruled  un  hut  g'sawd 
sell  ware  Republican  doctrine,  daid  tsu  feel  sounda  we  "im- 
perialism" un  mecht  farleicht  em  George  Washington 
Aguinaldo  wse  do. 

Endlich  hen  se  era  platform  fardich  greeked,  awver  net 
bis  se  part  fun  der  convention  nows  g'shicked  hen  far  blonka 
soocha  so  OS  de  onera  shoffa  hen  kenna.  Ich  hob  se  g'frogt 
far  en  copy  far  dere  shicka  far  in  di  tzeidung  do,  awver  se 
hen  g'sawd  du  daidsht  anyhow  usht  g'shposs  der  fun  ena 
maucha.  Awver  ich  hob  g'sawd  nae,  shicks  em  Kernel  un 
are  hiled  sich  de  awga  tsoo  ivver  so  farflompte  norr-heita. 


DER  MON  WOO  REICH-AWREM  IS. 

Em  Dunershdawg  en  woch  hen  mere  der  oldt  Mike 
Blotner  fargrawva.  Ich  sawg  fargrawva — grawd  wos  ich 
mane — es  fee  doot  mer  fargrawva  un  der  manesch  doot  mer 
ba-grawva.    By  sellem  mane  ich  os  are  en  oldter  gowl  wore. 

Der  Mike  wore  der  reichsht  mon  uff  wide  un  brade — 
are  hut  feel  geld  un  lond  g'hot  awver  gons  pawr  friend. 
Ich  hob  ene  gakent  fun  kind  uff  un  are  hut  awfonga  geitza 
eb  are  recht  lawfa  hut  kenna.  Are  wore  der  geitzicht  un 
u-fargoonshicht    mensch    os    ich    in    mein    dawg-and-des- 


FUM  BOONASTlELr.  197 

laeves  g'saena  hob.  Es  hut  g'seemed  os  olles  os  are  g'essa 
hut  hut  ene  g'shpite,  un  we  mere  in  de  shool  gonga  sin  hut 
are  ols  si  glae  kesselly  in  en  eck  g'numma  os  nemond  ene 
g'saena  hut  un  gessa  so  shtill  os  en  mouse. 

Es  Blotners  hen  ols  de  shaenshta  ebbel  g'hot  in  der 
gonsa  nuchbershoft,  un  ich  mind  nuch  os  der  Mike  ols 
poond  ebbel  so  grose  os  en  blech  en  gonser  dawg  im  hussa 
sock  noach  ga-drawga  hut  un  owets  se  widder  mit  hame 
usht  wile  are  se  net  selver  fressa  hut  kenna  un  wore  tsu 
u-goonich  se  tsu  uns  boova  gevva.  Won  mere  bolla 
g'shpeeled  hen  wore  are  uff  der  fense  g'hucked  un  uns  tzoo 
ga-gooked.  Are  hut  g'sawd  bolla  shpeela  ware  usht  far 
shoe  farrisa.  We  are  boll  dreisich  yohr  oldt  wore  hut  are 
de  Mary  Mulbarger  g'hired  far  era  geld.  Are  hut  der 
porra  batzawled  mit  dri  poond  schnitz.  Se  hut  tswae  bow- 
eria  g'hot  un  are  aney  os  are  tzomma  ga-geitzed  hut  g'hot, 
un  derno  is  es  geitza  recht  awgonga.  Morgets  sin  se  uff 
eb  de  hawna  ga-grayed  hen  un  won  mer  ols  ins  feldt  sin 
hut  are  shunt  en  holb  dutzent  forricha  um  en  sex-ocker 
feldt  room  ga-blooked  g'hot.  Won  se  shoff  leit  hen  g'hot 
hut  are  se  ga-drivva  we  asel,  un  middawgs  se  uff  sida- 
shpeck  g'feedered  bis  se  boll  nemond  mae  greege  hen  kenna 
far  shoft'a.  un  en  monich  ocker  waetza  is  uff  "em  budda  far- 
fowled  wile  se  ken  arns-leit  greega  hen  kenna  far's  ob- 
maucha.  Tswae  si  hen  se  in  flaish  un  fet  g'holda  far  en 
gons  yohr,  un  derno  hen  se  de  helft  tzeit  de  shoonka  far- 
kawft.  Era  budder  hen  se  farsolsa  wile  sols  usht  en  fardle 
cent  es  poond  wore,  bis  de  shtore-keeper  refused  hen  ene 
tsu  nemma,  un  gaega  em  ledshta  won  ols  de  oldt  fraw  in 
der  shtore  cooma  is  sin  de  glarrick  hinnich  de  counter  un 
shtore  boxa  g'shlooped  so  os  se  net  uff  se  worda  hen 
breicha.  Es  is  nemond  gonga  se  b'soocha,  un  der  ansicht 
blotz  OS  se  ebber  g'hot  hen  os  by  ena  g'sitzed  hut  far  en 
shtoond  wore  in  der  karrich.  Sell  wore  der  welfelsht  blotz 
OS  se  he  hen  kenna — era  grishdendoom  hut  se  net  ivver 
finf  cent  es  yohr  ga-kusht.  Der  Mike  hut  g'maned  are 
ware  en  grosser  singer  awver  si  moonsick  hut  g'sound  uff 


198  choice;  seiv3;ctions 

en  ordt  os  won  en  frush  greisha  will  un  hut  es  mowl  holver 
unich  em  wosser.  Es  hut  usht  so  ga-cullered.  We  se 
pawr  yohr  g'hired  wora  is  en  glsene  duchter  cooma  un  se 
hen  se  Molly  g'hsesa.  Se  hen  olles  far  des  kind  gadoo  os 
nix  gakusht  hut — even  se  dawfa  lussa — so  os  es  aw  in  der 
himmel  coomed  wile  sell  aw  nix  kushta  sull.  We  de  fraw 
dri-un-sechtzich  yohr  oldt  wore  is  se  g'shtarva  —  dote 
g'shoft — un  der  Mike  hut  declared  are  daid  in  sime  lasva 
nimme  hira  wile  leichta  tsu  feel  kushta  daida.  De  duchter 
hut  derno  house  g'holdta  far  der  oldt  mon  un  are  hut  ken 
boo  naixt  cooma  lussa  far  se  karraseera  un  se  is  uff  ga- 
woxa  so  doom  os  es  fee  woo  se  mit  ga-sociate  hut.  Se  is 
now  dreisich  yohr  oldt,  so  din  os  en  rigle  un  so  weesht  os 
en  shtawga  fense.  We  der  oldt  mon  g'shpeered  hut  os  es 
nuch  em  end  tsu  gaed  hut  are  era  erlawbt  far  coombany 
holdta.  Are  hut  se  even  encouraged  far  hira  wile  are  garn 
g'hot  het  OS  dare  grose  reichdom  in  der  familia  g'holdta 
daid  wara.  De  boova  sin  cooma,  awver,  somehow,  kenner 
hut  holdt  g'numma.  We  en  farrell  os  oonich  ma  bluck 
rous  coomed  un  greeked  en  hoy-shreck  os  tsu  long  inera 
huddle  wore,  se  hen  ols  holdt  ga-pocked,  se  awenich 
g'shiddled  un  se  week  g'shmissa.  Der  Jecky  Bixler,  em 
Billy  si  boo,  hut's  ae  nocht  ga-broveered.  Are  hut  garn  em 
oldta  mon  si  geld  g'hot  awver  are  hut's  net  greega  kenna 
oony  de  duchter  mit  nemma,  un  des  hut  are  net  wella.  Are 
hut  mere  g'sawd  se  het  on  ame  end  fun  der  shtoop 
g'hucked  un  are  om  onera.  Olla  mohl  os  are  sich  on  se 
maucha  hut  wella  is  es  eme  ivvel  worra.  Endlich  hut  se 
g'sawd : 

"On  wos  denksht  du,  Jecky?" 

"On's  same  os  du  doosht,  denk  ich !" 

"Yaw,  well,"  hut  se  g'sawd,  "coom  mohl  rivver  un  bro- 
veers  aw  un  ich  shlock  der  farflompt  uff's  mowl !" 

Sell  hut  em  Jecky  der  mawga  recht  ga-draid  un  are  is 
hame  eb  tzsea  uhr. 

Well,  we  ich  g'sawd  hob,  mer  hen  der  oldt  Mike  far- 
grawva.    Tswae-by-sex  foos  is  oil  es  lond  os  are  now  brouch 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  I99 

bis  are  in  der  himmel  coomed — won  are  anyhow  doot — un 
derno  wet  ich  es  arsht  ding  os  happened  doot  are  mit  em 
oldta  Pader  shtrida  far  so  feel  guld  on  de  deera  henka. 

Awver  em  oldta  Mike  si  Iseva  laerndt  uns  en  goode  les- 
son. Es  w^arndt  uns  gaega  reich-awrem  warra.  En  mensch 
OS  noddeerlich  awrem  is  enjoyed  duch  wos  are  essed.  Der 
reich-awren  mon  fargoond  sich  olles  os  in  si  mowl  gait. 

Du  sawgsht  now  "Ich  wase  exactly  ware  der  Gottlieb 
maned  by  em  Mike  Blotner."  Nossirree,  du  dusht  net. 
Won  du  awenich  shtuddisht  don  consht  du  en  holb  dut- 
zent  mon  rous  picka  os  sin  we  der  Mike,  un  olle  one  hen 
g'sawd  in  eram  Iseva  os  de  weldt  ware  nix  os  druvvel  un 
kimmer.  Se  shtarva  im  yuch  we  der  ux  un  gaena  ins  grawb 
wee's  fee.  Se  wora  ken  goot  tsu  der  weldt  odder  sich  sel- 
ver,  un  der  ansicht  os  noach  ena  frogt  is  der  lawyer,  der 
lawda  un  der  grawb-shtae-maucher. 


ONERA  KARRICHA  FARE. 

Ich  con  mer's  net  ivver's  hartz  bringa,  ich  muss  dere 
widder  shriva.  Mere  hen  so  en  grosse  tzeit  g'hot  de  ledsht 
woch  doll  om  Barrick  os  de  gons  nuchbershoft  uff-ga-reared 
is.  Es  wore  en  "Karricha  Fare,"  un  es  hut  now  boom- 
era  wlishe  socha  gevva.  Du  waisht  mer  hen  shunt  long 
druvvel  g'hot  mit  em  Porra  Mohler  sime  loo.  De  g'mae  cons 
nimmy  uff  maucha.  De  gleeder  sawga  are  is  ous-ga- 
shpeeled.  Are  hut  shunt  dri  mohl  si  barl  full  breddicha 
'esunnersht-eversht  gadraid,  der  budda  rous  g'shloga  un  wid- 
der unna  awfonga  laesa.  Un  es  shlimsht  is,  are  muss  laesa 
mit  tswae  finger.  Won  are  usht  mit  ame  finger  noach  gait 
don  farleered  are  sich  we  de  Kinner  Iserawl  in  der  wald 
un  es  nembt  ene  fartzich  yohr  far  si  wake  rous  finna.  Are 
breddicht  uft  mohls  en  shtoond-un-en-holb  un  won  are  far- 
dich  is  don  wase  ken  salicher  mensch  wos  si  text  wore.  De 
oldta  hardt-shofficha  bower,  woo  ga-used  sin  olla  morga  on 
fier  uhr  uff  shtae,  shlofa  ei  un  schnorixa  os  de  benk  donsa, 
de  maid  un  boova  shmisa  shofe-awga  nuch-anonner,  un  de 


200  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

glaena  kinner  schwenka  de  bse  unich  de  benk,  henka  de  kep 
hinna  uff  de  sitz  un  watcha  de  weshpa  dreck-neshter  bowa 
in  der  ceiling  fun  der  oldta  karrich  Se  wara  ere  gam  lose, 
awver  are  wase  en  goot  ding  won  are's  seed.  Are  mauched 
en  gowlish  goot  ga-bade  un  is  der  besht  hand-shaker  os  si 
laeva  om  Barrick  wore. 

Well,  we  ich  g'sawd  hob,  se  hen  druvvel  far  si  loo  uff- 
maucha,  un  far  des  hen  se  en  "Karricha  Fare"  g'holda,  un 
ich  un  de  Polly  sin  onna.  Se  hen  olla  sort  games  g'hot  far 
bensa  fonga.  Fish-pond,  koocha  weega  (far  ssena  ware's 
naixt  gessa  con  we  schware  os  se  sin),  ludderee  tickets,  un 
in  fact  olles  es  en  poker  game — wile  se  so  barmlichs  drunna 
sin  uff  korda  shpeela.  Awver  sell  wore  net  oil.  Wos  es 
mensht  druff  ga-tzaeled  wore  far  geld  ei-bringa  wore  es 
supper  game.  Se  hen  en  hap  uff  g'henked  un  en  glse  luch  ni 
g'schnitta.  De  monsleit  sin  hinnich  der  hap  g'shtonna  un 
hen  era  nawsa  dorrich  g'shtecked.  Es  weipsmensch  woo  es 
arsht  ga-gessed  hut  wem  si  naws  os  es  is  wore  em  mon  si 
pardner  far  supper  woo  de  naws  ga-agened  hut.  Es  is  olles 
recht  gonga  bis  der  Mike  Hetzel  hinnich  der  curtain 
g'shtepped  is.  Are  is  wid-mon  un  wore  der  drit  mon.  Now 
der  Mike  is  about  der  ublesseerlicht  mon  om  gonsa  barrick. 
Are  hut  arem  os  em  nunner  henka  bis  on  de  wauda,  en 
kup  we  en  kolbasht,  en  mowl  we  en  karrich-hofe,  fees  we  en 
commale  un  hend  we  misht-hoka.  Es  shlimsht  fun  oil  is, 
are  hut  en  wortz  uff  der  naws  so  grose  os  en  hosselniss  im 
de  hut  en  dutzent  barshta  druff  en  holb  tzoll  long.  We  de 
naws  dorrich  der  hap  cooma  is  sin  de  weipsleit  shier  umech- 
tich  worra.  Un  es  shlimsht  wore  es  hut  kens  wissa  wella 
tsu  wem  OS  des  gadeer  kared  wile  se  net  mit  em  agener  der- 
fun  nuch  em  dish  hen  wella  Se  hen  oil  declared  se  wista  net 
wem  se  ware.  Galoga !  Haryommer !  Ich  hob  net  gawist 
OS  so  feel  lingner  om  barrick  sin.  Un  oil  leega  far  om 
Porra  Mohler  si  loo  raisa.  Se  hen  oil  g'saena  os  won  net 
ebber  boll  ebbes  doot  don  gebts  hoodleri.  Doh  wore  now 
ga-wiss  amohl  en  mish-mosh.  De  Bixlery  hut  declared  se 
daid  net  mit  em  Mike  Hetzel  noach  supper  gse  won's  de 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  20I 

karrich  uff-brecha  daid.  De  Ann  Biffelmoyer  hut  g'sawd 
se  wet  liever  der  grtez  hovva,  un  so  hut  yades  g'shtritta  bis 
endlich  is  de  Polly  uff-g'shtonna  un  hut  g'sawd : 

"Im  nawma  Guttes,  es  is  em — " 

"UnnershtJe  dich,"  hov  ich  g'sawd,  un  se  hut  sich  wid- 
der  he  g'setzed.  Endlich  hut  de  Bixlery  g'sawd  se  daid 
moofa  mere  daida  des  game  uff-gevva  un  mit  unsera  agena 
menner  noach  supper  gae,  un  se  sin  oil  ob-g'shtart  un  der- 
Mike  shtae  lussa  mit  der  naws  im  hap,  un  ich  denk  are  shtaid 
nuch  dart — are  is  anyhow  net  ni  cooma  far  supper.  Mer 
hen  bout  en  goot  supper  g'hot.  IMer  hen  en  grosser  welsh-, 
hawna  ga-roasht  g'hot  un  se  hen  mich  draw  far  en  "carva" 
im  Pennsylfawnisha  Deitscha  wake  un  ich  hob  ene  nows  tsu 
meim  dellar,  ae  bae  ob-g'schnidda  far  mich  un  es  onner  far  de 
Polly  un  ene  derno  widder  tzurick  g'shtelt  un  hob  g'sawd: 

"Now  helft  eich  selver.  Sell  is  der  Pennsyl fawnish 
Deitsch  wake  far  om  dish  ob-worda." 

Noach  supper  hen  mere  en  line-duch  ivver  de  weipsleit 
g'henked  so  os  nemond  se  gakent  hut,  un  no  hen  de  monsleit 
se  dricka  darfa  far  en  fardle  dawler.  Now,  du  konsht 
dere  net  ei-bilda  we  shtarrick  os  des  em  Porra  Mohler 
si  loo  uff-ga-maucht  hut.  Du  waisht  der  Sam  Seeshuls 
is  en  wid-mon.  Are  hut  shunt  elf  yohr  nix  tsu  der  karrich 
gevva,  un  on  sellem  game  hut  are  wise-der-freeda  dri  dawler 
un-a- fardle  ni  ga-blosa.  We  my  tzeit  cooma  is  hov  ich  my 
fardle  ni  ga-chipped  un  uff-g'shteeped  far  my  "drick."  Ich 
hob  bout  en  neice  tzeit  g'hot.  Ich  hob  g'maned  ich  het  de 
Lissy  Hulsopple,  es  shaensht  maidel  om  barrick,  un  ich  hob 
evva  ga-dricked  un  ga-dricked — ol  de  wile  aw-ga-lust  os 
won  ich  net  wist  ware  ich  het  bis  endlich  hen  de  leit  awfonga 
locha  un  ich  hob  g'saena  os  se  uff  meim  game  sin,  un  we  ich's 
line-duch  runner  hob  don  wore's,  by-em-shinner,  de  Polly ! 

Se  hut  mere  usht  ae  gook  gevva  un  ich  feel  de  gons  tzeit 
sidder  os  won  ich  dorrich  en  longe  gronket  ware. 

De  "Fare"  is  gli  dernoach  uff-gabrucha  un  mere  sin 
hame,  un  sidder  is  der  gons  barrick  uff-rearish.  De  oldta 
maid  woo  shunt  far  tswonsich  yohr  nimrriy  ga-dricked  sin 


202  CHOICE  SEI.ECTIONS 

warra  wella  nuch  en  "Fare"  hovva  un  de  monsleit  sin  aw 
drin  derfore,  awver  de  g'hireda  weipsleit  sin  drunna  druff 
we  en  dowsend  bocka-shtse.  Far-wass  wase  ich  net — awver 
mer  con  sich  ei-bilda. 

Der  naixt  dawg  wora  oil  de  duckter  in  der  nuchber- 
shoft  bissy  room  driva  bouch-wae  druppa  ous-daela — de  re- 
sult fun  tsu  feel  ice-cream  fressa,  "im  nawma  Guttes,"  un 
oil  far  em  Porra  Mohler  si  loo  raisa." 


UNSER  NIAR  PORRA. 

Mer  hen  en  nia  porra  om  Barrick,  un  are  is  in  grosser 
druvvel.  Der  oldt  Porra  Mohler,  woo  far  drisich  yohr  de 
kinner  om  Barrick  ga-dawfed  hut,  se  g'hired  won  se  uff  eld 
wora,  se  bagrawva  won  se  g'shtarva  sin  un  si  batzawling 
g'numma  in  schnitz  un  schmier-safe,  is  tsu  oldt  worra  far  de 
yunga  leit  un  se  hen  ene  nows  gadraid  ins  sower-romble  feldt 
we  en  ga-driar  oldter  gowl,  un  hen  en  yunger  mon  elect. 
Der  nie  porra  waerd  brilla,  en  shtitza  hoot,  un  kid  henshing. 
Are  is  leddich  un  oil  de  leit  gleicha  ene — orbordich  de  maid. 
De  Betz  Grill  hut  era  awk  ufT  eme,  un  se  bahawbt  os  now 
ware  era  chance  wile  se  shunt  so  long  gawardt  hut,  un 
arbordich  wile  en  porra  public  property  is  un  con  aweck 
gevva  wara  tsu  wem  os  are  kserd  wile  se  ene  anyhow  enara 
missa.  Yader  ebber  hut  ene  im  mowl  un  uff  de  hend,  un 
won  are  arigets  onna  coomed  don  doona  se  ene  ins  besht 
bed  un  schlochta  de  fetshta  hawna.  Far's  morga  gabade 
greeked  are  de  grose  Beevil  fum  dish  ous  der  "grossa 
shtoop"  woo  nemond  ni  dariff  es  gons  yohr  bis  der  porra 
coomed,  un  olles,  in  fact,  drawga  se  eme  by  os  won  are  en 
kanich  ware.  Se  treata  ene  now  we  en  engel  bis  se  ous 
finna  os  are  usht  en  mensh  is  un  derno  handla  se  ene  we 
en  sow.  Awver  des  is  net  oil  si  druvvel.  Der  arsht  mon 
OS  are  aw-gadruffa  hut  noach  dem  os  are  elect  wore  hut 
eme  g'sawd  are  mist  orrick  ocht  gevva  we  are  breddicht  un 
mist  yoh  nix  sawga  wsega  donsa  wile  shier  yader  ebber  om 
Barrick  donsed.     Anonerer  hut  eme  g'sawd  are  mist  yoh 


IfUM  BOONASTIBL.  203 

nix  sawga  wsega  korda  shpeela  wile  oil  de  yunga  leit 
"progressive  yucker"  shpeela,  un  der  drit  is  cooma  un  hut 
eme  g'sawd  are  darft  nix  sawga  waega  licker  farkawfa  wile 
der  Hullerheck  fore-shtayer  ware  in  der  karrich  un  daid's 
net  arlawva. 

"Well,  my  liever  freind,"  hut  are  g'sawd,  "wsega  was 
sull  ich  breddicha?" 

"Geb's  tsu  da  Mormons.  Se  hen  ken  freind  om  Bar- 
rick." 

Em  ledshta  Soondawg  hut  are  don  waega  da  Mor- 
mons gabreddiched,  un  hut  der  Congressman  Roberts 
g'numma  far  si  subject.  Are  hut  em  awrma  Roberts  gor 
boomerawlish  in  de  ribba  g'shussa,  awer  are  hut  net  g'wist 
OS  are  em  Mike  Hetzel  aw  a  pawr  fun  sina  glob-board  ni 
gaboga  hut.  Der  Mike  is  en  kondadawt  far  der  legislature 
un  hut  far  de  dri  ledshta  Soondawg  en  dawler  ins  glingle- 
seckly  gadoo.  Awer  are  doot  net  oil  si  geld  dart  ni.  Es 
is  bakont  om  Barrick  os  are  aw  tswae  wiver  enared.  De 
aned  is  si  fraw  un  de  onner  is  de  Beckie  Leffelfinger.  De 
Beckie  is  bout  en  shse  maidel,  hut  rhode  hore,  awga  we 
en  dawb  un  en  broosht  we  en  fasont.  Era  finger  sin  so 
full  ring  os'ra  oldta  koo  era  harner,  un  wile  se  duch  shunt 
a  pawr  hoof-eisa  falora  hut  is  se  nuch  so  shpry  os  en  bod- 
derreesly  un  so  levendich  os  en  u-mense.  Se  wserd  en 
seal-skin  coat  un  is  sida  fun  der  howd  rouse.  Yader  ebber 
glawbed  os  olles  gakawfed  is  fum  Mike  sime  geld,  un  olla 
Soondawg  hucked  se  sich  on  so  en  blotz  os  se  der  Mike 
recht  leeblich  in  de  awga  gooka  con,  un  des  is  en  g'schmoon- 
sel  un  en  ga-blinsel  fum  awfong  fun  der  breddich  bis 
ons  end.  De  oldt  Betsy  Hetzel  sitzed  naiva  om  Mike,  mit 
eram  oldta  poke-bonnet,  un  shiflfericha  shawl,  der  kup 
drunna  un  era  awga  uff  era  awrma  oldta  runslicha  hend 
woo  in  eram  laeva  ken  ring  g'saena  hen  un  nix  g'wist  os 
hardt  shoffa  far  em  Mike  si  geld  tzomma  holdta.  Der 
porra  hut  gabreddiched  waega  da  leit  woo  net  ocht  gewa 
uflf  36  fraw,  woo  base  un  shtuvverich  un  mean  sin  dahame 
un  hen  oil  era  blesseer  far  onner  leit :  woo  shelda  won  era 


204  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

fraw  pawr  cent  will  far  sich  henshing  kawfa  won  era  oldte 
de  finger  hous  hen,  un  woo  im  karricha  rote  sin  won  se  im 
evver-shtoll  si  setta.  Der  Mike  hut  sich  in  sime  sitz  room 
g'shrobed  os  won  are  bren-asel  in  da  hussa  het,  un  de  Becky 
Leffelfinger  hut  ene  net  aw-gagooked  far  es  arsht  mohl  in  dri 
yohr.  We  der  porra  fardich  wore  hut  are  es  oldt  bakont  leed 
ous  gevva,  "Oh  for  a  face  that  will  not  shrink,"  un  der  IMike 
hut  awfonga  singa  os  won  are  usht  uff-gawecked  ware  fun 
ma  longa  shlofe ;  awer  we  de  karrich  ous  wore  is  are  net 
nuflf  far  hands  shaka  mit  em  porra  awer  is  nows  un  uff  em 
hame-wake,  we  si  fraw  ene  g'frogt  hut  wos  are  fun  der 
breddich  gadenked  het,  hut  are  g'sawed :  "Es  boovly  is 
tsu  shmardt.  Ich  denk  are  hut  nuch  nix  galaesa  fum  Sol- 
omon un  em  David." 

Sidder  hut  are  ken  goot  wordt  mae  far  der  nei  porra, 
un  se  msena  are  daid  farleicht  sich  gons  ob-risa  fun  der 
karrich.  Awer  won  are  doot  don  is  nix  farlora.  En  mon 
OS  so  socha  dribed  set  net  in  en  blotz  g'setzed  si  woo  onera 
im  doonkela  ivver  ene  folia. 

Luss  mich  dere  sawga,  der  Roberts  is  net  der  ansicht 
Mormon  im  Congress  odder  in  der  karrich,  un  won  der 
divel  gaed  fisha  far  monsleit  don  doot  are  ma  Vv'eibs- 
inensch  si  shtroomp-bendel  usa  far  .bait.  Un  es  shlimsht 
is  are  con  olsfart  sell  bait  greega  oony  long  grawva.  Olla 
weibsmensch  os  farfeered  waerdt  furnished  era  ageny  holf- 
ter,  un  "ware  sich  in  de  g'fore  gebt  coomed  drin  um"  is  en 
sprichwordt  so  wore  os  es  oldt  is,  un  ware's  net  glawbt  con's 
usht  amohl  broveera,  un  are  fint  ous  we  g'schwint  os  are 
en  oorsoch  fint  far  der  awrem  oldt  Divel  blama  far  ene  in 
der  letz  w^ake  feera.  Ee  sin  usht  tswae  wsega — der  recht 
un  der  letz.  Du  konsht  net  aener  dravela  oony  di  buckel  uff 
der  onner  draya,  un  de  weldt  hut  gons  wennich  blotz  far 
leit  woo  era  hussa  ous  wara  uft'  da  knee  olla  winter  der 
hivvel  fun  garechtichkeit  nuff  groddla  un  der  sitz  om  rooch- 
board  nunner  fora  ufifder  onera  side  im  free  yohr.  Un  der 
divel  blonsed  olsfart  wolla-shtengel  os  dorrich  der  schnse 
nuff  woxa  far's  luch  nuch  graeser  risa. 


FUM  BOONASTIEIv.  205 

SHTRIDE  IN  DER  HOUSEHOLDTING— WOS 
MAUCHTS. 

IcH  un  de  Polly  wora  der  onner  owet  im  shonshta  eck 
g'sitzed  un  olles  wore  shtill  im  house.  De  oldt  uhr  im  eck 
hut  shtraich  g'holdta  mit  da  sackunda  es  same  os  se  hut 
dreisich  yohr  tzurick  we  ich  se  om  Mike  Hetzel  sinera  fendu 
ga-kawft  hob  far  sex  dawler  un  hob  un  se  ins  eck  g'shtelt 
we  mere  awfonga  hen  house  holdta.  Won  selly  oldt  uhr 
schwetza  kent  wos  kent  se  letze  socha  fartzaela.  Dreisich 
yohr  ols  mon  un  fraw  maned  feel.  Wos  druvvel,  wos  kim- 
mer.  We  uft  sin  mere  ousanonner  g'shrit  woo  mer  by-anon- 
ner  shtae  hetta  sulla.  We  feel  droweriche  shtoona  hut  ols  ae 
shep  wardtly  ga-brucht.  Far  wucha  long  sin  mer  um  anon- 
ner  room  ga-luffa  os  won  mer  net  bakont  wara,  usht  far 
anonner  wissa  lussa  os  yaders  si  shier  shpunk  hut.  Es  wore 
grawd  OS  won  mer  tswse  brucka  sond  in  en  buggy  rawd  doot. 
Anes  ribed  om  onera  bis  se  endlich  es  rawd  shtuppa.  Un 
des  ga-shtrid  hut  about  so  feel  fershtond  drin  os  we  de  tswse 
brucka  sond  im  rawd.  Now  saena  mere  olles.  Un  wos  daid 
mer  net  gevva  won  mer  olles  tzurick  nemma  kenta  uns  gons 
laeva  widder  ivver  maucha. 

De  tzeit  far  shiidda  pardies  un  ebbel  schnitzings  is 
farby.  Es  wore  en  tzeit  woo  ich  g'maned  hob  es  ware  usht 
se  weipsmensch  in  der  weldt  un  sell  ware  de  Polly.  Gli  noach 
dem  OS  mere  g'hired  hen  hov  ich  g'maned  es  wara  nuch  ed- 
liche'  onery  weipsleit  os  ich  bakont  het  warra  sulla  eb  ich 
g'hired  hob,  un  endlich  bin  ich  tsu  der  conclusion  cooma  os 
es  feel  onery  weipsleit  in  der  weldt  hut  os  mere  mae  aw- 
shtay  daida  os  we  de  Polly.  Ich  bin  base,  shtuvverich,  un 
weesht  warra.  Se  wore's  same  os  se  wore  we  mere  g'hired 
hen.  Olsfart  ready  far  mere  en  favor  do,  olles  ga-kucht  os 
se  g'wist  hut  os  ich  gleich,  nee  ken  knep  on  mina  hemmer  ob 
cooma  lussa,  my  shtiffel  ga-blacked  un  my  glaeder  ga-barsht, 
un  duch  wore  ich  sour  un  mean,  bis  endlich  is  es  era  ei- 
cooma  OS  esnix  ous-maucha  daid  eb  se  recht  daid  odder  letz 
— era  baloning  ware  es  same — un  de  parlor  match  woo  ich 

14 


206  CHOICE  SELEICTIONS 

druff  room  ga-draida  bin  so  long  is  endlich  aw- 
gonga  un  der  shwevvel  is  ob  ga-brendt.  Derno  wore's 
ivvel.  Ich  hob  net  g'wist  we  se  ga-nunk  tsu  shpida 
un  bin  gonga  un  g'suffa  worra  un  in  meim  suff  hob  der 
druvvel  ous  em  house  om  gonsa  barrick  nows  g'shlaifed. 
Es  worra  gli  en  lot  druvvelsome  oldte  weiver  os  sich  um 
mich  bakimmered  hen  un  hen  olles  ous  mere  ga-lucked  os  se 
hen  kenna  so  os  yaders  de  besht  shtory  fartzaela  hut  kenna 
om  naixta  karricha  social.  Ich  wore  der  grassht  mon  om 
barrick  wile  ich  da  leit  tsu  farshtse  gevva  hob  os  kem  weips- 
mensch  si  unner-ruck  grose  ga-nunk  ware  far  mich  drunner 
shparra.  My  shtory  hov  ich  fartzaeled.  Es  wore  de  aint 
side.  Se  hut  goot  ga-lowd  inera  baer-shtoop  full  loafers. 
Awver  de  onner  side  fun  der  shtory — de  recht  side — hut 
nemond  g'haerd.  De  Polly  hut  nix  fartzaeled.  Ich  hob's 
grosse  blesseer  g'haesa  sana  se  suffera.  Es  hut  g'wissa  os 
ich  en  mon  bin  fun  determination.  Dos  sell  my  shtyle  is. 
Endlich  is  es  mere  in  der  kup  cooma  os  yader  ebber  si  f raw 
shenner  ware  os  my  ageny.  Es  wore  farleicht  ebbes  drin. 
Druvvel  hut  grawva  in  era  bocka  ga-wesha  g'hot.  Era  awga 
woo  als  yader  ebber  aw-ga-tzooga  hen,  hen  dreeb  un  drow- 
erich  ga-gooked.  Se  hut  mich  nimmy  gleicha  kenna.  Era 
hond  wedder  mich  greega  muss  tsu  era  g'feeled  hovva  os 
won  mer  en  grut  aw-raiked.  En  g'suflfa,  blobberich  kolb. 
Won  ich  usht  fer-shtond  het  g'hot  we  ich  ols  sober  g'west 
wore,  awver  on  so  tzeida  wore  ich  schlimmer  os  won  ich 
g'suffa  wore.  Ich  hob  g'saena  os  se  mich  nimma  leeva  con 
un  bin  jealous  worra.  Sell  hut  de  socha  ols  nuch  shlimmer 
g'mauched.  Ich  hob  g'sana  os  se  ga-used  waerdt  tsu  meim 
sowfa,  un  os  sell  era  nimmy  so  feel  wae  doot  un  derno  hov  ich 
se  ga-blamed  far  tsu  freindlich  si  mit  onera  monsleit.  Ich 
hob  g'wist  os  nix  on  der  soch  is,  awver  ich  hob  fechta  wella 
un  hob  net  g'wist  we  draw  gas.  Des  wore  awver  tsu  feel. 
Se  hut  nee  nix  derfore  g'sawd  g'hot.  Der  shtride  wore  nuch 
so  weit  oil  mit  mere  awver  we  ich  se  mit  dem  ga-.blamed  hob 
is  se  uff-g'shtonna,  de  deer  uff  g'maucht  un  mere  nows 


FUM  BOONASTIEI/.  207 

g'wissa.     Sell  wore  we  ich  uff  my  tramp  Iseva  gonga  bin. 
Du  consht's  ivverich  in  meim  booch  laesa.        , 

Un  now  mawksht  du  denka  ich  bin  en  bubbly  far 
de  socha  fertzaela.  Farleicht  bin  ich,  awver  won  ich  se 
yunga  couple  safa  con  fun  ous-folla  un  kelver  fun  sich 
maucha  don  hov  ich  mae  goodes  ga-doo  in  dem  breef  os  in 
ansicha  os  ich  in  meim  laeva  g'shrivva  hob. 


KARRASEERA— DER  OLDT  UN  DER  NEI  WAKE. 

SiDDER  dos  ich  my  ledshter  brief  tsu  dere  g'shrivva 
hob  hov  ich  anyhow  en  dutzend  brief  greeked  fun  freind  os 
mich  g'frogt  hen  far  nuch  mae  shriva.  Ae  oldt  maidel  hut 
mich  g'frogt  far  en  brief  shriva  uff  hira,  un  wile  ich  denna 
awrema  oldta  drep  net  "nae"  sawga  kent  tsu  nix  will  ich 
broveera  dere  my  gadonka  gevva  uff  de  subject  so  goot  os 
ich  con.    Un  doh  gaits  don  uff  der  Koonrawd  loose. 

Hira  is  es  same  os  es  wore  en  hoonert  yohr  tzurick, 
awver  es  waerdt  nimmy  so  feel  gadoo  os  we  sella  mohls. 
Es  wore  en  tzeit  os  yader  boo  en  agener  gowl  hut  g'hot,  en 
foongle  nei  buggy,  un  olla  Somshdawg  owet  noach  os  si 
woch's  arawet  fardich  wore  hut  are  si  fees  im  boomba- 
droke  g'wesha,  hut  si  beshte  suit  Kentucky  jeans  aw  ga- 
doo un  is  derrio  ob  g'shart  far  sime  maidel  en  ride  gevva 
ivver  -de  wartzla  un  shtoomba  in  da  doonkelshta  ecka  fum 
township  wake.  Derno  sin  se  hame  un  we  de  oldta  leit 
im  bed  wora  hut  are  se  ga-karraseered 

"Hinna    in    der    kich 
Ga-dichtich." 

Ollawile  is  es  nimmy  so.  De  riggelwake  springa  in 
olla  eck,  un  pick-nicks  sin  de  shtile.  Der  boo  spend  oil  si 
geld  far  tickets  un  won  de  tzeit  coomed  far  hira  hut  are 
net  ga-nunk  geld  far  der  porra  batzawla — un  gor  nix  far 
en  week  kawfa.  De  maid  hen  ols  de  oldta  hussa  uff 
g'schnidda  far  gwilts  maucha.  Now  doona  se  era  tzeit 
tsu  bringa  on  "shams"  un  "throws"  un  "tidies"  maucha 
far  uff  da  shteel  room  henka  bis  mer  sich  boll  nimmy  onna 


208  CHOICE  SEI^ECTIONS 

hucka  con.  Un  won  mer  sich  setzed  un  hucked  net  so 
grawd  OS  en  ^ips-bub  don  henked  des  fardihenkered  ga- 
gramonsel  em  uff  em  buckel  won  mer  uflf  shtaid. 

Im  shtettle  is  es  nuch  feel  schlimmer.  Doh  wserdt's 
nimmy  ga-karraseered.  Ich  hob  ols  g'maned  mer  set  en 
maidel  bakont  wara  eb  mer  se  hired.  Un  der  ansicht  wake 
far  se  laerna  kenna  is  Ise  by  era  si  un  se  ga-dichtich  dricka. 
Ollawile  is  es  nix  os  "fashionable  calls."  En  holb  dutzent 
gaena  tzomma.  shpeela  corda,  schwetza  doom  odder  hucka 
in  da  ecka  un  gooka  anonner  aw  os  we  a  pawr  kotza  uff 
der  gorda  fense.  Es  seemed  se  wissa  nix  fun  da  goota 
tzeida  wo  ich  un  du  hen  g'hot  we  ich  gonga  bin  my  Polly 
saena  un  du  di  Malinda.  Un  de  result  is  se  finna  nix  ous 
fun  leeb  bis  se  tsu  oldt  sin,  un  derno  won  se  hira,  doona  se 
es  far  "convenience  sake,"  un  wile  oldte  maid  net  feel  fun- 
era  "convenience"  sin  tsu  anich  ebber  missa  se  arise  shtse 
un  uff-drickla  we  de  wolla  shtengel  uff  der  fire-shtae  rich. 

De  fact  is  de  yunga  leit  wella  heitzadawg  amused 
si.  Se  gooka  net  ahead  awver  sitza  un  worda  far 
ebbes  uff-draya  os  se  suit.  De  boova  wella  oil  lawyer  un 
duckter  un  professional  menner  si.  De  maid  shpenda  era 
tzeit  on  fashion-plates  shtuddia  un  lussa  de  mommy  es 
wesha  do.  Se  wella  laeva  ooney  shoffa,  un  won  en  maidel 
net  en  reicher  mon  fonga  con  odder  en  boo  en  reich  maidel 
hira  con  don  maena  se  wara  tsu  awrem  far  hira.  Un  es 
is  warricklich  wore.  Won's  maidel  nix  wase  os  music  un 
donsa  don  gebts  en  dreckiche  kich,  un  won  der  boo  nix 
wase  os  corda  shpeela  un  cigarettes  schmoka  don  gebts 
dinna  brodewarsht.  En  fodder  os  si  familia  sella  wake  uff 
bringt  is  net  fit  kinner  tsu  hovva,  un  won  se  eme  druvvel 
maucha  is  ^s  si  ageny  shoold. 

En  batchelor  os  hired  noach  dem  os  are  fartzich  yohr 
oldt  is  set  ga-gasheled  si,  un  es  weipsmensch  os  ene  hired 
set  nuch  em  norra  house  g'shicked  si.  Ich  glawb  on  yung 
hira.  Yunge  leit  sin  we  glaene  ebbel  bame.  Du  consht  se 
tzomma  binna  un  um-anonnef  room  wickla  un  se  woxa  uff 
we  ae  bawm.     Broveer  'mohl  un  bin  tswae  bame  tzomma  os 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  209 

fartzich  yohr  oldt  sin  un  se  brecha  in  der  mit  ob.  Sell 
maned  druvvel  un  divorce.  Derno  sin  se  olla  tswse  far- 
hoonsed.  En  mon  os  fartzich  yohr  room  lawfa  con  oonich 
so  feel  shaena  maid  un  findt  kenny  os  ene  suit  set  eider  en 
corset  vvara  odder  set  en  hevvel  aw-g'henked  hovva.  De 
maid  sin  net  tsu  blama.  Es  doot  se  farleicht  nemond 
froga.  Es  sin  dale  os  worda  wella  bis  se  en  mon  finna  os 
ken  faler  hut,  awver  se  finna  ous  in  goote  tzeit  os  de  goota 
boova  oil  g'shtarva  sin  we  se  gons  yung  wora,  un  dos  engel 
ken  hussa  wara. 


ON  DER  TEACHERS'  INSTITUTE. 

Du  hedsht  amohl  de  woch  on  der  Teachers'  Institute 
si  sulla.  So  en  leb-dawg  we  des  en  leb-dawg  wore  hov  ich 
in  meim  leb-dawg  ken  leb-dawg  g'saena.  Es  hut  ollerlae 
teachers  g'hot.  Un  wos  maid!  Shaene,  weeshte,  grosse, 
glaene,  dicky,  dinny,  shmrerdte  un  doome.  Se  hen  mae 
shtile  aw-gadoo  os  ich  in  mein  laeva  defore  g'saena  hob,  un 
ga-dressed  hen  se  os  es  em  recht  farblendt  hut.  Un  woo 
se  oil  era  gum  greeked  hen  for  kowa  con  ich  net  wissa, 
awver  es  hut  yader  ga-kowed  un  se  hen  en  yocht  ga- 
maucht  os  we  wons  fee  om  widder  kowa  is  on  tswelf  uhr  in 
der  nocht.  Now  unich  yadcr  sitz  im  ccsurt  house  sin  bindle 
chewing  gum  os  es  boll  gooked  os  won  de  dreck-schwolma 
neshter  ni  ga-bowed  hetta.  De  boova  hen  oil  noddeerlich 
schmart  ga-gooked,  un  wos  hen  se's  duch  g'shpeered.  Kit 
benching,  sidney  hols-dicher,  patent-ledder  shoe,  un  de 
hore  in  der  mid  fardaled  os  we  de  maid. 

Es  wore  ols  net  so  in  oldter  tzeit.  Onshtodts  fun  sid- 
ena  dressa  hen  de  maid  kardoo  g'wora,  un  onshtodts  fun 
chewing-gum  on  finf  cent  der  pock  hen  se  bind-hortz  ga- 
kowed.  De  boova  hen  kee-ledderne  shoe  ga-wora  un  era 
hore  uff  der  side  fardaled.  Es  wore  en  tzeit  woo  en  guldne 
watch  en  mon  reich  gooka  hut  maucha,  un  en  piano  wore 
ous  der  question.  Now  sin  se  so  common  os  rhoda  hoond, 
un  duch  hen  mere  hardte  tzeida. 


2IO  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Es  is  aw  en  grosser  wexel  im  wake  os  se  now  larning 
greega.  Wos  hen  mere  duch  ols  so  hartzhoftich  de  maps 
g'sunga.  Now  shtuddia  se  jography  mit  picters  un  sond- 
heiflin.  Olla  yohr  sin  mere  ols  dorrich  der  grammar,  hen 
oil  de  rules  ous-awennich  ga-larndt  un  hen  si  Iseva  net  ous 
g'funna  far  wos  os  selly  rules  goot  sin.  Im  rechla  sin  mere 
ols  so  weit  tsurick  im  buch  os  der  teacher  es  farshtonna 
hut  un  derno  sin  mer  room  ga-draid  un  widder  forna  aw- 
g'fonga.  Der  multiplication  table  hen  mere  ols  hinner- 
shich  un  farshich  sawga  kenna,  un  won  mer  ols  wissa  hen 
wella  we  feel  os  nine  mohl  elf  is  hen  mer  der  gons  table 
ivver  sawga  missa  bis  mer  draw  cooma  sin.  Laesa  hen  mer 
oil  kenna  os  we  en  porra  un  duch  ken  wardt  farshtonna 
wile's  English  wore  un  mere  hen  nix  os  Deitsch  gawist. 

Middawgs  hen  mere  unser  karrivly  uff  g'maucht  un  de 
kolda  lever-waersht,  tzomma-ga-bobbed  lodwarrick  brode 
un  hardt-gakochte  oyer  gessa.  De  wile  os  es  mowl  bissy 
wore  hen  mere  uns  farwiled  mit  da  fees  uff  em  budda 
drooma.  Hinna  im  eck  hut  olsfart  der  lowsich  boo 
g'hucked.  Are  hut  nee  ken  wolnis-karna  un  poond  ebble 
greeked  fun  da  onera  shuler  wile  are  der  ansicht  Republi- 
can wore  in  der  shool.  Es  ledsht  os  ich  fun  eme  g'hared 
hob  wore  are  en  shtate  senator  in  anes  fun  da  western 
shtata,  un  de  karl  woo  ene  ols  es  mensht  gabused  hen 
doona  nuch"  om  barrick  room  gnobbera  far  en  Iseva 
maucha.  Mer  wase  nee  net  wos  es  ous  ma  lousicha  kolb 
gevva  con. 

Anes  fun  da  grossa  dawga  in  der  shool  wore  won  der 
superintender  room  cooma  is.  Mere  hen  ols  g'maned  der  su- 
perintender  ware  en  graeserer  mon  os  der  Bresident  fun  da 
United  Shtates.  Olla  yohr  os  are  cooma  is  hut  are  uns  de 
same  shpeech  g'maucht,  un  de  hut  ga-consist  fun  uns 
sawga  OS  won  mere  oil  goote  boova  sin  don  daida  mere 
mohl  oil  Bresidenta  gevva,  un  de  maid  Bresidender  era 
wiver  bakoma.  So  weit  os  ich  hara  con  is  si  bruffa-tzeiga 
nuch  net  wore  cooma,  awver  sidder  os  der  Cleveland's  ga- 
maucht  hut  woonerts  mich  nimmy  os  yader  ebber  mit  hoi- 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  211 

ver  farshtond  Bresident  wara  con,  un  ich  hob  en  notion 
far  widder  frish  nei  broveera  far  Bresident  tsu  wara  wile 
de  chanca  si  Iseva  net  besser  wora  won  ich  usht  de  Repub- 
lican nomination  maucha  con. 


DE  RETCHA  UN  DE  BLETCHA. 

Mer  hen  ollaweil  en  gor  shtarns  weeshter  ufroor  doh 
om  Barrick.  Es  is  en  retsherei  unner  da  weipsleit,  un  es 
date  mich  gor  net  woonera  won  es  om  end  nuch  bisniss  gebt 
far  de  lawyer  un  der  shreef  un  in  der  court. 

Ich  will  dere  de  particklers  now  gevva  so  goot  os  ich 
con.  Es  is  waega  der  Sally  Ann  Seimoyer,  anes  fum  oldta 
Bensh  Seimoyer  sina  maid,  un  anes  fun  denna  Fildelfy 
agents  os  so  room  dravela  unner  da  shtore-keeper  mit  sam- 
ples, un  seller  ding  sawga  se  is  en  g'hireder  mon  os  en  f  raw 
un  dri  kinner  hut  in  Fildelfy.  Wos  de  rale  shtory  is  consht 
denka  far  dich  selver,  De  Sally  Ann  un  era  mommy  hen 
era  mind  uff  g'maucht  far  ous-finna  ware  de  shtory  g'shtart 
hut.  Se  hen  ous-g'funna  os  de  Betz  Miller  es  g'sawd  hut,  un 
se  sin  grawd  tsu  der  Betz  gonga  un  g'f  rogt  we's  is  un  ware's 
era  g'sawd  hut,  un  se  hut  g'sawd  os  de  Marianda  Schmidt  es 
g'sawd  hut,  un  don  sin  se  tsu  der  Marianda  gonga,  un  se  hut 
g'sawd  OS  de  Jemima  Wafflebach  es  g'sawd  hut,  un  de  Je- 
mima hut  g'sawd  de  Anne  Bensmiller  het's  g'sawd,  un  de 
Anne  hut  g'sawd  se  het  em  Sam  Kissinger  si  fraw  es  hara 
sawga,  un  we  se  aw-groofa  hen  by  der  Kissingery  hut  se 
g'sawd  se  ware's  net  sure  awver  se  glawbt  se  het  de  Polly 
Bixler  hara  derfun  schwetza.  Don  sin  se  tsu  der  Polly  un  se 
hut  widder  en  onery  g'nend  os  es  g'sawd  suU  hovva  un  tsu 
letsht  is  es  evva  widder  uff  de  Kissingery  cooma.  Un  now 
sawga  se  de  Sally  Ann  Seimoyer  het  im  sin  in  de  shtadt  tsu 
gse  un  en  lawyer  dinga  un  de  Kissingery  shreefa  far  de 
court  un  se  es  broofa  maucha  wsega  sellem  agent  fun  Fil- 
delfy. 

Ich,  far  my  pard,  hob  nix  tsu  sawga.    Won  de  Sally  Ann 
Seimoyer  tsu  feel  fun  dem  Fildelfy  agent  gadenked  hut  don 


212  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

het  se  shmart  ganunk  si  sulla  far's  tsu  sich  selver  holda.  De 
Tzaea  Gabudda  in  der  Shrift  farbeeda  olles  os  schlecht  is, 
awver  ich  claim  os  elf  ga-budda  si  hetta  sulla.  De  el  ft  het 
laesa  sulla:  "Du  solsht  net  ous-g'funna  wara."'  Es  maucht 
heitzadawgs  nix  ous  we  schlecht  os  en  mon  is — usht  so  os 
are  shmart  ganunk  is  es  nemond  ous-finna  lussa.  De  shtrose 
lawfed  full  karls  os  hend  hen  so  wise  os  schnee  un  en  hartz 
so  Schwartz  os  shonshta  roos.  De  karrich  hut  blendy  karls 
OS  en  g'sicht  hen  os  sich  shtrecked  Soondawgs  we  en  oldter 
gum  shoe,  un  Moondawgs  daid  ich  ena  net  weider  drowa 
unichera  lot  weipsleit  os  ich  en  elefont  om  schwontz  room 
shlaifa  con, 

De  Sally  Ann  Seimoyer  hut  farleicht  nix  derby 
g'mained,  un  hut  gadenked  dare  Fildelfy  karl  ware  leddich — 
awver  sell  maucht  nix  ous.  Es  wore  era  bisniss  ous  tsu 
finna.  Es  daid  nemond  si  boweri  aweck  gevva  tsu  ma  mon 
OS  are  nix  derfun  wase — un  en  gooter  nawma  is  mse  waerdt 
OS  feel  ocker  lond.  De  weipsleit  schwetza  uftmohls  tsu  feel, 
awver  luss  mich  dere  sawga,  won's  net  far  era  tzoonga 
ware  don  daid  feel  mas  schlechtes  aw-gadrivva  wara  os  es  so 
doot.  We's  is  is  yader  weipsmensch  en  detective,  un  wile  se 
anonner  so  goot  kenna  don  wissa  se  gli  won  hoodlerei  aw- 
gait. 

Nuch  ebbes  will  ich  dere  sawga.  De  Sally  Anne 
Seimoyer  is  grawd  we  feel  fun  unsera  onera  maid  om  Bar- 
rick  un  se  kenna  oil  en  lesson  larna  fun  era  experience. 
Won  en  arlicher,  uflfrichticher,  hardt-shoffichter  bowera  boo 
cooma  will  anes  fun  ena  karraseera  don  shtaid  are  ken 
chance  won  se  room  shpotseera  kenna  mit  ma  uflf  g'schmusta 
frotzhontz  fun  der  shtott,  un  won  are  en  norr  fun  ena 
maucht  don  is  es  era  agency  shoold.  En  arliche  bond  os  row 
is  fun  arawet  is  mse  waerdt  os  en  wise,  un-arliche  bond  mit 
kit  benching  tzoo  ga-decked.  En  mon  os  fun  der  city 
cooma  mus  far  en  fraw  soocha  is  eider  uff  badroog  ous 
odder  wart  badroga. 

Awver  mer  wella  de  socha  lussa  we  se  sin.  Des 
g'schwetz  waega  dem  maidel  hut  farleicht  en  ursoch.     Shier 


PUM  BOONASTIEL.  213 

oil  de  leit  om  Barrick  hen  maid  os  se  garn  farhondla  daida 
uff  goode  menner,  un  wile  de  Anne  Seimoyer  en  hisph,  goot 
gookich,  freindlich  maidel  is  wella  se  farleicht  era  nawma 
fardarva  so  os  era  dechter  en  chance  greega  on  der  city  karl. 
Des  is  en  wake  os  bakont  is  mit  oil  shtride  shtifter.  Un  es 
seemed  de  woo  de  lengshter  gebader  maucha  in  der  bade- 
shtoond  un  gaena  es  eftsht  in  de  karrich  sin  de  shlimshta 
far  de  recheri  uff  shtarta.  Husht  du  di  Iseva  g'wist  os  en 
weipsmensch  os  sich  selver  net  drowa  daid  mit  monsleit  is 
de  arsht  os  onery  weipsleit  suspect  fun  schlechte  socha? 
En  mensch  os  en  rhine  hartz  hut  denked  yader  ebber  soonsht 
rhine,  un  ware  u-sowver  is  sasd  dreck  uff  yader  ebber 
soonsht.  Grishdendoom  mocht  der  mensch  rhine  woo's  hut 
un  maucht  farflompte  rascals  ous  onery  woo  usht  maena  se 
hetta's.  Dohare  finsht  du  uftmohls  de  schlechta  leit  in  der 
karrich  wile  se  grishdadoom  ba-kenna  missa-far  era  schlech- 
te socha  tsu  decka. 

Moral,.     Ware  net  drowd  dem  is  net  tsu  drowa. 


DE  SHULT  OS  LEIT  AWREM  SIN. 

Es  shined  mere  de  leit  sin  ollawile  gor  grunds-budda 
awrem,  un  duch  sin  se  net  holver  so  awrem  os  se  ols  wora 
in  der  tzeit  we  se  g'maned  hen  se  wara  reich.  Du  consht 
dich  nuch  arinera  on  de  tzeit  woo  en  silverner  dawler 
so  grose  ga-gooked  hut  in  dina  awga  os  en  wauga- 
rawd.  De  tzeit  wor  won  anes  en  levvy  g'shpend  hut  far 
blesseer  hut  mer  ene  shunt  aw  ga-grooked  ols  en  "heb- 
bense,"  aner  os  si  laeva  net  reich  con  wara.  Sell  wore  de 
tzeit  woo  de  weibsleit  en  dress  maucha  hen  kenna  ous  fier 
yord  goods,  un  se  goode  dress  wore  oil  os  expect  wore 
fun  ame  weibsmensch.  Ware  en  sideny  dress  afforda  hut 
kenna  wore  reich  g'hasa.  Now  nembts  fier  yord  goods 
far  se  armel  tsu  maucha,  un  de  menshta  weibsleit  hen  de 
wond  so  full  dressa  henka  os  se  ols  usht  ae  dress  tswae 
mohl  nuch  der  karrich  wara  kenna  bis  se  widder  room 
g'maucht  si  muss  so  os  se  in  shtyle  is.     Denk  derno  amohl 


214  CHOICE  SEI^^CTIONS 

draw  we  sin  ols  unser  eldra  nuch  der  karrich  gadrulled 
bawrfeesich,  un  era  shoe  ga-drawga  bis  se  on  de  karrich 
cooma  sin  un  demo  se  aw  gadoo,  un  we  se  rous  cooma 
sin  se  widder  ob-g'numma  un  bawrfeesich  hame  ga-drulled 
far  se  safa.  Sella  mohls  hen  se  aw  shoe  g'hot  os  ebbes 
wserd  wora.  Won  en  kolb  g'schlocht  is  worra  is  de  howd 
on  de  garraveri  g'shicked  worra  un  in  ledder  gadraid  far 
da  maid  fina  shoe  maucha.  Ware  daid  now  kolbsledderny 
shoe  nuch  der  karrich  wara?  Doh  missa  hoche  farshta  un 
patent-ledderny  tips  hare.  Ae  drip  nuch  der  karrich  dor- 
rich  der  dreck  daid  se  uflf.  Awver  wos  is  de  use  far  im 
dreck  lawfa  won  yader  bower  en  buggy  hut  un  fie  harnish 
far  in  de  karrich  gse — won  es  foorwsesa  shunt  net  batzawled 
is — es  fawrd  anyhow  goot  wile  der  nuchber,  woo's  far- 
leicht  afiforda  con,  aw  anes  hut.  Ich  risk  tsu  sawga  os  de 
eldra  heitzadawgs  so  feel  geld  shpenda  far  era  dechtera  in 
corsets  un  kit  henshing  holda  os  es  gakusht  hut  far  era 
grose-mudder  tsu  glaeda. 

Nem  derno  amohl  de  boova.  Doh  hut  mer  ols 
"Kentucky  Jeans"  odder  hame  g'mauchte  warichniche 
hussa  g'wora  os  de  mommy  em  g'maucht  hut.  De  gallus 
wora  ous  wiser  musleen  g'maucht  mit  shlitz  drin  far  de 
knep  ni  henka  we  en  forebay  onera  meel.  Now  hut  der 
shtore-keeper  g'nunk  bruffit  onera  suit  os  are  en  fungle- 
neie  pawr  gallus  ni  shmissa  con.  Olles  waerdt  fun  hame 
g'maucht,  un  tsu  minera  notion  doot  der  bower  net  ga- 
nunk  protection  bractica — import  mae  uff  si  boweri  os 
are  export — un  es  arsht  os  are  wase  muss  are  bonds  issua 
we  der  Cleveland.  Won  mer  ols  en  fardle  dawler  greeked 
hut  far  ons  badolya  gae  hut  mer  hipsh  g'feeled.  Now  is  es 
nix  u-commons  en  fodder  sime  boo  finf  dawler  gevva 
olla  mohl  os  are  on  en  picnic  will,  un  wile  sell  about  dri 
mohl  de  woch  is  con  mer  gli  ssena  woo  der  brofit  uflf  waetza 
on  fooftsich  cent  de  bushel  onna  gait. 

Farshtae  mich,  ich  winch  net  os  de  tzeida  widder  doh 
wara.  Ich  sawg  dere  usht,  se  sin  doh  far  der  bower  un  are 
wase  es  net.     Si  lond  is  net  mae  waerd  now  os  es  wore  far 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  21 5 

em  greek,  are  greeked  net  mse  far  si  waetza  os  are  hut  far 
em  greek,  un  shier  olles  shunsht  is  uff  ma  level  mit  da 
tzeida  far  em  greek  except  si  wake  far  laeva — un  sell  is  uff 
der  scale  fun  waetza  on  dri  dawler  de  bushel. 

Geld  is  tsu  wolfel  by  feel  fun  ena.  En  mon  os  en 
hoonert  riggle  shplit  far  en  hoonert  cent  denked  mae  fun 
ma  dawler  os  der  mon  woo  si  laeva  maucht  mit  shtock 
gambla  un  corda  shpeela.  "Shtreck  di  fees  nuch  der 
deck"  is  en  oldt  shprich-wordt,  un  ich  wet  liever  unich  ma 
kortza  debbich  shlofa  os  unich  ma  longa  os  net  batzawled 
is.  Mere  hara  feel  fun  da  goota  oldta  tzeida  woo  ma  man 
si  wordt  so  goot  wore  os  si  note.  Ich  glawb  olla  wordt 
derfun.  De  leit  wora  in  umshtenda  woo  se  era  shoolda 
batzawla  hen  kenna  un  es  wore  en  blesser  es  tsu  do. 
Luss  mich  dere  sawga  es  daid  yader  ebber  si  shoolda 
batzawla  won  es  batzawla  daid  se  tsu  batzawla,  awver  sidder 
OS  ken  premium  mse  is  uff  der  arlich  mon,  sidder  os  en  mon 
si  laeva  insura  con  far  en  hoonert  dowsend  dawler  un  oil  si 
geld  ni  do  far  de  premiums  uff  holdta  bis  are  dote  is  un 
derno  b'shised  si  creditors  ous  era  arliche  shoolda,  is  de 
premium  fum  arlicha  mon  g'numma  un  uff  der  dam  raskal 
gadoo.  Sell  is  der  ledsht  grishtlich  wake  far  saelich  shtarva, 
awver  es  is  my  opinion  os  en  mon  woo  ken  arlicher  effort 
maucht  far  si  arliche  shoolda  batzawla  is  en  infernelser 
raskal,  un  derno  mauchts  net  feel  ous  eb  are  en  eldisht  is 
in  der  Hawsa  Barrick  karrich  odder  en  bossier  im  Mike 
Hawnayarrick  sime  livery  shtoll,  un  won's  amohl  nuch  em 
himmel  tsoo  gaid  finna  se  ous  os  kem  mon  si  grawb-shtae  so 
hoach  is  os  are  druff  nuch  em  himmel  groddla  con. 


2l6  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

BLESSEER  COOMED  OONEY  G'FROGT  UN  GAIT 
OONEY    G'H^SA. 

Coom  hare  amohl  nuchber,  un  sitz  on  der  dish. 

De  socha  sin  gons  room  ga-draid ; 
Ae  helft  fun  da  leit  de  fonga  de  fish — 

De  onera  grawva  es  bait. 

Des  glae  shtick  poetry  hut  en  grosse  msening.  "Ae 
helft  fun  der  weldt  doots  fisha — de  onera  grawva  de  war- 
rem."  Husht  du  di  l^eva  draw  ga-denkt  we  u-gleich  os  de 
socha  ous  ga-daled  sin?  Dale  leit  sin  gabora  mit  ma  sil- 
verna  leffel  im  mowl.  Se  ruUa  in  meesichkeit  fun  der  week 
bis  ins  grawb.  Un  duch  sin  se  net  g'satisfied.  Doh  hen 
mere  en  example  om  Hawsa  Barrick.  Em  Sam  Hetzel  si 
brooder's  kind,  woo  in  Fildelfy  uff  ga-brucht  is  worra,  dare 
is  so  reich  os  en  Yutt.  Si  ei-coomas  is  sivva  dowsend  daw- 
ler's  yohr  eb  are  shoft  odder  net.  Dare  boo  is  now  tswon- 
sich  yohr  oldt,  hut  en  goode  larning,  awver  hut  net  der  good 
farshtond  woo  mer  greekt  won  mer  sich  selver  dorrich  de 
weldt  shlocked.  Are  wase  oUes  fun  shtyle,  is  olsfart  sowver 
aw-ga-doo  un  waerdt  en  diamond  uff  sime  ga-kuchta  hem. 
Are  brouch  net  shoffa  un  es  holdt  ene  bissy  en  gonser  dawg 
far  de  tzeit  fardriva.  Are  hut  oil  de  tzeit  os  are  will  far  gae 
fisha,  awver  is  tsu  doom  far  en  worrem  on  si  ongel  do,  un 
won  are's  wist  don  ware  are  tsu  armlich  far  on  de  grick 
lawfa.     Sell  sin  de  sort  leit  woo  olsfart  fisha  kenna. 

Navich  eme  wooned  em  Sam  si  agener  soo.  Are  is  im 
lond  uff  ga-brucht  warra  un  is  so  hardt  os  en  bind  g'narra. 
Are  is  awrem,  un  duch  hut  sich  en  gla^na  haemet  aw-g'shoft, 
is  g'hired  un  hut  tswse  kinner.  En  gonser  dawg  shoft  are 
im  feldt  un  owets  coomed  are  hame  meed  un  hoongerich. 
Are  con  en  yord  brode-waersht  un  tswonsich  booch-wsetza 
koocha  essa  uff  en  emes.  Si  kinner  groddla  uff  eme  room 
OS  w^e  yunge  kotza,  un  won  are  ols  ebmohls  en  shtoond 
greekt  tsu  sich  selver  don  gait  are  on  de  grick  un  fongt  a 
pawr  farrella  far  si  kinner.  Won  are  hame  coomed  don 
shtaed  si  fraw  olsfart  im  hofe  un  frogt  ene  eb  are  ebbes 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  217 

g'fonga  hut.  Se  con  sawga  on  sime  shrit  long  eb  are  om 
house  is  eb  are  ebbes  g'fonga  hut.  Won  are  glick  hut  g'hot 
don  lobed  se  ene,  won  are  nix  hut  don  encouraged  se  ene 
un  sawgt  es  naixt  mohl  dait  are  besser  do.  So  en  fraw  we 
sell  bringt  mae  blesser  ins  house  os  en  millune  downsend 
dawler  uff  inderessa.  Un  duch  winched  dare  boo  olla  dawg 
are  het  sime  cousin  si  reichdoom  so  os  are  de  gons  tzeit  fisha 
kent. 

Luss  mich  dere.  sawga,  blesseer  in  dara  weldt  consht 
du  net  soocha,  awver  du  finshts  olsfart  woo  du  net  gooksht 
derfore.  Der  mon  woo  tsu  bissy  is  far  blesser  soocha  findt 
es  mensht  derfun.  Won  mer  olsfart  gae  kent  fisha  don 
daits  em  so  laid  warra  os  won  mer's  mit  da  leffel  g'fressa 
het.  Der  mon  woo  si  laeva  net  meed  wore  wase  net  wos 
rhue  is.  Der  mon  woo  si  laeva  net  hoongerich  wore  wase 
net  wos  obbadit  is.  Der  tramp  woo  en  nocht  unich  em  hoy- 
shtuck  shlofed  findt  mae  blesser  in  ma  shtick  booder  brode 
far  si  morga-essa  os  der  reich  mon  doot  in  ma  downsend 
dawler  banquet.  Der  bower  woo  en  gonser  dawg  hinnich 
em  blook  noach  lawfed  findt  mae  rhue  uff  me  shprower-sock 
OS  der  reich  mon  inera  guldena  bed-lawd.  Der  mon  woo 
uff  em  top  fum  howfa  is  muss  olsfart  grotza  far  sich  druvva 
holdta.  Der  awrem  mon,  woo  sich  om  foos  uff  holdt,  con 
sich  ruich  he  laiga  un  shiofa — are  rulled  nimmy  weider 
nunner,  un  won's  ons  shtarva  gait  don  laiked  are  sich  he, 
shlofed  ei.  un  brouch  sich  net  boddera  waega  ma  willa  wile 
are  net  ga-nunk  lust  far  si  freind  drivver  fechta. 

"Ae  helft  fun  der  weldt  grawbed  de  warrem — de  onner 
doots  fisha."  Tsu  wella  wid  du  kara?  Tsu  da  fisher,  of 
course.  So  doona  se  oil,  un  duch  behawb  ich  es  is  graessere 
blesseer  in  reddy  maucha  far  gae  fisha  os  we  hame  cooma 
mit  ma  laeera  karreb. 

Moral.  Blesseer  coomed  oony  g'frogt  un  gaed  oony 
g'haesa. 


2l8  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

DER  JECKEY  LEEBSHTICKLE  TEND  COURT. 

ICH  un  der  Dad  un  de  Grosemommy  woona  im  Clobber 
dawl,  un  der  Dad  hut  mere  shunt  em  ledshta  shpote-yohr 
farshprucha  os  won  ich  recht  fleisich  welshkarn  bashta 
daid  don  daid  are  mich  mit  nuch  der  Harning  court  nemma 
in  Schwineford  shtettle.  Em  ledshta  Dinshdawg  sin  mere 
ob-g'shtart.  Ich  bin  now  ninetzae  yohr  oldt  un  wore  in 
meim  laeva  net  weider  fun  hame  os  de  middle-fense.  Ich 
bin  shier  sex  foos  long,  hob  en  tzaw-look  un  wser  shunt 
wullich  um  der  bawrd  room ;  hob  en  glsener  browner  hoot 
ga-wora  os  gooked  we  en  drechter,  un  my  hussa  hen  uff 
sex  tzoll  net  nunner  on  my  Monroe  shoe  ga-longt. 

Mer  sin  nuff  on  der  Hawsa  Barrick  riggel-wake,  un 
we  de  train  rei  cooma  is  hut  se  ga-blosa  os  ich  uff  de  knee 
g-folla  bin  so  huts  mich  farshrucka.  De  kars  wora  full  leit. 
Lots  fun  shaena  maid  un  de  hen  shier  oil  nuch  mere  ga- 
locht.  Ich  hob  bully  g-feeld.  We  der  conductor  room 
cooma  is  hut  der  Dad  eme  en  ticket  gevva  far  mich,  un 
mer  sin  druff  nei  ga-yawked  os  es  ga-doonert  hut.  We 
mere  ins  shtettle  cooma  sin  hov  ich  grawd  g-frogt  woo  de 
court  is.  Der  Jeck  Hetzel  hut  mere  g'sawt  g'hot  es  ware 
en  ga-deer  so  grose  os  en  shire,  het  awga  hinna  un  forna, 
en  harn  uff  em  kup  so  grose  os  en  bind  shtarra,  un  het  en 
bell  aw.  Uff  ame  eck  fun  der  shtrose  hov  ich  en  lot  leit 
saena  shtae  un  dishbadawda.  Ich  bin  onna  far  se  froga 
woo  de  court  ware,  awver  se  hen  so  arnshtlich  g'schwetzed 
OS  ich  ken  wardt  nei  greega  hob  kenna.  Ich  hob  so  en 
dicker,  fetter  mon,  os  der  bouch  shier  uff  em  budda  shlaft, 
g'frogt  ware  seller  sent  karl  ware  woo  se  en  fuss  maucha 
daid.    Are  hut  g'sawt  are  ware  en  politicianer. 

"Un  wos  is  en  politicianer?"  hov  ich  g'frogt. 

"En  politicianer  is  aner  os  boll  en  kondadawt  gevva 
will." 

"Un  wos  is  en  kondadawt?" 

"En  kondadawt  is  en  mon  os  room  gait  hands  shaika 
un  licker  kawfa  far  de  leit  so  os  se  eme  en  office  gevva." 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  219 

"Un  wos  is  en  office?" 

"En  office  is  en  blotz  woo  mer  goot  batzawlt  waerdt  far 
nix  do." 

"Oh !"  hov  ich  g'sawt  un  bin  ivver  de  shtrose  ga-luffa 
woo  de  leit  in  en  house  nei  sin.  Ich  bin  noach  un  glei  bin 
ich  in  en  grosse  shtoop  cooma  woo  en  lot  leit  g'hucked 
hen.  Im  feddera  end  fun  der  shtoop  wore  ebbes  os  ga- 
gooked  hut  we  en  kelver  fense.  Es  wora  tswje  dish  in- 
side fun  dara  kelver  fense  un  doh  wora  en  lot  leit  droom 
g'hucked  un  in  bicher  ga-laesa.  Glei  is  so  en  dinner, 
longer  mon  mit  ma  schwartza  bawrd  uff  en  hoacher  shtool 
ga-groddled  un  hut  a  pawr  mohl  g'sawt,  "O  3'ea,  O  yea," 
grawd  we  de  grosse-mommy  ols  sawgt  wons  era  farlaed  is. 
Derno  hut  are  nuch  en  lot  onery  socha  g'sawt  in  English 
OS  ich  net  fershtoona  hob.  Derno  is  en  shaener,  uff- 
g'schmutzder  yunger  gentlemon  nei  cooma  un  sich  uff  en 
grosser  shtool  g'hucked  on  der  fire-haerd,  un  usht  ivver  dem 
is  widder  seller  fet  mon  woo  ich  uff  der  shtrose  aw-ga- 
druffa  hob  nei  cooma  un  sich  navich  mich  g'hucked. 

"Ware  is  seller  mon  os  dart  om  fire-hserd  hucked?" 
hov  ich  ene  g'frogt. 

"Sell  is  ken  fire-haerd,"  hut  are  g'sawt.  "Sell  is  der 
baer  un  der  mon  is  der  Judge." 

"Doot  der  baer  bisa?"  hov  ich  g'frogt. 

Der  fet  mon  hut  awfonga  locha  os  si  bouch  g'shiddled 
hut,  un  ivver  dem  sin  nuch  tswae  mon  nei  cooma  un  sich 
uff  yader  side  fum  Judge  g'sitzed. 

"Ware  sin  selly  karls?"  hov  ich  g'frogt. 

"Sell  sin  aw  Judges,"  hut  are  g'sawt. 

"Wos  doona  se?" 

"Se  neesa  won  der  Judge  schnoop  nembt,  un  nooka  der 
kup  Avon  are  'yaw'  sawgt." 

Ivver  dem  hen  de  leit  in  der  kelver  ben  awfonga 
fechta,  un  ich  hob  farhoftich  ga-glawbed  es  daid  feng 
gevva. 

"Ware  sin  selly  karls  woo  so  tzarrifa?" 

"Sell  sin  lawyer." 


220  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

"Far  wos  sin  se  goot?" 

"Ich  hob's  nuch  net  ous  g'funna." 

"We  maucha  se  era  laeva?" 

"Mit  uxa  fechta  maucha." 

"Huts  feel  fun  eena?" 

"Yaw,  numma  tsu  feel." 

Un  ivver  dem  hut  anes  fun  denna  karls  der  onner 
news  g'fuddered  un  ich  bin  noach  far  der  fecht  ssena.  Se 
sin  ivver  de  shtrose  nivver  un  in  en  shtoop  nei  woo  en 
longer,  hoacher  dish  wore.  Hinna  on  der  wondt  wore  en 
roy  buddla,  un  dart  wora  se  g'shtonna  un  koffee-wasser  mit 
anonner  ga-drunka  os  won  se  de  beshta  freind  wara. 

Ich  bin  derno  nows  un  hob  em  Dad  g'sawt  ich  kent 
de  bisniss  net  fershtae  un  ware  reddy  far  hame,  un  we  mer 
on  der  riggel-wake  cooma  sin  hut  der  glebber-mon 
g'sawt  unser  train  ware  dri  shtoond  shpote,  os  der  "cow- 
ketcher"  het  en  koo  g'schlooked  doh  der  wake  druvva  un 
de  harner  wara  erne  im  hols  shtecka  blivva.  Ich  hob  nix 
tsu  essa  g'hot  sidder  morga.  Der  Dad  is  gonga  far  en  doot 
full  essa,  un  we  are  cooma  is  hen  mere  uns  hee  g'hucked 
un  crackers  g'fressa  os  uns  der  shtawb  tsu  da  ora  rous 
g'floga  is. 

Un  so  hov  ich  duch  om  end  derfun  hame  missa  oony 
de  court  saena,  awver  ich  will  goot  derfore  si  os  ich  se  sane 
es  naixt  mohl  os  se  on  Schwineford  shtettle  coomed  un 
wons  howd  kusht. 


WIDDER  UFF  DER  OLDTA  BOWERI. 

Ich  wore  de  ledsht  woch  uff  der  oldta  boweri,  un  es 
hut  mich  widder  yung  feela  maucha.  Es  lond  un  de  ga- 
biar  sin  nuch  dart,  awver  olles  soonsht  is  fardt.  De  felder 
gooka  usht  nuch  holver  so  grose  os  se  ols  hen  won  se  ols 
full  wsetza  odder  welshkarn  wora  un  mer  is  ons  ob-maucha 
gonga.  De  hivla  sin  nimmy  so  noach,  de  dawla  nimmy  so 
nidder,  un  de  doonkla  ecka  hen  ken  fooricht.  Olla  eck 
uff  der  boweri  hut  ebbes  far  em  tsu  arinera.     Doh  is  woo 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  221 

uns  der  oldt  Bill  gowl  dorrich  gonga  is,  dart  wore  de 
gownsh ;  doh  wora  mere  om  shoffa  we  de  nais  cooma  is  os 
der  brooder  g'shussa  is  w^orra  im  greek ;  dart  woo  ich  es 
arsht  mohl  ma  sheena  madel  era  bond  g'bova  bob ;  doh  woo 
ich  my  arsht  sock-messer  farbrucba  hob,  un  dart  woo  mere 
ols  olsfart  en  hummel  nesht  g'funna  hen  won  mere  drows 
wora  Soondawgs  hoonich  soocha.  Dart  wore  de  oldt  flox- 
breech  un  doh  de  tzooker  camp — olla  eck,  un  hivvel  un 
heck  hut  en  history,  un  olla  dinsht  coomed  tzurick  we 
en  long-fargessner  drawm.  Der  oldt  bawm-gorda  is  nuch 
dart,  awver  de  bame  sin  oldt  un  fowl  un  de  ebbel  sin  glae 
un  sour.  Dart  wore  der  karabsa  obbel,  dart  der  wise 
boy-obbel,  dart  der  hoonich-obbel,  dart  der  Pinnick,  un 
doh  sin  nuch  de  wartzla  fum  oldta  freea  sees-obbel  woo 
mere  ols  ivver  em  hoy-maucha  derfun  g'essa  hen  un  de 
kullick  greeked.  Doh  sin  de  oldta  karsha  bame — usht 
nuch  shtoomba  mit  a  pawr  lavendiche  nesht.  Doh  wore 
der  oldt  walniss  bawm  woo  ols  soomers  de  aich-hawsa  era 
laeva  druff  farlora  hen  won  ich  boolfer  un  shroat  g'hot  hob 
far  de  oldt  flindt  lawda. 

Ich  bin  dorrich  es  oldt  house.  Doh  is  de  kommer 
woo  de  kinner  ufif  .de  weldt  cooma  sin.  Doh  wore  es  bed- 
Isedely  g'shtonna  woo  mere  Iserna  hen  unser  ga-badelin 
sawga.  Doh  de  kich  woo  mere  ols  de  longa  owet  tsu  ga- 
brucht  hen  far-shteckla  un  blinda-misely  shpeela.  Doh 
wore  der  mommy  era  shpin-rawd  g'shtonna,  dart  de 
bock-moold.  Uff  sellem  shelf  de  uhr  un  in  sellem  eck  der 
shonk  woo  mere  ols  jam  rous  g'shneaked  hen.  Doh  is  de 
shpeicher-shtake  nuff  gonga,  un  doh  is  de  shtoop  woo 
mere  ols  seeser  shlofe  greeked  hen  won  de  dawg's  arawet 
ivver  wore.  Un  doh,  warricklich,  is  der  eversht  shpeicher 
woo  mere  ols  onna  sin  un  de  oshter  oyer  ba-gooked  won 
gor  ken  onnerer  blotz  mae  wore  os  uns  hovva  hut  wella. 
Dart  hinna  im  eck  hut  ols  de  oldt  week  g'shtonna  won  se 
net  in  use  wore — un  sell  wore  net  uft.  Unich  denna 
shporra  hut's  ols  full  ga-grider  g'hunka  os  goot  wore  far 
bouch-wae  un   olla   onera   gronkheita ;   shofe   ribba,   oldter 

15 


222  CHOICE  SEI.ECTIONS 

mon,  maderly,  solvie,  rawda,  gwindle,  warmet,  dorrich- 
wox,  sossafrill,  olond  un  schwartz-wartzel.  Dart  sin  nuch 
de  lecher  woo  mere  ols  de  sichla  nei  g'hocked  hen  won  de 
arn  farby  wore,  un  dart  drivva  hut  ols  der  oldt  horich 
trunk  g'shtoona  os  der  grose-dawdy  fun  Deitschlond  ga- 
brucht  hut. 

Dart  uff  em  wesh-house  henked  nuch  de  oldt  bell  woo 
uns  ols  ous  em  feldt  ga-roofa  hut  tzu'm  essa.  Now  ich 
hob  shunt  feel  goode  moosic  g'hared.  Ich  hob  shunt  bands 
g'hared  os  shpeela  hen  kenna  bis  es  em  in  da  tzaea  ga- 
glingled  hut ;  ich  hob  shunt  hoache  moosic  g'hared  uff  der 
piano,  un  ich  hob  shunt  weipsleit  hara  singa  in  der  karrich 
bis  yada  ebber  boll  g'winshed  hut  se  daida  shtuppa  odder 
shtarava,  awver  in  meim  dawg-un-des-laeves  hov  ich  ken  so 
saliche  yocht  g'hared  os  cooma  is  fun  selera  oldta  mid- 
dawg's-bell.  Wos  hut  mer  en  obbadit  g'hot,  un  wos  hut's 
brode-warsht,  shoonka-flaish,  ebbel-boy  un  leb-koocha  ga- 
kusht ! 

Un  derno  bin  ich  ons  oldt  shool-house,  awver  des  is 
nimmy  dart,  un  duch  hov  ich's  g'saena  grawd  os  won  es 
nuch  dart  shtse  date.  Ich  hob  de  marika  uff  der  wondt 
g'saena ;  ich  wore  widder  in  der  shpelling  class  g'shtonna 
woo  es  arsht  madel  os  ich  in  meim  Ijeva  ga-glicha  hob  mere 
g'sawd  hut  se  het  g'hossed  mich  trappa  wile  se  mich  ga- 
glicha  hut ;  ich  hob  de  shooler  hsera  es  map  singa,  un  de 
grammar  class  haera  recita.  Ich  hob  en  drink  ous  em  oldta 
wasser-kivvel  g'numma.  un  hob  widder  koldte  lever-warsht 
un  lod-warrick  brode  g'essa  uff  em  hinnera  sitz.  Es  wore 
olles  nuch  so  noddeerlich  os  ich  reecha  hob  kenna  we  ols 
de  oldta  schmootzicha  rechel-bicher  g'shtoonka  hen.  In 
fact,  ich  hob  g'maned  ich  ware  widder  en  boo  un  ware  om 
eck-bolla  shpeela  mit  da  onera  shooler. 

OH  de  socha  saena  hen  mich  hardt  denka  maucha. 
Wos  hut's  gevva  mit  da  onera  shooler?  Dale  sin  dote  un 
dale  sin  in  wide  lenner.  Dale  sin  hoach  druvva  in  laerning. 
un  dale  sin  nuch  net  ous  em  shpelling  booch.  Dart  wore 
der  boo  os  mere  ols  es  lowsich  golb  g'haessa  hen.     Are  is 


PUM  BOONASTIEI..  223 

ilow  en  Shtate  Senator  un  der  karl  woo  ene  ols  b'shimpt 
hut  wile  si  fodder  net  ols  nuch  far  der  General  Jackson 
ga-vote  hut,  mauched  si  laeva  mit  huckel-beera  ruppa  un 
sheena-basum  farkawfa,  un  oil  sin  tsufritta  mit  eram  blotz. 
Aner  sooched  far  ebbes  tsu  essa  un  der  onner  sooched  far 
en  obbadit — un  luss  mich  dere  sawga,  der  mon  woo  goot 
g'satisfied  is  mit  nix  is  ahead.  De  weldt  is  en  mower ;  yada 
mensch  is  en  shtse,  un  yadera  hut  si  blotz.  Dale  sin  de  eck- 
shtae  un  wara  uft  ba-gooked,  un  dale  sin  in  der  mit  fun  der 
wond  woo  se  es  dawges-licht  net  saena,  un  duch  sin  se  note- 
wennich  far  de  mower  uff  hseva. 

Nuch  anes  is  mere  ei-cooma.  un  sell  is  os  mer  shtor- 
rick  oldt  wara.  De  menshta  fun  uns  sin  doh  shunt  ivver 
middawg,  un  boll  coomed  de  nocht.  Mere  shtarta  nows 
morgets  un  msena  der  dawg  het  ken  end.  Won  der  mid- 
dawg  doh  is  don  coomds  uns  ei  os  des  laeva  duch  net  so 
long  is  OS  mere  g'maned  hen,  un  won  owet  coomed  don 
sin  mere  oil  ready  far  hame  gae — in  de  rhue. 


EM  WANNAMAKER  SI  KARRICH  HOPE. 

Wile  ich  shunt  long  nimmy  in  Eildelfy  wore  hen 
ich  un  de  Polly  ous-g'maucht  mere  wetta  amohl  widder  nun- 
ner,  un  we  em  Billy  Rixler  si  fraw  ous-g'funna  hut  os  mere 
gaena  hut  se  drufif  insist  se  wet  mit.  So  em  Dunnershdawg 
en  woch  sin  mere  g'shtart,  un  wile  mere  en  gons  yohr  hardt 
shofTa  missa  hen  mere  ous-g'maucht  mere  wetta  gae  in  oiler 
shtyle  un  hen  anes  fun  em  Pullman  sina  shlofe-kars  g'num- 
ma.  Now,  de  shlofe-kars  sin  awenich  ordlich  tzomma 
gadoo.  De  bedder  sin  in  de  tswae  sida  fun  der  kar  un  gooka 
awenich  we  hinkelneshter  in  ma  giles-droke.  Forna  on 
yadem  bed  is  en  hap  far  der  hinner  shloopa.  De  ceiling  is 
usht  about  dri  foos  hoach  un  es  bed  nembt  de  gons  shtoop 
uff.  Ich  hob  en  arbarmse  tzeit  g'hot  far  mich  ous-do.  Olla 
mohl  OS  ich  mich,  uff  g'hucked  hob  hov  ich  my  kup  wedder 
de  ceiling  ga-boomped.  Endlich  hov  ich  mich  uff  der  rick 
g'laiked,  my  gallus  lose  g'maucht  un  by  degrees  my  hussa 


224  CHOICE  SEI.ECTIONS 

ob  g'shoft  we  en  shlong  era  howd.  Derno  hen  mere  bro- 
veered  tsu  shlofa,  awer  sell  wore  ous  der  question.  De  kars 
sin  g'shprunga  we  olla  sobberment — dorrich  bafrick  un 
dawl,  hivvel  nuff  un  hivvel  nunner,  um  ecka  room  os  es  em 
shier  ous  em  bed  g'shmissa  hut,  un  olla  gabut  hut  der  en- 
gineer marderlosich  gablosa. 

On  about  tswelf  uhr  hov  ich  woonerbawre  leib- 
schmartza  greeked.  De  Polly  hut  era  huddle  guldendure 
ous  eram  carapet-bag  greeked  un  hut  mich  gadosed.  awver 
es  hut  g'seemed  nix  tsu  helfa  un  endlich  bin  ich  uff  un 
amohl  nuch  em  wedder  ga-gooked.  We  ich  tzurick  cooma 
bin  hov  ich  net  my  bed  finna  kenna  un  we  ich  om  soocha 
wore  don  sane  ich  ebber  in  de  kar  cooma.  Ich  hob  en 
shprung  ga-maucht  un  bin.  by  gosh,  grawd  in  ma  frem 
weipsmensch  si  bed  ni  ga-joomped,  un  des  gadeer  hut  aw- 
fonga  greisha  we  en  bender  un  kicka  we  en  blinder  asel. 
Era  bae  sin  gonga  we  en  patent  hoy  wenner  un  in  all  dem 
droovel  is  de  Pully  dertzoo  cooma.  "Des  sin  mere  shsene 
g'shpoochta  far  en  oldter  mon,"  hut  se  g'sawd.  Ich  hob 
explained  we's  mere  gonga  ware,  awver  se  hut  druff  insist 
ich  het's  parrabus  gadoo  un  ebs  ding  farby  wore  hut  se  de 
moodergichtera  g'hot.  Mere  hen  g'shtridda  waega  dem  ding 
bis  hellichter  dawg  un  derno  sin  mer  widder  ons  uff  g'sharra. 
Ich  hob  dri-fardle  shtoond  g'shoft  bis  ich  my  hussa  widder 
aw  hob  g'hot.  We  mere  endlich  uff  wora  is  en  naeger  room 
cooma  un  hut  g'sawd  es  morga  essa  ware  reddy.  Mere  sin 
in  de  dining  kar  un  uns  on  en  glae  dishly  g'hucked.  Es 
wore  ken  dihinkers  ding  druff  os  en  huddle  wasser  un 
messera  un  govvela.  Gli  is  der  naeger  tsurick  cooma  un  hut 
der  Polly  en  kord  gevva.  Se  wore  oil  in  Loddinish  ga- 
drookt  un  mere  hen  ken  wordt  derfun  laesa  kenna.  Endlich 
hov  ich  em  naeger  g'sawd  won  are  so  goot  si  wet  don  set  are 
uns  ebbes  tsu  essa  bringa.  Are  hut  g'frogt  wos  mere  wetta, 
un  wile  ich  sr'wist  hob  we  sei-ish  os  se  charga  far  olles  on  so 
bletz  hov  ich  g'sawd  are  set  uns  budder-brode  un  coffee 
bringa.  Un  denk  amohl  draw,  der  schwartz  shellem  hut 
uns  en   dawler's   shtick  ga-charged   far  so  en  morga-pssa. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  225 

Om  Hawsa  Barrick  con  ich  en  goot  essa  uff  sees-grawd 
odder  schnitz  un  knep  greega  for  en  fardle.  Es  wore  ae 
karl  naixt  by  uns  g'setzed  un  dare  hut  booch-waetza  koocha, 
malossich,  flaish,  oyer  un  olles  goodes  g'essa  os  du  draw 
denka  kensht.     Ich  wet  os  si  bill  finf  dawler  wore. 

Endlich  sin  mer  don  in  Fildelfy  cooma.  Mere  hen  so 
feel  fun  em  John  Wanamaker  sime  shtore  g'laesa  g'hot  os 
mere  agreed  hen  mere  daida  gae  ene  sasna  far  es  arsht  ding. 
Mere  sin  in  si  shtore  un  ich  hob  g'frogt  woo  der  John  is. 
Se  hen  g'sawd  are  ware  drows  om  malossich  tzoppa.  Mere 
hen  awile  ga-wardt  un  we  are  net  ni  cooma  is  sin  mere  dor- 
rich  si  shtore  nows,  un  so  en  shtore  husht  du  in  dime  dawg- 
un-des-laeves  net  g'saena.  Are  is  farhoftich  so  grose  os  en 
glsene  boweri.  OH  es  goods  wore  nunner  ga-maricked. 
Es  arsht  marrick  wore  about  tswse  mohl  so  feel  os  es  goods 
wardt  wore  un  derno  hen  se  der  brise  in  der  mid  dorrich 
g'schnidda,  un  uff  sell  hen  se  nuch  en  gooder  brofit  g'hot. 
De  Polly  hut  en  gown  kawfa  wella.  Se  hut  der  glarrick 
g'frogt  eb  es  blaicha  daid  un  are  hut  g'sawd  es  daid  net. 
"Ich  glawb  OS  es  doot,"  hut  se  g'sawd.  "Doh,  Gottlieb,  shtell 
dich  hare  un  kow  des  far  saena  eb  de  forreb  rows  coomed 
bis  ich  gae  nu  sae  eb  ich  mich  net  besser  soota  con."  Now, 
denk  amohl  on  en  oldter  mon,  dri-un-sivvatzich  yohr  oldt, 
on  ma  counter  shtae  un  dooch  kowa  we  en  kolb  wons  ma 
gowl  der  schwontz  ob  f ressed !  Awer  ich  hob's  gadoo  far 
freeda  holdta,  un  endlich  is  se  tzurick  cooma  un  agreed  es 
shtick  nemma  won  der  glarrick  era  en  fardle  yord  ob  shmisa 
daid  woo  ich  draw  gakowed  hob ! 

Far  dri  saliche  shtoond  bin  ich  denna  weipsleit  noach 
ga-luffa  we  der  farlora  soo  bis  se  fardich  wora  "shoppa." 
Eb  mere  nows  sin  is  en  oldter  mon  tsu  mere. cooma  os  ga- 
gooked  hut  we  de  pickters  fun  da  Appushtla  in  der  Beevil. 
Si  bawrd  wore  en  foos  long  un  so  wise  os  schnae. 

"Des  is  en  grosser  karrich-hofe."  hut  are  g'sawd. 

"Farwass?" 

"Doh  in  dem  shtore  is  woo  farleicht  en  dowsend  shtore- 
keepers  fargrawva  sin." 


226  CHOICE   SELECTIONS 

"Ich  farshtse  dich  net,"  hov  ich  g'sawd. 

"Well,  dare  shtore  hut  boll  oil  de  glsena  shtore  um 
Fildelfy  room  tiff  gabrucha.  Mon  os  en  goode  business 
gadoo  hen  uff  gredit  far  de  leit  accommodata  kenna  net 
competa,  un  we  de  leit  ous-g'funna  hen  os  se  vvelfler  doh 
kawfa  kenna  far  cash  os  se  dahame  kenna  uff  gredit,  hen  se 
era  shtore-keeper  de  accounts  galust  un  em  Wanny  es  geld 
gabrucht.  Won  se  dahame  gablivva  wara  un  cash  batzwaled 
don  hetta  se  farleicht  usht  so  goot  do  kenna  un  es  geld  ware 
gablivva  by  leit  woo  helfa  de  toxa  batzawla  un  de  shtettle 
uff  holda,  awer  so  gaits  oil  fun  hame  un  der  country  shtore- 
keeper  waerdt  fargrawva  unich  sina  'bicher.'  " 

"Un  we  long  wserd  des?" 

"Usht  so  long  OS  leit  net  draw  denka  os  era  nuchber  aw 
laeva  muss.  Olla  yohr  waerdt's  shlimmer.  De  wolfla  rigel- 
waega  bringa  oil  der  hondle  noach  der  city,  un  wons  nuch  a 
pawr  yohr  so  aw-holdt  don  hen  mere  usht  nuch  a  shtore  in 
Pennsylfawney  un  der  Wanamaker  kawfed  tswse  hundred 
un  fooftzich  dowsend  dawler  pickter  far  wisa  we  reich  os 
are  is." 

"Yaw,"  hov  ich  g'sawd,  "Won  mer  geld  hut  maucht 
mer  der  divel  donsa." 

"Noddeerlich,  un  der  Johnny  shpeeled  de  gike." 


EM  MIKE  SENDAPETZER  SI  SHTYLISHE  FRAU. 

Ich  hob  dich  de  ledsht  woch  farlussa  ons  Wanamak- 
er's.  Ich  wore  net  holver  fardich  mit  minera  Fildelfy  trip, 
awver  ich  hob  ous-g'funna  os  es  mer  tsu  long  waerdt  far 
olles  shriva  in  ame  brief. 

Es  wore  shunt  dri  uhr  im  nummydawg  we  mere  wid- 
der  nows  g'shtart  sin  far  nuch  mae  fun  Fildelfy  sasna.  Om 
Hawsa  Barrick  doot  yader  ebber  anonner  de  tzeit  beeda 
eb  mer  de  leit  kent  odder  net.  Doh  in  Fildelfy  hen  mere 
gli  ous-g'funna  os  mer  sell  net  do  con  won  mer  sich  oonich 
da  fees  hous  holdta  will.  Mere  sin  de  shtrossa  ga-luffa  far 
en   longe   tzeit   bis   endlich   sin   mere  on   en   grose   wasser 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  227 

cooma  woo  grosse  shiff  druff  wora.  On  ame  blotz  hut's 
galassa  "Ferry  to  Camden."  De  Bixlery  hut  g'sawd 
"Camden"  in  English  ware  "Konadaw"  in  Deitsch,  un 
wile  mere  so  feel  ga-laesa  hen  g'hot  fun  Konadaw  dorrich 
der  greek  woo  de  leit  onna  sin  woo  gadraft  wora  onshtots 
sich  der  finger  ob  hocka,  hen  mere  ous-gamaucht  mere 
gingta,  un  ich  bin  ni  un  dri  tickets  gakawfed  far  fooftzse 
cent.  Mere  hen  uns  in  en  shaene  shtoop  g'hucked  un 
gaward  far  der  boat  un  gli  sin  de  leit  ni  cooma  so  dick  os 
mer  net  nows  gooka  hen  kenna.  We  mere  about  en 
fardle  shtoond  doh  ni  ga-crowd  wora  we  shofe  inera  ben 
hut  en  bell  awfonga  tola,  un  de  leit  sin  awfonga  nows 
shpringa.  Ich  hob  g'sawd  es  ware  aragets  en  fire  un  ich 
daid  aw  mit  gae's  helfa  ous-maucha,  awver  de  Polly  hut 
g'sawd :  "Gottleib,  du  bleibsht  usht  grawd  doh.  Du  husht 
ken  kivvel  far  wasser  drawga  un  bis  du  onna  koomsht  hen 
se's  anyhow  ouse."  We  mer  awile  gons  moodersaelich 
arlae  g'hucked  hen  is  en  karl  room  cooma  mit  ma  bloa  ruck 
un  gsele  knep  un  hut  uns  g'frogt  eb  mere  net  runner 
wetta.  Ich  hob  g'sawd  mere  hetta  finf  cent  es  shtick 
batzawled  far  en  ride  un  mere  daida  net  nows  gae  bis  mere 
se  hetta.  Are  hut  awenich  ous  ame  awk  galocht  un  is 
fardt  sinera  bisniss  noach.  Gli  wore  de  shtoop  widder  full 
leit.  Un  we  se  wile  drin  wora  hut  widder  de  bell  ga- 
tolled  un  se  sin  widder  awfonga  nows  shpringa  we  de  uxa. 
Ich  hob  der  karl  saena  cooma  mit  der  soldawta  glaeder  un 
bin  uff  g'shtepped  un  hob  ene  g'frogt  wos  oil  des  maned, 
un  derno  hov  ich,  behold  you,  ous  g'funna  os  mere  in 
Konadaw  wora  un  widder  tsurick  un  hen's  net  g'wist. 
Wos  ich  g'saena  hob  fun  Konadaw  daid  ich's  gor  net 
gleicha.  Ich  hob's  aw  on'ra  schlechta  tzeit  g'saena.  Se  hen 
schware  raega  g'hot  un  es  wore  shier  olles  unner  wasser. 

Derno  sin  mere  ous  g'shtart  far  der  Bixlery  era 
brooder  soocha  woo  mere  g'tzaeled  hen  uflF-shtella  far  de 
nocht.  Du  waisht  de  Bixlery  is  en  duchter  fum  oldta 
Sammy  Sendapetzer  un  der  Mike,  era  brooder,  hut  selly 
Fildelfy  fraw  g'hired  woo  ich  dere  derfun  g'shrivva  hob  in 


228  CHOICK  SELECTIONS 

meim  booch.  Endlich  hen  mere  der  blotz  g'funna  un  hen 
de  bell  ga-roonga.  En  koal  Schwartz  naeger  maidel  is 
rouse  cooma  un  uns  in  en  shtoop  ni  ga-wissa.  Derno  is 
se  uff  ga-luffa  tsu  mere,  era  bond  nows  g'shtecked  far 
hands  shaka.  Ich  hob  era  bond  g'numma  un  hob  g'sawd, 
"We  gaits?  Is  der  Mike  dahame?"  Se  hut  ga-locht  un 
hut  g'sawd,  "Card,  please?"  Ich  hob  era  so  goot  ous  ga- 
laiked  in-  English  os  ich  hob  kenna  os  ich  net  korda 
shpeela  daid.  Se  is  nows  un  era  schnoop-duch  ons  mowl 
g'hova  un  g'hooshed.  "Dob  gsen  ich  nows,"  hov  ich 
g'sawd.  "Mere  cooma  widder  in  en  doonersy  skrape." 
De  weipsleit  hen  awver  druff  insist  mere  daida  bliva  bis 
der  Mike  coomed,  un  endlich  is  de  Sendapetzery  don  ni 
cooma,  un  so  shae  we  des  weips-mensch  aw-gadoo  wore 
husht  du  in  dime  laeve  nix  g'saena.  Se  hut  uns,  of  course, 
ga-kent  un  hut  hands  g'shaked  gons  room,  awver  se  hut. 
era  bond  tsu  mere  g'hova  os  won  se  im  dake  ga-west  ware 
un  ich  hob  usht  ganunk  holdt  greekt  derfun  far  wissa  os 
ich  ebbes  in  der  bond  hob.  Se  hut  g'sawd  se  ware  "aw 
so  weeal  glad  to  see  us  because  we  hailed  from  the 
deah  old  Hawsa  Barrick."  Now,  Hawsa  Barrick 
rhymed  net  mit  so  farflompte  norr-heita,  un  es  hut  mich 
ga-mawned  os  won  mer  wasser  drinked  ous  em  wesh- 
pitcher  un  schlooked  en  shpoola  naitz.  Awver  gli  is  der 
Mike  hame  cooma  un  mer  hen  en  goode  tzeit  g'hot,  ben 
fun  oldte  tzeida  g'schwetzed  far  en  holb  shtoond  odder  so, 
don,  by-gosh,  coomed  des  looder  widder  in  de  shtoop  un 
der  Mike  wore  en  ga-wexelder  mon.  Are  wore  usht  om 
locha  we  se  ni  cooma  is  un  si  mowl  is  tsoo  gonga  we  en 
hawsa-foll  de  minutt  os  are  se  g'saena  hut.  Ich  hob 
noachderhond  ous  g'funna  os  es  nimmy  fashionable  is  far 
locha.  Gli  hut  de  bell  ga-roonga  far  es  nocht  essa.  Se 
hen  g'sawd  es  ware  far  "dinner."  Ich  hob  on  my  watch 
ga-gooked  un  es  wore  holver  sivva.  Ich  hob  der  Mike 
g'frogt  wos  des  maned  un  are  hut  g'sawd  in  fashionable 
circles  daida  se  breakfesh  essa  on  el  fa,  dinner  on  sexa  un 
supper  der  naixt  dawg.    Un  dare  dish  hedsht  du  saena  sulla ! 


FUM  BOONASTlElv.  229 

Un  de  shtyle !  Mere  wora  gons  ous  blotz.  Awver  mere 
wora  net  arise.  Der  Mike  wore  by  uns.  Ware  schnitz  un 
knepp  un  sida-shpeck  fressed  far  dreisich  yohr  on  em  oldta 
Sammy  Sendapetzer  sime  dish  we  der  Mike  hut,  dare  con 
sich  net  shicka  in  "so-saw-ity"  in  dri  yohr.  Ich  hob  dri 
deller-full  soop  hand-running  g'essa.  Es  wore,  be-gosh,  nix 
dart  OS  soop,  awver  gli  sin  de  goota  socha  awfonga  ni 
cooma.  Awver  ich  wore  full  .  Ich  hob  ga-bade  far  en 
onerer  mawga  awver  ich  denk  net  os  der  Goot  Mon  aniche 
extra  mawga  room  lia  hut  far  so  en  oldter  norr  we  ich.  De 
chance  fun  meim  Iseva  wore  farby  un  eb  ich's  g'wist  hob 
hov  ich  widder  my  foos  in  de  foil  greekt.  Ae  bledly-fuU 
gale  shtuft  wore  naiva  on  meim  deller  g'shtonna.  Ich  hob 
net  g'wist  wos  es  is  awver  hob  my  mind  uff  g'maucht  far 
ous-tsufinna.  Ich  hob  en  leffel-full  uff  g'shepped  un  bin 
g'shtart  far's  mowl.  Der  leffel  is  onna  cooma  uff  rigel- 
wake  tzeit,  awver  are  hut  nix  ga-brucht.  Ich  hob  my  bawrd, 
my  broosht  un  my  hussa-lotz  unnersoocht  awver  hob  nix 
g'funna.  Der  Mike  hut  aw-fonga  locha  awver  si  fraw  hut 
ene  aw  ga-gooked  un  de  hawsa-foU  is  tsoo  gonga.  Are  hut 
derno  explained  os  sell  ware  en  fasionable  dish  os  se  "float- 
ing island"  haesa  data — in  onery  wordta,  "wind  pudding." 
"Un  is  des  'wind-pudding?'"  hov  ich  g'sawd.  "Well, 
now !  Ich  hob  shunt  so  feel  fun  dem  shtuft  g'hserd.  Des 
is  uff  wos  geitziche  g'mana  era  porra  feedera  won  de 
gleeder  mae  grishdadoon  hen  os  garechtichkeit. 


GRISHDENDOOM  IN  GA-KOOSHENDE  SITZ. 

NoACH  em  grossa  supper  ons  Sendapetzers  bin  ich  un 
der  Mike  in  de  shtoop  un  unser  pifa  aw-g'shteked.  Derno 
hen  mere  ivver  oldte  tzeida  gablowdered.  Ich  hob  gli  ous- 
g'funna  os  der  Mike  wide  fun  g'satisfied  is  un  daid  garn 
widder  tsurick  on  der  Hawsa  Barrick  tzeega,  awver  si  fraw 
arlawbts  net.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawd  so  shae  we  are  olles  doh 
het  set  are  net  groomla,  awver  are  hut  g'sawd : 

"Gottlieb,  du  farshtaesht  de  socha  net.    Ich  bin  en  bar- 


230  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

rick-knobber  gabora  un  blibe  aner  so  long  os  ich  Iseb.  My 
f raw  is  en  'so-saw-ity'  bell,  un  won  se  net  drovvs  is  calls 
maucha  don  shpringt  se  uff  der  shtrose  room  geld  sonila 
far  wolliche  blankets  kawfa  far  de  hida  in  Ofrikaw  woo  de 
soon  so  haes  is  os  se  em  de  hore  ob  sengt.  Se  is  de  helft 
tzeit  net  dahame.  Karrich,  bade-shtoond,  missionary 
meeting.  Woman's  Aid  Society,  Epworth  League,  Chris- 
tian Endeavor,  Woman's  Christian  Temperance  Union  un 
der  dihenker  wase  net  tsu  was  se  nuch  kared.  Ich  greek 
se  farhoftich  ols  ebmohls  en  gonse  woch  se  net  tsu  saena  ex- 
cept om  dish,  un  derno  muss  ich  so  ocht  gevva  os  ich  net 
flooch  won  se  mere  fartzseled  waga  oil  denna  socha  os  ich 
my  essa  net  enjoya  con — sell  is,  won  mere  ebbes  tsu  essa 
hen — awver  we  will  se  ebbes  tsu-rishta  won  se  de  gons 
tzeit  uff  der  shtrose  room  hommeled?  Ich  hob  shunt  uft 
gawoonered  eb  der  lieb  Gutt's  fun  ame  frogt  os  mer  si  gons 
laeva  tsu  bringa  muss  on  so  socha  noach  springa  un  si 
familia  farloppa  usht  far  in  der  Himmel  cooma.  Ich  winch 
ols  ebmohls  ich  ware  druvva  om  Elia  Kup,  hinnich  em 
Hawsa  Barrick,  so  os  ich  mich  usht  amohl  recht  sot  floocha 
kent.  Awver  doh  darf  ich's  net  do.  Won  ols  era  freind 
cooma  far  en  eems  essa  don  gait  olles  so  nice  hare  os  es 
mere  f arlsed.  Ich  darf  net  loud  locha.  Un  essa !  Well  ? 
Dahame  hov  ich  ols  en  shtick  ebbel-boy  in  de  bond  g'num- 
ma  un  en  koft  rous  gabissa  we  en  shtiffel-tzeeger.  Now 
muss  ich  boy  essa  mit  der  govvel,  un  in  rechte  glgene 
sticklin  on  sellem.  Awver  ich  bin  willins  anicher  wake 
tsu  essa  won  usht  ebbes  uff  em  dish  is,  far  won  de  coom- 
bany  fardt  is  muss  ich  'leevens'  fressa  far  en  gonse  woch,  un 
de  mensht  tzeit  shtane  ich  om  shonk  far  sell  do.  Der  on- 
ner  dawg  is  era  porra  cooma  far  by  uns  essa  un  we  se  mich 
om  dish  hut  g'hot  hut  se  eme  ous  galaiked  we  schlecht  os 
ich  ware.  Are  hut  mere  g'sawd  ich  daid  lavendich  in  de 
hell  gae.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawd  es  daid  mere  ken  unnershit 
maucha  wile's  doh  about  so  base  is  os  der  divel's  maucha 
kent.  Are  is  shier  umechtich  worra,  un  de  fraw  hut  mich 
aw-gooked   os    won   se   en   butcher-messer   im   mowl   het. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  23I 

Awver  es  hut  de  bisniss  g'settled  un  de  oldt  hut  net  tsu 
mere  g'schwetzed  bis  dere  heit  cooma  sint,  un  won  dere 
widder  gaed  don  fong  ich's.  VVos  denksht  du  fun  so  grish- 
dadoom,  Gottlieb?" 

"Well,  Mike,"  hov  ich  g'sawd,  "ich  dower  dich  fun 
hartza.  Du  husht  evva  en  kotz  im  sock  gakawfed.  Won 
du  net  em  oldta  Sammy  Sendapetzer  si  reicher  boo  g'west 
waersht  don  het  se  dich  net  om  Hawsa  Barrick  uff 
g'soocht,"  un  ivver  dem  sin  de  weipsleit  ni  cooma  un  es  ga- 
blowder  hut  g'shtupped. 

Der  naixt  dawg  wore  Soondawg,  un  mere  sin  oil  in 
de  karrich.  Der  Mike  hut  en  sitz  os  ene  en  hoonert-un- 
fooftzich  dawler  es  yohr  kusht,  un  'sis  bout  en  shsener  sitz, 
gons  forna  im  aemen  corner.  Der  porra  hut  en  boomer- 
awelishe  goode  breddich  gadoo  wsega  em  Grishtuffel  Col- 
umbus we  are  nuch  em  himmel  g'fora  is  uff  em  firicha 
wauga,  un  hut  sina  gleeder  derno  ousgalaiked  we  se 
g'senked  daida  worra  won  se  net  der  recht  glauva  hetta  un 
daida  eme  rechtshoffa  geld  in  de  ribba  sheeva.  Ich  hob 
ene  ovver  de  helft  tzeit  net  saena  kenna  wile  en  weips- 
mensch  grawd  fonna  on  mere  g'hucked  hut  mit  ma  hoot 
full  federa  os  ga-gooked  hut  we  en  po-hawna  won  are  der 
schwantz  uff-schteld.  Ich  hob  se  g'frogt  eb  se  net  so  good 
si  wet  un  daid  era  band-wauga  fum  kup  nemma,  awer  se 
hut  mich  net  aw-g'horriched.  Es  hut  mich  gor  net  on  de 
Hawsa  Barrick  karrich  gamawned.  Es  singa  is  olles  by 
em  choir  gadoo  warra.  Ich  hob  nix  g'hared  fun  sella 
oldta  bakonta  leeder,  "Es  is  Gawisslich  on  Der  Tzeit,"  un 
"Ein  Feshter  Berg  is  Unser  Gutt."  We  da  breddich  farby 
wore  un  der  fore-shtayer  is  room  g'shtart  mit  em  glingle- 
seckly,  don  hut  en  weipsmensch  es  arbarmlicht  awfonga 
singa  uff  der  board-karrich  os  du  in  dime  laeva  g'hart  husht. 
Se  hut  ebbes  g'soonga  wsega  da  doolabawna  in  der  Bock- 
moold  Valley.  Se  is  oil  recht  dorrich  de  arsht  line  cooma, 
awver  we  se  on  de  tswet  cooma  is  hov  ich  farhoftich  ga- 
glawbed  se  farworrickst.     Se  hut  g'hooshed  un  g'hickeled 


2^2  CHOICE  SElvECTIONS 

we  en  hounse  won  are  en  g'nucha  g'schlooked  hut.    Es  wore 
ebbes  we  des : 

"They  toil  not — toil,  toil,  toil  not ; 

Toil,  toil,  toil  not. 
They  toil  not,  they  toil,  toil,  toil  not — 

A'-^-i-ther  do  they  spin. 
They  spin,  they  spin,  they  spin, 

T-H-E-Y   S-P-I-N!! 

Un  we  se  fardich  wore  hov  ich  der  Polly  ins  ore  ga- 
pishpered,  "Gut  si  donk — se  is  dote !" 


WIDDER  DAHAME. 


Du  denksht  ferleicht  ich  bin  dote — odder  so  gor  nuch 
in  Fildelfy.  Awer  ich  bin  widder  dahame  om  Barrick — 
de  lavendicht  oldt  howd  im  lond. 

Mer  hen  nuch  grosse  tzeida  g'hot  eb  mer  Fildelfy  far- 
lussa  hen.  De  nocht  eb  mer  hame  g'shtart  sin,  sin  mere 
in  der  Theater,  un  ich  hob  mich  fartzarndt  bis  ich  gronk 
wore.  Es  wore  en  Naeger  ghow,  un  se  hen  ae  older,  grow- 
keipcher  Naeger  dort  room  ga-drockdeered  os  es  en  sind  un 
en  shont  wore.  Se  hen  ene  farkawfed  onera  fendu,  un  der 
mon  woo  ene  ei-gabudda  hut,  hut  ene  g'hocked  mitera 
for-gaishel  bis  are  rhona  uff  seim  schwartza  bartzel  hut 
g'hot  we  brode-warsht.  Are  hut  en  glae  wise  msedel  by  sich 
g'hot  un  de  hut  ene  lama  de  Beevil  Isesa,  un  hut  ols  mit 
erne  gabade.  Se  hen  se  "Aafee"  g'haesa.  Endlich  is  de 
Aafee  g'shtarva  un  in  der  Himmel  gonga.  Yaw,  in  der 
Himmel.  Ich  hob  se  selver  saena  ni  gae,  un  ich  hob  usht 
gawinched  der  Sam  Seeshuls,  woo  net  on  en  Himmel 
glawbed,  ware  by  uns  g'west  so  os  are  amohl  selver  ni  saena 
het  kenna.  De  Polly  hut  rutz  un  wasser  g'hiled.  Se  hut 
nimmy  g'hiled  g'hot  sidder  os  ich  es  ledsht  mohl  hame  cooma 
bin  im  boox. 

Well,  we  des  maedly  dote  wore  hen  se  widder  der  oldt 
mon  awfonga  drockdeera  bis  endlich  bin  ich  uff-ga-joompt 
un  g'sawd  won  selly  bisniss  now  net  shtuppa  daid  don  daid 


f^UM  BOONASTIEL.  233 

ich  amohl  selver  en  hond  drin  nemma.  Eb  ich  maener 
savvga  hob  kenna  is  en  karl  mit  soldier  glaeder  room 
cooma  un  hut  g'sawd  won  ich  mich  net  dishtera  daid  don 
daid  are  mich  novvs.  Ich  hob  eme  g'sawd  ich  ware  der 
Gottleib  Boonastiel  fum  Hawsa  Barrick,  un  won  are  nuch 
mae  fun  mere  wissa  wet  set  are  mit  nows  in  de  alley  shteppa. 
Are  hut  g'sawd  des  ware  usht  en  play  un  neemond  daid  wae 
gadoo  warra ;  es  ware  usht  far  wisa  we  de  Demagrawda  in 
der  South  ols  de  g'schlawfa  ga-treat  hen  far  em  greek. 
Sell  hut  mich  widder  tsu  meim  farshtond  gabrucht,  un  de 
Polly  hut  g'sawd  se  daid  widder  Gutt  donka  os  era  liever 
Gottleib  ken  Demagrawd  ware. 

Noach  em  show  sin  mere  ons  wartzhouse  far  ivver 
nocht  bliva  wile  mere  der  naixt  morga  free  hame  shtarta 
hen  wella.  Se  hen  uns  nuff  g'fora  uff  em  alligator  bis  mere 
de  hawna  nimmy  g'haered  hen,  un  derno  uns  es  bed  g'wissa. 
In  ame  eck  fun  der  shtoop  wore  en  hoy-shtrick.  Ich  hob 
der  Naeger  g'frogt  farwass  os  sell  ware.  Are  hut  g'sawd 
es  ware'n  fire-eshcape ;  dos,  in  case  es  wartzhouse  daid  fire 
fonga  don  set  ich  de  Polly  on  ae  end  fum  shtrick  binna,  se 
nunner  lussa  un  derno  hinna  noach  groddla.  Haryom- 
mer !  Denk  amohl  draw.  En  hoonert  millune  foos  on 
ma  hoy-shtrick  nunner  groddla  im  hem !  De  gadonka  hen 
mich  so  fargelshtered  os  ich  long  net  shlofa  hob  kenna, 
un  won  aw  olles  recht  g'west  ware  het  ich  anyhow  net 
kenna  wile  es  licht  uns  de  gons  nocht  in  de  awga  ni 
g'shined  hut  os  es  em  shier  blindt  g'mauched  hut.  Mer  hen 
broveered  es  ousebloasa  awer  hen  net  kenna  wiles  inera 
glaena  buddel  wore  un  mer  hetta  usht  so  good  in  der 
windt  gabloasa.  Morgets  sin  mer  free  ob-g'shtart  un  bis 
owets  wora  mer  widder  dahame. 

Froh !  Well  now,  es  hinkelfedder  kissy  uff  em  oldta 
rhoda  shuckel-shtool  wore  si  Ijeva  net  so  waich,  un  brode- 
warsht  un  booch-waetza  coocha  si  Iseva  net  so  sees.  Ich  wet 
liever  der  Polly  era  t;e-kessel  hara  singa  os  de  moosic  fun 
der  beshta  band,  un  won  ich  in  meim  agena  bed  lie  don  feel 
ich  OS  won  ich  im  himmel  room  fora  daid  uff'ra  wolk,  en 


234  CHOICE  SEI^ECTIONS 

fawna  uff  em  hoot  un  en  shtick  leb-koocha  in  yadera  bond. 
De  ni-fangleda  socha  shtaena  mere  gor  net  aw.  Ich 
glawb  OS  es  yader  ebber  batzawled  far  nuch  Fildelfy  gse 
usht  far  saena  we  en  glaene  grut  os  der  mensch  is  in  dem 
grossa  feldt.  Won  mohl  en  mon  denked  os  de  weldt  gingt 
unner,  de  fegel  shtuppa  singa  un  es  wasser  lawfa  won  are 
shtarva  set,  don  set  are  grawd  ob  shtarta  nuch  Fildelfy 
so  OS  are  ousfindt  we  en  awrem-saliche  grayadoor  os  are  is. 
Ich  hob  feel  g'larned  in  minera  trip,  awver  noach  dem,  un 
won  ich  my  pick  hob  far  my  shooling  greega  in  Fildelfy 
odder  in  der  jail,  don  greeked  der  shrief  en  boarder. 


DER  TSWA  KEPPICH  ELEFONT. 

Ich  hob  dere  shunt  so  long  nimmy  g'shrivva  dos  de 
leit  boll  denka  ich  ware  dote  ;  awer  ich  bin  nuch  so  lavendich 
OS  en  oldte  rot  in  ma  grossa  kase. 

Der  winder  wore  hardt  uff  uns  barrick  leit,  un  duch  net 
holver  so  hordt  os  my  un  der  Polly  era  bed.  Mer  hen  der 
sprowersock  ouse-ga-lart  un  tsu  der  koo  g'feedered  we's 
fooder  oil  wore  un  hen  uff  da  shtrick  g'shlofa.  Mere  wora, 
by  chucks,  boll  oil  farhoongered  un  es  hut  mich  g'mawned 
on  de  Cleveland  tzeida  we  mere  nix  mse  g'hot  hen  os  soop. 

Un  sell  g'mawned  mich  usht  draw  os  mere  widder  des 
shpote-yohr  en  Bresident  electa  missa,  un  derno  gebts  band 
moosic,  fet-lomp  parades,  meetings,  shpeeches,  un  konda- 
dawta  OS  room  cooma  un  setza  de  jiggers  uff  ous  der 
schwartza  huddle.  Mer  hen  usht  der  onner  owet  derfun  ga- 
blowdered  ons  Hullerhecka  wartzhouse.  Es  wore  en  holb- 
dutzent  Demagrawda  dart  un  kenner  hut  feel  tsu  sawga 
g'hot.  Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  g'sawd  de  Hawsabarrick  dele- 
gation wist  nuch  net  eb  se  far  der  Bryan  odder  der  Cleve- 
land shtimma  daita.  Feel,  hut  are  g'sawd,  daida  der  Cleve- 
land gleicha  wile  are  der  Bryan  net  leida  kent,  un  onery 
daida  der  Bryan  gleicha  wile  are  der  Grover  so  shontlosich 
shtumbera  con.    Are  hut  g'maned  se  daida  en  shtorke  fuhr 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  235 

maucha  won  mer  se  tzomma  shponna  kent  awer  de  bugger 
daida  'nonner  de  haesa  ob  kicka. 

Ich  hob  ene  g'frogt  wos  letz  ware  mit  em  Hearst. 
"Der  Hearst,"  hut  are  g'sawd,  "con  net  schwetza,  der 
Cleveland  doot  net  schwetza,  un  der  Bryan  shtupped  net 
schwetza."  Se  hen  endlich  agreed  os  de  Demagrawdish 
pardy  tswa  kep  het — der  Cleveland  on  ame  end  un  der 
Bryan  om  onera,  un  sell  hut  mich  on  em  Sam  Seeshuls  si 
elefont  gamawned.  Der  Sam  is  a  pawr  yohr  tzrick  on  en 
circus  show  gonga.  Eb  are  ni  is  hut  are  a  pawr  freind  aw- 
ga-druffa  un  yada  fun  ena  hut  ene  g'frogt  far  mit  hinich  de 
tent  shteppa — so  we  mer  evva  doot — un  bis  are  room  cooma 
is  wore  are  ordlich  good  ga-jiggert.  Se  hen  usht  ae  ring 
g'hot  awer  der  Sam  hut  dri  g'saena,  un  de  wora  inanonner 
g'henked  we  -en  odd- feller  sign.  Endlich  coomed  der  elefont 
ni  un  we  der  Sam  ene  g'saena  hut  is  are  fun  seim  sitz  run- 
ner un  tzoom  ring  ni.  "Sell  is  en  load  hoy,  un  ich  con  der 
mon  ledera  os  awgt  os  es  en  gadeer  is !"  Der  elefont  hut 
g'saena  os  der  Sam  ous  em  blotz  is,  hut  ene  om  sitz  uff— 
ga-pocked  mit  seim  schnovvel  un  ivver  der  shtrick  nows 
g'shmissa.  Der  Sam  is  uff-gagroddled,  si  hoot  greeked,  un 
derno  hut  are  awfonga  tzoom  elefonte  schwetza : 

"Du  lop-oricher,  tswa-schwentzicher  gritz-sobberment. 
Won  ich  wist  on  wellem  end  os  di  kup  is  dait  ich  dere  di 
dooners  harn  rouse  schloga !" 

Sell  is  der  graisht  druvvel  os  de  Republicans  hen  des 
yohr — se  wissa  net  on  wellem  end  awfonga  for  der  elefonte 
ledera.  Der  Bryan  maned  wile  are  tswae  mole  galeddered  is 
wara  set  are  as  mohl  elect  warra.  Are  g'mauned  mich  on 
der  Johnny  Lebkicher  os  om  dish  wore  we  se  ob-gakuchte 
schnitz  hen  g'hot  far  supper.  De  bree  fun  denna  schnitz 
wore  olsfart  feel  aw-g'saena  far  doonkes.  Der  Johnny  hut 
schnitz  g'fressa  bis  are  shier  farshproonga  is  so  os  are  on 
de  bree  con.  un  we  are  se  usht  about  oil  g'essa  hut  g'hot,  hut 
si  brooder,  der  Jeckev,  de  shissel  nows  g'numma  un  aw- 
fonga doonka.  "Sell  shtand  ich  by  em  drunner  net,"  hut  der 
Johnny  g'sawd,  "ich  hob  de  schnitz  g'fressa  un  now  will  ich 


236  CHOICE  SElvECTlONS 

aw  de  bree!"  Der  Bryan  hut  de  schnitz  g'fressa  un  now 
will  are  aw  de  bree,  un  are  set  se  aw  hovva,  ovver  der 
Cleveland,  der  Hearst  un  der  Chuch  Parker  hen  de  shissel 
drows  un  sin  heftich  om  doonka. 

Se  sin  aw  in  grosser  druvvel  far  blonka  finna  far  en 
platform,  un  se  ofFera  en  hunert  dawler  tzum  mon  os  aney 
uff  shtelt  far  se.  So  we's  gooked  nemts  net  feel  hulse. 
Blotz  for  en  holb  dutzent  mon  druflf  tsu  shtae  seemed  gross 
ganunk  wile  oil  de  leit  far  der  Teddy  shtimma. 

Yaw,  de  Demagrawda  hen  yoh  en  shtoombich  feldt  tsu 
blooga.  Un  se  wella  es  du  niit  filler.  Der  oldt  Sammy 
Sendapetzer  is  amohl  dorrich  der  bush  tsu  fora  cooma  mit 
tswae  filler  in  ma  blutz-wauga.  Are  is  ivver  felsa.  bleck 
un  shtoomba  nows  os  der  schmoke  g'floga  is.  "Farwass 
bleibsht  do  net  im  wake,  Sam?"  hov  ich  ene  g'frogt.  "Im 
wake?"  hut  are  g'sawd,  "by  em  shinner  won  mer  mit  filler 
fawrdt  gait  mer  onna  woo  mer  con — net  woo  mer  will."  Se 
sin  ivver  de  Tariflf  shtawga-fense  mit  em  Cleveland  un 
ivver  de  Free  Silver  glifta  nunner  mit  em  Bryan.  Es 
nembt  gawiss  en  gooder  fuhrmon  far  se  im  wake  holda  un 
net  um-schmisa. 

Won  se  der  Teddy  hetta  far  de  whip  cracka  don  daits 
onishter  gae.  Are  con  anich  ebbes  fawra  os  der  wake 
coomed,  un  anich  ebbes  rida  os  hore  hut.  Are  is  we  en  shill- 
grut — ivverall  dahame  wo  are  shtupped — awver  far  de 
naixta  fier  yohr  henked  are  si  hoot  uff  om  oldta  blotz — on 
der  naugle  hinnich  der  deer  im  Wisa  House. 


DER  ASEL  IN  DER  GILES  HOWD. 

Es  vv^ore;  amohl  en  asel  un  dem  is  es  farlaed  worra  en 
asel  lenger  tsu  si.  Are  hut  g'frogt  far  in  onery  glaider  aw 
gadoo  si  OS  are  gooka  mecht  we  en  gowl  odder  en  ux. 
Don  sin  se  draw  un  hen  en  giles  howd  ivver  ene  g'shtripped. 
hen  si  ora  nunner  gaboona  un  hen  ene  nows  uff  der  wake 
galust  far  si  sega  laeva  soocha.  Gli  is  en  drofe  uxa  der  wake 
cooma  un  we  se  des  ouslandish  gadeer  g'saena  hen  hen  se  de 


FUM  BOONASTIEI,.  237 

schwentz  in  de  hse  uii  sin  g'shproonga  we  narrish  far  oiis  em 
wake  cooma.  Des  hut  der  asel  gakitzeled  os  are  awfonga 
hut  locha,  un  we  se  si  shtim  g'hared  hen  hen  se  grawd  g'wist 
wos  are  is,  sin  tsurick  cooma  un  ene  in  de  ribba  gabored  bis 
£|'re  madderHch  gablart  hut.  Are  is  hame  un  g'frogt  far  de 
giles  howd  widder  fun  sich  g'numma  hovva,  "Far,"  hut  are 
g'sawd,  "es  maucht  nix  ous  we  ich  mich  awdo,  un  we  feel 
OS  ich  gook  we  en  onner  gadeer,  so  g'schwint  os  ich  my 
mowl  uff  mauch  don  wase  yader  ware  ich  bin.  Luss  mich 
widder  en  asel  si." 

Des  g'mawned  mich  on  de  Demagrawdish  convention 
on  St.  Louis  de  ledsht  woch.  De  party  hut  en  platform 
adopt,  odder  en  glade  gawova,  os  so  naixt  ga-gooked  hut 
we  der  Republican  ruck  os  se  hen  kenna,  un  derno  hen  se 
den  ruck  uff  der  Demagrawdish  asel  g'henked  far  ene  gooka 
maucha  we  en  reshpectable  gadeer  un  hen  ene  nows  ga- 
drivva.  We  de  leit  ene  es  arsht  g'saena  hen  sin  se  far- 
shrucka  un  des  hut  der  asel  so  gableesed  os  are  awfonga  hut 
schwetza,  un  we  de  Ni  Yorrick  tzeidunga  g'saena  hen  os  es 
usht  en  giles  howd  ivver  en  asel  g'shtripped  is,  sin  se  hinnich 
ene  un  es  arsht  os  mere  g'hared  hen  hut  der  asel  ga-tele- 
graphed  os  si  ruck  daid  ene  net  fitta,un  won  se  eme  net  en 
onera  shicka  daida  os  ivver  si  ora  gingt  daid  are  nimmy 
lenger  asel  acta  far  se.  Se  hen  eme  wordt  g'shicked  dos  der 
blocka  ware  woo  nemond  en  saena  date,  un  are  set  sich 
dishtera.     Sidder  hen  mere  nix  mse  fun  eme  g'hared. 

Des  is  der  wake  os  mere  em  Parker  si  nomination 
nemma  om  Hawsa  Barrick.  Es  wore  hoodlerei  fum  awfong 
tsu'm  end,  un  we  se  fardich  wora  hen  se  nix  g'hot  tsu  weisa 
far  oil  era  arawet  os  en  kondadawt  far  Wise  Bresident,  un 
sell  g'mawned  mich  on  der  oldta  Beckie  Hetzel  era  wootsly. 
De  Beckie  wore  en  woch  fun  hame  un  de  kinner  un  der 
knecht  hen  de  boweri  g'managed.  We  se  hame  cooma  is 
wore  olles  ous  odder.  "Oh  ya."  hut  se  g'sawd,  "gook  usht 
amohl  hee !  De  glooka  hen  era  neshter  f arlussa,  de  kee  sin 
net  ga-mulka  worra,  un  dart  drows  lied  de  oldt  lose  mit  ame 
yunga.     So  far-flompts  management !" 

16 


238  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

Un  duch  sawga  se  now  se  hetta  en  kondadawt  far  Bres- 
dient  won  are  shunt  g'sawd  hut  are  daid  net  lawfa.  Parker 
un  Davis !  Aner  huts  net  wella  un  der  unner  hut  sich  net 
helfa  kenna  v/ile  are  ane-un-ochtzich  yohr  oldt  is.  Awver 
are  is  dreisich  millune  dawler  wa^rdt  un  se  figgera  os  mit 
sime  oldta  mess  kenna  se  sich  en  nie  pon  kawfa.  Aner  is 
en  guld-demagrawd  un  der  onner  is  en  plutocrat.  En 
hardte  dose  tsu  shlooka,  awver  es  g'mawned  mich  om  Davy 
Moyer  si  keflfer-bree — "gor  greishlich  shtorrick,  un  brendt 
we  der  dihenker,  awver  'sis  goot  wons  drunna  is." 

Em  Moondawg  owet  we  der  Hawsa  Barrick  riggle- 
wake  uns  de  nias  gabrucht  hut  fun  der  nomination  hen  mere 
oil  inera  roy  uff  der  bonk  ons  Hullerhecka  wartz-house 
g'hucked  wile  mere  g'hared  hen  os  en  kondadawt  der  wake 
drunna  ware.  Mere  wora  oil  dorshtich  un  de  froge  is  nod- 
deerlich  uff  cooma  wos  der  besht  blan  were  far  de  menshta 
drinks  ous  yader  pardy  greega  des  shpote-yohr.  Der  Billy 
Bixler  hut  suggest  mere  setta  en  Brohibition  sentiment  uff 
greega  un  dale  fun  uns  setta  en  wise  bendly  uff  unser  collar 
shpella  far  kondadawda  fum  track  shmisa,  awver  we  mere 
suggest  hen  os  are  set  bresident  fun  der  'sociation  si  hut 
are  object  wile  are  bahawbt  hut  es  daid  ene  derno  nemond 
haesa  far  uff  shteppa  un  en  pull  ous  der  schwartza  buddle 
nemma.  Endlich  hen  mere  agreed  uff  der  Porra  Mohler  far 
bresident  wile  are  en  tee-totler  is,  un  der  Billy  Bixler  far 
secretary.  Des  gebt  em  Billy  en  chance  far  de  checks 
handla  os  tsu  der  'sociation  g'shicked  wara  far  era  infloo- 
ence,  un  es  ivverich  tenda  mere  dertsu.  Mere  hen  en  plat- 
form adopt,  awver  bis  mere  fardich  wora  huts  shier  blu- 
diche  kep  gevva.  Dale  hen  en  synopsis  fun  der  Republican 
plaform  nemma  wella,  dale  hen  en  rale-down  Prohibition 
declaration  of  brincibles  hovva  wella,  un  endlich  sin  mere 
anich  worra  un  hen  agreed  uff  en  synopsis  fun  der  St.  Louis 
Demagrawdisha  platform  wile  sell  nix  maned.  Se  hen  mich 
un  der  Billy  Bixler  un  der  Bench  Hess  appoint  uff  en  reso- 
luter  committee  un  des  is  wos  mere  ous  g'maucht  hen : 

Resolfed :   We  belief  in  prohibition  without  restriction 


FUM  BOONASTIEI..  239 

or  conviction :  und  that  the  use  of  spiritous  or  mault  lickers 
should  be  restricted  to  the  few  as  a  disadvantage  to  the 
many  who  recognize  the  tariff  in  advalorum  duty  as  a  men- 
ace to  the  specific  brincibles  regulating  supply  and  demand. 

Resolfed,  That  we  endorse  civic  and  religious  reform 
to  the  extent  of  abrogating  all  legislation  on  the  licker  traffic 
to  ourselves ;  believing  that  its  destruction  is  best  assured 
when  in  the  hands  of  those  who  know  how  to  do  away  with 
it. 

Resolved,  That  these  resolutions  be  printed  in  the 
H azvsabarrick  Blotter  and  spread  on  our  minutes  for  thirty 
days  to  dry. 

Der  Billy  Bixler  hut  en  minority  report  bresent  un  en 
resolution  os  aw  g'fonga  hut  mit,  "We  view  with  alarm," 
wile  are  g'sawd  hut  sell  daid  de  Demagrawda  fonga,  awver 
se  hen  ene  nunner  ga-vote,  un  derno  hen  mere  de  platform 
adopt  as  a  hole  un  sin  in  executive  session  nuch  der  baer- 
shtoop. 


24Q  CHOICE  SELECTIONS 

AXIOMS  AND  EPIGRAMS. 

(Shprich-Wordta. ) 


Note  brecht  eisa. 

Aega    loab    shtinked. 

Bobbeer    is    gaduldich. 

Boriga   maucht    sorriga. 

Glaene  grutta  hen  aw  gift. 

Hoonger  is  der  besht  koch. 

Ae  aire  is  de  onner  waerdt. 

Oona   druvvel  hut  mer  nix. 

Farsprecha   maucht   shoolda. 

Net  g'shussa  is  aw   farfailed. 

Woo  schmoke  is  is  aw  fire. 

Ware    net   hserdt   muss    feela. 

Ware    awholt    dare    gwinned. 

Ae    norr    maucht    en    hoonert. 

Kortze    hore    sin    gli    gabarsht. 

Glae  un  schmardt  is  aw  waerdt. 

We  mers  maucht  so  hut  mers. 

Nix  g'sawked  is  yaw  gamaned. 

Gross  gagrish  un  wennich  woll. 

En  poffa  sock  hut  ken  buddem. 

Good  gawetzed   is  holver  gamaid. 

Ae  asel  based  der  onner  long-ore. 

En  bissel   larning  is  grosse  g'fore. 

Greene    Grishdawg    weise    Oshtera. 

Far   denka  con   mer   neemond   henka. 

Martza    shtawb   bringt    Obrilla  laub. 

Kinner  un  norra  sawga  de  woreheit. 

En  don  shpits  sich  in  era  youchend. 

En  arlicha  bond  gait  dorrich's  lond. 

Won  mer  der  hoond  dreft  gowts  are. 

So  rawr  os  shpeck  in  ma  hoons-shtoll. 

Won  de  kotz  sot  hut  is  der  bri   bidder. 

Do  is  woo  der  haws   im  peffer  bucked. 

Greene    Grishdawg,    fetter    karrich-hofe. 

Was  mer  net  wase  maucht  em  net  base. 

Ware   good   schmered   dare   good    feered. 

De   morga   shtoond   hut   guld   im   moond. 


FUM  BOONASTIEI*.  24 1 

Mer  moos  sich  noach   der  deck  shtrecka. 

Der  obbel   foldt  net   wide   fum   schlonim. 

En    gruvver    bluck   nembt    en    gruvver    kidle. 

En  bliiide  sow  findt  aw  ebmohls  en  aichel. 

Was  grevver  is  we  dreck  gate  selver  aweck. 

Are  is  nix  nootz  woo  ene  de  howd  aw-raiked. 

Besser  en  louse  im  growd  os  gor  ken  flaish. 

En  foox  farleered  si  hore  ovver  net  si  nauba. 

Was  net  froges  waerdt  is  is  net  hovves  waerdt. 

Tsu  wennich  un  tsu  feel   fardarbts  es  g'shpeel. 

Besser  en  louse  im  growd  os  gor  ken  flaish. 

Tsu  sharf  schneid  net  un  tsu  spitzich  shtecht  net. 

Ware  schmered  mit  dorr  dare  feared  we'n  norr. 

Ma  gashenkda  gowl  gooked  mer  net  ins  mowl. 

Won  der  gowl  g'shtola  is  schleesed  mer  de  deer. 

Ware  lowered  on  der  wondt  haert  si  ageny  shont. 

Ware  farhaled  is  so  schlecht  os  dare  woo  shtaled. 

Was  mer  net  im  kup  hut  greeked  mer  in  de  feese. 

Yades   muss    si    ageny   howd    tzoom    gariver   drawga. 

Ware  en  groob  grawbed  far  en  onera  faldt  garn  selver  ni. 

Besser  en  shtickly  brode  im  sock  os  en  fedderly  uff  em  hoot. 

Won  mer  sich  in  de  g'fore  gebt  coomed  mer  garn  drin  oom. 

Coomed  mer  ivver  der  hund,  coomed  mer  ivver  der  schwantz. 

Es  wors  nuch  ken  heffly  so  shep  os  mer  ken  deckel  finna  con  far 
druflf. 

En  soo  OS  awfongt  woo  si  dawdy  uff-gevva  hut,  gebt  uff  woo  si 
dawdy    aw-g'funga    hut. 


De   weldt   is   gross   un    der    Himmel   bloa, 
Was  anes  net  will   is  der  onner  froh. 
Won  ich  geld  hob  bin  ich  looshtich. 
Won  ich  kens  hob  bin  ich  grooshtich. 
Ware  sich  enared  mit  fisha  un  yauga 
Dare  muss   farrissne  glaeder  drawga. 
Lieblich    galabed    un    salich    gashtarva 
Is  em  divel  si   rechnung  fardarva. 
Looshtich    ware    nuch    leddich    is 
Drowerich    ware    farshprucha    is. 
Ein  bissel  unsin  don  un  won, 
Is   onganame  by   yadem   mon. 
Ware  net  coomed  tsu   rechter  zeit, 
Dare  muss  nemma  was  ivverich  bleibt. 


POETRY. 


64 


Pennsylvania  Dutch,' 


SELECTED. 


FUM  BOONASTlEly.  245 

DEITSCHA  LEEDER. 

By  Dr.  A.  R.  Horn 


DE  OLDTA  UN  DE  NIA  TZEIDA. 

'Sis  olles  hendich  ei-garicht 

In  unsera  goota  tzeit, 
Es  brauch  sich  nemond  bloga  mae 

Unless  are  is  net  g'scheit. 
Der  shteam  doot  olles  far  de  leit, 

Sell  is  yusht  wos  ich  mane, 
Un  won  mer  argets  he  will  gae 

Don  fordt  mer  uff  der  drain. 

Es  wore  net  so  in  oldter  tzeit, 

Sell  wase  ich  fonna  nows. 
Es  maucht  ferleicht  dale  oldta  base, 

Duch  sawg  ich's  f rei  herous : 
Se  sin  galuffa  oil  der  wake 

Fun  finf  bis  fuftzich  mile, 
Un  de  wos  ebbes  reicher  wora 

Sin  gonga  uff  da  gile. 

Sell  wore  de  shtj'le  in  oldter  tzeit, 

Des  lawfa  wore  ken  schond. 
Wos  is  mer  ols  doh  he  gadrulled, 

Sell  is  recht  goot  bakont. 
'Sis  nimmy  so  in  unsera  tzeit, 

'S  fordt  yader  won  are  con, 
Un  ware  gor  nimmy  lawfa  doot 

Sell  is  der  gentlemen. 

Now  fordt  mer  mit  der  engine  kars — 

Sell  is  en  eisner  gowl. 
Are  schnauft  un  hecht  we  en  onner  shtick  fee, 

Duch  saned  mer  gor  ken  mowl. 
Dare  wjerdt  net  meed,  un  won  er  shpringt 

En  hoonert  dowsend  mile, 
Er  hut  aw  sure  der  foretzook  weit 

Fun  oil  da  onera  gile. 


246  CHOICE  SEI.ECTIONS 

De  drain  is  immer  tzimlich  foil 

Fun  olla  sorta  leit, 
Un  dale  derfun  sin  greislich  doom — 

De  onera  sin  so  g'scheit. 
'S  hut  uffgabutza  gentle  leit, 

Dale  schwartza  un  dale  weis, 
Un  ladies  fun  der  rechta  sart, 

Wos  sin  se  duch  so  nice. 

Doh  sitzt  en  rascal  in  dem  sitz, 

Un  dort  en  gooter  Christ; 
Gli  coomed  so  en  dumme  wooner-naws 

Un  frogt  dich  ware  du  bisht. 
En  frotzhons  hucked  uflf  sellem  sitz, 

Si  ticked  uff  em  hoot; 
Are  maned  er  ware  des  gons  arlae; 

Wos  feeled  er  duch  so  goot. 

En  porra  hucked  net  weit  aweck. 

Dare  maucht  en  long  gasicht. 
Dart  drivva  hucked  so  en  rhoder  karl, 

Er  gooked  os  we  en  licht. 
Un  wider  drows  is  nuch  en  pawr 

Uflf  era  huchtzich  trip, 
Se  bliva  net  so  orrick  long, 

Des  wet  ich  duch  en  fip. 

Doh  sitst  en  weipsmensch  mit  ma  kind 

Es  greisht  em  dull  un  daub. 
De  kars  gaen  marrickwardich  shtark, 

Wos  raised  des  duch  en  shtaub; 
Mer  waerdt  foil  dreck  fun  kup  tsu  foos 

Fun  kohla-esh,  un  shmoke. 
Duch  oil  des  shtand  mer  gnaedlich 

Os  en  tzimlich  gooter  joke. 

De  kars  dunnera  dorrich  barrick  un  dahl 

En  lieve  longe  shtoond, 
Un  won  se  dorrich  en  tunnel  gait, 

Doh  saned  mer  gor  ken  soon. 


FUM  BOONASTIEL.  247 

Mer  muss  aw  immer  in  engshta  si, 

Se  shpringa  fun  clem  track, 
Odder  dreffa  ferleicht  en  rins  shtick  fee 
Wos  gebt  es  don  derno? 

Don  gebts  en  greislich  accident, 

Un  olles  waerdt  fershtared; 
De  weipsleit  warra  u-mechtich, 

De    monsleit  sin  fartzagt. 
Der  engineer  Mossed  marderlich, 

De  engine  gait  druflf  lose. 
No  shpringa  se  wedder  en  oldte  koo, 

Wos  gebts  'ra  duch  en  shtose ! 

So  en  shtose  is  mer  net  ga-waned ; 

Dar  maucht  em  daub  un  doom, 
Un  dale  de  schloga  bartzelbaum, 

Un  kenna  net  recht  room. 
Dale  shtaena  no  uff  hend  un  fees — 

Se  holdta  fesht  om  floor, 
Un  yader  winsht  er  ware  dahame 

Ous  dara.grossa  g'fohr. 

So  gait  es  evva  uflt  der  train ; 

Ich   hase  es  orrick  shae. 
Mer  greeked  ken  kup-wae  fun  der  hitz, 

Un  aw  ken  meede  bae. 
Mer  kawfed  si  ticked  fonna  nows, 

Don  is  mer  ol!  O.  K. 
Un  won's  based :    "Tickets,  if  you  please," 

Don  raecht  mer's  evva  he. 


248  CHOICE  SEI^ECTIONS 

SOMSHDAWG  OWET. 

[Charles  Calvin  Ziegler,  of  Brush  Valley,  Centre  county,  is  the 
author  of  a  little  book  of  Pennsylvania  German  poems.  Among  the 
many  we  select  the  following  as  a  fair  specimen  of  his  genius — 
changing   the   spelling   to   suit   our    style. — Author.] 

De  ledsht  load   hoy !     Now,  boys   hurray ! 
Fort  in  de  shire  un  lusht  se  shtse 
Bis  Moondawg  morga  free.     Worehoft ! 
Den  owet  wardt  ken  schtrache  mae  g'shoft ! 
'Sis    Somshdawg. 

Wesh  de  fees  im  wasser  droke; 
Black  de  shtiflfel — farflompte  bloke! 
My  grey-awg  doot  mer  widder  wae — 
De  shtiffel  sin  mere  gons  tsu  glje — 
O,  selend ! 

Well,  shtiflfel  odder  net — ich  muss 
Ins  shtettle  tsu  der  shsena  'Suss; 
De  ledsht  wuch  hen  mer  ous  g'maucht 
Ich  set  se  ssena  Somshdawg  nocht — 
Den  owet. 

De  onera  maid  un  era  beaus 
Shpotzeera  uflf  un  ob  de  shtrose 
De  same  tzeit  karraseer  ich 
My  maidel  hinna  in  der  kich, 
Gadictich. 

De   Suss   hut   olles    ei-garicht, 
De  uhr  shtate  shtill,  mer  hen  ken  licht ; 
De  oldta  sin  in  ehrem  nesht — 
'Sisuns  net  bong — se  shlofa  fesht, 
Un  schnaricksa. 

De  uhr  shtate  shtill — awver  net  de  tzeit ; 
Is  es  now  morga  odder  heit? 
Es  maucht  nix  ous — so  gons  arise 
Leeblich  um  armt.    Och !   Muss  ich  gse  ? 
'Sis  Soondawg! 


JfUM  BOONASTlElv.  249 

KITZEL  MICH  NET. 

KiTZEL  mich  net !     Won  ich's  usht  agreed  ware 
Don  mecht  mich   kitzla  dos   ich   tzomma  schnarr ! 
Nae  new !    du  waisht  os  ich's  net  shtanda  con ; 
Bia  gor  net  draw  gawaint  we  du  bisht,  John, 
Der  Pap?    Och  wos !     Are  is  shunt  long  im  bed. 
Kitzel  mich  net ! 

Sell  doots  now !     Hare  duch  uflf  un  luss  mich  gae !' 
Hob  mich  gons  gronk  galocht — my  side  doot  wse. 
Du  mawkst  mich  bussa,  mawksht  aw  don  un  won 
Mich   bissel   dricka — usht   sewennich,   John. 
Duch   wos   du   doosht,   do's   we's  gadoo   si   set — 
Kitzel  mich  net! 


250  HISTORICAL. 

HISTORICAL. 


Although  I  have  allowed  this  volume  to  go  before  the  public 
under  the  title  of  "Pennsylvania  Dutch,"  1  have  not  done  so  with  the 
understanding  that  the  term,  "Dutch"  is  justified  by  history,  but 
rather  by  custom,  as  Dutch  is  English  for  Deitsch — the  dialect  term 
for  German. 

There  are  no  "Pennsylvania  Dutch''  in  our  state  as  a  distinctive 
class,  and  there  never  has  been.  The  "Pennsylvania  German,"  how- 
ever, is  and  has  been  for  nearly,  if  not  quite,  two  centuries  a  marked 
individuality,  and  a  powerful  constructive  force  in  her  history  and 
upbuilding.  It  is  surprising  that  men  versed  in  the  history  of  the 
state  should  not  distinguish  between  the  German  immigrant  of  the 
lower  Rhine  and  the  "Dutch"  or  Netherlands  settlers  of  New  York. 
It  is  true  that  the  Dutch  and  Germans  are  descendants  of  the  same 
great  Teutonic  family  and  that  they  anciently  spoke  the  same  lan- 
guage, but  they  are  in  many  respects  a  distinct  people,  at  least  through 
political  and  govermental  differences.  There  never  was  a  percep- 
tible immigration  of  Dutch  into  Pennsylvania  although  a  few  families 
in  our  own  and  other  countries  can  trace  their  ancestry  back  to 
Holland. 

To  be  precise  the  Pennsylvania  German  came  from  the  Palati- 
nate and  his  language  or  better  his  dialect,  is  that  of  lower  or  North- 
ern Germany.  His  earliest  arrival  was  possibly  the  religious  re- 
cluses of  the  Wisihickon  prior  to  Penn's  arrival.  Shortly  after  Penn 
'  ame  in  1682  a  settlement  by  Germans  was  made  at  Germantown. 
The  revocation  of  the  edict  of  Nantes  drove  thousands  to  England, 
and  Queen  Anne  made  great  efforts  to  alleviate  their  sufferings, 
spending  thousands  of  pounds  of  her  own  private  fortune  in  their 
behalf.  The  religious  persecutions  which  followed  the  revocation 
forced  thousands  of  them,  with  their  Huguenot  fellow  sufferers  upon 
England,  and  the  influx  of  a  foreign  speaking,  poverty-stricken, 
people  became  a  menace  to  the  English  through  over-crowding. 
Many  were  sent  to  Ireland  and  others  were  transported  to  the  colony 
of  New  York  and  settled  on  the  Mohawk  river.  Disputes  with  the 
English  and  the  Dutch  settled  in  that  colony  concerning  the  lands  on 
which  they  had  located  caused  many  of  them  to  travel  overland  to 
Ihe  head  waters  of  the  Susquehanna  river,  where,  making  rafts,  they 
floated  down  the  river  (North  Branch)  and  settled  at  various  points 
in    Pennsylvania,   among  them  being  the  family   of   the   celebrated 


HISTORICAL.  251 

Conrad  Weiser.  This  was  about  the  year  1709,  and  the  next  move 
was  by  vessel  from  the  Ports  of  Germany  and  England,  Penn  him- 
self having  invited  them  to  settle  in  his  colony.  From  that  time  up 
until  1765,  and  even  later,  there  was  a  steady  stream  of  immigration. 

Such  is  their  origin.  Their  literature  is  scant  and  altogether 
local,  confined  mostly  to  newspaper  and  periodical  publications. 

Had  Luther  translated  the  Bible  into  the  dialect  of  lower  Ger- 
many the  Pennsylvania  German  would  have  been  classical;  or  put- 
ting it  better,  the  dialect  of  lower  Germany  instead  of  that  of  southern 
Germany  would  have  been  the  literary  language  of  the  great  German 
speaking  people.  "Low  Dutch"  is  a  phrase  often  applied  alike  to  the 
Pennsylvania  German  and  to  his  dialect,  by  his  English  speaking  fel- 
low citizens,  and  by  Germans  speaking  the  language  of  Luther  and 
Schiller.  Where  applied  intelligibly  it  merely  refers  to  the  language 
and  people  of  the  north  or  low  part  of  Germany  and  carries  with  it 
no  reflection.  He  has  been  a  loyal  and  patriotic  citizen  from  his  first 
•  arrival.  Was  the  first  to  openly  protest  against  negro  slavery  and 
has  shed  his  blood  in  defense  of  his  country  in  every  war  since  1755 
to  the  Boxer  troubles. 

He  has  been  eminent  in  every  walk  of  life.  Snyder,  Wolf, 
Schenck,  Hartranft,  Beaver  (on  his  mother's  side  of  the  house),  and 
Penn3'packer,  are  some  of  the  names  he  has  given  to  history,  and 
hundreds  of  others  whose  names  have  added  to  the  glory  of  Penn- 
sylvania have  on  their  maternal  side  the  blood  of  the  "Pennsylvania 
German."  Nor  is  this  race  confined  to  our  own  state.  Thousands  of 
them  are  to  be  found  throughout  the  country,  and  wherever  the  flag 
floats. 

He  has  clung  most  tenaciously  to  his  language  as  the  German 
always  does,  but  not  in  later  years  to  the  exclusion  of  the  English. 

Take  the  "Pennsylvania  German"  out  of  the  history  of  the  State 
and  you  remove  Hamlet  from  the  play. 

He  has  never  proclaimed  his  deeds  from  the  housetops,  and  per- 
haps, until  very  recentlj-,  has  regarded  the  record  of  his  ancestors  as 
not  calling  for  particular  mention.  While  the  Puritan,  the  Cavalier, 
the  Knickerbocker,  the  Huguenot,  and  the  Scotch  Irish  have  each 
had  their  praises  sung  by  their  writers,  the  field  is  still  open  for  a 
no  less  interesting  story:  that  of  the  "Pennsylvania  German" 
miscalled  the  "Pennsylvania  Dutch."  The  Author. 


CONTENTS. 


Are  Schwared  Ob 22 

Are  Gsed  Hawsa  Hoonda 83 

By  Da  Soldawda 69 

De  Leit  Woo  Olsfart  G'hared  Si  Wella 9 

De  Maid  Sin  We  Gl^eiia  Fish 1 1 

De    Hoyet 16 

De   Deitcha   un   De    Englisha 24 

De   Gickser 34 

De  Nia  Laws  os  Mer  Breicha 155 

De  House-butz  Gichtera 46 

De  House-lnitz  (jichtera  Brecha  Widder  Ous 91 

De  Orma  Hen  Mere  Olsfart  by  Uns 97 

De  Mensha  un  de  Monkeys ; 145 

De  Feela  Lingner 100 

De  Hoonds-Dawga log 

DE  BECKIE  SHTITSEL. 

Im   Orma-house in 

Se  Coomed  Widder   Hame 113 

Denksht   Are   Gebt    En   Editor 31 

Der  Oldt  Mon  Lawft  far  en  Office 30 

Der  Butcher-Da wg 43 

Der  Donks-Dawg 45 

Der  Nei   Nuchber 95 

Der  Bowera  Boo  un  der  Dude loi 

Der  Census  'Numerator 103 

Der  Fiert  July 106 

Der  Boonastiel  on  der  Court 1 14 

Der  U-bennich   Boo 163 

Der  Smart  Boo 1 19 

Der  U-bennich  Boo 159 

Der  Boo  os  si  Marrick  Maucht 161 

Der  Bush  Hoond  un  der  City  Hoond 167 

Der  Goot  Freind 170 

Em  Grover  Helfa  Tzeega I57 

Em  Mike  Sendapetzer  si  City  Fraw 81 

Em  Boonastiel  si  Butcheres 70 

Em  Brown-Sequard  si  "Life  Lixicr" 62 

253 


254  CONTENTS. 

En    Shil-grut 7 

En    Nie   Sart   Rigel-wake S3 

En    Siffer 42 

En   Shaeda   Brief 48 

En  Maidel  Frogt  um  Rode 56 

En  Ride  uff  ma  Si-bickel 58 

En  Hier-rawd  Pardy 67 

En   Drawm 80 

En  Bower's   Boo 153 

Es   Rodda  Nesht 12 

FRIHBIT    CONVENTION. 

On  der  Convention 38 

Hame   fun   der  Convention 40 

Gebt  Mere   Duwock S3 

Grishkindlin    Kawfa 49 

In    Ma    Hexa    Nesht 20 

Knecht    Shoffa Si 

Karraseera    by    Machiner>' 162 

My  Laeva's  Lawf S 

On  Der  'Xoggeration  Ball 27 

Onera  Leicha 60 

Onera  Huchtzich ; 65 

On   Der  Camp-meeting 108 

On  Der  Weldt's  Fare 165 

RIP  VAN  WINKLE. 

De    Shtory 72 

Are  Soocht  En  Onery  Haemet 76 

Widder  Uflf  Em  Nesht 78 

Saela  Os  Mer  Net  Essa  Con , 117 

Shpeculata  ^lit  Oner  Leit  Eram  Geld 37 

SHTRIDE. 

0ns   Hullerhecka 85 

Are  Act  lawyer 87 

Shtyle  Aw  Do  Won's  Em  Net  Bacoomed 89 

SHTRIDE  IN  DER  HOUSE-HOLDTING. 

Es  Sholk  Yohr 121 

Druvvel  Mit  Der  Polly 124 

En   Tramp 125 


CONTENTS.  255 

Unner   Fremma    Leit 127 

In  Der  Jail 129 

Are  Findt  En  Freind 131 

Hame  Wae 1-73 

Widder  in  Druvvel 13^ 

Om.  Bowera X37 

Are  un  de  Betsy  Wetzel  Gaena  Fisha 138 

In    Fildefy 140 

Widder    Dahame 1^3 

SOLS  REVER. 

Der  Rever  Druvva 147 

Wos  Hut's  Ga  doo 149 

Im    Sols   Rever   Shtore 151 

Tsu  Feel  Leit 28 

Tswae    Baniche    Si 25 

Uff    Em    Karrich-hofe 18 

UfF  Ganumma  on  Sime  Wardt 92 

Uflf  Der  Kup  G'shtelt 99 

Ware  Sull  Ich  Hira 55 

Ware  Sull  de  Prescilla  Hira 164 

We  Mer  Gaid  Fisha 64 

We  Con  Ich's  Besht  Lseva  Maucha 94 

We's  Gait  Onera  Infair 104 

Wos  Gebts   Mit  Unsera   Boova 15 

PART  11. 

Blesseer  Coomed  Ooney  G'frogt  un  Gait  Ooney  G'haesa 216 

De  College  Boova 175 

De    U-f arshtenicha    Fashions 180 

De  Weipsleit   in    Politics 194 

De  Retcha  un  De  Bletcha 211 

De  Shuldt  Os  Leit  Awrum  Sin 213 

Der  Oldt  Billy  Sultzer  Un  De  Looder  Grobba 177 

Der  "Christian  Science"  Duckter 191 

Der  Mon  Woo  Reich- Awrem,  Is 196 

Der  Asel  In  Der  Giles  Howd 236 

Der  Jeckey  Leebshtickle  Tend  Court 218 

Der  Tswa   Keppich   Elef ont 234 

En    Jury-mon 183 

Ich  Wutt  Os  Ich  En  Bower  Ware 187 


256  CONTENTS. 

IN  FILDELFY. 

Em  Wannamaker  Si  Karrich  Hofe 222, 

■  Em  Mike  Sendapetzer  Si  Stylishe  Fraw 226 

Grishdoom  In  Ga-Kooshende  Sitz 229 

Widder    Dahame 232 

Karraseera — Der  Oldt  un  Der  Nei  Wake 217 

Onera  Karicha  Fare 199 

On   Der  Teachers'   Institute 219 

Politics  Un  De  Karricha 185 

Shtride  In  Der  Hquse-holdting — Was  Mauchts 205 

Unser  Niar  Porra 202 

Widder  UfF  Der  Oldta  Boweri 220 

AXIOMS  AND  EPIGRAMS. 

Shprichwordta 240 

DEITSCHA  LEEDER. 

De  Oldta  Un  De  Nia  Tzeida 245 

Somshdawg  Owet 248 

Kitzel   Mich   Net 249 

HISTORICAL 250 


6^ 


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A     000  742  259     5 


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